Destroy Rebuild

It was noon on a Sunday and unnaturally quiet in the house. Normally, Alex and Jack would be rooted in the couch with their faces glued to the television while the Ravens played in front of them, yelling and cheering and clinking beer bottles. But on this particular game day, it was just me and Will.

The guys were in California to work on their new album. I was more excited than I'd like to admit, but at the same time, it was pretty lonely without Alex there. He'd only been gone for nine days and I already missed him like crazy. He told me he may be able to fly home in a week or two, and for the sake of the album, I pretended like that wasn't too long to go without seeing him.

Will was cradled in my arms, content at the moment. Every day he started to look more and more like Alex. He was already showing his personality, something I was told wouldn't happen until he was much older. But at two and a half months old, he was forever smiling and gurgling and cooing. I took that as a hint that maybe we were doing something right as parents.

Lunch time rolled around and, like clockwork, Will let me know he was hungry with a loud cry. I'd like to say his outbursts didn't startle me every time, but I clutched my chest for a moment before lifting my shirt to feed him.

The silence was almost unbearable as Will quietly filled his stomach. I wished desperately for some company so I'd have someone to talk to that could talk back. Megan was really my only friend since I left my job, but she was at beauty seminars in Orlando for a week. Every once in a while I would hear from Eric, who found it necessary to remind me how much he loves me every time we spoke. I felt it'd be too inappropriate and awkward to invite him over, though. Alex knew of him, and he wasn't too thrilled knowing someone was sitting around waiting for him to fuck up so they could have me. I didn't blame him at all.

My ears started ringing from how silent the room was. Desperate for noise, I reached for the remote and turned on the television. As I absentmindedly flipped through channels, I landed on the Ravens game and set the remote down. I wasn't usually a big fan of professional football, being from the south where college football is the only kind that counts, but I happily settled against the cushions and watched the game.

Will soon stopped feeding and I let out a sigh of relief. Breast feeding wasn't as painful as I thought it would be, but it certainly wasn't comfortable, and if I'm being honest, it was my least favorite part of motherhood. Sure, it felt great on the inside knowing I was able to provide from my body for my child, but on the outside, it wasn't pretty.

After burping him and rocking him a little, it started edging closer to his nap time. As I was changing him into a clean diaper, my phone buzzed from the foot of the changing table as I received a text from Alex.

You love me right?

I smiled a little before replying.

Depends

:(

Ugh, stupid autocorrect. I meant yes, more than anything. What's up?

Funny... We're stuck in a meeting, and the Ravens game is on. Think you can turn it on and send us score updates?

Already watching. 21-10 Ravens. It's halftime.

Fuck you're hot. Love you long time

Yeah, well. I just miss you and figured if you were here you'd be watching it. Trying to fill the void you left me with....................

Drama queen. I'll call when we get out.

Pay attention to your meeting, Gaskarth. People are counting on this album!

25 year old people named Whitney?

Those people count too!

You know someday I'm going to refer to you as Gaskarth, too.

My breath hitched in my throat as I read his text. He'd never spoken before about my name changing to his. Although it made me a little giddy, it also made my stomach churn uncomfortably. I set my phone down for a moment so I could rock Will to sleep. His eyes were already heavy as I was changing him, so it didn't take long before he was napping easily in my arms. I gently stood and tried my hardest not to wake him as I put him in his crib. I grabbed his monitor and shut the door behind me.

As I fell back against the couch, "Somewhere in Neverland" blared from my phone, an indication that Alex was calling me. I bit the corner of my lip before answering and tried my best to act nonchalant.

"Wow, meeting over already?" I asked as the call was connected.

"No, actually. I excused myself when you didn't respond to my last text. I was just checking to make sure you weren't packing all of your shit and taking Will to Georgia," Alex said carefully.

"What?" I laughed. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't know." He sounded sad. "Maybe you don't want to be a Gaskarth. I know we've never really talked about it, but I thought maybe you were so against it that the mention of marrying me sent you running."

"No," I shook my head. "It caught me off guard a little, because we haven't talked about it before. But I'm not against it, and we aren't going anywhere."

His voice was lighter as he said, "So you do want to be a Gaskarth?"

"Yeah, someday." I paused for a moment. "But do you really think we should be discussing this over the phone when you're on the other side of the country?"

"You're right," he sighed. "I'm sorry. I just really miss you guys."

"We miss you, too. This distance thing is a little harder than I anticipated."

"Tell me about it. I went to the hospital yesterday and visited the nursery just so I can hear babies cry again."

