Do You Want Me Or Do You You Want Me Dead

“…I’m sorry for what I did.” His words felt like a punch to the gut, it had been two years since I had talked to Alex alone in this tree house. Two years since I told him I was moving, two years since he told me not to go, and two years since we got drunk and almost hooked up.

“I can’t believe you’re really leaving little sister!” Matt slung his arm around my shoulder.
“18 minutes Matthew, you are only 18 minutes older then me. And I know this is going to be crazy!” I turned and squeezed my brother as tightly as I could. I would be leaving for New York tomorrow, being apart from my brother for this first time, having to call somewhere other then Baltimore home. Because of the move the boys decided we needed to have a going away party, they would use any excuse to have a party. It was the usual Dulaney crowd, Jack was the center of attention and Zack was doing tricks on his skateboard to impress girls.
“Guys guess what! You two were my first friends I made when I moved here, that was what like 8 years ago! And now you’re leaving me to fend for myself.”
“Alex I’m not leaving you, only my bratty sister is!” I rolled my eyes.
“Ella come on, you don’t have to leave so stay! Stay and we can still be the three best friends!” My heart sunk a little; even though I was incredibly drunk I still didn’t like to see Alex hurt. I had known him since I was 7 and cared about him a lot even though we drifted a bit as teens.
“Lex can I talk to you for a minute? Just us.” The intoxicated boy nodded his head and grabbed my hand, “the tree house will be quiet, lets go there.” I don’t know how but we managed to climb the ladder, “Alex you’re one of the harder people to say goodbye to, we’ve been friends forever and I’ll miss you tons but I need to go. I’m not very happy here Lex, New York is a fresh start for me.”
“But Ella you cant go, I want you to stay here with me!” Hearing that felt like a punch to the gut, it was getting harder to breathe, “I need my girl to be here, who else is going to go to space with me?” As kids Alex and I always talked about the day we would go to space, Matt was terrified of the idea but it fascinated Alex and I. Bringing up space seemed to be the knockout punch, I couldn’t take it anymore, I fell to the ground and broke out in tears. “No, oh shit I didn’t mean to make you cry! Please stop crying, it’s going to be okay Ella we can write letters and talk all the time. We can make it work, I’m just sad to see you go because well um- you’re you.” He was beside me awkwardly trying to comfort me with a strange mixture of rubbing and patting my back, I rolled my eyes and wiped the tears from my cheeks, Alex was so dumb sometimes but also very sweet and genuine and adorable. I had always thought of him as the cute boy next door, the one I had to see everyday until I’m all grown up. But I’m moving; I wont have to see him again…
“Fuck it.” I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled myself forward crashing our lips together. This was my last chance with Alex, I'd be moving the next day. He put his hands on my hips pulling me closer to him, the kiss deepened and soon his tongue was licking at my lower lip asking for entrance, it was clear that he was experienced. More then I was for sure, he was now only the second boy I’ve kissed, and I knew Alex’s reputation with girls. He knew what to do with his hands; I let them roam my back and up my shirt, pressing us closer together.
“Noelle what’s gotten into you?”
“I leave tomorrow Lex, and I just wanted to know what would happen.”
“I’ve wanted this for so long.” His hands ran along my sides slipping my shirt over my head. I could feel his hand move to my inner upper thigh, it was inching its way up. He grabbed my hip and effortlessly flipped us so I was lying on my back and he was above me. My skin felt on fire under his touch, the kisses he was trailing down my neck burned but i never wanted it to end. I hooked my fingers in the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head, the second the fabric was gone from between us his mouth was locked with mine again. His hands moved and i could feel him trying to take off my shorts.
"Alex I don’t-” He was kissing my neck and moved down to my chest and stomach. “Seriously Alex, Alex stop!” I got up and grabbed my shirt, pulling it over my head as quickly as I could and got out of there as fast as possible, running past everyone at the bonfire and to my room where I locked myself in.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Alex,” I lied. I felt so uncomfortable, the last time we had been alone like this was the most embarrassed I’d ever been in my entire life. “I have to go.” I got up and climbed down before he had the chance to say anything, running to my room just like the last time.

Notes