I Hope You Know I Need You
If You Can't Hang, There's The Door Baby
Alex POV
Oh my god, how the hell could I do that? I just almost kissed my best friend. And I'm not even gay! But I kinda liked it. His touch just made my skin tingle and gave me butterflies in my stomach. His voice even makes me smile and giggle at the thought of it. He has those beautiful eyes, and sexy lips too. Wait, have I always thought those things about him? Is this what made me become his friend? Why did I tell Jack I loved him though? I didn't even mean to say it. It just kinda slipped out. I'm not even sure I feel that way. Actually, I know I do. That sounds so weird for me to think. The sentence "Alex Gaskarth loves Jack Barakat" was bouncing in my head as I climbed into bed. How was I even tired, it's not late, and I didn't do too much.I guess I was mentally tired, then again, I have been questioning most of my life and mostly my sexuality the past two days.I'm not really sure what I am. I like girls, I think, but do I also like guys? Or was it just for Jacky? God I am so fucked up right now. I think I'll just go to sleep now. Except I have to avoid Jack now. Ugh, I can't stop thinking!
Jack POV
Damn it, I really fucked up. Bad this time. How could I just throw away my one friend by telling him I loved him, I thought as I ripped open my drawer to grab my now only friends. The perfectly sharp razors. I started to slice the flesh on my arm, easy as slicing a banana. I started slow and deep at first. Just thinking about how bad I fucked up.. Then as the thoughts increase so did the speed, and pressure. How could I fuck up that bad? How could I ruin the one thing I love? "I know why" said the voice teasingly. I screamed "NO!" and took every feeling and emotion into my arm. Going almost as fast as possible, destroying and ribboning the flesh. That so familiar noise came back, "Because like I always said, your father was right poor little Jacky!" I started screaming and crying, switching to my leg because my arm was covered in lines. I heard sharp rapping at the door as my mom asked if I was ok. I blocked her out and just starting screaming and crying louder, my thigh almost covered. My mom broke my door knob trying to get in and bursted through, seeing me covered in blood with a razor in my hand. She stopped me from continuing further, and held me. She got me undressed, and tried to clean the cuts up. She laid me in bed, with bandages around my arms and legs. She layed there with me all night, comforting me all night. The last thing I remember she said was, "If you promise to never hurt you or me like this again, I won't try to make you go through all the problems of getting help.
Oh my god, how the hell could I do that? I just almost kissed my best friend. And I'm not even gay! But I kinda liked it. His touch just made my skin tingle and gave me butterflies in my stomach. His voice even makes me smile and giggle at the thought of it. He has those beautiful eyes, and sexy lips too. Wait, have I always thought those things about him? Is this what made me become his friend? Why did I tell Jack I loved him though? I didn't even mean to say it. It just kinda slipped out. I'm not even sure I feel that way. Actually, I know I do. That sounds so weird for me to think. The sentence "Alex Gaskarth loves Jack Barakat" was bouncing in my head as I climbed into bed. How was I even tired, it's not late, and I didn't do too much.I guess I was mentally tired, then again, I have been questioning most of my life and mostly my sexuality the past two days.I'm not really sure what I am. I like girls, I think, but do I also like guys? Or was it just for Jacky? God I am so fucked up right now. I think I'll just go to sleep now. Except I have to avoid Jack now. Ugh, I can't stop thinking!
Jack POV
Damn it, I really fucked up. Bad this time. How could I just throw away my one friend by telling him I loved him, I thought as I ripped open my drawer to grab my now only friends. The perfectly sharp razors. I started to slice the flesh on my arm, easy as slicing a banana. I started slow and deep at first. Just thinking about how bad I fucked up.. Then as the thoughts increase so did the speed, and pressure. How could I fuck up that bad? How could I ruin the one thing I love? "I know why" said the voice teasingly. I screamed "NO!" and took every feeling and emotion into my arm. Going almost as fast as possible, destroying and ribboning the flesh. That so familiar noise came back, "Because like I always said, your father was right poor little Jacky!" I started screaming and crying, switching to my leg because my arm was covered in lines. I heard sharp rapping at the door as my mom asked if I was ok. I blocked her out and just starting screaming and crying louder, my thigh almost covered. My mom broke my door knob trying to get in and bursted through, seeing me covered in blood with a razor in my hand. She stopped me from continuing further, and held me. She got me undressed, and tried to clean the cuts up. She laid me in bed, with bandages around my arms and legs. She layed there with me all night, comforting me all night. The last thing I remember she said was, "If you promise to never hurt you or me like this again, I won't try to make you go through all the problems of getting help.
no. stop. ok?
9/20/13