Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
Chapter Four
Mila Munroe's POV
I cannot believe that just happened. The fact that Alex was so willing to kiss me knowing damn well that he had a girlfriend made me believe that maybe he really did kiss Courtney all those years ago. Either way, I had absolutely no interest in ruining a relationship.
Shaking my head, I made my way onto my tour bus, passing the guys without so much as a hello as I slid into my bunk and yanked the curtain shut. I was so confused. I didn't want Alex to stop. When he kissed me, I felt like I was sixteen again, and I liked it.
I couldn't like it, though...and I definitely shouldn't want it. Alex had a girlfriend. He belonged to someone else, and it wasn't okay for me to intrude on that and try to ruin what they had. I needed to push away my feelings for Alex, and he needed to do the same with his feelings for me.
I didn't even know if I could be friends with him. How could I, when temptation would be at every corner for the both of us. Our attraction for one another was too much to handle, and I wouldn't risk doing something stupid and being known as a homewrecker. I would not be another Courtney.
Feeling my phone vibrating within my back pocket, I arched myself up a little and pulled it out, looking at the screen. I huffed when I saw a text message from an unfamiliar number flash across the screen. Curiously, I swiped my finger across the screen, opening the message.
Mila, it's Alex. Can we please talk?
I scoffed; how the hell did he get my number? Regardless, did I really want to talk to him? Could I really be around him right now? Surely I could control my urges around him, but from his little display outside the diner, it didn't appear that he could control his.
How did you get this number?
It took a few minutes for his reply, but-just as I had suspected, he'd gotten my number from Emersyn, whom I'd only given my number to yesterday. Rolling my eyes, I made a mental note to tell her that I didn't appreciate her giving out my cell phone number.
What do you want?
Within a few seconds, my phone buzzed again, indicating that I had another message from Alex. He wanted to meet up and talk about what happened. I wasn't too sure about that, but he was insistent, and apologetic and eventually, I caved.
We agreed to meet by the stage in twenty minutes to talk, and that would be all that happened. He had a girlfriend and he was no longer mine, and that was that. It was a fact that I would need to learn to accept.
I didn't know why I was so hung up on Alex. He was just a high school romance. Those usually never lasted, and Alex and I were proof of that. When the twenty minutes was up, I quickly left the bus, pulling on my flannel as I did so, as to protect my arms from the cool summer breeze.
Alex was already standing by the stage when I walked up, a worried look on his face. I cleared my throat, drawing his attention towards me. His head snapped up, and he looked relieved, as if he were afraid I wouldn't show. Trust me, I thought about it.
“Mila, I am so sorry about what I did back there.” He quickly apologized. I shrugged. “What the hell, Alex? You have a girlfriend, you know. You can't just go around kissing people. That's not cool. Imagine how Lisa would feel if she found out? Trust me, I know from experience.”
Alex frowned, looking at his feet as he kicked at the dirt. “I know. I'm an idiot.” He admitted. “I just...seeing you again, Mila, all those old feelings came flooding back, and I know that I'm not over you.” He looked up at me, his brown eyes filled with sadness and longing.
“I know that I'm with Lisa, but I don't want to be. Mila, I want you. I told you it was always you. I fucking love you.” I was completely taken aback by his words. I had no idea that he still felt this way about me. I thought maybe it was just sexual, but it was deeper than that. Much deeper.
“Alex-” “Just let me talk, okay? When you didn't show up that day, I was a wreck. I'm still a wreck, I'm just better at hiding it. I thought that I was happy with Lisa, but it's all just pretend. No matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about you. I want you back, Mila. I need you back.”
“Alex...” I frowned, avoiding his gaze and fighting the tears that were threatening to spill at his words. I wanted so badly to tell him that I loved him too, that I wanted to be with him too. To jump into his arms and have our happily ever after, but it wasn't that simple.
“We can't.” I shook my head sadly. “I'm sorry. I will not be the reason that your relationship with Lisa ends. I will not do that.” “Mila, it's not because of you. It was over between us long before you walked back into my life.”
