The rain started to drop lightly onto my head, my hair starting to get gently soaked as I watched Benji run after the ball I had just thrown. Benji came running back, his ball in his mouth as he sat down beside my feet his tail wagging furiously as the ball dropped out of his mouth. I picked the slobbery ball up, pulling my arm back and releasing the ball, Benji running straight after it.

Simple things like this made me happy and I'd miss so much when I was gone so I was going to make the most of every moment I had left especially with Benji since dogs have a huge loyalty to their owners.

The rain began to fall heavily soaking my clothes even more, I stood up shoving my hands into my coat pockets to keep them warm. I called Benji's name a few times but I got no response, in the distance I could see that he was jumping up at a man which was strange since he never usually did that to strangers especially since Benji seemed quite happy. I started to make my way over to Benji and the man, a smile growing on my face once I got closer realising who it was.

Alex was standing there rubbing Benji's head, a beanie placed over his head with a grey hoodie, skinny jeans and his converses on. He looked perfect. I took hold of Alex's hand and he turned to look at me, a smile spreading to each side of his face as he pulled me into a hug, I buried my face into his neck as his arms snaked around my waist holding me tight, just being in his arms made me feel so safe. Alex pulled back for a second to press his lips to mine, I couldn't even explain how much I missed a simple thing like his kiss.

"I've missed you so much." Alex said his warm breath tickling my neck.

"I've missed you more, lets never spend so much time away from each other again." I said instantly regretting my words since I knew that I would be leaving him soon.

"I agree, I love you so much."

"I love you too." I said looking up at Alex our lips pressing together again.

Our lips moved in sync and it was perfect until it got interrupted by Benji's obnoxious barking. I pulled away from Alex a sigh leaving my lips as I bent down to clip the lead onto Benji's collar. Alex took the lead from me, wrapping it around his hand then using his spare hand to hold onto my hand as we started to walk home.

Once I got outside my house, I pulled the keys out of my pocket shoving them into the door and pushing the door open, letting myself, Alex and Benji inside. Alex took the lead off of Benji whilst I ran up the stairs into my room, grabbing a pen off of the side and crouching down beside my bed pulling the black box out from underneath, opening it up and crossing 'get kissed in the rain' off of my list before shoving it back into the box then back underneath my bed.

"What are you doing babe?" Alex asked which caused my head to snap up to look at him, he was standing by the door, peering in.

"Uhm, nothing." I said quickly getting up off of the floor.

"Haha alright, c'mon downstairs there's three people dying to see you."

I followed Alex downstairs into the living room, my mouth opening wide in surprise at who I saw. I had assumed that Jack, Rian and Zack would be downstairs but instead it was Jack, Roxy and Jordan. I quickly ran to Jack to give him a hug before turning to face Jordan and Roxy what were they doing here...

"Hey Georgia how've you been?" Roxy asked.

"Good thanks." I replied slightly blunt.

"Well good. Me and Jordan have some news, we've been talking with the rest of the band and we think it'd be really cool if you came with us as our merch girl on our tour in England and America. You'd get to travel to so many new places and it'd be a really good experience." Roxy said smiling brightly.

I contemplated the thought in my head for about two seconds but my answer was already obvious, if I went touring with then then my plan would never be able to happen and once I had my head set on something I was going too see it through. Plus I think the only reason Roxy was asking me was because of Jack since apparently they'd become 'very' close recently.

"No thanks, I have to stay here." I replied.

"C'mon Georgia this will be so much better for you than staying here, you'll get to explore and stuff why do you want to be stuck in a boring job in a coffee shop when you could be travelling the world." Jack moaned.

"Technically America and England isn't the whole world and I have commitments here I can't just leave them and its my decision wether I go or not and I'm not going end of."

"I don't get why you're being so stubborn about this." Jack said rolling his eyes.

I felt Alex's hand get placed on my shoulder as a sigh left his mouth.

"Jack mate if she doesn't want to go, she doesn't have too." Alex said standing up for me.

Jack shook his head walking out of the room presumably to the kitchen only to return a few minutes later with my parents. I ran a hand through my hair, knowing that I was about to get another lecture.

"Look darling, we think its best if you go you need some fun in your life we're worried about you!" My mum stressed.

"There's no reason to be worried about me for fuck sake." I replied angrily.

"Do you honestly think we haven't realised what you're doing again?! We've already seen the signs for a few weeks now but we thought you'd be able to get over it by yourself maybe you need to see a doctor again." My dad interrupted.

"No I don't! I'm fine everything's bloody fine! I just need everyone to leave me alone!" I shouted.

I hadn't planned on getting angry, I wanted to keep my cool especially in front of Alex but I hated how my parents were acting like they knew everything when in fact they didn't have a clue.

"Starving yourself is not fine, throwing what meals we actually see you eat is not fine! How can you think that this is okay!" My mum shouted back a few tears starting to run down her face.

"What? What's going on Georgia?" Alex said his lip quivering.

"Nothing Alex just please leave me alone." I said before running up the stairs and into my bedroom as the tears started to fall down my face freely.

I wasn't ready to have the 'talk' again and I especially didn't want to have it with Alex, I was so sure this time that I had covered it up well, covering my back completely I hadn't realised that my parents had clocked onto what I was doing in the slightest.

After what felt like ages I heard banging repeatedly on my locked door and my name being called, I was still laying on my bed curled up crying. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone.

"Please Georgia open the door, I'm so worried about you." Alex called through.

"I-I-I'm fine Alex. Please just leave be alone." I croaked as the tears begun to soak my pillow even more.

"Just let me in, we don't have to talk I just need to see that you're okay. Please."

I pulled myself up out of the bed, walking slowly over to my bedroom door unlocking it and pulling it back to reveal Alex who's eyes were rimmed with tears which broke my heart since I knew that I was the one to cause it. Alex wrapped his arms around me, holding me so tight I could barley breathe but I didn't even care. I snuggled closer into his neck as I felt a few tears drop onto me, what was I doing? I was ruining everything, Alex deserved so much better my whole family deserved better.

The problem I faced was that even though I knew that I wanted to die, I guess I hadn't really thought about how it was affect the people that meant the most to me. My mum and dad were in bits just because I had slipped back into my old habits, I wasn't even dead yet and as for Alex he was crying because he was worried about me and the feeling of despair that gave me wouldn't go away it just stayed in the pit of my stomach making me feel even worse...

Maybe I needed to rethink my options...

Notes

so I made this extra long bc I haven't updated in so long I'm sorry, it's just I've had no motivation bc no comments on the past two chapters so if you don't like the direction this story is heading please tell me so I can tweak it a little so everyone will enjoy it!