Dark affairs

The next morning I am awoken by Jack who is softly stroking my hair and I realise I am lying with my head on his chest, my arm is thrown over his belly and our legs are tangled. I let out a content sigh and nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck with the full intention to go back to sleep.
"Hey, Mickey Mouse." Jack whispers from above. "I would love to stay in bed with you, especially because you have totally worn me out last night but I promised the boys to meet them for a game of football today. So I kinda need to get up."

"Hey it's not my fault you wanted to go for round 3 .... and 4" I grumble and push myself away from him and into the pillow.

"You could come with me." He offers.

I groan. "You know I hate watching sports. The only good thing about not being you girlfriend is I don't have to go and watch you have fun while I sit on the sidelines, bored to death, trying to make small talk with the other girlfriends about the weather and the latest beauty tips."

I expect him to get out of bed but he scoots over to me and holds me by my shoulders to turn me towards him.

"Mickey about that, can we please talk for a second?"

I turn around and frown at him. "Uh uh, here comes the talk." I say in a gravely voice although I'm only half joking.

"No, No! Not like that! Look last night was amazing, it was awesome and I really really like you a lot...."

"But?" I try to find out where this is going.

"No, no BUT it's more an AND..." he trails off, I raise my brows to tell him to go on, by now I am utterly confused what he is up to.

"Okay, so as I said, I love being with you and I was wondering if you would think we could try something like an open relationship." He ducks down and looks in my eyes expectantly.

I need a moment to process what he was saying and I clearly noted he tried to avoid telling me he loves me, scratch that, he did not try to avoid it he just didn't say it - period.

"Open relationship?" I think out loud "and where is the difference to what we are now?"

Jack sighs and runs his hands through his already messed up hair he is clearly uncomfortable with this conversation.

"The difference is that I try to mend my heart but I'm afraid that by taking too long I might loose someone and forever regret that I didn't commit earlier."

God ! guys are sometimes so complicated, what is he talking about?

"I don't get it" is all that I can come up with, maybe it's too early for a talk like that.

"Urgh, Mickey! Honestly don't make this harder than it already is. I want us to progress into a relationship but I know I'm not ready for a full commitment so maybe just try an open one first."

He slumps back into the pillow looking pretty unhappy with how this conversation is going.

"Okay, so if I say yes to that, what would that exactly mean?" I really try to be constructive here although I think this is a completely stupid idea and deep down I believe that if he can't commit to me then I'm probably not the right person for him but I will not tell him that.

"It means I can call you my girlfriend but you can't flip out on me when I hang out with other people." He answers exasperated and as I stay quiet he adds "you can tell me your thoughts on that, you know" he looks at me with his head cocked to the side.

"I guess if you want to we can do it." I shrug.

"Your don't really sound excited." He notes disappointed. "I thought you would be happy" he pushes himself up against the headboard crosses his arms in front of his chest and pouts.
I huff and turn around to roll out of bed and start looking for my clothes that are strewn all around the bedroom floor.

"Jack I never asked for a label, where is the point in this proposal. It's like saying I'm half pregnant,there is no such thing, you're either in a relationship or you're not. And the key element of a relationship is commitment so if you're not ready or willing for commitment then there is no relationship, it's as easy as that."

By now I am fully dressed and have been pacing the room while he still sits on his bed sulking.
Now I feel sorry for him, I mean I can understand where he's coming from but still I feel hurt that apparently I don't mean that much to him.

He looks up to me and blinks furiously. "You're not breaking up with me, are you?" He asks and his voice quivers.

I snort and come round to the side of the bed where he sits, he pulls me close by my waist, nuzzling his face in my tummy.

"Urgh, Jay, there is nothing to break, we see each other when we want to, we have a good time doing so and I enjoy being friends with you." I run my fingers through his hair. "So I think it's all good."

"But, but I want so much more with you, I'm just so afraid." He mumbles into my shirt and his lips tickle my belly then he looks up at me with big puppy eyes. "Can we please try this?"

"As I said, I don't care so if you want to try this then fine by me. So-" I push myself out of his hold and turn around to look for my shoes. "Get yourself ready and you can drop me off at my place before you go to the game, please."

I remember that the shoes are downstairs along with my bag and jacket so I leave the room only to hear him sighing behind me. As I walk down the stairs I take a deep breath, I must admit to hear him speak about him seeing 'other people' hurt more than I would have expected. I mean I knew he was having one night stands all the time and I didn't really mind before cause that's just the way Jack is, I guess but now it sounded as if he wanted to pursue relationships with other people while being with me which made me feel pretty worthless to be honest.
I snapped out of it when I heard him coming down the stairs behind me, realising that I must have stood there and stared at the door for quite some time, I sniffled and quickly wiped my eyes with my sleeve to hide the tears that had begun to gather.

"You okay, Mickey?" his concerned voice comes from behind me and I swivel around with a fake smile on my lips.

"Sure, lets go."

He looks at me then sighs again and takes his keys and wallet, grabs his sport bag with one hand and my hand with the other and pulls me out to the car.
The car ride back to my apartment is silent and awkward, I don't know what to say and so I stare out the window and watch the city move past. He is quiet as well only stealing glances at me from time to time. After a while he reaches over to grab my hand and holds it in his lap.

"I'm sorry, Mickey" is all he says.

"It's okay," I reply but somehow there is this sadness that's got a hold on me and won't go away.

So I'm glad when we finally arrive at my Appartement block and I practically jump out of the car. He makes a move to get out as well probably to walk me to the door but I'm definitely not in the mood so I quickly run around the hood to his window and give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You don't have to get out, don't worry, go to your game, have fun and don't hurt yourself. See you. Bye." I rush out and quickly turn away to jog up the stairs to my unit.

I don't look back or wave because I'm not sure I can keep this facade up any longer.
I rush into my apartment slam the door closed and let myself fall onto my couch.

"God dammit" I sob as I hit the cushions beside me. "Why does that always happen to me?"

Notes

A lot of dialog in this chapter but what do you think about it? Why is Jack doing this? Is Mickey right with her feelings about this proposal?