Destroy Rebuild

“You think today will be the day?”

I watched as Alex tried to prop Will up on his hands and knees. He seemed to be trying to crawl, but so far all we could get out of him were scoots on his tummy. It would be one hell of a Christmas present to his parents if he could show us just once.

“Hopefully,” I shrugged. “Maybe we should bribe him with presents.”

Alex crawled next to the Christmas tree and shook one of the gift bags. “Hey, Will. Look! Look at the pretty bag, son.”

I giggled while Will completely ignored his father.

“Come see what’s inside, buddy! Huh? Don’t you want to play with your blocks?”

“Don’t tell him what’s in it!” I scoffed.

He glanced towards me and rolled his eyes. “Like he understands what I just said.”

“You never know,” I mumbled.

I watched as Alex continued to attempt and fail to get Will’s attention when my phone rang from the kitchen. I stood from the sofa and was filled with joy as I noticed my mom was calling.

“Hey mama,” I smiled.

“Hey baby girl!” she said cheerfully. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas!”

“How are y’all doing?”

“We’re fine,” I smiled, looking back into the living room and laughed when I saw Alex trying to demonstrate the act of crawling to Will. He still wasn’t paying him any attention. “We think Will is going to be crawling soon.”

“Oh, how exciting,” she cooed. “Is he making any progress?”

“Sort of,” I shrugged. “He’s really just been pulling himself small distances. Alex thinks with his arm strength he has a sure-fire chance of being a quarterback for the Ravens.”

“Is that so?” she chuckled. “David said ‘hello’. He’s making pancakes.”

“As per usual. I would kill for one of those bad boys right now,” I smiled.

“I know, sweetie. I wish we could have taken you up on your offer to do Christmas in Baltimore with you this year. But Steven actually got time off for Christmas and we didn’t think it’d be fair to make him waste it by not being here.”

“It’s fine, mama. I wish y’all were here, too, but we understand. Tell him I miss him when he gets up.”

“Will do,” she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “So, anything new?”
Again, I glanced towards Alex – who’d completely given up and was lying on the floor next to Will – and tiptoed into the bedroom.

My mom was the only person I hadn’t told about us considering moving to California. I’d already spoken to my dad, and he strongly encouraged us to go for it. He said it gave him a reason to visit the west coast often. But my mom’s advice and receiving her blessing were important to me. Without them, there was no way I would be able to agree to it. Other than Megan and Alex, she was my best friend.

“Well, actually, there is something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” I said, my voice hushed.

“Are you pregnant again?!”

“No,” I shuddered. “God no. At least not yet. I’d like to space out the birthing parts. If I had to do that twice within such a short period of time, I’m afraid my vagina would get stuck like that.”

She laughed. “Well, ew, but that’s good! You need to take your time before you go down that road again.”

“Absolutely,” I nodded. “It’s nothing that big. Well, I guess, kind of. I mean-“

“Spill already!” she interrupted.

“Ok, ok. We’re…considering moving to California.”

She was silent for a moment, and usually I would consider that to be her disapproval and completely forget about it. But I’d learned in the past few years that this was her mechanism for thinking of ways to understand. I sat patiently and waited for her to respond.

“What part of California?”

“Venice Beach.”

More silence.

“You’ve been there?”

“Yes, ma’am. It truly is an amazing place.”

More silence.

“It’s safe?”

“Well, it’s the most famous beach in California. I’m sure it can get pretty touristy and crowded during the summer, but it was so relaxing.”

More silence.

“Do you want to live in California?”

“I’d live anywhere as long as I have Will and Alex,” I blushed.

More silence.

“Have you already searched for houses?”

“We found one, actually. Well, Alex did and he took me to see it on our last day over there, but we’ve decided that’s the one we want if we go through with it.”

More silence.

“Do you love it?”

“I do. I do so much. It’s everything I ever dreamed of living in one day. But it’s freaking huge. To be honest, it has a little more than we really need the space for right now. We just have to expand I guess. But you can see the ocean from the backyard. It’s amazing. While we were there I could so easily imagine raising a family there with Alex. It felt like it was already our home.”

More silence.

“Does Alex like it?”

“He does. He really wants to put an offer on it.”

“So why hasn’t he?”

I looked down at my hand that rested on the dresser where I stood and frowned. “He’s been waiting for me to decide if I want him to or not.”

She scoffed. “After everything you just said to me, you can’t decide if you want it or not?”

I sighed. “The pros definitely outweigh the cons, but the cons just feel too important to dismiss.”

“Well what are they?”

A sense of sadness washed over me. “I’m already far enough away from you and daddy. I don’t want to go even farther.”

“Oh, baby,” she sighed. “Is that the only reason?”

“No,” I mumbled. “It’s just way too expensive.”

