When I woke up, I immediately knew something was off. Wrong even. It wasn’t the fact that the bed was empty next to me and it wasn’t because the bright sun was creeping in from behind the curtains. No, it was the feeling in my stomach. It was turning, making me feel dizzy. My skin was sticky and I felt like I was overheating. I didn’t feel great at all.

I opened my eyes just to see the headboard. My arms were curled around my pillow, my head tilted to the right, as I was lying on my stomach. I assumed that that was what was wrong. Although I often did sleep in this position, it would occasionally mess with me, making my stomach hurt. So, I turned around onto my back, assuming all that I needed was a few minutes in that position. But that wasn’t the case. The motion caused my insides to spin even more.

Before it was too late, I shot up out of bed and ran into the bathroom. I was just in time, throwing up all the contents that were still left in my stomach from the night before. It felt absolutely horrible. If anything, it was making me feel worse. I was still nauseous and continued to hug the cold toilet bowl for a while longer. It was only when I literally couldn’t throw up anymore, that I slowly stood up.

The first thing I did was go to the sink, grab my toothbrush, and put a generous amount of toothpaste on it. I probably spent more than the recommended two minutes scrubbing my teeth to get rid of the disgusting sourness in my mouth. When I looked at my own reflection, I was actually horrified. My skin was blushed and glistening with sweat, which in turn caused my hair to cling to it. Even though I had a full night’s sleep, my eyes definitely didn’t look like it.

It was pretty obvious. I was sick, and it wasn’t just a cold.

I sighed after spitting out the toothpaste and ran my fingers through my hair. It was a mess, but I couldn’t be bothered to brush it. Ideally, I wanted to take a shower to hopefully make myself feel a little better. However, I decided to go downstairs first. I needed to make sure I helped my body get better first and I also wanted to let Jack know that I was up. He had come back from his tour just mere days before and we were preparing to go to the next one – the one where we were both going to be in Europe together – in just over a week.

I trudged down the stairs in my shorts and old shirt I had stolen from Jack. It was then that my head also started pounding. Today was going to be a sleep and do nothing day. I was just really hoping I would get over it before we went on tour. It didn’t seem all too fun to start it off by running off to throw up multiple times. If I would even get far enough to get on stage.

Once I got downstairs, I regretted not taking that shower beforehand. It wasn’t just Jack and Taco in our living room. Alex was here and so was Carter for some reason.

“Just ignore me.” I waved at them as I walked into the kitchen. “I’m just grabbing a drink and I’m out of here.”

“Don’t you wanna join us?” Jack asked, stretching over the backrest and craning his neck to look at me. It was only then that I remembered that he had made plans with Carter and Alex, which I knew about and intended to join.

I shook my head as I opened the freezer to grab a few ice cubes to put in a glass. “No, I don’t feel too great. I don’t want to make you guys sick so close to tour starting.”

“Oh no,” Jack frowned as I filled my glass with water. “Are you okay?”

I emerged from the kitchen and looked at him. “Do I look okay?”

He hesitated and pursed his lips, taking a second to choose his words carefully. “Well, you don’t look bad.”

“Hmm.” I nodded, showing him he just proved my point.

“Dude, wrong answer,” Alex scolded, giving Jack a very judgemental nudge.

“I feel like shit,” I told them bluntly, taking a drink from my water, “and my looks match it right now. Just acknowledge it. I know, I saw myself in the mirror.”

“Yeah,” Jack agreed, no longer holding back, “you do look like shit.”

“Dude!” Alex hissed louder this time, seeming way too concerned about the exchange considering the part he had, which was nothing.

“Thanks,” I smiled and wiped my forehead, both trying to help my headache (which didn’t work) and get rid of a few more sweat beadlets. “Now, I’m going to go back upstairs to nurse myself back to health.”

As I started up the stairs, I could hear the boys continuing their conversation.

“You should know by now not to say shit like that,” Alex started lecturing him for a reason I couldn’t figure out. “Girls don’t like being told them don’t look good. Even if it’s true, don’t.”

“It’s not just girls,” Carter snorted, defending me like the good friend he was. “I’ve been in many arguments because I didn’t use the exact right word when a guy asked me how he looked. Relationships have ended.”

“I think I know Ireland a little better than you,” Jack directed at Alex.

“He does,” I shouted once I was at the top of the stairs. I really did like it more when Jack was being honest. Of course, it was different when he would try to be sweet and we could have a laugh about it. For example, in this situation, he could have told me I still looked very hot and beautiful, and I would have said literally hot.

