Matt Flyzik, I Love You
Rain And Partying
Zack's POV
I watched him.
He ran, so slowly and gracefully, his hair dripping wet and swaying side to side in the cold wind. His arms like pendulums and his eyes squinting to fight out the raindrops. His clothes were drenched, and clung to his body tightly as he made his way to the bus.
Snapping from my daydream, I stepped out of the way of the tour bus door and welcomed the crew, all wet and annoyed, on to the bus. Matt was the last one to arrive and I was stood, admiring him running in the rain and how romantic it looked.
"C'mon, Zack, move it" Matt laughed, gently pushing me out of the way and out of my dreams once again.
Sighing, I closed the door and followed suit.
The crew surrounded the longue, grabbing towels from each other's grips and drying themselves. Realising Matt was towel-less and I was holding one, I gently held it out to him.
"Here" I smile, trying not to blush.
He smiles back, melting my insides, and takes it from me with a simple "thanks". Just a simple word turned my knees to jelly.
"So what do you wanna do?" Rian asks, now he'd joined us all in the cramped lounge.
"Let's get wasted" Vinny and Jack say in unison.
Trust them two to say that.
As much as I want a drunken Matt Flyzik all over me, I didn't want him sobbing again. It broke my heart to see him in that state.
Matt, on the other hand, was hugely disagreeing with my thoughts.
"Yeah!" He shouted, grabbing a beer from the table beside him and rising it in the air.
Oh great (!)
*
The smell of alcohol and sweat was dripping from the bus. It was still raining badly outside so no windows could be opened.
Alex and Jack were busy with their tongues in each other's mouths, Vinny, Clousy, the other Alex and the rest were dancing and drinking, and Rian was in the kitchen.
Me and Matt were sitting on the couch together.
"So, you told Alex about that song yet?" he slurred.
He'd hadn't stopped drinking until he arrived.
"No, it's a personal song so I'd rather not. Besides, I have other songs to show him" I reply.
"Why it that song personal?" He smirks.
"It's a fucking love song, you nymph" I smirk and nudge him.
He smiles back but suddenly, his face turns green. His hand clutches his mouth and he flees to the toilet. In fits of laughter, I run after him.
Whilst he was arched over the shit-bowl; I was rubbing his back as he not-so-gracefully blew chunks down the toilet.
Being cramped in a small toilet with your crush? Wonderful. While their puking up everything they've ever ate? Not so wonderful.
"Aw, you ok?" I ask, rubbing small circles into his back.
Matt spits into the toilet bowl before looking at me. His eyes are red and his lip ring has puke on it.
Even in this state, he looks a little cute.
"Zack," he starts. "I love you".
I smile and reply.
"I love you too, Matty" with a little chuckle.
"No, like...I'm in love with you" he slurs.
Matt does say some random shit when he's pissed. I smile again but his face is deadly serious.
Oh fuck! What if he's serious?!
I drop my smile and stare. I can tell from here that his head is spinning.
"Great, now you hate me because I'm a faggot" he groans and pukes up some more.
I attach my hand to his aching back again and speak.
"Matt, I know you are absolutely wasted right now so I'm gonna say this while you're drunk and so you'll forget by tomorrow. Okay?"
He replies with a groan so I continue.
"That song I sang was for you. The towel I gave you was for you. The time I rejected that kiss was for you, so you wouldn't regret it the following morning. I'm basically laying my heart down for you right here, right now.
I am fucking in love with you. In love with you, Matthew James Flyzik and I have been for years; since Emerald Moon to be exact. Everytime I see you, or hear you or think of you; I just wanna grab your face, kiss you and never let go. Just hold you and call you mine. I've written hundreds of songs for you and about you, telling you how you cause me butterflies and make my head spin. You're like a disease on me, Matt, and it's a fucking deadly and terminal disease. I just...can't put into words how exactly you make me feel. It's indescribable, you are indescribable, Matt. I love you and it hurts and I know that you'll forget this by tomorrow. And just like Gerard Way says 'I don't love you like I did yesterday' and I don't, Matt, because every single day, I love you more and more. So, I'm gonna leave now. Get up and leave, so you can fall asleep on the cold tiles and forget every word I've said. Forget everything because you'll never love me. You're straight and my manager. So...I'll see you tomorrow"
By this time, I was stood at the toilet door, half in/half out. Matt's head was still down the bowl and he grunted in reply.
He didn't care. he wasn't bothered that I had just poured out my heart and soul to him. He didn't care. He just didn't care.
With a single tear rolling down my face, I fled to my bunk.
*
I growl loudly, echoing throughout the back lounge and punch the wall.
