I Was Doing Just Fine Before I Met You.

“I feel sick.” I announced, cupping my hands over my stomach.

I swallowed, standing in the middle of the kitchen while my mom continued to set mugs around the kitchen table. I frowned, feeling my stomach flip harder as the seconds passed and flickered my gaze to my dad. He smiled sympathetically, rolling his sleeves up before he poured another pot of coffee into the large coffee server they had for special occasions. This is not what I would call one of those times.

“Stop complaining and sit down, Jack.” Mom called, brushing her hair behind her ears. “Do you think they take cream and sugar, Sean? Or what if they prefer tea? Jeremy is at least seven months pregnant-”

“Calm down, Jane.” Dad chuckled, stepping around the island and over towards the table beside her. “If he wants tea, we’ll make him tea.”

“I’m going to throw up all over the floor.” I warned, sticking my thumbs into the thick black waistband of my yellow, black and white plaid pj pants.

“Jack.” Mom sighed, rubbing her forehead. “Okay, whatever. Go to your room.”

“Stay right there, Jack. We didn’t reschedule and invite them over here for you to hide in your room and go to sleep again.” Dad scolded, setting the coffee on a hot pot pad in the center of the table and looking over at me. “We’re getting together so we can discuss your baby, Jack. We can’t keep pushing it back, it’s best we do it on a day like today where Mom and I are both home.”

“I don’t want to make any decisions right now.” I snapped, feeling the weight of the world over my shoulders. “I want to sleep the day away.”

“You have to. You slept the day away yesterday as soon as you got home from school.” He retorted sternly, pointing towards a chair. “Whether you like it or not, you’re going to be giving birth in six short months and you can’t ignore that. Not to mention you’ve made what you want pretty clear with your attitude, so let’s just talk about it okay?”

“No, I haven’t.” I sniffled, feeling my eyes water. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any money, I still don’t know how to drive, I don’t know what to do with a baby and I need to graduate high school so I can get into a good college and- and I-”

I stopped, loud sobs escaping my mouth instead of more words. I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands, feeling my chest heave as I tried to breathe. My cheeks burned in embarrassment as my loud cries echoed around the kitchen and I hiccupped into my palms, smearing snot all over my fingers as I blocked my ugly crying face from their eyes. Comforting weight surrounded me and the hard feel of the body let me know it was my dad holding me close to him. Whimpering, I barely registered the comforting slurs of Arabic filling my ears over the loud doorbell sounding through the house. He told me to calm down and take some deep breaths, slowly pulling me over to the sink. I whimpered, reluctantly allowing him to pull my hands from my face.

“You’re not doing this alone and you have plenty of time to do all of that.” He reminded, wiping my tears away with his hands before swiping the paper towel between his fingers over my slimy nose. “Blow.”

I obeyed, closing my eyes and breathing hard out through my nose. I grimaced, hearing all of the built-up boogers release into the napkin before he pulled it away and folded it in half. He repeated the fold, wiping under my nose and over my mouth before he pressed a kiss to my head.

“Wash your hands.” He suggested warmly, moving me towards the sink as muffled talking grew closer to the kitchen.

“We have coffee set out, but I could make you some tea?” Mom offered, loud and clear as she came back into the room.

“Tea would be nice.” Jeremy said politely, making my stomach somersault. “Thanks.”

“Coming right up.” Mom chirped.

I shook my wet hands out and pressed under my eyes before pulling a few paper towels from the roll on the counter. I dried my hands slowly, making sure to pat my eyes dry instead of rub while I turned to peek towards the kitchen table. I tossed the balled napkins in the garbage, swallowing the lump lodged in my throat and relaxing a smidge when I found Jeremy sitting at the table calmly by himself. He had his hair pulled back into a bun again, this time bundled in a heavy zip-up and a scarf.

“Do you take sugar?” Mom questioned, pulling a tea bag from the cupboard above the stove.

“Two scoops.” Jeremy nodded, finding my gaze from across the room.

I gulped, twiddling my thumbs together while I stood beside the garbage can pressed into the side of the small island.

