I Hope You Know I Need You
How Stubborn Are The Scars When They Won't Fade Away?
Alex POV
Fuck, I really screwed up this time. More than usual. God damn it, I already fucking lost him! I didn't even get to have him yet! My thoughts were screaming at me as I punched a hole in the wall, crying. I had to tell Jack. I had to tell him why I did this. It's unfair to him, to not have an answer, and obviously be so hurt. I need him in my life. Fuck! I love him even! I need to tell him, in person.
I ripped open my phone, and as fast as possible typed "Hey, I know you hate me right now, and you have every right to. If I were you, I'd hate me to. But please, can I comeover? There's something I need to tell you, and it's really important. Even if you say no, I'm on my way.
My phone went off seconds later, Jack always responds immediately. "You have 15 minutes to get here and explain." I was already dressed and out the door before I finished reading the text. I threw on black and grey acid washed jeans, with a grey v-neck, and started to run to Jack's. It only takes about three minutes to get to his house if you do run.
As I got close to Jack's house, I stopped, trying to cath my breathe.I took a deep sigh, subconsiously fixing my hair, running over all the things I was going to say, hoping he would forgive me. Fuck, I'm so nervous.
Jack POV
Holy shit, he has the nerve to come talk to me? Maybe he does care and was just upset? Or maybe he's coming to hurt me worse. "He is though Jack. But that's what you get for not listening to me...haven't I always been right?" NO! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! I fucking hate you, you ruin my fucking life! I can't let him get to me I thought. Alex was coming over. Like that, on cue, I heard a knock on the door. I sprinted downstairs, and almost ripped the door open, then I remembered to stay cool.
"Hey" he choked, obviously nervous. Oh my god, I can't believe he's nervous!
"Hey" I responded too calmly.
"Look, Jack, I came to apologize. Also, to explain. I didn't want to do that, and I regret it more than I should. Zeth...he threatened to hurt me if I was gay. I honestly could care less about that, but I can't let you get hurt because of me. I can't let him hurt you. I dind't want to hurt you either, but it seemed like the only choice at the time. I hope you understand and I'm sorry.:
"Oh my god Alex. I had no idea. I'm sorry too an-"
"Please, let me finish" he said placing his arm on my cuts, rubbing my arm. God it felt good.
"I really really like you Jack. I know you hate me, but I just need you to know, I care about you. I need you in my life, and I think I always will."
"Alex, I really like you too. A lot, and I was just thinking. Do you think we could go further? Like, more than friends?"
"I'd love to Jacky, but what about Zeth? What about Ethen? They won't accept us, they won't let us be who we are."
"Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"Fuck them. Be with me? Maybe we shouldn't show it in school yet, but we will soon."
Alex giggled, "Alright, fine."
Alex wrapped him arms around my waist, and mine around his neck. Our faces just inched closer and closer. My eyes kept darting from his lips and eyes. His did the same. Finally we both gave and started to kiss. It was slow and passionate at first, and his lips were so fucking soft. I could stay here forever I think. He pushed me on my bed slowly, and got on top of me. I couldn't help but smile mid kiss. This is the moment I've been waiting for. His hand slowly went down, and started to rub the cuts on my leg. I let out a sharp sigh, it felt so good. I bit his bottom lip, slowly sliding off, he moaned in pleasure. He went down, kissing along the way. My neck, chest, stomach, then he stopped. He bit the bottom of my shirt, slowly lifting it up.
I giggled, "If mine's coming off so is yours!" as my arms wrapped around his back, pulling his shirt off. He started to kiss me again, the kiss was getting deeper, and faster. His hand slowly came off of my cuts and went inwards. He rubbed slow at first, making me shudder and moan, wanting to feel more of him, needing his touch, needing him.
That's when the door slammed shut. I whispered "Fuck, my mom's home!" That's when I heard a man's slurs, it sounded like he said "Hey! You little shit! You fucking home!"
My heart stopped and my stomach sank. I looked at Alex, and I said "My dad's home!"