“Love you!” Jack replied.

“Love you.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

“Okay, well I have been corrected,” Alex laughed.

I did take that shower once I got back into the bedroom. However, the effect of it didn’t last long. Not long at all. I was already running out of the shower and crouching in front of the toilet before I could finish washing my hair. All I threw up was the water I had been drinking, only telling me to make sure to keep drinking and stay hydrated. It was definitely a stomach bug. And then, after I had finished my shower, I crawled back into bed. I felt cold, so I wrapped myself with the covers, but I knew I was still sweating profusely. All I could do was sleep.

The only reason I woke up other than needing to throw up was because I was slowly being pulled out of my sleep by some light shaking and some softly talking.

“Hey, Isle,” Jack said when he noticed I finally woke up. “I’m going to go out for food with Alex and Carter. Do you want to tag along?”

I groaned and I turned to look at him, barely shaking my head. “No, I’ve got a stomach bug or something, I’ve been throwing up a lot.”

He pouted softly and reached out to brush away some of the hair glued to my skin. “Oh, damn, you really are burning up. Do you want me to stay here? I’m sure they will understand.”

“I’ll be fine,” I told him and took his hand from my forehead, “you won’t have much to do here. All I’m doing is sleeping and throwing up.”

“You sure?” He asked me again. When I confirmed, he had one condition. “Call me if you need me back or need anything, okay?”

“Of course.” I smiled when he pressed a kiss to the top of my head despite me being a sweaty mess. “Have fun.”

Once Jack left, I continued the same routine again. I stayed in bed, only going out to get to the bathroom. Even when I wasn’t sleeping, I just laid there, occasionally looking at my phone, but not for long periods of time. The whole time, I didn’t eat anything, but I tried to keep drinking enough water. It was a very difficult thing to keep up when it all just kept coming back up.

Somehow, I managed to fill the time until Jack came back without getting bored. We were both walking into the bedroom at the same time. He came from the hallway, while I came from brushing my teeth again, which was probably the reason why I didn’t hear him come back earlier.

“Hey,” he greeted me, putting the plastic bag he was carrying with him on his side of the bed. “How’re you feeling?”

“Okay.” I nodded and scratched my nose while getting back on the bed myself. “Not much better than before, but I’m okay.”

He gave me a sympathising look and started pulling things out of the aforementioned plastic bag. “Well, I went by the pharmacy and picked up a few things for you.” The first thing he showed off was a blue bottle. “Some mouthwash so you don’t need to constantly brush your teeth.” Next came a few boxes and bottles. “Some medicine to help with nausea and painkillers.” And then he pulled out one last box. “And a pregnancy test just in case, but I’m guessing you already figured out it is definitely a stomach flu.”

I nodded and brushed some hair out of my face, my hands covered by the black hoodie I had taken out of Jack’s side of the closet. “Yeah, but it never hurts to have one lying around.”

“Do you want to take any of this now?” he asked, gesturing to all the other stuff he had bought for me.

“I just took some paracetamol, so I should be fine for now, but maybe later,” I answered, not wanting to accidentally overdose on something. That was when I realised it was only six in the evening. “But you’re back early. I thought you guys were still going to get drinks together tonight?”

He shrugged and put all the things he had just put on the bed onto his nightstand. “I made a compromise. They let me come back early because you’re sick.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“But I wanted to,” he retorted and checked his phone. “I’m making some pasta downstairs, it should be done right now. Do you want any?”

I shook my head. There was no way I could eat that without feeling worse. Honestly, just thinking about it made my stomach churn. So, Jack went downstairs to just make himself a bowl instead. It didn’t take long until he came back upstairs with (surprisingly) two bowls in his hands. At first I thought he had brought up two different things for himself, but I soon realised he was making me eat as well when starting moving one in my direction.

“Here, I got you some yogurt with honey,” he said as he handed it to me. “Maybe you can eat that. You should eat something.”

“Thanks.” I smiled up at him, more than grateful for what he got me. This was something I could possibly eat for the time being.

He grinned back and briefly put his bowl down to take off his jeans. Once they were on the floor, he climbed onto bed and picked up his bowl again. “Were going to eat dinner in bed and watch netflix.”

“I can deal with that.” I shuffled closer to him as he turned on the TV. After a few seconds of silence, I asked, “how was your day?”

He first swallowed the pasta he had just stuffed into his mouth. “It was good. Food is always good. We went into a few stores, but I didn’t buy anything. Except for the pharmacy, then.”

