Remembering Sunday

I hated the doctors. Always have, always will.

I didn't need a memory to know that. I didn’t even need more than one functioning brain cell to understand this wasn’t the first time I'd sat in an unnecessarily uncomfortable waiting room chair. Bitter and annoyed as I bounced my knee nervously.

It was just a well-known fact that there was absolutely nothing pleasant about going to the doctors. It was always eerily quiet. Every door was always sealed shut, regardless of if someone was behind it or not. All the nurses had the same ugly shoes that made the same horrid squeak with every step they took on the same exact outdated, pastel colored tiles. But probably the worst part of it all was how every single one, no matter where you went reeked of the same strange yet indescribable odor. It was like Febreze had released a special scent only for doctors' offices titled, 'Disinfected Tears of Children'.

Don’t even get me started on the audacity of them to just stick needles in the arms of mere innocent civilians at almost every visit!

I'd still say losing your memory is one of the worst things that could happen to a person. But if I were ever asked, I wouldn’t even hesitate to say that having to go to the doctors constantly as a result was a very close second.

"Kennedy?" A voice called me from my internal rant, halting my knee's rapid movement. I turned my head to see a young lady in pink scrubs standing in the doorway. "Dr. Walker is ready to see you now." Her smile was big and forced, like she hated her job. And I didn't blame her, clearly, I'd hate to work at this place even more.

Both my dad and I rose to our feet and he pulled me into a soft side hug. "I'll wait out here." He nodded, smiling over at the lady with a wave.

"You can come in, you know?" I explained slowly, offering an escape from the repetitive elevator like music, which I also hated. "She's only examining my noggin."

He just smiled and shook his head, "You've got it just fine, I'll be right here when you're all done." He patted my shoulder before sinking back in the plastic covered seat and sent me on my way.

I really did try my hardest not to let out an audible groan as I watched the nurse's ugly shoes squeak down the hall. She brought me to the room I'd been in just a week or so prior before sitting me down and taking my vitals. All while I didn't even try and entertain myself at her feeble attempts at small talk.

But I guess a fun fact I learned was that small talk was an incredibly hard thing to maintain when the person whose blood pressure you're taking doesn’t remember how their semester at school even went!

So, I guess you could say I was more than a little relieved when she finally left and a more familiar face stepped through the door. "Kennedy!" Dr. Walker called in a happy greeting, her teeth as white as her coat as she grinned.

"Hey Doc" I smiled back, swinging my legs as they hung over the edge of the examination table.

I really liked Dr. Walked. She was much nicer than the majority of the hospital staff I'd interacted with back in Arizona, and she was much more pleasant to look at too. Most of the doctors at St. Mary's were old and disheveled and smelt like oat meal to put plainly. But Dr. Walker was young, and she had these big soft brown eyes that looked kind even under the harsh florescent lights. She never groveled or muttered under her breath and her ebony skin always smelt like freshly picked roses.

Granted it wasn’t quite strong enough to mask the disinfected tears of children odor, but it was a nice addition to the mix. It made the whole ordeal a little more barrable on my end of things.

"How are we doing today?" She asked me, placing her small reading glasses on the bridge of her nose and looking down at the sheet on her clipboard.

"Still waiting to wake up in Kansas with Auntie Em," I attempted to joke. The woman just looked up at me, single brow raised. "Not buying it?"

"Not even on sale." She smiled.Then sighed and sat down on her little swiveling stool I'd been holding myself back from playing on the entire time I'd been waiting. "Now on a more serious note, how have you been feeling?"

"Okay, I guess," I shrugged, "A lot of the time I feel really good, normal almost!"

"And others?"

"Mostly confused, a little lost..." I confessed, looking down on my hands. "I still get pretty bad headaches most days, ibuprofen doesn't really help much anymore though."

"That's totally normal, I can prescribe you something a little stronger for a few days to see if we can try and kick them, how does that sound?" I nodded and she scribbled down a little note. "Do you find there's any time in particular the headaches are the strongest?"

"Not always, but sometimes I get them the worst before or right after I remember something." I explained, and she wrote something else down.

"Have you been remembering much?"

"I think so!" I smiled, getting to mention something a little more exciting to talk about than my migraines.

She asked me about specifics, which on her part was probably a poor choice of words. Because once I stared there wasn’t any stopping me till I was through. I went on and on telling her all the memories I'd gotten back in the last week and a half, like a kid showing their baby sitter their collection of rocks. Normal, rather mundane things everyone had lying around, but to me they were utterly spectacular.

I told her how I'd shown up at Alex's house, and how at first it scared me a lot. I shared with her how I'd remembered all the freaky details about my car, and the Honey Bee Diner. And the conversation I'd remembered having with Emily. I told her how Alex got me to remember meeting him at school – sparing her the breaking and entering and petty theft of course. And I even told her how I remembered Michelle in annoyingly full detail. Making the premeditated choice to leave out the one that included my mom.

And all while I talked, she sat, and she listened, and she nodded, and she waited for me to finish with a big, gulping breath. "But that's pretty much it." I shrugged when I'd ran out of things to share.

