Flashes of Our Endless Summer Love

I’m standing outside your front door, Alex. I know you’re in there. I saw you walk in with your friends. I know you’re laughing with them, forgetting all about me. Because you never cared, right, Alex? I know you didn’t. When I ring the doorbell, you don’t even open. You’re too busy with them. All the lies just to toy with my heart. You shouldn’t have done that, Alex.

I open the door myself. You should really learn to lock it, Alex. You wouldn’t want somebody you don’t want to be inside to get in. I follow the sound of your laughter all the way upstairs. All I can remember is all of our firsts, Alex. All the firsts you took from me. I wasn’t special, I should have known.

I open your bedroom door and you seem surprised to see me.

“Mia, what are you doing here?” You frown from your bed, a guitar in your lap, your friends surrounding you. “Are you okay?”

I only realise my tear stained cheeks when those questions, the ones that I’ve been yearning for, leave your mouth. And for a second, I believe you care, Alex. For a second. But you don’t.

“You shouldn’t be here.” You shake your head.

“You’re an asshole, you know that right?” I tell you, glaring.

You sigh. “Mia, you should leave.”

“You’re an asshole.”

Your friends seem shocked, Alex. A stranger is in your house. But they don’t know, because you didn’t care. My fingers curl around the kitchen knife behind my back a little tighter, Alex. I would be careful.

“Mia–”

“Tell them.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you urge.

“Tell them.”

“Tell them what?!”

“You know what.”

I finally dare to make my knife appear and point it at you. Your friends seem scared, Alex, you should probably do something. Don’t you at least care aboout them?

“Tell them!” I scream.

“Mia, will you calm down!” You raise your hands up.

“No! You don’t care! You don’t care!”

You try to reason with me. “Mia, put the knife down!”

“All you do is lie!”

You finally seem to give in, but only because you only care about yourself, Alex.

“You’re the one who ended things,” you argue.

“You never cared! You lied!”

“That is not true!”

I know you’re scared, Alex. Afterall, I am pointing a knife at you. But there’s no need to be scared, because you lied about caring. Don’t worry, Alex, you’ll be fine.

“You’re a cheater! You’re a liar! You don’t care!” My throat is burning so much, the salt from my tears drying up my mouth.

“Mia, please,” you beg. “You know that’s not true.”

Your friends really do seem scared as I approach closer to you, Alex. They’ve all shuffled against the far wall, one of them shakingly holding his phone. You know what to do, don’t you, Alex? But you don’t do it. You deserve to hurt.

“Mia, please put down the knife,” you try again, “we can talk about this.”

But how can I talk to somebody who doesn’t care? You just want to save yourself. I shake my head and press the knife to my throat. You keep shouting at me, but you’re backing away with tears in your eyes. You still don’t care. You never have. And you never will. I shut my eyes and count down.

Mercury. Venus. Earth. Mars. Jupiter. Saturn. Uranus. Neptune. My sweet dear Pluto.

Too late.

I push down on the blade and let it drag across my skin.

I can’t breathe, Alex. It hurts. You jump from your bed and rush to my collapsed body. I stare up at the stars still on the ceiling while you press the nearest piece of fabric hard down onto my throat. You’re screaming, your tears dropping down your nose and onto my face. I feel them. They burn, Alex.

“Mia, please.”

You’re begging, but the blood keeps streaming. You finally tried to wipe the dried tears on my cheeks. It’s too late, you did not care. You continue to cry as you press your lips to my cold ones one last time.

“I love you.”

The police are already on their way, Alex. Your friends did a good job with that one. But they’re here to arrest the crazy girl with a knife, not save a life.

It all came down to this moment, Alex. This was your fault. You loved, but you didn’t care.

Notes