"Really?" I scoffed.

"Well, no," he laughed. "But I thought about it."

"Please don't. People might think you're a pervert."

He was silent for a moment before saying, "You know, I didn't even think about that. Thanks, baby. I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

"Asshole," I murmured. "So how is everything going?"

"So far so good. You know we got John Feldmann to produce the album so-"

"Holy shit, really?" I interrupted. "John Feldmann?"

"Yeah, I thought I told you."

"Fuck," I nodded. "That's awesome."

"Yeah it is. He's amazing. Because of him, we're all pretty optimistic about this album. I'm already convinced its going to be our best one yet."

The smile on my face felt like it stretched from ear to ear. "That's so great, Alex. How far have you guys gotten?"

"Well, all the drums are tracked. And we already completed the first single. I think you'll like it."

I bounced a little with excitement as I tucked my legs under me. "What's it called?"

I could hear the pride in his voice as he said, "'Something's Gotta Give'. I'm gonna sound biased and truthfully I don't give a damn, but it's so great. I'm so proud of it."

"I can't wait to hear it."

"I was thinking about emailing it to you, but I don't trust the internet. It may get leaked. Looks like you'll just have to come to Los Angeles and listen to it."

"Yeah, right," I laughed. "Just let me hop on a plane real quick and I'll be right over."

There was suddenly a sense of seriousness in his voice. "That can be arranged, you know."

"What, me and Will coming to LA?"

"Well, yeah," he said after a short pause. "Would that be a problem?"

For some unknown reason, my heart rate quickened. "Really?"

"Really," he huffed. "I just miss you guys too much. And if I have to go one more day without kissing you I may just lose my mind and go Loki on the city of angels."

There was too much going on in my head for me to be able to sort out words to form a response.

"Ok," he sighed. "Clearly the thought of coming to see me has you a little freaked out or else you would have laughed at my stupid joke." He stayed silent for a few moments to give me time to respond, but when I didn't he groaned and said, "Come on, babe. What's up?"

"Nothing. It's just," I paused. "How long do you want us to stay?"

"Honestly?" he asked. "Until we're finished and we get to go home. So maybe a month or so."

"A month," I gasped.

"Is that too long?"

"It's just... I don't know how well that would go with Will and all."

"What do you mean?" he asked. "You would bring him, too, right?"

"Obviously," I laughed.

The smile in his voice was audible as he said, "Well that's all I want. Just for my family to be here."

"Where would he sleep?" I asked. If we were going to go through with it, I wanted to make sure Will was as comfortable as possible.

"I'll take care of that. I promise, you wont be able to come up with any excuses not to come. Unless you just don't want to see me."

"Oh, shut up," I rolled my eyes. "Of course I want to see you."

"So will you come?" he asked, the hopefulness in his voice shining through.

"Can you even take a two month old on a plane?"

I could almost see him shrug as he said, "I don't see why not. Please?"

I sighed heavily, then smiled as I said, "Ok. Yeah, we'll come to California."

"You promise?" he asked. "Because you can't back out now. I just booked your ticket."

I scoffed before laughing and said, "Yeah, I promise. When do we leave?"

"Lift off is at nine tomorrow morning."

"And you'll be picking us up from the airport?"

"I'll be waiting with open arms."

"Good," I smiled. "I'm so excited! I can't wait to see you."

"Me either, babe. How's my little man doing?"

I took a second to look at the camera monitor sitting on the coffee table. "He's napping right now. I think he misses his dad."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "When he wakes up tell him I love him and that I'll see him tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," I squealed.

"Tomorrow," he repeated. "I have to get back to the meeting now. Keep us updated with the game, if you don't mind."

"I got it covered," I laughed, glancing at the television. "I love you, Alex."

"I love you, too, Whit. I can't wait to kiss you."

"I know, me either," I grinned. "Get back in there, I'll text you the score as it changes."

In a low voice, he said, "You're the woman of my dreams, you know that?"

My heart skipped a beat and I had to clear my throat before I said, "I did not. But now that I do, I feel comfortable enough to let you know that you're the man of mine."

"Well, yeah, you know, because you were such a fan of my music growing up."

"Alright, alright, cocky bastard," I laughed. "Go back to your meeting. I love you."

"I love you. I'll text you when it's over."

After hanging up, I stared at my phone for a moment. It was always at the top of my bucket list to be able to go to California, and now that it was happening in less than twenty four hours, I could hardly contain myself. I grabbed the baby monitor and went straight to our room to pack.

Notes