A New Beginning

On Monday, there was another divorce proceeding, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. He was less of an ass and I was ever thankful for that. I had spoken to Alex the next day and we made plans to go the movies on Wednesday, but when I was getting ready to go out, I received a phone call; it was my mom.

"Hey.”

"Hey honey." she said solemnly.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

"He's gone."

"Who's gone? Mom, what are you talking about?"

I was beginning to panic.

"Your brother. Conner. He took his own life."

Tears began to run down my face.

"He what? When? Oh my God."

My brother is my only other sibling and also happened to be the youngest; he was only twenty-two. I couldn't believe I was even hearing this because I knew he had his struggles, but life seemed to be going well for him at the moment.

"They think it was last night. His roommate came home from work around three and found him with his face down in his pillow; he knew something was wrong when he saw Conner's car out front."

This is when I began to bawl and I was hyperventilating.

"When do I - when do I need to be home?"

Home was in Delaware.

"As soon as you can although I don't have anything set up yet."

"I'll let you know when I can get down there. I love you, Mom."

-knock-knock-

Fuck. I need to tell Iris; she's gonna be such a mess, but who wouldn't be in this situation? They were just about as close as he and I were.

"I love you, too. Be safe, Harper."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up my phone and threw it on my bed before tossing myself up on it.

"Harper? Is everything okay?"

No. Nothing is okay. My brother is gone and he's never coming back. When I didn't respond, she opened the door and saw me sobbing into my pillow.

"Harper? What happened?"

"That was my mom. Conner's dead." I said without looking at her.

"How'd he-?"

"Suicide. They think it was last night. Henry found him with his head face down in his pillow."

She climbed onto the bed and tears instantly came streaming down her face; she sat beside me and took my hand while she covered her mouth with her other hand. I heard my phone vibrate and remembered that Alex and I were supposed to go out tonight.

"Is that Alex?" she asked as I picked it up.

On my way. See ya, soon!

"The one and only. Fuck. I need to call him and cancel."

"Just let him come over. You care about him and he cares about you. I'm sure you'd really love his company at the moment; you're gonna need it."

She was right.

"Ok, but you're probably gonna need to answer the door. I don't know if I'm even gonna be able to get out of bed."

"I can do that for you."

"I apologize in advance."

"Don't do that. I'd do anything for you. You know that, right?"

"Of course, but you lost him too. It's painful for you too. I know that also."

"I love you, hun."

"I love you, too."

When I heard the knock on the front door, Iris let go of my hand and got off my bed.

"I'll send him in."

I nodded and stayed in the same spot I had been in for nearly fifteen minutes. I heard my door and his footsteps, but I didn't want to move.

"Har, Iris told me something happened. What was it?" he asked, walking around to the opposite side.

I was speechless as tears began to fall again. He laid down beside me and pulled me into his body where I quickly got comfortable.

"My brother died."

"How?"

"He took his own life. My mom called me less than thirty minutes ago."

"Harper. I'm so sorry. I remember you telling me how close you two were."

"He was the best brother I could have ever asked for; I was so protective of him, but apparently, I couldn't save him from himself."

"Everyone has their own demons they need to battle sometime or another. Unfortunately, it consumes some people and they can't escape."

"But, he was doing so well, Alex. What the fuck happened?" I said, looking up at him.

"I wish I could tell you. I really do."

He wiped away a tear before I sat up; he did the same. He pulled me into his lap which caused me to smile for a brief second.

"Ya know, Iris convinced me to not call and cancel. I'm so glad I listened to her. I didn't realize how much I needed you till you got here, so thank you for being here. I do hate that our plans changed though especially because of something as horrible as this."

"Well, there's no place that I'd rather be than with you."

I smiled again and kissed him.

"Wanna watch a movie or something? I need something happy right now."

"Absolutely. Anything you'd like."

"Mind if Iris joins us? She's a mess, too."

"Not at all. They were close, too, I assume?"

"Definitely and hell, she was practically my sister too. We were all thick as thieves."

He laughed.

"I bet you all were."

I nodded. I got off his lap and my bed to head to the bathroom; I needed to see how horrible I looked. There were mascara stains on my cheeks from all the crying and my eyes were bloodshot. I quickly washed my face and met Alex who was in the bathroom doorway waiting for me.

"Hey."

"Hey. You good? Well, as good as you could possibly right now. Fuck. That was a stupid question."

"Alex. It's okay. I know that you care."

He sighed.

"Let's go."

He kept me close and I had a feeling that it's going to be like all night which I don't mind at all. I walked down the hall and heard the tv on.

"Iris?"

"Yeah?" she asked sniffling.

"You wanna watch a movie with us?"

"You wouldn't mind me being here?"

"I can't believe you just asked that. I don't mind at all. A tragedy has happened and I wouldn't feel right leaving you by yourself."

"You're too sweet. What movie did you have in mind?”

“Let’s see what Netflix has to offer. Add some ice cream as well.”

“I’ll grab Ben ‘n Jerry’s. You find a movie.”

Alex and I made our way onto the couch where I found the remote.

"You have a preference?" I asked him.

"Not at all. Whatever you guys wanna watch is fine with me."

I smiled and kissed his cheek. I flipped through various comedies to find just the right one.

"How about Ghostbusters?" I asked Iris as she walked back into the living room.

"Sounds great." she replied with a smile.

She handed us ice cream and I pressed play. It wasn’t long before I finished my treat and I truly started to laugh.

“Let me take these to the kitchen.” he said, kissing the top of my head.

“Want me to pause it?”

“Just let it play.”

I sat and waited till he came back, so I could snuggle up to him. As soon as he sat back down, I did exactly that.

"Miss me?" he asked.

"Just a little." I said in a small voice.

He smiled and wrapped an arm around me. As soon as the movie was over, I was overcome with sadness again and I was exhausted. I unraveled myself and excused myself to brush my teeth and go to bed without any word to either Alex or Iris.

“Harper?” he asked as I walked to my room.

I paused when I reached my bathroom and turned around. I immediately looked up and saw Alex; my eyes filled up with tears again and I began sobbing into his chest. He enveloped me and I didn’t want to let go, so I just held on as tightly as I could.

“He’s gone. He’s really gone.” I said, choking out a sob.

He rubbed a hand up and down my back.

“Would you like to lie down?”

This was after a couple of minutes of me crying.

“Yeah.” I said weakly.

“Ok.”

“Stay with me?”

"Absolutely."

"I'm gonna brush my teeth first."

We separated and he let me go.

If I'm such a mess now after watching a hilarious movie, how am I going to be at my brother's viewing and funeral? I'm gonna have to pull it together if that's at all possible.

I shook my head and did what I had to do before I walked back into my room to change into pajamas. Alex switched spots and by the time he got back, I was under the covers.

“Hey.” I said.

“Hey.”

“Thanks for staying with me. I didn’t even wanna risk trying to sleep without you here. That might sound ridiculous, but that’s the truth.”

“That doesn’t sound ridiculous at all.” he said, running a hand through my hair.

That was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep with my head upon his chest.

Notes

This was hard to write, seeing as I lost an uncle tosuicide, but I got through it tears and all and I hope it was a great chapter for you guys!