“Coming right up.” Mom clapped, clearing her throat. “Jeremy, this is my husband Sean.”

“Nice to meet you, Sean.” Jeremy stated. “Sorry my other half couldn’t be here.”

“Likewise, Jeremy.” Dad greeted. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure we’ll get everything settled just fine once we all sit down.”

“Speaking of, I need to go make sure my son hasn’t run off.” He sighed, scooting the chair back noisily.

I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling nauseous at the thought of seeing Alex after our little confrontation yesterday. Butterflies fluttered across my stomach as my mind flashed back to him holding me close and pressing his face into my stomach, into the baby. I shook the memory from my mind, feeling my face heat up all over again. What is wrong with me? He was really drunk and probably clueless to what he was doing. Why am I getting butterflies when I think about him? How can such an asshole make my stomach twist in such a good way when he practically stomped on my heart after I spread my legs for him? Is this just how pregnant people feel?

“Take a seat next to Mom, Jack.” Dad urged, pushing me forward.

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and slowly walked over to the round table. Biting my lip, I slowly slid into the seat to the right of my mom and crossed my arms over my stomach anxiously. Her hand immediately pressed into my back, rubbing soothing circles between my shoulder blades. Licking my lips, I rubbed my elbows and sunk more into my seat when the front door closed louder than expected.

“Get your ass in there and sit down with me.” Jeremy snapped loudly, walking into the kitchen with his head looking over his shoulder. “Put those away.”

I bit my lip, watching Jeremy sit back in the seat across from me. He scooted in a little and unwrapped the scarf from his neck before setting it on the table beside the coffee mug my mom put there for him. He curled his hands around it and lifted it to his lips, closing his eyes as he took a sip. Blinking, I flickered my gaze to the doorway and brought my fingers up to my lips as Alex took the seat next to Jeremy. He plopped down lazily, adjusting the black beanie over his head before crossing his arms over the Raven’s logo across his chest.

“So,” Jeremy started, setting his cup back down with a sigh. “What are your thoughts?”

I swallowed, picking at my bottom lip anxiously while my eyes flickered back to Alex. He stared down at the table, giving off no expression at all while he slumped down into the thin backing of the chair. The bruise under his eye looked worse than yesterday and the bags underneath each eye were definitely more swollen, making me feel like he never slept the hangover off and that kind of explains his dead-like behavior. Releasing my lip from my fingers, I glanced at my parents to find them already looking at me and felt my face flush for the millionth time.

“I think we’re leaning towards adoption.” Mom revealed, looking back in front of her.

“Is that okay with, um,” Dad trailed off awkwardly, snapping his fingers.

“It’s more than okay, right Jay?” Jeremy answered, clinking his mug back onto the table and looking to Alex before meeting my eyes. “I was just going to suggest that.”

“It’s not one hundred percent yet, but-”

“It needs to be.” Jeremy commented, cutting my Dad off.

“Excuse me?” Mom asked in surprise, pausing her movements over my back.

“The adoption needs to be one hundred percent.” Jeremy repeated like she was stupid, pointing his thumb towards Alex. “He’s got bills to pay, he’s not going to pay child support for the next eighteen years and I’ll be dammed if I have another little shit running around my home.”

I pressed my lips together, fighting the scoff sitting on the edge of my tongue. Scraping my teeth over the tip of my tongue, I looked over at Alex and crossed my arms higher up my chest when he remained emotionless.

“You’re fucking irritating.” He spoke up, surprising me and sounding hoarse as his gaze lifted to meet mine for the first time since he came in. “You can’t decide that shit.”

“Don’t call me fucking irritating.” Jeremy scolded, raising his hand in warning. “You’re incompetent, you don’t get a say.”

“It’s my fucking kid too.” He argued, making my heart skip.

“Okay.” Dad interrupted, setting his mug on the table more obnoxiously than necessary. “It’s clear that we’re still all over the place. I know Jack’s intentions, but I don’t know…”

“AJ.” Jeremy finished for him, motioning towards Alex.

“Alex.” Alex corrected, rolling his eyes. “It’s whatever. Jack’s decision.”

“Jack.” Mom urged softly, starting up the soothing circles again.