“Oh, I bet,” I could hear her cringe. “If Alex’s doesn’t mind me asking, about how much is it?”

The number seemed to scorch my throat as I tried to say it. “$700,000.”

“That’s it?” she snorted.

“Mama,” I fumbled over the word. “That’s a lot of money.”

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “But for you to get a huge home with an ocean view in the most popular beach spot in California for only $700,000, you’d basically be stealing it.”

“Really?” I stuttered.

“Really. Those types of homes are usually going for a handful of a million dollars. Listen to me, Whitney. You need to do this. I can clearly hear how bad you want to. If you’re worried about being so far away from me and Johnny, don’t be. Ok? We can come visit whenever you want us to. But you need to do this for yourself, Whitney. For all three of you. I would be so disappointed in you if you didn’t.”

“Really?” I said again.

“You’re damn right I would be. I remember since you were a teenager watching you look up houses just like the one you just described to me. This is the life you wanted. A husband (which I know will come soon) and children you love in a home you wouldn’t trade for anything. This is your dream. And I will thank Alex every day for the rest of my life if I have to to make him understand how thankful I am that it’s him that’s given this to you.”

I smiled as I nodded, a single tear slipping down my cheek. “I love him so much, mama. I couldn’t imagine going through this life with anyone but him. I want to give him everything he’s ever wanted, so I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna move to California with him.”

“Oh, Whit!” my mom cheered. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah,” I laughed. “I decided a few days ago that I wanted to do it. I just wanted to know it’d be the right thing by you.”

“Have you told him yet?”

I reached under my pillow and pulled out a stiff green envelope with Alex written in cursive.

“Actually, I’m going to tell him in a few minutes. I wrote him a card that says I want to do it.”

“Well don’t let me hold you up,” she said hurriedly. “Go tell him and let me know what he says. I love you, baby girl. Merry Christmas.”

Before I could respond, she disconnected the call. I took a deep breath and exhaled as I tucked the card in the waistband of the back of my pajama bottoms and made sure my sweatshirt covered it before going back into the living room.

Alex gave teaching Will to crawl another try, and I smiled at the site of him moving Will’s arms and legs one at a time.

“Still nothing?” I asked.

He sighed heavily. “No, he’s being lazy today.”

“Maybe he’s just ready to open his presents,” I laughed as I sat on the floor next to the Christmas tree.

Alex and I couldn’t stop laughing at ourselves as we desperately tried to gain the attention of our son while we “helped” him open his presents. Since he was in my lap, I opened the gifts and Alex explained them dramatically, demonstrating them thoroughly. The only thing that grasped his attention fully was his new Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal. I bounced him in my lap as he stared at the doll.

Alex reached under the tree and pulled out a small square box wrapped in gold paper and held it out to me. “To you.”

I grinned and took it from him. I slowly peeled back the paper to see a velvet green box. Inside the box was a pair of beautiful diamond earrings. They seemed to be way too gorgeous to be hanging from my ears.

“Alex, these are breathtaking. Thank you so much.”

He nodded. “I’d hoped you’d like them.”

I reached around to my back and pulled out the envelope before handing it to him. “To you.”

He eyed me suspiciously as he took it. “I haven’t told you this about myself, but I get super emotional and sentimental at handwritten notes. Is this going to make me cry?”

“I don’t know,” I laughed. “Just look at it.”

He looked a little worried as he pulled out the card and slowly opened it. I reread the card so many times after I wrote it to make sure that it said the right thing that I was soon reading along with his eyes.

My Dearest Alex,

Merry Christmas, my love. I’m so infinitely grateful that I’m getting to spend this holiday with you. My only wish is that I’ll never celebrate it with anyone else. I couldn’t dream of a better person to create my future with. I’m so proud of the son we made. He reminds me more and more of you with every passing second. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for giving him to me. You’ve already given me so much. And now you want to give me more. I want to sincerely apologize for being so stubborn. It’s just hard to fathom sometimes how someone could care about me so much that they would do these sort of extravagant things just to make me happy. But I know that you do. And I care about you more than I care about breathing. I just want to make you equally as happy as you made me. So I’m starting now. You’ve been so patient, and you deserve an answer. Yes. Let’s move to California and get a head start on our life together.

I love you always,

Whitney

I slowly lifted my eyes towards Alex. The tears silently spilling out of his eyes ripped a hole in my gut.

He looked up at me and sniffed before saying, “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “I want this for us.”

“No doubt?” he asked as he wiped his eyes.

I nodded, almost lying. I would probably never be completely ok with being so far from my parents, but it was just something I would have to get used to. “No doubt.”

He leaned over and took my face in his hands. He stared me in the eye as if searching for something reassuring. When I smiled and nodded, his closed his lips into a kiss on mine.

“I love you so much,” he whispered as a smile crept onto his lips.

“I love you,” I whispered back.

Notes