I was slowly taking small bites of my own food, not wanting to overdo it. “It’s nice seeing you get along with my boys.”

“Your boys?” He raised an eyebrow at me, questioning my wording.

“Yeah, my boys,” I confirmed and reassured, “not my boy. Like, they’re no longer just my friends, they’re your friends as well.”

“Oh, yeah, I get what you mean. It’s nice.” He looked down, catching me off guard and pressing a quick kiss to my lips. He hadn’t done that yet the entire day.

“Jack! Now you’re going to get sick!” I gasped in shock.

“We shared a bed last night. I’m probably going to get sick already.” He used as an excuse before pecking me yet again.

“Not if it wasn’t airborne. Now you mixed my spit with yours.”

“Honestly, I don’t care. I want to take care of you. I’m not going to avoid you just because you’re sick. You would have done the same for me. I’m not just going to let you have to deal with this yourself.”

“Okay, fine,” I gave in, knowing I couldn’t change anything now even if I wanted to. “But at least kiss me properly.”

So, he did. I sat up a little straighter and we shared a much better kiss. It wasn’t anything over excessive, though. I was still ill and didn’t feel great and we were in fact both still eating. But it was a nice proper kiss.

As I sat there, leaning against Jack’s chest as we watched a show on Netflix, him stuffing pasta into his mouth while in boxers and me taking small bites of yogurt, a feeling washed over me. At first, I had no idea what this feeling was, but it wasn’t a bad one. I was just content. I was happy. Despite feeling like shit physically, I truly was happy. But the confusing part was that this feeling was so much stronger than I had ever felt before. Like, I knew that I was happy with Jack and I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, but it was amplified. Strongly amplified.

And then it hit me. It was shocking.

I wanted to marry Jack.

My eyes widened and I couldn’t focus on the show anymore. I wanted to know for sure that this was what I wanted. But I just knew. I knew I wanted to get married to him. I would never want to marry anybody else. He was my guy.

Then came the part of beating myself up for always telling him I would never want to. All those fights we had about this was for nothing. I always thought I didn’t want to get married ever in my entire life. But now it just seemed that it was because I just wasn’t ready yet. I shouldn’t have been so adamant.

I needed to figure out how I wanted to tell Jack this. I couldn’t just be like ‘yo, I want to get married’. It just didn’t seem right. Jack would think I was messing with him, like it was my fever messing with me. But I didn’t just feel this as a fog in my head, I felt it as a warm feeling throughout my entire body. Not saying anything wasn’t going to work either. It just wouldn’t. Jack wouldn’t know. Then, how could I hint it towards him without him being oblivious?

My basis was just conveying how I was feeling. “I’m happy.”

“Hmm?” Jack hummed in response, carefully taking the bowl back out of my hands, which I hadn’t eaten from in a while, and putting it in his own before placing them both on the nightstand.

“I’m happy,” I repeated, cuddling closer to him now there was no threat of food spilling and put my head on his chest.

“Good, I wouldn’t want you to be any less, especially when sick.” He ran his hand through my hair.

I could sense that he didn’t understand what I was trying to say, so I built my statement further. “I mean I’m happy with us, our relationship.”

“Well, I’m happy too,” he replied this time. But it still felt like he thought I meant it as some small comment.

“Like, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, by each other’s side,” I continued to make it more obvious and tilted my head up so I was looking at him.

He didn’t take his eyes off the screen but I could see him take in what I said a bit more. Like there was slight hesitation while he started to think of all the meanings I could have possibly meant. But it was like he just shook his head at himself, feeling stupid for overthinking it like this, like he was afraid to get into the usual arguement again.

So, all he said was “I know that, I want to spend the rest of my life with you too.”

“No,” I sighed, making him look down at me. I was too impatient. I wanted to tell him about my feelings. “I mean as my hu–”

Before I could finish the word ‘husband’, I could feel bile rising up my throat. I scrambled to get off the bed and ran into the bathroom. Jack quickly followed me and rubbed my back as all the yogurt I had just eaten decided not to stay in my stomach. The thoughts of what I wanted to say left my mind. It wouldn’t have been the right time to tell him anymore anyway.

“I’ll go get the mouthwash,” Jack whispered when I finally sat back up, supporting me throughout it all.

Notes

So, this is probably going to be my last chapter for a bit. I'll try not to disappear for a year again. Just starting uni again, so I need to focus on that first.