Dear Sister,
So, you just opened the letter for a big life decision number one. If this is you getting engaged, you’re reading the wrong letter, so put this one away for another day. If this is for any other reason, welcome. This is going to be me trying to be very specific but at the same time being very vague because I have no idea why you’re reading this.
Let me list some possible reasons why you could want to read this, just to make it a little easier for myself. You want to do something drastic with your appearance, you want to move to a different state or country, you need advice for a career opportunity, you want to start a family (?), you have just been thinking a lot about something and might consider changing your mind about something you’ve been saying no to for very long.
Well, that didn’t really help me…
Let me just tell you this, I will support you whatever you choose to do. I know I might not be there physically, but I’ll always be proud of you no matter what. All you need to consider is a few things:
1. Will this hurt somebody I love? And I don’t mean something like moving somewhere and not being able to see mom and dad as often. I mean if it will cause you to never speak to the person ever again because you’ve done something unacceptable. An example of the unacceptable is sleeping with your best friend’s boyfriend. An example of acceptable is moving to LA because of an opportunity.
2. Will this hurt me? If it will physically hurt you, then don’t do it. So, don’t go and jump off that building to see if you can fly. But do go and get a tattoo.
3. Is this what you want? Always the most important question to ask, of course. Don’t ever do something you’re uncomfortable with or you know you will hate. If you were to take an office job, you’d hate it, so don’t even consider it even if the money is great.
4. Why do you want to do it? Yes, list the pros. Yes, every small reason counts, even the silliest ones that most people won’t consider important.
5. Why don’t you want to do it? You’re asking me what to do, so there are reasons why you are doubting yourself. So, go ahead and do the cliche thing of making a list of pros and cons.
6. But most importantly: will you have fun?
Whatever you choose to do, it will be ok. Maybe this letter didn’t help at all, maybe it did. If it did, then great. If not, I’m sorry. My letters categorized by subject are way better because I know what I’m writing about. If you want to, though, you can always refer back to this letter later in life. This might help you (again) later.
So, here’s some advice: Just know that mom and dad are always there to help you as well. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially from them. They will always love you and be there for you. No matter how much of a bitch you might have been to them (not saying you have been), they will do anything. Trust me, I haven’t been the best son either, but they were always great.
Please don’t call me hypocritical.
Love,
Cam.

“I fucking hate planes,” I groaned into Jack’s shoulder as we were sat in our seats, “especially if it takes over twenty-four hours to arrive at the destination.”

Jack was lucky enough to get the aisle seat, while I was stuck in the middle seat. At least we had a nice old lady sitting next to us that didn’t seem to be a bother. But I couldn’t really say anything until we were off into the air. Right now we were still at the airport, the crew just having closed the doors. I was already dreading the entire long trip. I just hoped that I was going to be able to catch some sleep.

“You’ve never been on a plane longer than five or six hours, how do you know this is going to be so horrible?” Jack chuckled and kissed the top of my head softly.

“Because I know I can’t stand one hour! How the hell will I be able to stand flying all the way to Europe, wait for five hours, then fly all the way to the south east of Africa?” I whined and buried my face further into Jack’s shirt. He was going to get so annoyed with me in under an hour, I didn’t know how he would even survive these 25 hours.

“You’ll be fine.” He nuzzled his nose against my head. “Just try to get some sleep and time will go by way quicker.”

I sighed but knew complaining wasn’t going to help. There wasn’t anything that Jack could do anyway. We were both stuck on this night time flight. It wasn’t like he could suddenly turn into a god and make this whole flight be over in no time or make it any better for us. Neither of us could do anything but sit in the aluminum canister for the ten hours it took to get to Paris.

Oh, how I hated planes.

“Mr. Barakat?” A flight attendant was stood beside Jack, holding an iPad and looking at him. When Jack acknowledged her, she continued. “We have a seat open in first class, would you like to move there?”

The perks of being a frequent flyer. Not only did you get amazing deals, you also got offered an upgrade if there was a seat available in another class. With how often Jack flew around the country, it was only natural they would ask him. I, however, had only flown a few times, and all only happened after I met Jack. I wasn’t going to reach his status anytime soon unless I decided to get on a plane every single day.

“Oh, no, I’m flying with my girlfriend.” He shook his head and looked at me briefly.

The flight attendant smiled at me and nodded in understanding before leaving again. I would have totally told Jack to go because that was the kind of person I was, but I decided to be a little selfish this time. Honestly, I wouldn’t have been able to stay sane if Jack and I were going to be apart the entire time. Of course he could walk down to see me, but it would kind of be unacceptable for me to enter first class. Luckily, Jack completely agreed with all of that and didn’t even need any convincing to say no to the offer. So, we stayed in the seats the entire flight.

The pros of getting a super late flight were that everybody around you was asleep while you were also supposed to try and get some sleep, and that the bright lights were turned off except for dimmed lighting. It was so nice and calm. Nobody was busy talking or walking around. It was completely silent other than the engines of the plane loudly humming and whirring, but over time that sound also just blended into the environment.

“Hey, Jack?” I whispered while my head was rested against his shoulder. We had moved up the armrest between us and over time I had migrated to cuddle against him and watch his movie with him. The movie, however, had already ended, and we didn’t really have anything to look at. We were both starting to fall asleep.

“Hmm?” He responded, pressing the button to turn off the bright screen for the time being.