Alex, Jack and Rian sit on the couch watching my every move. I punch the wall again, Alex flinching every time.
"WHY?!" I scream, my eyes on fire as I glare at them. They stutter, unable to answer me. I yell again and throw a glass at the oppersite wall, it smashing into thousands of a million pieces.
Alex yelps out, terrified and Jack holds him close. Rian speaks.
"I know you are upset..." He says.
"Upset?! UPSET?!" I scream. "YOU GODDAMN THINK I AM UPSET?! I'M FURIOUS!"
My throat becomes sore from the yelling, but I don't care. I just want the answers to my questions. Alex, shyly, speaks lkup.
"What actually happened?" He asks. We all stare at him.
He wasn't here was he? That's why he's so scared, because he doesn't know why I'm yelling. And smashing things and punching the walls. He wasn't here when it happened. He wasn't here when 'he' arrived with his 'good' news.
"It's Matt..." Rian starts, but I cut him off.
"Do not say his name!" I growl.
"Can I at least say what happened?" Rian asks.
I think then nod gently, while the memories reply in my mind.
*flashback*
His beautiful face breaks into a smile as he speaks to me.
"I've got great news, Zack!" He grins.
My foolish mind thinks he's going to tell me he's gay, properly this time and not when he's drunk.
My foolish mind thinks he's going to tell me he loves me.
But my foolish mind is wrong.
"I've got a girlfriend" he says.
*end of flashback*
The tears finally burst loose and pour from my eyes. I let out loud sobs and wails as Rian holds me. Alex's mouth hangs open in shock, Jack still holding him close.
The rain continues to thrash down on the windows and bus, but my sobs overcome the sound.
"Sh, it's okay" Rian says, repeating what I, Alex and Jack said earlier. Even the irony of the moment doesn't seem to cheer me up. Nothing can now. My heart has shattered into nothing; disappeared into a cloud of dust. I have no heart. He had it and killed it.
How can he have a girlfriend?! He told me he loved me and he sort of said he was gay. Who cares if he was drunk? He still said it.
"I need to sleep" my voice croaks as I stand up and head to the bunks.
"Okay" Rian murmurs. Alex begins whispering to Jack but I block it out.
Pulling back the curtain, I crawl into my bunk. The second my head hits the pillow, my eyes clamp shut and I fall asleep.
I watched him.
He ran, so slowly and gracefully, his hair dripping wet and swaying side to side in the cold wind. His arms like pendulums and his eyes squinting to fight out the raindrops. His clothes were drenched, and clung to his body tightly as he made his way to the bus.
Snapping from my daydream, I stepped out of the way of the tour bus door and welcomed the crew, all wet and annoyed, on to the bus. Matt was the last one to arrive and I was stood, admiring him running in the rain and how romantic it looked.
"C'mon, Zack, move it" Matt laughed, gently pushing me out of the way and out of my dreams once again.
Sighing, I closed the door and followed suit.
The crew surrounded the longue, grabbing towels from each other's grips and drying themselves. Realising Matt was towel-less and I was holding one, I gently held it out to him.
"Here" I smile, trying not to blush.
He smiles back, melting my insides, and takes it from me with a simple "thanks". Just a simple word turned my knees to jelly.
"So what do you wanna do?" Rian asks, now he'd joined us all in the cramped lounge.
"Let's get wasted" Vinny and Jack say in unison.
Trust them two to say that.
As much as I want a drunken Matt Flyzik all over me, I didn't want him sobbing again. It broke my heart to see him in that state.
Matt, on the other hand, was hugely disagreeing with my thoughts.
"Yeah!" He shouted, grabbing a beer from the table beside him and rising it in the air.
Oh great (!)
*
The smell of alcohol and sweat was dripping from the bus. It was still raining badly outside so no windows could be opened.
Alex and Jack were busy with their tongues in each other's mouths, Vinny, Clousy, the other Alex and the rest were dancing and drinking, and Rian was in the kitchen.
Me and Matt were sitting on the couch together.
"So, you told Alex about that song yet?" he slurred.
He'd hadn't stopped drinking until he arrived.
"No, it's a personal song so I'd rather not. Besides, I have other songs to show him" I reply.
"Why it that song personal?" He smirks.
"It's a fucking love song, you nymph" I smirk and nudge him.
He smiles back but suddenly, his face turns green. His hand clutches his mouth and he flees to the toilet. In fits of laughter, I run after him.
Whilst he was arched over the shit-bowl; I was rubbing his back as he not-so-gracefully blew chunks down the toilet.
Being cramped in a small toilet with your crush? Wonderful. While their puking up everything they've ever ate? Not so wonderful.
