Living Life to the Fullest
With Darkness, Comes Light
I recently found out I was pregnant and my husband and I were equally ecstatic. We've been married for three years, and, we dated for four years when he proposed; I honestly couldn't have fallen in love and married such an amazing man. While he spends his days and some nights as a police officer, I'm simply a person who owns a greenhouse aka careers that could not be more different.
"Hey, babe." I heard him say as he walked into the house.
I was in the middle of cooking dinner when he came home from what I was sure a long day's work.
"Hey. How was your day?" I said, walking out of the kitchen.
"Too long. I missed you. How was yours?" he said before kissing me.”
"Not busy which I hate. I missed you, too, by the way."
He smiled and wrapped his arms around me; that smile was infectious.
“You know, one day, you’re gonna be thankful for having not so busy days when you’re in your third trimester. You won’t be on your feet so much.”
“How could you possibly know that, Mr. Gerber?”
“I just do, Mrs. Gerber.”
“Well, if you’re right...”
“I am right.”
I laughed.
“If you’re right, I will be.”
“I love you, Zoey.”
“I love you, Ricky.”
The following evening, I was tired and in the mood for ice cream; he immediately volunteered to go out for ice cream since we didn’t have any in the freezer. I drifted asleep while he was gone and was awoken by my phone ringing; it was Ricky. Before I answered it, I noticed what time it was and I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach; he should be home by now.
“Hey. Where-”
It was not my husband who answered; instead, a paramedic spoke.
Please tell me he’s okay.
“Is this Zoey Gerber?”
“Yes. Who may I ask is calling?”
“I’m a paramedic. Ma’am, your husband was in a terrible accident.”
“What happened? Is he okay?”
“I’m afraid he’s not. He was killed by a drunk driver who drifted into his lane. I’m so sorry.”
This can’t be happening. I’m eight weeks pregnant and the love of my life is gone and never coming back. That can’t possibly be true; it must be some cruel joke.
“Ma’am, are you okay?”
How could I possibly be okay? That’s such a stupid fucking question.
How I didn’t have a miscarriage over such devastating news was quite a miracle. Now, I have the challenge of being a widow who owns a business and is now going to be a single mother. Setting up his viewing and funeral was almost too overwhelming, but I at least had my amazing parents who helped me out; quite honestly, a twenty-eight-year-old woman shouldn’t be planning a funeral for her dead husband.
I had such a surprisingly great pregnancy and delivered a healthy baby girl named Everly who is the light of my life and gets me through each and every day.
I was making breakfast when I heard a whine.
“Just a minute, Evie. It’s almost done.”
“No.”
“Evie... you can wait.”
And it was just a minute before I fed my fourteen-month-old daughter. The smile was instantaneous after I gave her breakfast.
“Good?”
She nodded.
“Now, let Mommy eat so we can go.”
Another nod. I kissed her cheek which caused a giggle; after my quick breakfast, I grabbed our belongings and headed out with my little ray of sunshine. It was Saturday which is a day I always bring her to my greenhouse; there have never been any problems, so I just stick with that. I opened up with a huge smile as this was my safe haven; every time I go to bed, I feel as empty as the space where my deceased husband used to lie next to me every night, so that’s not my haven anymore.
“Be a good girl for Mommy. Ok?” I said to her after I watered the plants.
I left her in her playpen while I waited for the first customers to enter; I turned music on and sighed. About ten minutes passed when I saw someone who walked in and was a guy I had never seen before; he caught my eye, and for some reason, I wanted to talk to. He was in there for twenty minutes when he came to the counter to pay for his order.
“Hi. Will this be all for you, Sir?” I said with a smile.
“Yes.” he said, smiling.
“That’ll be $23.50.”
He handed me twenty-five dollars and something else; I gave him his change and continued to smile.
“Have a good day.”
“You, too.”
Once he was out of view, I looked at what else he gave me.
His phone number. How sly.
I couldn’t believe someone had slipped me their number. This was the first time a guy had ever slipped me his number. I doubted I would call him or even text him; for one reason, it’s been close to two years since Ricky died, and two, how would I ever move on from him? Come four o’clock, I closed up shop and headed home with Everly; I still had that guy on my mind and it was bothering me.
“Hey.”
I called my friend Vera.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“I was wondering if you’d like to hang out tonight.”
“Like a girls night in or one out?”
“In. There’s a lot on my mind right now.” I sighed.
“Of course. Seven o’clock?”
Two-and-a-half hours from now.
“Sounds good.”
I fed Evie a half-hour later and soon did the same for myself. When she arrived, I opened the door and hugged her.
“So, girly, what’s up?”
Straight to the point.
“Well, there was a new customer today at the greenhouse...”
“And? Come on, Zoey. Details.”
“He was our first one of the day, and he managed to slip me his number after he paid for his items.”
“Ooh... was he cute?”
“Does it even matter?”
“Of course it does! You need to move on with your life! Ricky would want that.”
“No one’s gonna come close to him. He was one of a kind.”
“Honey... if you’re interested, go ahead and see him. You don’t know if it’s going to be something serious or not.”
“He is cute. I will admit that. That smile he gave me made me slightly weak in the knees.”
I was blushing.
“See... you like him! No matter what it is, go for it. I’ll watch Evie for you anytime you’d like.”
“You would do that for me?”
“Of course. I love you, honey and that cutie pie of yours.”
“I’ll go for it.” I said after a moment.
“Now, that’s decided, what’d he look like? What’s his name?”
“Zack. He has short black hair, some of it shaven, brown eyes and as I mentioned before, a smile completely and utterly infectious.”
