Do You Want Me Or Do You You Want Me Dead

High school is said to be the best four years of your life, whoever told you that was probably smart, popular or insane. I mean don’t get me wrong; high school isn’t the end of the world you just have to get it over with. My teenage years have been much different then what I expected them to be. My parents got divorced when I was 15, they gave my brother and i a choice; we could stay with my mom in Baltimore or move to New York with my dad. My brother decided to stay behind with my mom, he couldn't bare to leave his friends. I on the other hand decided to pack up and move. New York was amazing, I finally wasn't just one of the twins, i was my own person. Flash forward two years to now, moving back to Baltimore because some asshole decided get behind the wheel drunk, he t-boned us on our way home from a party my dad was picking me up from, he was pronounced dead at the scene. Everyone keeps telling me not to blame myself but its hard, he was picking me up because i was drunk, he didn't have to be there but he was and now he's gone and all I've had to deal with is a few broken bones. I don't want to move back to Baltimore, it’s November so I have to transfer schools and finish up my senior year at my old school Dulaney High. It was a decent school and I knew most kids so going back should be easy. I think the hardest part of the move will have to be getting used to living with my brother again. People assume that we get along great because were twins and that must mean that we have some special bond, when in reality it just means that we share the same birthday. Matt isn’t that bad, we have some of the same interests I guess like music; we liked the same kind because our dad would always blast music when we were little and mom would get upset because ‘children shouldn’t be listening to rock music about sex and drugs.’ Besides music Matt and I are completely different, he's naturally smart and an honor roll student whereas I barely scraped by in school. He isn’t a big fan of the outdoors and I go stir crazy if I'm inside for too long. I love art and his best drawings are stick figures, we might be twins but we aren’t the same person. Matt has always been more popular and more liked then I am, he has a big group of friends. I was only close with one girl and with our neighbour who was also Matthews best friend. His closest friends were nice enough I guess from what i remember, they were just very loud. Today is the day I’m moving back home, mum and Matt have been in New York for the past week for the funeral and stuff but its time to go back to Baltimore.

"What the fuck is this?" I turned and looked at my mom, we were standing in what used to be my bedroom.

"Noelle, language! After you moved out your brother and his friends decided to make a little band and we had the extra space so they turned your room into a practice place." The only thing they left of mine was the bed, my posters were gone, my desk was gone, in its place, a drum set and guitars. "We'll have this out of here in no time, but for now I have to head off to work, i swear that business can not survive without me. Get your brother to help you when he comes home." She scurried off and soon i was left alone in the house i grew up in. Tired and overwhelmed i just crawled into bed and pulled the covers completely around me.

I woke up to the sound of a huge crash, “what the actual fuck!”

“Oh hey there little sis, good sleep? We didn't even realize you were in here,” Matt was a few feet away from me, guitar in hand.

“Matthew get out what the fuck!” I raised my voice and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, quickly becoming aware of what was going on around me, there was my stupid brother and four other boys standing in my room all with an instrument.

“Its band practice and this is our practice space so suck it up or you can leave. Ready guys? We are the waiting from the top…” The drummer counted them in and it got really loud really fast, I grabbed my backpack and stormed out of the room. Matt is such a dick sometimes, he knew I was tired and that I just wanted to sleep but he had to have his stupid practice anyway. I grabbed my jacket and walked out the back door, I climbed the ladder to the tree house like I had done so many times before. The tree house was also something I missed in Baltimore; my dad built it for Matt and I when we were 4 probably. I spent so much time in here as a kid, so many sleepovers in here, I got drunk for the first time in here, I loved it in here. A few things have definitely changed since the last time I’ve been up here though, for example the shelf that used to have paints on it now holds bongs instead and the cabinet that used to hold soda is filled with beer. I put in my headphones and pulled out my sketchbook, it was nice to draw in here again, i forgot how much i missed it. I had been drawing for probably an hour when the door opened and all my brothers friends climbed in.

“Seriously now you’re in here?” my brother was the last to climb up.

“In case you forgot, I live here again.”

“Matt what are you talking about, she doesn’t look like how you described her at all!” One of the boys piped up, Jack hadn’t changed much, his hair still had the skunk stripe and he was still as skinny as a toothpick, really it only looked like he grew.

“Hi Noelle, haven’t seen you in a long time…” Rian looked like he had changed the most, his hair was longer now and he got his braces off.

“Yeah, probably because I moved.” I awkwardly waved at all of them, it was weird because we had been friends but we were never close so this was a weird reunion. “How are you guys?”

“We haven’t seen you in two years and all we get is a wave and how are you?” Jack tackled me giving me a big hug. I tried pushing him off but before I could Rian had come and wrapped his arms around me too.

“Guys gross get of my sister,” Matt pulled the boys off of me.

“See this is why Zack is my favourite!" I smiled at the quiet boy beside me as he blushed. “Hi Alex.” I said quietly the last boy, he was the one I knew the best. He lived next door and we had grown up together, when we were young my brother, Alex, and I were inseparable, best friends. He barely looked up at me when I said his name.

“So Noelle you can have your room back now, we want up here.”

“Matt be nice to your sister, let her stay up here if she wants,” Zack spoke as Jack had pulled down two of the bongs from the shelf, soon enough you could barely see across the circle the smoke was so thick, and the boys were filling me in on all that had happened while I was gone, Holly was pregnant, Jack had the most hookups with people in the school, Austin had some heart problem, and Jarrod was addicted to coke.

“What about Marie, how is she?” Marie was my best friend before i moved to New York, we lost contact pretty quickly after i left though.

“Oh didn’t Matt tell you?” all of their faces went bright red.

“Noelle we do not say that name in this tree house.” My brother looked serious.

“They dated for like a year and a half then had a brutal breakup.”

Oh. My. God. My brother dated my best friend.

“What- what happened?” I was in shock.

“I don’t want to talk about it, plus we should get back to practice.” Matt opened the door and one by one all the boys climbed down.

"Fine, i didn't really want to know anyway!"

“Hey guys start without me I’ll tell Noelle what happened, I’ll be down in a minute.” Alex said as he crawled back in and shut the door. “Noelle I know we didn’t really leave on the best of terms… I’m sorry for what did.”

Notes