“Uh,” I stammered, ignoring the sinking feeling in my gut. “I think adoption.”

“Okay, I was hoping for that.” Jeremy nodded, looking between all of us before settling on my mom and dad. “His dad and I don’t want him getting out of this scot-free, so we were thinking he’ll face the consequences just as Jack will the next few months.”

“That’s fair.” Dad agreed. “I’m sure Jack won’t mind him attending appointments and I think they should both decide who to go with when it comes down to the big day.”

“I don’t mind.” I confirmed quietly, nodding my head as I stared back at Alex. “He’s the other father.”

“Okay, so Alex will attend Jack’s ultrasounds and such as well as the interviews we’ll be scheduling as soon as we fine an agency.” Mom summed up, patting my back. “It’s settled. I’ll let you know when his next appointment is.”

“Okay.” Jeremy said, clearing his throat. “I say we get the process started asap. He’s what, four months?”

“About three and a half.” Dad noted, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “I’ve actually called around a bit. I’m thinking we can get in to speak with somebody next week.”

“Wow, okay.” Alex muttered, dropping his arms from his chest. “I need-”

“Go start the car, AJ.” Jeremy interrupted, rolling his eyes. “Let me know when it warms up some.”

“Yeah.” Alex mumbled, sliding out of the seat and leaving the kitchen without a glance back.

I frowned, watching him walk in long strides before he was out of my sight.

“You’ll let us know when and where?” Jeremy asked, back to sipping his tea.

“As soon as we find out.” Mom replied, pulling her hand away from me. “Can I get you more tea?”

“I’ll take a little more.” He nodded, holding the cup up for my mom to take as she stood up.

I watched her walk bac to the stove with his cup, dropping my gaze back to the table when an unfamiliar phone vibrated consistently across the surface. Jeremy scooped it up, hurriedly swiping his finger along the screen and putting it to his ear.

“Hey.” He greeted softly, clearing his throat. “They want to go with adoption too. No. Mhm. No, I sent him out to warm the car up. I don’t know Alex, he’s barely said a word to me since this morning.”

I jumped, the clinking of the mug returning in front of Jeremy knocking me out of my eavesdropping. Sitting up straight, I pulled my snug t-shirt down as much as it would let me only for it to pop back up my stomach. Sighing, I watched my mom sit back down and bit at my cheek again.

“Can I be excused?” I asked quietly, twiddling my fingers together.

“Yes, baby.” She smiled, pressing a kiss to my temple. “Go relax.”

I nodded, standing from my seat without a second to spare. I pushed the chair back in and gave my dad a little smile before hurrying around the table and out of the kitchen. Biting my lip, I walked through the foyer and grabbed my jacket from the hook instead of listening to my brain telling me to go straight to my room. Pulling my arms through, I slipped my feet into my moccasins and pulled the front door open. The wind hit my body full force, regret filling me immediately once I stepped out onto the porch. Despite the feeling filling my gut, I allowed my legs to carry me further outside until I saw the pickup truck I lost my sanity in two days ago. Shaking my head, I blinked and found myself standing outside of the driver side door. I looked through the window, jumping when I met Alex’s eyes immediately. Swallowing hard, I took a step back and watched thick smoke seep out as the window rolled down about half-way.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He asked rudely, my driveway reeking of skunk. “Get back inside.”

“I wa-wanted t-t-to see you.” I stuttered through my chattering teeth, blushing through the cold air. “I mean, s-see if you’re o-okay.”

“I’m fine.” He sniped, the stick between his lips glowing bright orange as he breathed in.

“Um,” I stammered, shrinking back from his glare. “you’re okay with this. The um, adoption. Right?”

“I don’t fucking care.” He replied, flicking ashes out of the window. “You wanted to get rid of it either way.”

“I don’t want to throw away my life.” I scowled, feeling tears burn the corners off my eyes from his sharp words. “You don’t have to be such an asshole to me.”

“Did I hurt your feelin’s? Want me to kiss you better?” He asked, blowing out rings through his nostrils as he leaned outside of the window. “Bend you over my seat again since you like it so much?”

