+Mentions Self Harm+

Alex's POV

It was safe to say I was not settling in well with Jacks family.
I was feeling really stressed out about being in a strange house full of people who I dont know was taking it out of me.
Me and Jack have been here for a week and I have hardly eating as this was my way of coping with stress.

"Alex? You okay?" I heard Jack say as he knocked on the bathroom door as I was in a middle of a panic attack.
" I'm fine." I said trying to control my breath to talk was hard and trying to hide the fact I was also in a middle of a breakdown was really hard.
"Lex I know your not fine. Let me in." I heard Jack say and him gently headbutting the door.
"I'm fine, I'll be out soon I don't need any help." I said with my voice breaking from crying.
"Shit Alex your crying, let me in before I bust this door." Jack said loudly which made me move further into the bathroom completely forgetting where I was and going back a few years ago.
"No. You'll hurt me." I sobbed loudly and hugged my legs and hiding my face in my knees completely crying and nothing was going to stop me crying.
"Lex, I'm not going to hurt you." Jack said but I was crying to hard to reply back to him.
I heard the lock being picked and felt sometimes arms being wrapped round me and holding me close to them.
"Its okay. Everything is going to be okay Lex I promise you." I heard Jack say quietly as he kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back.

I heard a load of Arabic being spoken but only Jack spoke in English so then I knew what he was talking about.
After a while whoever it was went away leaving me and Jack alone in the bathroom since I was refusing to move from the floor.
I was also still crying but not as bad as I was before.
"What's this all about Lex?" Jack asked quietly and moved some hair from my eyes but I didn't reply the only thing it did was cuddle into Jacks side and focused on the carpet.
"Lex, your scaring me. Talk to me please." Jack said and he made me look at him and I could see that he was really worried about me but I couldn't bring myself to talk.
"Babe, please. Just something I'm not going to be mad at you." Jack said.
"I'm sorry." I whispered and looked away from him and messed with Jacks hoodie as Jack kissed my forehead which brought some sort of comfort for me which was odd.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. Okay, have you hurt yourself as I need to know that." Jack said and I shook my head as it was the truth.
"You lying to me?" Jack asked and I looked at him.
"No." I said feeling hurt that Jack didn't believe me.
"You know what, just leave me alone." I said and pushed Jack away from me and got up and I knew that Eric had weed on him.
I walked over to Eric and he looked at me confused.
"I need the weed." I said and Eric frowned.
"Your head is a mess Alex." He said and went to walk off and I caught hold of his arm and he looked at me.
"Please, I really need something to take the edge off." I said and Eric sighed and looked around and put some weed in my hand.
"Just don't tell on me please." Eric said quietly.
"Its safe with me." I said and walked off outside.

I dont know how long it was but all i know is that i pretty much smoked all of Eric's weed and i was feeling pretty high.
"Alex?" I heard Jack say quietly and him walking over and sitting next to me.
"I'm sorry if I've upset you." Jack say and I scoffed.
"Your just saying that so you can get in my pants." I said as I had some more of my joint but Jack got hold of it and threw it away.
"No. I'm saying it because I love you Alexander." Jack said and I looked at him feeling hurt for the second time today.
"If you fucking loved me then you would know not to call me that." I said feeling tears in my eyes as I got up.
Jack got hold of my arm and pulled me down, since i was high i couldnt do anything but land hard in my ass.
Jack put both of his hands on my cheeks and made me look at him.
"I called you that because you need to understand how much I fucking love you. You need to understand that not everyone is going to hurt you. You need to learn that you can trust people. I know you haven't been eating. I know you are really stressed out about being here. But I need you to try and be part of my family. I can't lose either of you, I need you just as much as I need my family." Jack said and moved his hands away from my face and looked out to the garden.
I stayed quiet and looked down and felt myself cry again.

Jack got up and went to walk off.
"Where you going?" I asked as I sniffed loudly.
"I just need to think some stuff through." Jack said quietly.
"Don't leave me. Please, your the best thing which has happened to me." I said as I got up.
"You're saying that because your off your face." Jack said coldly.
"No I'm not. I'm saying it from my heart. You are the best thing which has happened to me Jack. If it wasn't for you I'll probably be dead." I said and Jack turned round and looked at me.
"You are not black mailing me Alex." He said seriously.
"But.." I started but Jack just walked off into the house.
"I'm sorry." I whispered and turned round and walked off somewhere since I didn't know the area I had no idea where I would end up.

I ended up on a hill with a bottle of vodka and a pencil sharpener which I managed to pull apart.
"Knew I would fuck this up. Nothing good will ever stay with me, I'm just a pointless person who shouldn't be here." I sobbed to myself as I dragged the blade across my arm making sure it was deep.
I just hugged my knees and cried really hard wishing to be dead.

Notes