I put my hand on his chest and said something I never thought I would have actually said out loud, “did you know Cam was planning on committing suicide?”

“What?” The tone of his voice sounded serious and urgent while still also sleepy.

“Yeah.” I nodded, still not really having realized what I said. I was in a dream-like state that happened just before I fell asleep. “Well, at least, that’s what I think. It’s what his letters so far have been pointing towards.”

“How many have you read?”

“Only two, three if you count the one that was him writing out random thoughts… so I might be wrong,” I mumbled and slowly let my eyes close. “He did practically say it, though.”

And right after that, I drifted off. I didn’t really dream about anything, and if I did, I didn’t remember. Jack didn’t try to wake me up either. I slept for quite a while until there was movement in the cabin again. We actually seemed to have woken up at the same time, both our eyes getting used to the bright light as breakfast was being served.

“Oh my god, I feel like I’m hungover. What is this?” I groaned and I dug my face into Jack’s shirt to shield myself from everything. Eventually I broke away from him and rubbed my eyes.

“It’s the magic of a plane. You don’t have to do anything, but you can feel like you’ve been hit by a truck.” Jack chuckled and placed a firm kiss to my temple. He was probably a lot more used to being in airplanes for so long. It wasn’t so much that he didn’t feel the same way, he was just probably better at hiding it.

I rolled my eyes and got back into my seat, cracking some of my bones in place at the same time. “Well, if it could be a little bit less magical, that would be great.”

----

Just over two hours later, Jack and I had found a spot in the airport at Paris to claim as ours during the long overlay we had. We literally exited the plane and, unlike many of the people with us on the plane, went to the departure hall again to get on the next plane. There just wasn’t enough time for us to go out and explore Paris, but we were still stuck at the airport for way longer than any normal human being would want. We didn’t have much of a choice, though. So we took the best seats we could find as soon as we saw them. Sure, they were still crappy black airport chairs that were aligned in rows, but it was better than nothing.

We didn’t do much while waiting there, but I can say that Jack’s phone was whipped out multiple times and his Snapchat story kept getting longer and longer. Part of me worried that he was going insane because of the random things he put on it that made no sense whatsoever. I was definitely on it a couple of times as well. At first, I didn’t want to be on it with my messy hair, glasses, oversized hoodie that I had totally stolen from Jack, and sweatpants, but eventually I couldn’t really give a fuck anymore. Jack didn’t look much better and kept taking selfies as well.

Another funny thing was that whenever Jack went up to get something, he came back with food. For example, he’d say he’d go to one of the stores to buy something, or maybe he’d even say he was going to the bathroom, and then he’d come back with food that was completely unrelated to what he actually got up for. One time he went to check out the electronics store and came back with two gigantic cookies, another time he went to check the board to see if there was any new information about our flight and brought back a bag of popcorn.

This time, he said he was going to the bathroom, and only to the bathroom. Of course, that wasn’t true. He came back with something again. This time, however, it wasn’t exactly food. He was holding two plastic cups with lids and plastic straws. Both contained some orange liquid, but it was his grin that threw me off. Before he came up to me, he somehow managed to pull his phone out of his pocket and start filming me. I rolled my eyes a little but still took the cup he handed to me.

With my hands barely coming out of the sleeves, I held the cup with both hands and cautiously put the straw to my lips. I continued to stare at Jack to see if he was going to give me any information, but he was more focused on his screen than anything else. So, I just did what he wanted and took a sip. However, I was not prepared for the taste that hit me.

I scrunched up my face, not in disgust but in confusion. “That is not just some orange juice.”

“I know.” Jack wiggled his eyebrows before he started tapping away on his phone and putting it back in his pocket. In some way, he managed to make sure nothing spilled out of his cup either. “Mimosa’s are way better.”

“That is very true, my love,” I said in an attempt at a posh British accent and went to clink the plastic together.

“I swear to god, if we aren’t going to be drinking mimosas every day, I won’t be able to call this a vacation.” He sat down beside me and let me swing my legs over his lap.

I laughed and took another small sip of my drink. “And be drunk all day and night? You’re going to get some serious hangovers.”

“But, you see, if you’re drunk twenty-four-seven, babe, you won’t get a hangover until you stop drinking.”

“Your philosophy is a bit wrong there….”

His mood suddenly switched as his face turned serious and the giggle behind his words disappeared. “This might be a very sudden switch in conversation and kind of a mood killer, but it’s better to bring up sooner than later. What you said on the plane before you fell asleep… with Cam, um, planning on, um, committing suicide… do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t even remember saying that…” I frowned but decided that ignoring the subject wasn’t going to do either of us any good. “But, I mean, he sort of mentioned it in his letters. The fact that he even wrote so many letters already proves it.”

“I actually never thought of it that way…” Jack thought out loud and used his tongue to bring the straw in his cup back into his mouth.

I shrugged. “I guess it’s something that’s not easily realized, everybody who knows about the letters has just fully accepted the fact, there was no question about it. Of course there are also small hints in the actual writing. For example, he often says that I shouldn’t be like him or something or the very first letter he said something about not wanting to be the last one standing of the two of us, etcetera."

He sighed and put one hand softly on my leg. “I wish I knew what to say.”

“What is there to say? Maybe everything points to suicide, but I have a feeling he didn’t actually die that way.”

Notes

They're going on vacation!!!! Woooooo!