I pressed my lips closed tightly, turning away from him without another word. Sniffling, I hurried back up the driveway and onto the porch. Once I knew I was clear from his view, I wiped the tears from my eyes and pulled the front door open hastily. Slamming it closed, I tossed my jacket over the railing of the staircase and kicked my shoes off before rushing up the stairs. Once I turned into my room, I slammed the door closed and let the tears run freely down my cheeks. Slumping over to my bed, I dropped down and crossed my legs underneath me. Pulling the collar of my shirt over my mouth, I tried to muffle the sounds of my crying while my heart sank even lower into my stomach. Covering my eyes, I fell back on my mattress and tried to think about anything other than how dirty Alex’s words just made me feel.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“What exactly is this for?” I asked, rocking my leg back and forth where it rested over my knee.

“It’s a glucose test.” Mom repeated, flipping the page of her magazine. “Dr. Maurine wants to have it done because your blood pressure was sky-high our last visit, but that was probably because you were so worked up.”

“I’m scared.” I admitted, picking at my lip lightly.

“It’s just a test to check for diabetes, Jack.” She chuckled, patting my thigh. “It won’t hurt.”

I sighed, leaning back in my seat while my gaze flickered back towards the entrance across the room. The automatic doors remained closed and I dropped my gaze down to my lap, studying the way the material of my mom’s leggings stretched over my knees while anxious butterflies fluttered around my stomach. Crossing my arms over my chest, I looked down at my belly and stared at the strip of skin sticking out from the hem of my shirt and the waistband of my leggings curving out between my hips. Biting my lip, I flickered my gaze back to the clock on the wall in front of us and towards the entrance again before staring down at my moccasins.

“I’m thinking we can do something cute with the ultrasound pictures,” Mom started, pulling my attention to her. “you know? To tell everyone at Grandma and Grandpa’s on Thursday.”

“That’s too sentimental.” I cringed, shaking my head. “I’m not keeping it.”

“They still have to find out you’re pregnant.” She said calmly, turning onto another page of the magazine over her lap.

I groaned, sinking even further into my seat as if it was possible. Lolling my head back, I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath.

“They’re going to support you no matter what and you know that.” She reminded, patting my thigh. “Besides, you’ll love all of the pampering you’re going to get until you pop the sucker out.”

I let out the breath I was holding, tilting my head over until my cheek fell onto her soft shoulder. Blinking my eyes back open, I stared down over her lap and scoffed lightly at the drama filling the pages.

“Daddy set up an interview for the twenty-eighth.” She noted, kissing the top of my head. “Jeremy was right when he told me we’d get a lot of calls around this time of year.”

“When did he tell you that?” I asked, scrunching my face up.

“When you went to your room the other day.” She answered. “He apologized for being rude and pushing towards adoption, but he really believes that’s what’s best. I don’t really agree for the same reasons, but your happiness is most important to me.”

“How is this so easy for you?” I wondered, sitting back up.

“It’s not easy, baby.” She told seriously, meeting my eyes. “It’s not going to be easy either, but I’ve accepted it now. I may not get the blessing to cherish this grandchild, but I know you’ll give me some I can when you’re older and ready.”

I looked away, her words stabbing me right in the heart. She didn’t mean any harm with them, but the way she sounded so sincere and supportive hit me hard. Biting the inside of my cheek, I tried to will the stinging in my eyes to go away and pulled my phone from my lap. Unlocking the screen, I pulled up Minion Rush and impatiently waited for my level to load while I blinked rapidly.

“Jack Barakat?”

I looked up, finding the nurse from the registration station leaning outside of her little window. She waved at me, brushing her blonde bangs from her face while she held a clipboard up in her free hand. I nudged my mom’s arm, looking over at her uncomfortably while she closed her magazine.

“He should be registered.” Mom called, slipping the magazine back onto the table in front of us.

“He is, but we need a few more things.” The nurse called quietly.

“I’ll be right back.” Mom told, grabbing her purse from the floor and standing from her seat combined to mine.