“Sounds like a dream and his name starts with a 'z' as well.”
I couldn’t stop smiling. I was definitely going to call the only man I’ve ever liked since my late husband.
"Hey, babe." I heard him say as he walked into the house.
I was in the middle of cooking dinner when he came home from what I was sure a long day's work.
"Hey. How was your day?" I said, walking out of the kitchen.
"Too long. I missed you. How was yours?" he said before kissing me.”
"Not busy which I hate. I missed you, too, by the way."
He smiled and wrapped his arms around me; that smile was infectious.
“You know, one day, you’re gonna be thankful for having not so busy days when you’re in your third trimester. You won’t be on your feet so much.”
“How could you possibly know that, Mr. Gerber?”
“I just do, Mrs. Gerber.”
“Well, if you’re right...”
“I am right.”
I laughed.
“If you’re right, I will be.”
“I love you, Zoey.”
“I love you, Ricky.”
The following evening, I was tired and in the mood for ice cream; he immediately volunteered to go out for ice cream since we didn’t have any in the freezer. I drifted asleep while he was gone and was awoken by my phone ringing; it was Ricky. Before I answered it, I noticed what time it was and I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach; he should be home by now.
“Hey. Where-”
It was not my husband who answered; instead, a paramedic spoke.
Please tell me he’s okay.
“Is this Zoey Gerber?”
“Yes. Who may I ask is calling?”
“I’m a paramedic. Ma’am, your husband was in a terrible accident.”
“What happened? Is he okay?”
“I’m afraid he’s not. He was killed by a drunk driver who drifted into his lane. I’m so sorry.”
This can’t be happening. I’m eight weeks pregnant and the love of my life is gone and never coming back. That can’t possibly be true; it must be some cruel joke.
“Ma’am, are you okay?”
How could I possibly be okay? That’s such a stupid fucking question.
How I didn’t have a miscarriage over such devastating news was quite a miracle. Now, I have the challenge of being a widow who owns a business and is now going to be a single mother. Setting up his viewing and funeral was almost too overwhelming, but I at least had my amazing parents who helped me out; quite honestly, a twenty-eight-year-old woman shouldn’t be planning a funeral for her dead husband.
I had such a surprisingly great pregnancy and delivered a healthy baby girl named Everly who is the light of my life and gets me through each and every day.
I was making breakfast when I heard a whine.
“Just a minute, Evie. It’s almost done.”
“No.”
“Evie... you can wait.”
And it was just a minute before I fed my fourteen-month-old daughter. The smile was instantaneous after I gave her breakfast.
“Good?”
She nodded.
“Now, let Mommy eat so we can go.”
Another nod. I kissed her cheek which caused a giggle; after my quick breakfast, I grabbed our belongings and headed out with my little ray of sunshine. It was Saturday which is a day I always bring her to my greenhouse; there have never been any problems, so I just stick with that. I opened up with a huge smile as this was my safe haven; every time I go to bed, I feel as empty as the space where my deceased husband used to lie next to me every night, so that’s not my haven anymore.
“Be a good girl for Mommy. Ok?” I said to her after I watered the plants.
I left her in her playpen while I waited for the first customers to enter; I turned music on and sighed. About ten minutes passed when I saw someone who walked in and was a guy I had never seen before; he caught my eye, and for some reason, I wanted to talk to. He was in there for twenty minutes when he came to the counter to pay for his order.
“Hi. Will this be all for you, Sir?” I said with a smile.
“Yes.” he said, smiling.
“That’ll be $23.50.”
He handed me twenty-five dollars and something else; I gave him his change and continued to smile.
“Have a good day.”
“You, too.”
Once he was out of view, I looked at what else he gave me.
His phone number. How sly.
I couldn’t believe someone had slipped me their number. This was the first time a guy had ever slipped me his number. I doubted I would call him or even text him; for one reason, it’s been close to two years since Ricky died, and two, how would I ever move on from him? Come four o’clock, I closed up shop and headed home with Everly; I still had that guy on my mind and it was bothering me.
“Hey.”
I called my friend Vera.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“I was wondering if you’d like to hang out tonight.”
“Like a girls night in or one out?”
“In. There’s a lot on my mind right now.” I sighed.
“Of course. Seven o’clock?”
Two-and-a-half hours from now.
“Sounds good.”
I fed Evie a half-hour later and soon did the same for myself. When she arrived, I opened the door and hugged her.
“So, girly, what’s up?”
Straight to the point.
“Well, there was a new customer today at the greenhouse...”
“And? Come on, Zoey. Details.”
“He was our first one of the day, and he managed to slip me his number after he paid for his items.”
“Ooh... was he cute?”
“Does it even matter?”
“Of course it does! You need to move on with your life! Ricky would want that.”
“No one’s gonna come close to him. He was one of a kind.”
“Honey... if you’re interested, go ahead and see him. You don’t know if it’s going to be something serious or not.”
“He is cute. I will admit that. That smile he gave me made me slightly weak in the knees.”
I was blushing.
“See... you like him! No matter what it is, go for it. I’ll watch Evie for you anytime you’d like.”
“You would do that for me?”
“Of course. I love you, honey and that cutie pie of yours.”
“I’ll go for it.” I said after a moment.
“Now, that’s decided, what’d he look like? What’s his name?”
“Zack. He has short black hair, some of it shaven, brown eyes and as I mentioned before, a smile completely and utterly infectious.”
“Sounds like a dream and his name starts with a 'z' as well.”
I couldn’t stop smiling. I was definitely going to call the only man I’ve ever liked since my late husband.