“Alex, you and I both know that's a lie. I can see it in your eyes. You would've gone on being happy with Lisa had I not stepped into the picture again. I don't think that you had any doubts about her until you saw me again.”
“Mila, please...don't do this.” He was begging sadly, but I would not cave. No matter how badly I wanted to, I would not give in. “Alex, I'm sorry. I just can't.” I reached out and gently stroked the scruff on his cheek...the same cheek I had slapped earlier.
“Be happy, okay? With Lisa.” With that, as much as it killed me to do so, I turned on my heels and walked away, finally allowing the tears to spill. I hated myself for having to do that. The look on his face broke my heart into a million pieces, but it was the right thing to do.
Alex Gaskarth's POV
I literally felt my heart shatter into a million pieces as I watched her walk away. I wanted so desperately to go after her, to pull her into my arms and kiss her with everything I had in me, show her how much I loved her, how much I needed her, but something was holding me back.
Deep down, I knew she was right. I had been perfectly content with Lisa until I saw her again. Now, I couldn't care less about Lisa, or any other girl for that matter. All I could think about was Mila. I couldn't blame her for her decision.
She didn't want to be a homewrecker, and I didn't want her to be portrayed as one. Maybe somewhere along the road, it could work for us...god, I hoped so. I knew that would never happen as long as Lisa was still in the picture.
I knew it was a long shot that she'd ever give me a chance, because I knew that the second she found out I broke things off with Lisa, she'd automatically assume that I had done it to be with her, and I knew that would make her mad.
In truth, part of me did want to break up with Lisa because of my want-no, my need-to be with Mila, but another part of me, the larger part, wanted to end things because I didn't feel anything for her anymore. I didn't want to string her along. It wasn't right, and it wasn't fair to her.
It was then that I knew what I had to do. Sighing heavily, I headed back to my tour bus, where I knew that Lisa was undoubtedly waiting for me. As predicted, when I stepped onto the bus, Lisa was sitting alone in the back lounge, watching some girly show on TV.
“Hi, baby.” She smiled up at me, patting the space on the couch beside her, urging me to sit beside her. Offering a small, sad smile in return, I joined her on the couch. She scooted closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder.
Leaning forward, I grabbed the remote and turned off the television. “Alex, is everything okay?” She asked, sitting back up and looking at me with a mixture of concern and confusion. “You've been acting strange all day. What's going on?”
I sighed heavily, not wanting to do this. I didn't want to hurt her, but I felt like I had no choice. I'd much rather hurt her now for a short time, then to continue on in this relationship when I feel nothing for her, when she could be with someone who truly loves her.
“Lisa, this isn't working.” I said, avoiding her gaze. “What?” She asked, her tone sounding shocked. “Us. We aren't working.” I looked up to see tears rimming her eyes. “Alex, why? Did I do something? What did I do?” She began firing questions at me rapidly.
“Lisa, it wasn't anything you did. It's...It's me. As cliché and stupid as that sounds, it really is. You are an amazing girl, really, and I feel like you deserve to be with someone who loves you and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. That guy isn't me.”
“Alex, is it because of that girl?” She asked suddenly, her tone growing angry. I looked up at her. “What girl?” I played dumb, but Lisa saw right through me. “You know what girl. Is it because of her? Is she the one you got the tattoo for?”
I looked down, chewing on the inside of my cheek. “Tell me.” She demanded. “Tell. Me.” She repeated again through gritted teeth. “I deserve to know. I deserve to know why you're leaving me, Alex. Now tell me.” She demanded again.
“Yes.” I admitted quietly. I could see the rage boiling within her. I didn't think she would take this that badly. We had only been together for six months, and we weren't all that serious. We hadn't even exchanged 'I love you's' yet.
Without a word, Lisa stood up and stormed off the bus with venom and hatred in her eyes. I had no idea what she was about to do but I could tell by the look on her face that it wasn't good. I quickly lept to my feet and chased after her.