I nodded, going back to staring down at my phone screen. The level finally loaded, placing me on a beach and I quickly busied myself with trying to beat my high score of two hundred and seven bananas. I slid my thumb across the screen, cursing to myself while my stupid minion failed to dodge the bridge in his path.

“This what you do for fun?”

I gasped, scrambling to catch my phone before it could fly from my grip entirely. Gulping down a much-needed breath, I held my free hand over my thumping heart and looked over as Alex plopped into the seat beside me. I opened my mouth to shoot out a snarky reply, feeling my words get caught in my throat. I swallowed thickly, taking in the black nose ring matching the two lip rings through the side of his lip before my gaze caught onto the small black plugs in his exposed earlobes. Surprise filled me as I looked down, finding a black and dark blue plaid shirt over his chest paired with black ripped skinny jeans.

“You’re wearing clothes.” I blurted, feeling my cheeks flush right after the words left my mouth.

“Did you want me to be naked?” He retorted, leaning closer to me. “’cause that can be arranged.”

“Never happening again.” I scoffed, quickly recovering from my embarrassment and crossing my arms over my chest.

“Uh huh, sure.” He chuckled cockily.

I tensed, something so good filling my nostrils while a light weight fell over my shoulders. Licking my lips, I glanced to my left and caught Alex’s hand hanging off my shoulder loosely.

“Get your hands off me.” I hissed, leaning forward enough to knock his arm down.

“You could’a just asked.” He replied cockily.

“Asked?” I repeated, gasping when his hand slipped under my ass.

I jumped, shoving his shoulder roughly before sliding back against the seat with a scowl. He laughed, crossing his arms over his chest while he slouched in the uncomfortable makeshift bench and I felt my scowl deepen. Rolling my eyes, I looked back over to where my mom stood in front of the front desk while I tried to calm the fluttering in my stomach.

“I didn’t think you were gonna show.” I mumbled, picking at the hem of my t-shirt.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have to be.” He muttered back, making my heart pound painfully in my chest. “S’fuckin’ pointless anyway.”

“Sorry.” I whispered, biting at my lip.

“Jack?”

I sat up straight, jumping up from my seat while my gaze shot towards the corner of the room where another nurse held a wide door open. I licked my lips, looking back at Alex and raising my eyebrows at his slumped form.

“What?” He asked, raising his eyebrow right back.

“We’re going back now.” I noted, slowly inching towards the open door.

“Jack, Alex, come on.” Mom called.

I turned my back on him, picking up my pace and walking over the threshold and into the hallway filled with offices. I zoned out, barely feeling the hand along my lower back as I walked forward. I stepped into room six with my ears ringing loudly, moving straight to the cot and sitting down on the loud paper strip covering it. I cleared my throat, rubbing my eyes a few times before I came back to reality.

“We’re just going to get right into it.” Dr. Maurine said, closing the door behind her. “Oh, who’s this?”

I fidgeted in my place on the cot, cringing at the wrinkling of the paper while my gaze flickered to the chairs to my left. I bit my lip harder, feeling my cheeks flush again when I found Alex sitting stiffly in the chair next to my mom.

“This is the father.” Mom answered for him, giving Dr. Maurine a smile.

“This is great.” She cheered, pulling the clipboard from the hook along the back of the door. “Alright.”

She set the clipboard on the small counter across from me and shot me a quick smile before opening the cabinet above her head. I swung my feet anxiously, watching her pull an orange container down that looked like a kid’s juice barrel. She pulled the top off and popped the straw in, turning back to face me with a slight grimace.

“This isn’t going to taste good, but you need to finish the whole thing.” She warned, holding it out to me.

“Is it going to make me throw up?” I whined, reluctantly taking it from her.

“Hopefully not.” She chuckled, patting my shoulder. “While you’re doing that, I’m going to need some information from your boyfriend.”

“Not his boyfriend.” Alex corrected immediately.

“Just the father.” Mom added in.

“Oh,” Dr. Maurine smiled apologetically, picking up the clipboard. “Well, I need some information from the other father then.”

I pulled the juice to my nose, sniffing lightly. I coughed, the sour smell very unsettling once it took over my senses. Grimacing, I stuck the straw in my mouth and took the world’s smallest sip. I pulled it away, immediately sticking my tongue out to rid the flavor and heard my mom’s laughter fill the room along with Dr. Maurine.