"Aw, you ok?" I ask, rubbing small circles into his back.
Matt spits into the toilet bowl before looking at me. His eyes are red and his lip ring has puke on it.
Even in this state, he looks a little cute.
"Zack," he starts. "I love you".
I smile and reply.
"I love you too, Matty" with a little chuckle.
"No, like...I'm in love with you" he slurs.
Matt does say some random shit when he's pissed. I smile again but his face is deadly serious.
Oh fuck! What if he's serious?!
I drop my smile and stare. I can tell from here that his head is spinning.
"Great, now you hate me because I'm a faggot" he groans and pukes up some more.
I attach my hand to his aching back again and speak.
"Matt, I know you are absolutely wasted right now so I'm gonna say this while you're drunk and so you'll forget by tomorrow. Okay?"
He replies with a groan so I continue.
"That song I sang was for you. The towel I gave you was for you. The time I rejected that kiss was for you, so you wouldn't regret it the following morning. I'm basically laying my heart down for you right here, right now.
I am fucking in love with you. In love with you, Matthew James Flyzik and I have been for years; since Emerald Moon to be exact. Everytime I see you, or hear you or think of you; I just wanna grab your face, kiss you and never let go. Just hold you and call you mine. I've written hundreds of songs for you and about you, telling you how you cause me butterflies and make my head spin. You're like a disease on me, Matt, and it's a fucking deadly and terminal disease. I just...can't put into words how exactly you make me feel. It's indescribable, you are indescribable, Matt. I love you and it hurts and I know that you'll forget this by tomorrow. And just like Gerard Way says 'I don't love you like I did yesterday' and I don't, Matt, because every single day, I love you more and more. So, I'm gonna leave now. Get up and leave, so you can fall asleep on the cold tiles and forget every word I've said. Forget everything because you'll never love me. You're straight and my manager. So...I'll see you tomorrow"
By this time, I was stood at the toilet door, half in/half out. Matt's head was still down the bowl and he grunted in reply.
He didn't care. he wasn't bothered that I had just poured out my heart and soul to him. He didn't care. He just didn't care.
With a single tear rolling down my face, I fled to my bunk.
*
I growl loudly, echoing throughout the back lounge and punch the wall.
Alex, Jack and Rian sit on the couch watching my every move. I punch the wall again, Alex flinching every time.
"WHY?!" I scream, my eyes on fire as I glare at them. They stutter, unable to answer me. I yell again and throw a glass at the oppersite wall, it smashing into thousands of a million pieces.
Alex yelps out, terrified and Jack holds him close. Rian speaks.
"I know you are upset..." He says.
"Upset?! UPSET?!" I scream. "YOU GODDAMN THINK I AM UPSET?! I'M FURIOUS!"
My throat becomes sore from the yelling, but I don't care. I just want the answers to my questions. Alex, shyly, speaks lkup.
"What actually happened?" He asks. We all stare at him.
He wasn't here was he? That's why he's so scared, because he doesn't know why I'm yelling. And smashing things and punching the walls. He wasn't here when it happened. He wasn't here when 'he' arrived with his 'good' news.
"It's Matt..." Rian starts, but I cut him off.
"Do not say his name!" I growl.
"Can I at least say what happened?" Rian asks.
I think then nod gently, while the memories reply in my mind.
*flashback*
His beautiful face breaks into a smile as he speaks to me.
"I've got great news, Zack!" He grins.
My foolish mind thinks he's going to tell me he's gay, properly this time and not when he's drunk.
My foolish mind thinks he's going to tell me he loves me.
But my foolish mind is wrong.
"I've got a girlfriend" he says.
*end of flashback*
The tears finally burst loose and pour from my eyes. I let out loud sobs and wails as Rian holds me. Alex's mouth hangs open in shock, Jack still holding him close.
The rain continues to thrash down on the windows and bus, but my sobs overcome the sound.
"Sh, it's okay" Rian says, repeating what I, Alex and Jack said earlier. Even the irony of the moment doesn't seem to cheer me up. Nothing can now. My heart has shattered into nothing; disappeared into a cloud of dust. I have no heart. He had it and killed it.
How can he have a girlfriend?! He told me he loved me and he sort of said he was gay. Who cares if he was drunk? He still said it.
"I need to sleep" my voice croaks as I stand up and head to the bunks.
"Okay" Rian murmurs. Alex begins whispering to Jack but I block it out.
Pulling back the curtain, I crawl into my bunk. The second my head hits the pillow, my eyes clamp shut and I fall asleep.
Notes
I dont have internet at the moment so updates may be messy :(love you ;D
Love you
6/30/13