Fuck! This is going to be horrible.
Fuck, I really screwed up this time. More than usual. God damn it, I already fucking lost him! I didn't even get to have him yet! My thoughts were screaming at me as I punched a hole in the wall, crying. I had to tell Jack. I had to tell him why I did this. It's unfair to him, to not have an answer, and obviously be so hurt. I need him in my life. Fuck! I love him even! I need to tell him, in person.
I ripped open my phone, and as fast as possible typed "Hey, I know you hate me right now, and you have every right to. If I were you, I'd hate me to. But please, can I comeover? There's something I need to tell you, and it's really important. Even if you say no, I'm on my way.
My phone went off seconds later, Jack always responds immediately. "You have 15 minutes to get here and explain." I was already dressed and out the door before I finished reading the text. I threw on black and grey acid washed jeans, with a grey v-neck, and started to run to Jack's. It only takes about three minutes to get to his house if you do run.
As I got close to Jack's house, I stopped, trying to cath my breathe.I took a deep sigh, subconsiously fixing my hair, running over all the things I was going to say, hoping he would forgive me. Fuck, I'm so nervous.
Jack POV
Holy shit, he has the nerve to come talk to me? Maybe he does care and was just upset? Or maybe he's coming to hurt me worse. "He is though Jack. But that's what you get for not listening to me...haven't I always been right?" NO! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! I fucking hate you, you ruin my fucking life! I can't let him get to me I thought. Alex was coming over. Like that, on cue, I heard a knock on the door. I sprinted downstairs, and almost ripped the door open, then I remembered to stay cool.
"Hey" he choked, obviously nervous. Oh my god, I can't believe he's nervous!
"Hey" I responded too calmly.
"Look, Jack, I came to apologize. Also, to explain. I didn't want to do that, and I regret it more than I should. Zeth...he threatened to hurt me if I was gay. I honestly could care less about that, but I can't let you get hurt because of me. I can't let him hurt you. I dind't want to hurt you either, but it seemed like the only choice at the time. I hope you understand and I'm sorry.:
"Oh my god Alex. I had no idea. I'm sorry too an-"
"Please, let me finish" he said placing his arm on my cuts, rubbing my arm. God it felt good.
"I really really like you Jack. I know you hate me, but I just need you to know, I care about you. I need you in my life, and I think I always will."
"Alex, I really like you too. A lot, and I was just thinking. Do you think we could go further? Like, more than friends?"
"I'd love to Jacky, but what about Zeth? What about Ethen? They won't accept us, they won't let us be who we are."
"Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"Fuck them. Be with me? Maybe we shouldn't show it in school yet, but we will soon."
Alex giggled, "Alright, fine."
Alex wrapped him arms around my waist, and mine around his neck. Our faces just inched closer and closer. My eyes kept darting from his lips and eyes. His did the same. Finally we both gave and started to kiss. It was slow and passionate at first, and his lips were so fucking soft. I could stay here forever I think. He pushed me on my bed slowly, and got on top of me. I couldn't help but smile mid kiss. This is the moment I've been waiting for. His hand slowly went down, and started to rub the cuts on my leg. I let out a sharp sigh, it felt so good. I bit his bottom lip, slowly sliding off, he moaned in pleasure. He went down, kissing along the way. My neck, chest, stomach, then he stopped. He bit the bottom of my shirt, slowly lifting it up.
I giggled, "If mine's coming off so is yours!" as my arms wrapped around his back, pulling his shirt off. He started to kiss me again, the kiss was getting deeper, and faster. His hand slowly came off of my cuts and went inwards. He rubbed slow at first, making me shudder and moan, wanting to feel more of him, needing his touch, needing him.
That's when the door slammed shut. I whispered "Fuck, my mom's home!" That's when I heard a man's slurs, it sounded like he said "Hey! You little shit! You fucking home!"
My heart stopped and my stomach sank. I looked at Alex, and I said "My dad's home!"
Fuck! This is going to be horrible.
no. stop. ok?
9/20/13