“I think we’re on to something we can’t run from; fate. But we can let it take us down this road, where all our colors run together, lets take the worst and make it better, lets take this mess and make a home.”

We walk to the nearest coffee shop, and sit together by the window.
“Are you a vegan or something?” Alex asks me when we sit down, motioning toward my soy latte.
“No, actually. I tried to be once, and this drink stuck with me.”
“Nice. I’ll stick with my fatty milk, thank you.” He laughs, and takes a sip of his drink, leaving whipped cream behind on his upper lip. I laugh back, and I want to tell him how cute he is but I substitute for that by handing him a napkin from the dispenser instead.
“Thanks.” He wipes it off. “So, tell me about yourself.”
We spend the afternoon telling each other the typical things about ourselves that makes us who we are: favorite music, what life was like before music, foods, movies, all the good stuff. He told me about his family back home, and his family in All Time Low. I told him about life back home in Louisiana, and how me and my brother started our band. I tried to skip over all of the heavy shit, but it always somehow leans into everything about me. I start to fidget and stumble over my words whenever I mention my past life before we started our band, and he can see that I'm uncomfortable.
“Everyone has a shit ton of dirty laundry. You don’t have to be scared of it.” Alex says, and nudges me with his foot under the table. I look around the room, and we’re pretty much alone besides the two baristas having a conversation behind the counter. I feel a sense of comfort come over me, and I know I can trust Alex with my “dirty laundry” as he called it.
“You know, getting signed onto Warped was such a breath of fresh air for me because I needed to get away too. A few weeks before, my girlfriend cheated on me…” he takes a deep breath before continuing and pushes aside his cold coffee that he barely finished. “I almost expected it, she was pretty distant but I don’t blame her, I was never around. It was for the best, though. I’m better now.”
“I’m sorry you had to deal with that, Alex.” I return the gesture and try to touch my foot to his and accidently brush my ankle against his, and my stomach flips when our bare skin meets. The sadness in his eyes turns into something else, and I can tell he feels the spark too. I awkwardly break eye contact by taking a sip of my coffee and regret it when I realize it has turned cold too.
“I’ve had my fair share of that too.” I say more quietly than I intended, but I had to break the silence. “Too many times to count, along with other…things that should never happen in a relationship.”
“Other things.” He repeats, and I know he gets it. “Nobody should have ever hurt you like that.” He balls up his fist, and I can tell he’s angry and I am too. I hate that I’ll never be able to be normal, I’ll never be able to be happy with someone, all because I let certain assholes into my life, all because of me.
“I never got hit or anything…he just grabbed me a lot, like if I didn’t do what he wanted or if I tried to like, fight back or something…” my voice trails off, and I hold my wrist, still stinging where my ex would grab me; my arms still burning from being held against walls, ears still ringing from the yelling.
“Caroline?” Alex’s voice pulls me back to reality, and I feel the wetness of my tears running down my face. “We can talk about something else.”
I nod and wipe my face.
“But you need to know, there’s better for you out there. You don’t have to hide behind a tough girl façade exclaiming that love is something to be despised because it’s all shitty and fucked up behind closed doors. Some asshole doesn’t have to ruin that for you, and dammit, don’t let him ruin that for you, Caroline.” He reaches out, and covers my clenched fist with his soft hand. It’s so warm, and the comfort in his touch is so welcoming that I open my hand and squeeze his. I squeeze hard, to force the waterworks threatening to break forth back in. I get so much strength from his gaze, like he’s sending it all to me just from the look in his eyes.
“I know it might not mean much, but I’m here, as a friend, for you. We’ll put you back together.”
And I believe him, I will be put back together.
****

For the next two weeks, Alex and I are glued at the hip. After our sets are over each day, we meet up and hang out. And I’ll admit, it’s pure bliss. It had been so long since I had a friend outside of the band, outside of my family. Whenever I was back home, I always had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who turned all my friends against me, I couldn’t have anyone but him. I had my brothers, and that was all.

Alex was a breath of fresh air, he saw past all the bullshit of my past and my mistakes. He didn’t tell me I was stupid for being caught up in that for so long, he just let me cry about it, he let me scream and be frustrated; he let me laugh at myself and he helped me find me again. Over such a small amount of time, he became my best friend, and that was all. He was my best friend.

Notes