"Pretty much it?" She basically laughed, cocking a brow back at me. "That's quite a lot, Ms. Murphy, I'm impressed."

"You are?" I asked, tapping the toes of my sneakers together.

"Why yes, that's quite a lot to remember in such a short period of time, sounds to me like you're on a speedy path to a full recovery!" She smiled, and I returned it widely. She clicked her pen again and looked down at her notes. "Now, is there any particular factor that makes remembering easier, I know you mentioned how Alex recreating meeting him helped. But anything else aside from that?"

I furrowed my brows in thought, sitting there swinging my legs once again and mulling her question over. "I guess every memory I've had, has come to me in the exact places I first had them, or when I'm doing something I'd done before." I realized, chomping down on my lips.

She hummed and nodded, tucking her tight black curls behind her ear. "So, you've found that your memory comes back more when you're doing things you normally would, say, with the people you would have done them with?" I nodded, "And would you say that's been more successful than hearing stories or looking through photo albums?"

"The pictures help, but yeah I'd say that's about right."

Dr. Walker clicked her pen yet again and slid it back into the pocket of her white coat. "Okay, well I think you know what you need to do moving forward!"

"I do?" I questioned, tilting my head and scratching my nose.

"Well, are you content with the place your memory is at right now?"

"Well no," I shrugged, "I want to remember everything."

"Then I think you know." She all but smirked at me.

"Okay, maybe I'm lost?" I breathlessly laughed. Trying my hardest to follow my doctor's rather confusing words.

"Kennedy," She sighed, standing up from her stool. "You say you remember things best when you're doing things you'd done before with people you used to do them with. So, continue to do all those things, and more even with even more people you used to be close with. And in two weeks when you come in again we will see what kind of progress you've made, and work more from there!"

"Oh, I see, I'm following now!" I laughed, finally understanding what she'd been getting at all along. Admittedly feeling just, a little bit foolish.

"So how about I check on how those staples are doing and we can send you on your way with a script for some mild pain killers?" She asked, waiting for me to nod before walking around me and lifting the patch of my hair.

I sat there biting my lip and twiddling my thumbs as I felt her move around behind my head. Thankfully they'd only shaved just a sliver after the accident, I guess to release pressure, or something. I don't really know the finer details of it all. I hadn’t needed brain surgery, and therefore I wasn't bald and for that I was eternally grateful. Just a decently sized slit in my skull that I could easily hide while it healed.

"Looks to be healing up just fine!" She told me, patting my shoulder and signaling my release from the cold examination table, its rough paper covering leaving indents on my thighs. "I think by next visit we will be able to take them out no problem."

"Thank you Dr. Walker." I smiled warmly, straightening my shirt.

"Now, if you'll follow me, I'll get you that script and I'm going to set you up with an appointment to see a Dr. Bonnie Gerecke, over at the Neurology Center at Mercy next week." She told me, holding the door open and letting me slide through first. "She's an amazing neuroimaging specialist, and she will be able to get the best insight of what's going on upstairs a little better!"

"Sounds good to me." I tried to smile as we strode back into the waiting room. Not doing the best job of hiding how truly displeased I was at the thought of even more doctors.

My dad rose when we came back into sight, and I stood there rocking on my heels while he and Dr. Walker talked for a moment or two. Just staring around at the stupid toys that were scattered across the small waiting room floor. She explained to him the conclusion we'd come to for moving forward, set up the appointment and sent us off with a script and a smile.

But as much as I liked Dr. Walker, I didn't hesitate not even for a second to dart for the door once the conversation was through. My dad calling and laughing after me. He eventually caught up and we briefly exchanged my thoughts on the appointment on the elevator ride down to the lobby. He seemed just as happy as I had been to hear that Dr. Walker thinks I will really get my whole memory back as we stepped back out onto the street.

Headed to towards the car, only to be stopped by a rather, odd sight to say the least. Parked just beside my father's Tacoma, now standing between us and it, was a strikingly familiar pick up. An even more familiar boy perched on its hood. Absentmindedly on his phone, oblivious to our arrival.

"Alex?" I called, almost laughing at him. Giggling even more when his head snapped around like a dear in headlights at the sudden sound of my voice. "What are you doing here?"

Alex quickly slid off the old rusted Ford and made his way over to my father and I, blushing profusely. "Oh, uh, your dad told me your appointment was today a while back." He admitted, hanging his head once in front of us and scratching the back of his neck. "I just didn't want to wait to know how it went, I guess."

"I'll wait in the car." My dad suddenly whispered to me. Small smile on his lips as he patted my shoulder and scurried off to his own beat up truck. Leaving me there dumbfounded and rather blatantly confused about everything currently going on.

"So how did it go?" Alex quietly asked once my dad had vanished, the slamming of his door breaking the brief silence we'd fallen into.

"Good, I think.” I smiled and told him, rubbing my arm. "She said that the fact I've remembered so much means I'll probably get my fully memory back at some point."

"Good, that's good." He mumbled. Hanging his head once again, he began to roll a few rocks under his Chuck Taylors.

