Life isn't a fashion statement.
.
*Trigger warning-Self harm*
Alex's POV
"Babe you awake?" Jack asked quietly which made me hum to show Jack I was at least listening to him.
"I have to go to work, Kit is going to be with you today until I get home. Is that okay?" Jack said quietly and sat beside me and messed with my hair.
"Haven't got much of a choice do I?" I asked sleepily.
"Not really. But I should be home early anyway so you don't have to worry." Jack said.
"But I want you home with me." I pouted and opened my eyes to see Jack was dressed ready for work.
"I want to stay at home as well but I haven't really got much choice but to go in." Jack said which made me sigh loudly which made Jack chuckle.
"Your job sucks." I muttered falling asleep.
"You love my job really." Jack said.
"Debateable." I muttered and Jack chuckled and I felt him bend down and kiss me which I returned.
"Love you, I'll see you later." Jack said quietly.
"Love you too." I said sleepily and fell back asleep again.
I was cleaning the kitchen listening to Ed Sheehan because I'm seriously in love with his new album just enjoying his songs.
I was miles away having a dance to myself when I turned round and saw Kit watching me.
"Fuck! You could of spoken so I knew you was there and I could of stopped dancing like a tit." I said and Kit chuckled.
"It's your house sir, you can do whatever you want inside it." Kit said.
"Call me Alex please, sir makes me sounds more important than what I really am." I said.
"I've been told to call people I'm protecting Sir. It's professional." Kit said.
"Well I give you permission to call me Alex." I said and Kit nodded.
"As you wish Alex." Kit said and I smiled.
"Would you like a drink?" I asked and Kit shook his head.
"No thank you." Kit said and I shrugged my shoulders and carried on with cleaning with a completely different song on which kind of brought out my inner slut but I had to stop myself since Jack wasn't around which really sucks.
I was sat outside still listening to music but at the same time I was playing my guitar and writing a few songs since I was bored.
Kit came out and stood around.
"You can sit if you want. No fucker is going to be getting up here unless they want a death wish." I said and Kit looked at me.
"Not me, if I was going to jump I would of done it by now." I said and Kit seemed to of relaxed and he looked at the chair behind him and just sat down.
"How long have you been playing?" Kit asked.
"Since I was 6. I turn to music when things aren't good, I find it doesn't judge like people would do." I said and Kit nodded.
"So tell me about you. You have a family or anything like that?" I asked.
"I have a wife and 3 children with a 4th one on its way." Kit said.
"Well congratulations." I said and Kit smiled.
"Thank you Alex." Kit said.
"Tell me about your kids then, I like to know the person who is babysitting me." I said.
"There's Sammy who is 7 and he's the eldest and really enjoys football, Faith who is 6 and she enjoys the art side of things, not good if you have white walls.." Kit said and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Lucas who is 2 and he's just going through the terrible twos and it's hell and then baby number 4 who is going to be a surprise." Kit said.
"Sounds like you have your hands full then." I said and Kit chuckled.
"Yeah but couldn't think my life without them now." Kit said and got up and showed me a picture on his phone.
"Their gorgeous, you must be very proud of them." I said and Kit nodded.
I looked down and bought about my family which is something I don't do very often.
"What about you? You have family?" Kit asked.
"Nope, my family kicked me out of the family when I was 16. I was a dead in their eyes just like how their dead in mine." I said.
"Do you miss them?" Kit asked.
"Nope. They was never my family anyway. I have Jack and my friends and their my family since they've been there for me more than my family." I said.
"What did you do to make them kick you out?" Kit asked.
"I used to do drugs, I drank a lot, I sold myself and got involved in a gang so I don't really blame my family kicking me out." I said.
"Fucking hell." Kit said.
"Yeah, I was untamable and nobody was getting in my way." I said and looked down.
"Do you regret it?" Kit asked.
"No, I wanted to be like that and nobody was going to stop me. I reached out to them for help but they didn't help me so I thought fuck them if they want to push me away then I'm gone." I said.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I said and stood up and walked inside and went to the bathroom and locked the door.
I had my phone on me and I called Jack.
Jack picked up after 3 rings.
"Hey babe, you okay?" Jack asked and I sniffed because I didn't know I was crying until now.
"Can you come home?" I asked quietly.
"I can't right now as i have loads still to do but I'll try and be home in a hour." Jack said and I nodded like Jack could see me.
"Babe, talk to me." Jack said seriously.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't off bothered you." I said quietly and hung up and put my phone on silent and went over to where I had a razor hidden away from Jack.
I smiled to myself as it has been at least a week since I last self harmed and the urges was getting harder to ignore and I could always ignore them when Jack was around as I felt that Jack was my safety net.
