Infinity

It’s only one more day till my men come back home and I cannot wait. I was glad today was a day I have yoga and plans to head out to the beach with the boys. Usually, I shower the night before a morning class and if I go out to swim, but I was feeling the need for a morning shower. When I was rinsing off in the shower, I felt a size-able lump on my right breast.

Oh. My. God.

Instead of calling off class, I made an appointment for the day after tomorrow with my doctor and decided to focus on everything good. I pulled myself together and tried to not think any negative thoughts as long as I possibly could. I also don’t want to alarm Alex and Zack about my discovery, but who knows how that’s going to go. After not telling them about that dream for a month, I don’t know if I can go without saying something to them as soon as I can. On the other hand, finding a lump on one of your breasts is much more serious and different from that dream.

Just concentrate, Jessie. You can do this.

Class went perfectly, so I was hoping the rest of the day would be the same. When I was about to leave the house for a second time, my cell rang.

Alex. Ok. Keep it together.

“Hey.”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Just finishing things up. Too excited to come home tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait either. Hey, could you get Zack? I need to talk to both of you.”

I need to tell them. I can’t wait.

“Is everything okay?”

“Just get him please.”

My heart began to race.

“Jessie, is everything okay?” I heard from Zack over the speakerphone.

“I don’t know.” I said with my voice cracking.

I tried to keep it together, but I couldn’t; I just go to the worst possible place when something’s not right.

“Please tell us what happened.”

“I was almost done with my shower when I found a lump on my right breast.”

I was so glad they couldn’t see me.

“Did you set an appointment?” Alex asked.

“Of course I did.” I said as tears ran down my face.

“We’re coming home as soon as possible. We’ll see you at home.” Zack said.

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.”

We spoke for a bit longer as my tears dried up; they managed to make me smile before we said our ‘I love yous’ and hung up. How I got through the rest of the day was somewhat of a miracle, so when I laid down that night, I was emotionally exhausted. Awaiting their arrival in the morning was killing me; I seriously wanted to pick them up instead of anxiously waiting at home for them.

Chill, Jessie. Chill.

When the door opened twenty minutes later, the dogs went running toward them; I put on a weak smile although I was over the moon that they were home, and I walked over. The first guy who saw me was Alex, so I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt his arms wrap around me.

"I missed you so much." I said.

"So did I."

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to embrace Zack; those strong arms never felt securer around me.

"Did ya miss me?" I asked with a smile while biting my lip.

"Fuck yeah, I did."

"Good, 'cause I missed you, too."

Once they went upstairs to put their belongings away, I sat back onto the couch and waited for them again. I was focused so much on what was on tv that I didn't even notice them sit down beside me.

"Hey." I said as Zack pulled me into a kiss.

"Hey."

"Can I have a kiss?" Alex asked.

"No."

"Please."

"You know I was kidding." I said before engaging him into a kiss.

I then sat back on the couch.

"How have you been feeling since yesterday?” Zack asked.

“Anxious and scared. What if I have cancer? They say only 5% of women under the age of 40 get breast cancer and the prognosis is worse. I’m 28, you guys.”

“I love you, but you’re getting way too ahead of yourself. It could be benign.”

“However, you two know where my mind goes when something goes wrong.”

“We do. Has yoga helped at all?” Alex said.

“Not enough. I can’t believe I even taught class yesterday.”

He made a face as I simply placed my head in my hands and tears started to cascade down my face.

“Can we get you anything?” Zack said, rubbing my back.

“A tissue would be a great start.” I said, not even looking up.

He didn’t move; instead, Alex did to grab me a box of tissues.

“Here ya go, babe.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you want to just chill today?”

I nodded then used a tissue.

“Okay.”

He laid a soft kiss on my cheek and sat down. I just laid my head on Zack’s shoulder and everything became a blur. For the rest of the day, I tried to remain happy and optimistic, but the thought that I could possibly have breast cancer at this young of an age took over and I was significantly offbeat.

“Here’s hoping I sleep well.” I said, climbing into bed that night.

“This may sound cheesy, but just think happy thoughts.” Zack said.

I smiled slightly.

“I’ll try.”

I climbed into bed and quickly shut my eyes, hoping I had a good appointment tomorrow.

Notes