I cannot believe that just happened. The fact that Alex was so willing to kiss me knowing damn well that he had a girlfriend made me believe that maybe he really did kiss Courtney all those years ago. Either way, I had absolutely no interest in ruining a relationship.
Shaking my head, I made my way onto my tour bus, passing the guys without so much as a hello as I slid into my bunk and yanked the curtain shut. I was so confused. I didn't want Alex to stop. When he kissed me, I felt like I was sixteen again, and I liked it.
I couldn't like it, though...and I definitely shouldn't want it. Alex had a girlfriend. He belonged to someone else, and it wasn't okay for me to intrude on that and try to ruin what they had. I needed to push away my feelings for Alex, and he needed to do the same with his feelings for me.
I didn't even know if I could be friends with him. How could I, when temptation would be at every corner for the both of us. Our attraction for one another was too much to handle, and I wouldn't risk doing something stupid and being known as a homewrecker. I would not be another Courtney.
Feeling my phone vibrating within my back pocket, I arched myself up a little and pulled it out, looking at the screen. I huffed when I saw a text message from an unfamiliar number flash across the screen. Curiously, I swiped my finger across the screen, opening the message.
Mila, it's Alex. Can we please talk?
I scoffed; how the hell did he get my number? Regardless, did I really want to talk to him? Could I really be around him right now? Surely I could control my urges around him, but from his little display outside the diner, it didn't appear that he could control his.
How did you get this number?
It took a few minutes for his reply, but-just as I had suspected, he'd gotten my number from Emersyn, whom I'd only given my number to yesterday. Rolling my eyes, I made a mental note to tell her that I didn't appreciate her giving out my cell phone number.
What do you want?
Within a few seconds, my phone buzzed again, indicating that I had another message from Alex. He wanted to meet up and talk about what happened. I wasn't too sure about that, but he was insistent, and apologetic and eventually, I caved.
We agreed to meet by the stage in twenty minutes to talk, and that would be all that happened. He had a girlfriend and he was no longer mine, and that was that. It was a fact that I would need to learn to accept.
I didn't know why I was so hung up on Alex. He was just a high school romance. Those usually never lasted, and Alex and I were proof of that. When the twenty minutes was up, I quickly left the bus, pulling on my flannel as I did so, as to protect my arms from the cool summer breeze.
Alex was already standing by the stage when I walked up, a worried look on his face. I cleared my throat, drawing his attention towards me. His head snapped up, and he looked relieved, as if he were afraid I wouldn't show. Trust me, I thought about it.
“Mila, I am so sorry about what I did back there.” He quickly apologized. I shrugged. “What the hell, Alex? You have a girlfriend, you know. You can't just go around kissing people. That's not cool. Imagine how Lisa would feel if she found out? Trust me, I know from experience.”
Alex frowned, looking at his feet as he kicked at the dirt. “I know. I'm an idiot.” He admitted. “I just...seeing you again, Mila, all those old feelings came flooding back, and I know that I'm not over you.” He looked up at me, his brown eyes filled with sadness and longing.
“I know that I'm with Lisa, but I don't want to be. Mila, I want you. I told you it was always you. I fucking love you.” I was completely taken aback by his words. I had no idea that he still felt this way about me. I thought maybe it was just sexual, but it was deeper than that. Much deeper.
“Alex-” “Just let me talk, okay? When you didn't show up that day, I was a wreck. I'm still a wreck, I'm just better at hiding it. I thought that I was happy with Lisa, but it's all just pretend. No matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about you. I want you back, Mila. I need you back.”
“Alex...” I frowned, avoiding his gaze and fighting the tears that were threatening to spill at his words. I wanted so badly to tell him that I loved him too, that I wanted to be with him too. To jump into his arms and have our happily ever after, but it wasn't that simple.
“We can't.” I shook my head sadly. “I'm sorry. I will not be the reason that your relationship with Lisa ends. I will not do that.” “Mila, it's not because of you. It was over between us long before you walked back into my life.”