I rolled my sleeves up and looked at the two big scars I have from my suicide attempt from when me and Jack was in the states and for some reason it made the tears roll down my cheeks.
I dragged the blade along my arm and I sunk down the wall and sat on the floor and watched the blood leave my body and it didn't feel like it was enough so I added another 5 deep cuts and at that point I just broke down and cried.
I don't know how long I was in the bathroom for but I heard someone bang on the bathroom door.
"Alex open the door!" I heard Jack say loudly and desperately.
I looked at my arm and it made my cry harder.
"I'm sorry." I said with my voice cracking from the crying.
"Baby what for?" Jack said from the other side of the door.
"I cut myself." I sobbed and put my head in my hands and carried on crying.
I heard the lock being picked and once it was unlocked I heard Jack rush over and knelt in front of me.
"Alex look at me please." Jack said softly.
"Sir I didn't know he was going to do this, I thought he was just going to the bathroom." I heard Kit say.
"We'll be having words later right now you need to leave the room." Jack growled which made me tense.
"As you wish Sir." Kit said and walked out the room.
"Baby look at me." Jack said a bit more seriously than the last time and I looked at him.
I knew I had blood on my face since my hands was cover in blood along with my arms.
"Babe what happened?" Jack asked softly.
I couldn't speak so I just shook my head and started to cry again.
"Shush, don't cry, it's okay, everything is going to be okay." Jack said and pulled me into his chest and I just broke down again while Jack rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head.
"Let's get you cleaned up yeah, you must feel horrible having all this blood over you face, hands and arms." Jack said and pulled away a little.
"Don't leave me, please don't throw me out." I sobbed and looked down.
Jack made me look at him.
"I'm not leaving you nor am I thorwing you out. I fucking love you okay. You hear me Lex, I fucking love you and I'm not going to give up on you." Jack said and kissed me desperately which I returned.
"Please understand how much I love you. I don't care what your past is like, I don't care that you are mentally ill. All I care about is you and me having a future together okay." Jack sniffed sounding like he was crying as well.
"Your too important to me for me just to give up on you." Jack said quietly and pulled me into his chest and I just hugged him.
"Let's get you cleaned up. Yeah, then we can both go and have a takeaway and cuddle in bed and watch shit films. Sound good idea to you?" Jack said as he pulled back making me look at him as he wiped the tears away.
I nodded and Jack smiled.
"Let's get up off the floor and sit you on the toilet." Jack said and stood up offering me his hand which I took and Jack helped me up and I felt really light headed.
I felt Jack pick me up and walk towards the counter and he sat me on the counter.
I watched Jack go and run the bath putting some bubble bath in and lighting the candles I had round the bath which made me smile.
I watched Jack get a wash cloth and made it damp and he stood between my legs where he started to wipe away the blood on my arms and clean my cuts up.
I watched Jack reach up and grabbed the bandages and stuff we had in the bathroom in case of something like this happening.
I couldn't help but smile.
"What?" Jack asked softly.
"The fact you are prepared for this to happen." I said quietly and sniffed.
"Whatever your crazy head has planned I am always prepared for it." Jack said and kissed the top of my head.
"That's your arm sorted, let's wipe your face." Jack said quietly and got a fresh wash cloth and made it damp and he started to clean my face.
"That's your face nice a clean." Jack said and kissed the end of my nose and he went to sort the bath out.
"Lets get you undressed." Jack said and got hold of the bottom of my top and started to lift it and I put my arms up and Jack pulled it over my head.
"Can you stand?" Jack asked and I nodded and slowly slid of the counter where Jack got hold of the waist band of my trousers and pants and carefully pulled them down and he offered me his hand which I took and stepped out the pile of clothing on the floor.
Jack quickly got undressed and he picked me up and walked over to the bath where he got in and carefully stood me up and he helped me sit down being careful not to make my bandages wet.
After we had a bath Jack carried me to the bedroom where he carefully put me into bed and pulled the covers over me.
I watched Jack get changed into his lounge about clothes and he sat on the bed and messed with my hair.
"What do you fancy eating?" Jack asked softly probably knowing he won't get a answer.
"Nothing, just hold me please." I said quietly and Jack smiled and he climbed over me and lead down on top of the cover and I rolled over and cuddled into his chest.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
"Don't be sorry. I should of been here for you." Jack said and started to mess with my hair again.
"You had to work." I said.
"But at the moment you are more important than work." Jack said and kissed my forehead.
I yawned which made Jack chuckle.
"Go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up." Jack whispered and ran his finger down my cheek.
"Promise?" I asked letting sleep take over.
"I promise." I heard Jack say and place a kiss on my forehead and after that I was in a deep sleep.
Alex's POV
"Babe you awake?" Jack asked quietly which made me hum to show Jack I was at least listening to him.