"So why are you-"
"So, I was wonder-"

"Oh, sorry, you go!" I blushed after we'd both tried to talk at the same exact time. Just feeling anxious for some reason in the silence that had settled.

Alex blushed too as he gazed up at me, eyes bright behind the fringe of his hair. "Well, I know it won't make all that much sense to you," He bit his lip nervously. "But the three-year anniversary of recording our first album is today, and a bunch of us are getting together to celebrate later on."

"Oh" I whistled, looking down at my toes. Mentally connecting the few dots, I knew to make any assumption I could on what that would mean to me.

"I know it might be a little soon to see everyone again, but it would mean the world to the guys if you came." He practically whispered, sounding so afraid almost of what I might say. I bit down on my lip a little harder now, picking at the cracked flesh with my teeth. Thinking hard about what Dr. Walker had suggested for me to do. That seemed like something I'd go to if I could remembered its significance.

I scratched at the back of my neck, "I'll ask my dad about it, okay?" I murmured. And regardless of it not being a complete yes, Alex's eyes lit up like the night sky on the fourth of July.

"Bitchin'!" He laughed, bobbing his head and taking a step closer to me. "I'll text you later when we're getting ready to go!"

I didn't even get a chance to squeeze a single word in before my breath was stolen clean from my chest with what Alex did next. Not skipping a beat, he leaned forward and placed the smallest, most delicate kiss on the center of my forehead. It didn't linger, and it wasn’t much, but it left my face crimson when he vanished the very next second. Clambering back into his truck and pulling off.

Feeling completely and utterly flabbergasted. I couldn’t do much more than lift my hand to the small tingling patch of skin as I stumbled my way over to my dad's truck and climbed in. Not even attempting to say anything to him on my own accord. Not like I could with the way Alex’s small act had made my throat pinch shut.

My dad chuckled at my obviously frazzled expression as he fired the truck up. "What was that all about?" He wondered.

Well dad, if I knew I probably wouldn’t look so bewildered, now would I? I thought. But instead just pressed on a smile and said, "I don't really know, he asked me to come to this celebration, I guess it's for his band or something?"

It was more of a question than an answer really. But my dad nodded nonetheless, probably knowing more about it than I did in all honesty. "Are you going to go?"

"I don't really know yet." I whispered, eye brows pressed together in the center of my forehead. We drove down the road in silence for a second, and I chewed over the offer Alex had given me. A sigh was seconds from escaping me when I stopped it, remembering Michelle. And that if there was something – especially Alex related – I didn't know, that there was at least the smallest sliver of a chance that she did.

Reminding myself of this, I swiftly twisted to slide my phone from the back pocket of my shorts. And wasted no time looking for her ridiculous name in my contact list. Finding it no problem at all to locate. Quickly I typed out a text to her, that was rather strange but felt fitting to send for some reason. I was almost instantly thankful when it took her no time at all to respond.

To JuJuBee: hey r u awake yet?
From JuJuBee: its 1pm.

I almost blushed at the response I'd received, feeling foolish for a second till my phone quickly buzzed again in my hands.

From JuJuBee: but yes, surprisingly I am. How did ur appointment go? It was today right?
To JuJuBee: yeah! It went good but something strange happened after...
From JuJuBee: Uhoh... what?
To JuJuBee: well Alex was waiting outside after
From JuJuBee: awe!!!! What a nugget, why is that strange?
To JuJuBee: idk but do you know anything about this get together theyre having?
From JuJuBee: for the party scene? Yeah of course! I'm going, why?
From JuJuBee: OMG did he invite you?
From JuJuBee: are you gonna go?

I sighed out loud as I read her last three texts. Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I typed something back.

To JuJuBee: idk yet... should I?
From JuJuBee: YES!
From JuJuBee: You absolutely have to! We wouldn’t miss something like this for the world back in the day!

I smiled a little at that last one, slight comfort filling me at her use of the word 'we'. At least I knew that if I ended up going I wouldn’t be completely alone in a sea of people who knew everything about me, and I couldn't even begin to try and recognize. I tapped my foot on the floor of my dad's truck. Contemplating everything when the patch on my forehead began to tingle again, reminding me of what I'd really planned to ask Michelle about.

To JuJuBee: can I ask you a question?
From JuJuBee: of course sugar plum
To JuJuBee: well... when Alex went to leave he kinda... kissed my head.
From JuJuBee: that’s not a question.

I didn’t even fight myself from rolling my eyes at that one. If there was one thing I sure as Hell didn’t forget about this girl it was the fact that she was always overflowing with sarcasm.

To JuJuBee: well, is that like normal?
From JuJuBee: lol yes!!
From JuJuBee: one time you pitched a fit when he tried to leave your house without doing it, and he hasnt missed one since!

I bit my lip, reading her text over and over again. Replaying Alex kissing my head over and over again. And re-living the kiss I remembered sharing in my kitchen, you guessed it- over and over again. And right beside the ever-growing pile of things that confused me I kept stacked in my brain. The only other thought I could form was a bland and redundant one.

Interesting, interesting, interesting.

Notes