Destroy Rebuild

I stood in front of the stove, stirring the pot of chicken and dumplings I was cooking for our Valentine’s Day dinner. Thanks to Pinterest and Alex not having an extravagant taste pallet, I was really starting to become a pro at whipping up meals for him.

Will sat in his high chair where he waited patiently for a scoop of mashed peas and carrots in between my stirring. He was such a happy baby. We hardly ever had any issues, and he seemed to be excelling at an incredible rate. He already had three of his teeth come in, and he was crawling faster than we could keep up. Alex joked previously that maybe he was a robot, but only a real baby could produce the massive stinky diapers like Will did.

Alex left earlier that day to do some local press for the album and the upcoming tour. I was so proud of him and the guys. The album’s sales skyrocketed after Sirius XM squeezed “Something’s Gotta Give” into their rotation a few times. Apparently half of America listens to the station – not to mention other countries – so it was great publicity for them.

I put the spoon down on the counter and turned my attention back to the green-eyed boy smiling at me. A lot of moms say this, but there couldn’t have been a baby out there cuter than ours. His brown hair was getting long as it fell over his forehead and the tips of his ears. His eyebrows were starting to get darker and bushier. His eyes were slowly transitioning to a bright green that were clouded by thick eyelashes. His nose was still round with the slightest point at the tip. His lips were thin that curled in the corners when he smiled. He was like a clone of Alex in smaller form, only with my eyes.

“Daddy’s home,” I cooed when I heard the garage door open.

Will scrunched his face with a smile as his arms flailed. Sometimes I wondered if he could really understand us, but when I saw how he reacted to even the mention of his dad, I knew he had to.

Alex entered the kitchen holding a bouquet of white daisies and a box of chocolate cupcakes. The slightly dark circles around his eyes showed how exhausted he was from running around all day. I frowned at him as he walked towards us.

“Long day?” I asked.

“I thought it would never end,” he huffed as he held the flowers towards me.

I stood and took them before wrapping my arms loosely around his neck. “We missed you, Valentine.”

He smiled and lightly kissed me. “I missed you, too.”

I slid my arms from around him and filled a vase with water, placing the daisies inside and setting them in the center of the island. Alex took a moment to greet Will and kissed him on the forehead as I briefly went back to stirring our dinner.

Alex rubbed my lower back as he stood next to me and inhaled deeply. “What do we have here?”

“Chicken and dumplings,” I shrugged as I banged the spoon on the side of the pot to remove the excess broth.

He sighed and kissed my shoulder. “God bless the southern woman.”
I giggled and turned towards him. He smiled sweetly and placed his hand on my cheek before pressing his lips to mine in a gentle kiss.

“Can you finish feeding Will while I put the biscuits in the oven?”

-----

“Do you think it would hurt him to try some icing?” Alex laughed as we sat at the island to enjoy the cupcakes he brought home.

I shook my head, smiling a little. “You really want to give him sugar for the first time right before bed?”

“Just a little bit,” he grinned, his eyes begging me to let him.

I shrugged as I licked some of the icing off my own cupcake. “Go for it. But when he’s up all night crawling faster than the speed of light, you’re going to be the one to chase after him.”

He smiled and scooped up the smallest amount of chocolate icing on his finger and held it up to Will’s mouth. Hesitantly, the baby welcomed the chocolatey goodness into his mouth and Alex chuckled as Will sucked on his finger.

“Yeah, that’s right,” he laughed. “I got your back, kid.”

I stopped him as he was scooping up more. “That’s enough!”

He rolled his eyes and licked it off himself before smiling.

“So, about this summer tour,” he started, avoiding eye contact.

“What about it?” I asked after a few seconds passed and he hadn’t continued.

He placed his cupcake on the countertop and fidgeted with his fingers. “What are the chances of you and Will coming with me?”

I snorted, taking it as a joke, but when he slowly rose his eyebrows, I could see he was very serious.

“They’re looking pretty slim right now,” I said quietly. “You really want us to come with you?”

“Well yeah,” he laughed nervously. “I always want you guys to go everywhere with me.”

I stared at him for a moment. “How long is the tour?”

He shifted on the barstool as he muttered, “Three months.”