“Alex, you and I both know that's a lie. I can see it in your eyes. You would've gone on being happy with Lisa had I not stepped into the picture again. I don't think that you had any doubts about her until you saw me again.”
“Mila, please...don't do this.” He was begging sadly, but I would not cave. No matter how badly I wanted to, I would not give in. “Alex, I'm sorry. I just can't.” I reached out and gently stroked the scruff on his cheek...the same cheek I had slapped earlier.
“Be happy, okay? With Lisa.” With that, as much as it killed me to do so, I turned on my heels and walked away, finally allowing the tears to spill. I hated myself for having to do that. The look on his face broke my heart into a million pieces, but it was the right thing to do.
Alex Gaskarth's POV
I literally felt my heart shatter into a million pieces as I watched her walk away. I wanted so desperately to go after her, to pull her into my arms and kiss her with everything I had in me, show her how much I loved her, how much I needed her, but something was holding me back.
Deep down, I knew she was right. I had been perfectly content with Lisa until I saw her again. Now, I couldn't care less about Lisa, or any other girl for that matter. All I could think about was Mila. I couldn't blame her for her decision.
She didn't want to be a homewrecker, and I didn't want her to be portrayed as one. Maybe somewhere along the road, it could work for us...god, I hoped so. I knew that would never happen as long as Lisa was still in the picture.
I knew it was a long shot that she'd ever give me a chance, because I knew that the second she found out I broke things off with Lisa, she'd automatically assume that I had done it to be with her, and I knew that would make her mad.
In truth, part of me did want to break up with Lisa because of my want-no, my need-to be with Mila, but another part of me, the larger part, wanted to end things because I didn't feel anything for her anymore. I didn't want to string her along. It wasn't right, and it wasn't fair to her.
It was then that I knew what I had to do. Sighing heavily, I headed back to my tour bus, where I knew that Lisa was undoubtedly waiting for me. As predicted, when I stepped onto the bus, Lisa was sitting alone in the back lounge, watching some girly show on TV.
“Hi, baby.” She smiled up at me, patting the space on the couch beside her, urging me to sit beside her. Offering a small, sad smile in return, I joined her on the couch. She scooted closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder.
Leaning forward, I grabbed the remote and turned off the television. “Alex, is everything okay?” She asked, sitting back up and looking at me with a mixture of concern and confusion. “You've been acting strange all day. What's going on?”
I sighed heavily, not wanting to do this. I didn't want to hurt her, but I felt like I had no choice. I'd much rather hurt her now for a short time, then to continue on in this relationship when I feel nothing for her, when she could be with someone who truly loves her.
“Lisa, this isn't working.” I said, avoiding her gaze. “What?” She asked, her tone sounding shocked. “Us. We aren't working.” I looked up to see tears rimming her eyes. “Alex, why? Did I do something? What did I do?” She began firing questions at me rapidly.
“Lisa, it wasn't anything you did. It's...It's me. As cliché and stupid as that sounds, it really is. You are an amazing girl, really, and I feel like you deserve to be with someone who loves you and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. That guy isn't me.”
“Alex, is it because of that girl?” She asked suddenly, her tone growing angry. I looked up at her. “What girl?” I played dumb, but Lisa saw right through me. “You know what girl. Is it because of her? Is she the one you got the tattoo for?”
I looked down, chewing on the inside of my cheek. “Tell me.” She demanded. “Tell. Me.” She repeated again through gritted teeth. “I deserve to know. I deserve to know why you're leaving me, Alex. Now tell me.” She demanded again.
“Yes.” I admitted quietly. I could see the rage boiling within her. I didn't think she would take this that badly. We had only been together for six months, and we weren't all that serious. We hadn't even exchanged 'I love you's' yet.
Without a word, Lisa stood up and stormed off the bus with venom and hatred in her eyes. I had no idea what she was about to do but I could tell by the look on her face that it wasn't good. I quickly lept to my feet and chased after her.