"I have to go to work, Kit is going to be with you today until I get home. Is that okay?" Jack said quietly and sat beside me and messed with my hair.
"Haven't got much of a choice do I?" I asked sleepily.
"Not really. But I should be home early anyway so you don't have to worry." Jack said.
"But I want you home with me." I pouted and opened my eyes to see Jack was dressed ready for work.
"I want to stay at home as well but I haven't really got much choice but to go in." Jack said which made me sigh loudly which made Jack chuckle.
"Your job sucks." I muttered falling asleep.
"You love my job really." Jack said.
"Debateable." I muttered and Jack chuckled and I felt him bend down and kiss me which I returned.
"Love you, I'll see you later." Jack said quietly.
"Love you too." I said sleepily and fell back asleep again.
I was cleaning the kitchen listening to Ed Sheehan because I'm seriously in love with his new album just enjoying his songs.
I was miles away having a dance to myself when I turned round and saw Kit watching me.
"Fuck! You could of spoken so I knew you was there and I could of stopped dancing like a tit." I said and Kit chuckled.
"It's your house sir, you can do whatever you want inside it." Kit said.
"Call me Alex please, sir makes me sounds more important than what I really am." I said.
"I've been told to call people I'm protecting Sir. It's professional." Kit said.
"Well I give you permission to call me Alex." I said and Kit nodded.
"As you wish Alex." Kit said and I smiled.
"Would you like a drink?" I asked and Kit shook his head.
"No thank you." Kit said and I shrugged my shoulders and carried on with cleaning with a completely different song on which kind of brought out my inner slut but I had to stop myself since Jack wasn't around which really sucks.
I was sat outside still listening to music but at the same time I was playing my guitar and writing a few songs since I was bored.
Kit came out and stood around.
"You can sit if you want. No fucker is going to be getting up here unless they want a death wish." I said and Kit looked at me.
"Not me, if I was going to jump I would of done it by now." I said and Kit seemed to of relaxed and he looked at the chair behind him and just sat down.
"How long have you been playing?" Kit asked.
"Since I was 6. I turn to music when things aren't good, I find it doesn't judge like people would do." I said and Kit nodded.
"So tell me about you. You have a family or anything like that?" I asked.
"I have a wife and 3 children with a 4th one on its way." Kit said.
"Well congratulations." I said and Kit smiled.
"Thank you Alex." Kit said.
"Tell me about your kids then, I like to know the person who is babysitting me." I said.
"There's Sammy who is 7 and he's the eldest and really enjoys football, Faith who is 6 and she enjoys the art side of things, not good if you have white walls.." Kit said and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Lucas who is 2 and he's just going through the terrible twos and it's hell and then baby number 4 who is going to be a surprise." Kit said.
"Sounds like you have your hands full then." I said and Kit chuckled.
"Yeah but couldn't think my life without them now." Kit said and got up and showed me a picture on his phone.
"Their gorgeous, you must be very proud of them." I said and Kit nodded.
I looked down and bought about my family which is something I don't do very often.
"What about you? You have family?" Kit asked.
"Nope, my family kicked me out of the family when I was 16. I was a dead in their eyes just like how their dead in mine." I said.
"Do you miss them?" Kit asked.
"Nope. They was never my family anyway. I have Jack and my friends and their my family since they've been there for me more than my family." I said.
"What did you do to make them kick you out?" Kit asked.
"I used to do drugs, I drank a lot, I sold myself and got involved in a gang so I don't really blame my family kicking me out." I said.
"Fucking hell." Kit said.
"Yeah, I was untamable and nobody was getting in my way." I said and looked down.
"Do you regret it?" Kit asked.
"No, I wanted to be like that and nobody was going to stop me. I reached out to them for help but they didn't help me so I thought fuck them if they want to push me away then I'm gone." I said.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I said and stood up and walked inside and went to the bathroom and locked the door.
I had my phone on me and I called Jack.
Jack picked up after 3 rings.
"Hey babe, you okay?" Jack asked and I sniffed because I didn't know I was crying until now.
"Can you come home?" I asked quietly.
"I can't right now as i have loads still to do but I'll try and be home in a hour." Jack said and I nodded like Jack could see me.
"Babe, talk to me." Jack said seriously.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't off bothered you." I said quietly and hung up and put my phone on silent and went over to where I had a razor hidden away from Jack.
I smiled to myself as it has been at least a week since I last self harmed and the urges was getting harder to ignore and I could always ignore them when Jack was around as I felt that Jack was my safety net.
I rolled my sleeves up and looked at the two big scars I have from my suicide attempt from when me and Jack was in the states and for some reason it made the tears roll down my cheeks.