My mouth fell open a little. But to be honest, I wasn’t sure what else I expected him to say. I could only be glad that it wasn’t longer, given their tour record. I didn’t want to go that long without seeing him and him seeing us, but I had to be realistic for Will’s sake.

“I don’t think being on a bus going all over the country for three months with a baby would be a good idea. I’m just afraid he wouldn’t have the space he needs to grow.”

He nodded slowly as he picked at his cupcake. “Just thought I’d ask,” he smiled sadly.

I frowned and reached across the table, taking his hand in mine. “At this moment, all I can promise is that we can come visit you. Who knows? Maybe we’ll get a few days into you being gone and I’ll snap and we’ll show up at one of your shows. But we’ll just have to see when we get to that point.”

He nodded again and pulled my hand up to his lips. “I can deal with that.”

I smiled and jumped slightly as his phone started ringing beside him. He looked down at the caller ID, then back to me and whispered, “It’s Greg.”

Alex stood from the island and walked into our bedroom as he connected the call. I always got so nervous when Greg called, since Alex kept to his word and stopped taking the calls around me. There was no telling what he was offering on the house in California. But from what I understood, the people we were bidding against had been quiet for about two weeks, not bothering to outbid us. I tried desperately not to get too excited, as they could counter at any moment.

After about ten minutes of waiting for Alex to return with any form of news, I grew impatient and lifted Will out of his highchair and hurried to our room.

Alex was sitting with his legs folded under him on the side of the bed. He was quiet and I caught a glimpse of his phone sitting on his bedside table. His elbows were rested on his knees and his head hung into his hands. I felt my heart sink down to my feet as I heard him sniff like he was crying.

“Alex?” I said quietly from the door.

He looked up and I couldn’t tell if the smile he offered was forced or not. He waved me over and my feet reluctantly carried me to his side.

“Is everything ok?” I asked as I crawled up onto the bed beside him.

He sighed heavily and sniffed again and I could finally see how red his eyes were and that he was crying. Not knowing if they were good or bad tears sent my stomach into an uncomfortable churn.

He turned towards me and took my hand in his. “We lost it.”

I fought hard to control my reaction, but I couldn’t hide the sudden wetness in my eyes as the tears arrived. As a nervous cover up, I tried bouncing Will in my lap as he cooed.

“The guy we were bidding against went to the bank with two million in cash. They decided to sell right then and there.”

I nodded, swallowing the sobs down profusely. “Well, that’s ok.”

He shook his head and through gritted teeth said, “They didn’t even give me a chance to respond.”

“Alex,” I mumbled. I thought carefully about whether to mention anything about a price above two million dollars being just insane. I decided against it. “We’ll find another house.”

“Yeah, but it won’t be this one,” he said quietly as he sniffed.

I nodded and held my eyes closed as I turned my head down towards Will. I didn’t want Alex seeing how upset I truly was. I knew it would only make him feel worse.

“I’m so sorry, Whit,” he said with a shaky voice. “I should have fought harder for it.”

“Don’t,” I begged. “You did what you could and that means more than anything.”

He nodded, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I watched a tear fall into his lap. He was so wrongfully beating himself up over it. I knew I had to be the strong one right now, so I reached over and took his face in my hand and turned it towards me.

“You did what you could,” I said again a little sterner. “I wish you would understand that. I’m not sure if you thought getting this house would prove how much you love me, but I already know. The fact that you were even willing to try to get it proved that loud and clear. So, we didn’t get this house. We can always look for others. Who knows? We may even find one better.”

He rolled his eyes a little, and I think it was because we both knew there wouldn’t be one better than the one we’d just lost. He nodded anyway.

“I love you,” he whispered.

I smiled and slid off the bed, adjusting Will against my hip and leaned in to kiss his wet lips. “I love you so much. We’re going to find something else.”

“Yeah,” he nodded again. “I guess we will.”

I nodded towards our son that was already fighting sleep and said, “I’m going to get him to bed.”

“I got it,” he replied almost instantly.

Alex pushed himself off the bed and took Will from me. I gave the sleepy baby a kiss on the head and watched as Alex carried him carefully into his room.

I would never admit to him how devastated I was.

Notes