Dreaming of You

I had no dreams that night about Alex. Kylie probably forced my brain to understand that Alex was just a figment of my imagination. I woke up at eight a.m. and just laid in my bed, where I remain now. Today is the All Time Low concert and I'm super excited for it don't get me wrong I just wished in some way that Kylie’s words last night weren't true. I wished I could go to the concert, sneak backstage, and see Alex and he would just melt. Tell me he knew I’d be there and we could be happy. I wish he was wishing for me the way I was wishing for him.

Alex was not going to do that, I was not going to do that either because Alex Gaskarth is a sweetheart, but he is also a famous, attractive, male singer who would not want me. If anything, he would take one good luck at Kylie and lust for her. The way most men do.

Kylie came in wearing some of my pajama pants and she was carrying a bowl of cereal on her hands. She sat on the bed next to me and handed me the cereal. I looked at her. The room felt heavy.

"Hey babe, I brought you some breakfast, I made it myself" She said slowly, I could tell she was completely hungover.
"Thanks" I said lowly, putting the bowl on the side table.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you last night, I was just drunk and stupid" Kylie said. She stared at me with hurt in her eyes.
"It’s okay" I said, I rolled over and faced the wall, so I would not have to look at her. It was not okay, Kylie had no right to say anything to me about love or even dreams. Kylie may be rough, but she had no ground to stand on. I never had a boyfriend, I crushed on a lot of guys but none of them liked me, before Alex I would dream of helping animals and moving far away from this one-horse town. Literally we have a horse…one horse. Why couldn't she just let me have this? this one thing. The only thing.
"Serenity, we have to be at the stadium about an hour early and it’s an hour away sweetie. That means the latest we can leave is five. We have to get you properly pumped. Let’s get you showered and looking all sexy for the concert." Kylie said, tickling my side a bit.
"why get all sexy? no one in the band wants a goody twenty-Two-year-old" I mumbled, jerking forward violently.
"Then we will make you look like a slutty, model, twenty two year old" Kylie said happily. I sighed.
"I'll go shower, you work on the whole slutty aspect as you go through my closet, I wish you luck” I said, standing up and walking towards my bathroom.
"I will!" Kylie yelled after me. As I walked into the bathroom, looked into the mirror and teared up a bit. I looked like shit, my eyes were bright red, my hair was everywhere, and I had wrinkles on my pants. I undressed, started the water, and got in.

I missed Alex and I wanted to believe that he was alive in my dreams but maybe it was better if I knew the truth so that way it was not so heartbreaking in the end.
When a child runs down the stairs on Christmas morning and sees the magic of Santa that child is filled with wonder and joy. But as the kid gets older and older it just gets pathetic. Then the longer you wait to tell that child that Santa doesn’t exist, the longer the child goes believing and loving something that just isn’t real. Once you tell them, the wonder and the heartwarming feelings go away and they hurt. However, the child grows from this and learns to be a better person.

I am that 'child' and 'Santa' is my Alex. It started to get pathetic and Kylie had to tell me it was not real. simple as that. The magic might be gone now and the hope and wonder too but, in the end, I’ll be less pathetic and more open to the real world.
As I stand here, crying in the shower I know that I'll be better now. Now that I know Alex was just wishful thinking. I can get on with reality. I hope Kylie can’t hear my sobs over the water pressure.

Notes