I dragged the blade along my arm and I sunk down the wall and sat on the floor and watched the blood leave my body and it didn't feel like it was enough so I added another 5 deep cuts and at that point I just broke down and cried.
I don't know how long I was in the bathroom for but I heard someone bang on the bathroom door.
"Alex open the door!" I heard Jack say loudly and desperately.
I looked at my arm and it made my cry harder.
"I'm sorry." I said with my voice cracking from the crying.
"Baby what for?" Jack said from the other side of the door.
"I cut myself." I sobbed and put my head in my hands and carried on crying.
I heard the lock being picked and once it was unlocked I heard Jack rush over and knelt in front of me.
"Alex look at me please." Jack said softly.
"Sir I didn't know he was going to do this, I thought he was just going to the bathroom." I heard Kit say.
"We'll be having words later right now you need to leave the room." Jack growled which made me tense.
"As you wish Sir." Kit said and walked out the room.
"Baby look at me." Jack said a bit more seriously than the last time and I looked at him.
I knew I had blood on my face since my hands was cover in blood along with my arms.
"Babe what happened?" Jack asked softly.
I couldn't speak so I just shook my head and started to cry again.
"Shush, don't cry, it's okay, everything is going to be okay." Jack said and pulled me into his chest and I just broke down again while Jack rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head.
"Let's get you cleaned up yeah, you must feel horrible having all this blood over you face, hands and arms." Jack said and pulled away a little.
"Don't leave me, please don't throw me out." I sobbed and looked down.
Jack made me look at him.
"I'm not leaving you nor am I thorwing you out. I fucking love you okay. You hear me Lex, I fucking love you and I'm not going to give up on you." Jack said and kissed me desperately which I returned.
"Please understand how much I love you. I don't care what your past is like, I don't care that you are mentally ill. All I care about is you and me having a future together okay." Jack sniffed sounding like he was crying as well.
"Your too important to me for me just to give up on you." Jack said quietly and pulled me into his chest and I just hugged him.
"Let's get you cleaned up. Yeah, then we can both go and have a takeaway and cuddle in bed and watch shit films. Sound good idea to you?" Jack said as he pulled back making me look at him as he wiped the tears away.
I nodded and Jack smiled.
"Let's get up off the floor and sit you on the toilet." Jack said and stood up offering me his hand which I took and Jack helped me up and I felt really light headed.
I felt Jack pick me up and walk towards the counter and he sat me on the counter.
I watched Jack go and run the bath putting some bubble bath in and lighting the candles I had round the bath which made me smile.
I watched Jack get a wash cloth and made it damp and he stood between my legs where he started to wipe away the blood on my arms and clean my cuts up.
I watched Jack reach up and grabbed the bandages and stuff we had in the bathroom in case of something like this happening.
I couldn't help but smile.
"What?" Jack asked softly.
"The fact you are prepared for this to happen." I said quietly and sniffed.
"Whatever your crazy head has planned I am always prepared for it." Jack said and kissed the top of my head.
"That's your arm sorted, let's wipe your face." Jack said quietly and got a fresh wash cloth and made it damp and he started to clean my face.
"That's your face nice a clean." Jack said and kissed the end of my nose and he went to sort the bath out.
"Lets get you undressed." Jack said and got hold of the bottom of my top and started to lift it and I put my arms up and Jack pulled it over my head.
"Can you stand?" Jack asked and I nodded and slowly slid of the counter where Jack got hold of the waist band of my trousers and pants and carefully pulled them down and he offered me his hand which I took and stepped out the pile of clothing on the floor.
Jack quickly got undressed and he picked me up and walked over to the bath where he got in and carefully stood me up and he helped me sit down being careful not to make my bandages wet.
After we had a bath Jack carried me to the bedroom where he carefully put me into bed and pulled the covers over me.
I watched Jack get changed into his lounge about clothes and he sat on the bed and messed with my hair.
"What do you fancy eating?" Jack asked softly probably knowing he won't get a answer.
"Nothing, just hold me please." I said quietly and Jack smiled and he climbed over me and lead down on top of the cover and I rolled over and cuddled into his chest.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
"Don't be sorry. I should of been here for you." Jack said and started to mess with my hair again.
"You had to work." I said.
"But at the moment you are more important than work." Jack said and kissed my forehead.
I yawned which made Jack chuckle.
"Go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up." Jack whispered and ran his finger down my cheek.
"Promise?" I asked letting sleep take over.
"I promise." I heard Jack say and place a kiss on my forehead and after that I was in a deep sleep.
Notes
Don't like this chapter... in such a shit mind frame and just want to relapse so badly
I don't think so! It's well written, nothing much happens but it doesn't have to be super dramatic all the time. I like it :)
10/15/17