“Just drink it, Jack.” Mom told. “Chug it down and it’ll be over.”

“It’s disgusting.” I whined, sticking the straw back into my mouth no matter how much I didn’t want to.

I sucked in a breath, hurriedly sucking some more of the horrid liquid down my throat before I had to breathe again. I panted lightly, sucking down a little bit more while Dr. Maurine flipped a few pages on her clipboard.

“You’ll be on the birth certificate?” She questioned Alex.

“Uh,” He stammered, looking over at me unsurely.

I shrugged, fighting the urge to pull the straw out of my mouth and spit up the powdery-water like liquid filling my mouth.

“Yes.” Mom answered for him, nodding her head.

“Okay, in that case I need to know your name.” Dr. Maurine stated sitting down on her roll-stool.

“Um, Alexander Gasakrth.” He answered.

“Your full name.” Dr. Maurine corrected.

“Alexander William Gaskarth Junior.” He retorted, rubbing the top of his black beanie.

“Date of birth?” She asked.

I closed my eyes, holding my breath while I painfully sucked the rest off the juice down. I gasped for breath dramatically, setting the empty carton beside my while I used the short sleeve of my t-shirt to wipe my tongue off. Hissing through my teeth, I rocked side to side a little and closed my eyes in attempt to force the sickness settling in my stomach to go away.

“Okay Jack, I’m going to need you to take a deep breath and lay down on your back.” Dr. Maurine instructed. “I’m going to run copies of this paperwork and be right back.”

I nodded my head, sucking in a long breath through my nose and slowly twisting until I could lay back against the propped back of the cot. I sighed, lifting my feet onto the little pegs at the end of the cot and pulling my shirt up instinctively.

“Are you uh, getting another test?” Alex asked.

“An ultrasound.” I answered shortly.

“Does it hurt?” He asked.

“No, it’s just a video showing us the baby is okay.” I responded boredly.

“Oh.” He mumbled, going quiet.

I stared at the ceiling awkwardly, resting my hands over my ribs with my shirt in my loose fists. The silence filling the room made me wish Alex would’ve just skipped out, but the door opening broke the tension and helped me breath again. The light dimmed before my eyes and the wheels of Dr. Maurine’s stool slid across the smooth floor loudly until I felt her hands over my abdomen.

“Okay, remember it’s cold.” She warned, smoothing the gel around my lower stomach.

I sucked in a sharp breath, relaxing a little more once I got used to it and tilting my head down enough to look at the wide screen against the wall.

“We’re going to go through and take some measurements again, check the heartbeat and such.” She walked through, clicking a few buttons on her little machine until the black screen turned grey and white. “Once we’re finished, you’ll have to give a urine sample for the glucose results.”

“Okay.” I agreed quietly, staring at the blobs blurring together on the screen as she moved the wand around.

“Is there supposed to be something there?” Alex asked, leaning forwards more.

“Here’s the head.” Dr. Maurine pointed out, circling her mouse around a darker shape. “And here’s a leg and another leg.”

I blinked, looking away from the screen and stealing a glance to my left. I breathed in deeply, butterflies rushing through me at Alex’s concentrated expression. He kept forward, leaning on his knees while his eyes squinted at the screen. The wand moved more towards the side of my stomach, feeling slightly uncomfortable as she pressed down.

“What was that?” Mom asked quickly.

I shot my eyes back to the screen, my heart skipping a beat from the sound of her voice.

“What?” I asked, leaning up a little more.

“Relax, nothings wrong.” Dr. Maurine cooed, moving the wand right back to where she just had it. “Well, my oh my.”

“What is it?” I asked again, furrowing my eyebrows.

“There’s the head.” She repeated, circling her mouse around another lighter shade of gray before moving to a darker one and circling it. “And there’s the other head.”

“What?” Alex choked out, my heart leaping into my throat while he fell into a coughing fit. “Oh shit.”

“Congratulations,” Dr. Maurine cheered. “you’re carrying twins.”

Notes