Don't Make This Easy, I Want You to Mean It

Breakfast had been terrible, the ride here had been terrible, everything about the entire day had been terrible.
I couldn’t handle looking at either of the boys around the breakfast table, eating cereal and trying not to look anyone else in the eye, nor could I handle looking at the confusion and pity in Marissa’s eyes. The awkwardness in the air was apparent to everyone and I couldn’t wait to get out of my tiny, suffocating apartment. I was working on about 10 hours sleep over the last three days, but I couldn’t bring myself to give in to my exhaustion. I just wanted to be in school, despite never being a particularly good student. At least there I could try and pretend that everything was normal.
Note the word ‘try’.
First period with Jack was disgusting. He left to sit with another friend, leaving me at the back on my own. At which point, I went to the library and didn’t leave until lunch. Marissa had tried to speak to me on the drive in, when the two of us were alone, but got less out of me than I got out of Alex last night. All he needed to do was apologise, to tell me what was wrong with Jack, and we’d be fucking perfect again. I mean, forty-eight hours ago, he’d told me he loved me. Now he was ignoring me.
“Oh my God! It’s Jasey Rae!” Cammy shrieked when she saw me entering the cafeteria. “We legit thought you’d, like, died or something. Where’s your parasite?” I rolled my eyes, flying myself onto the bench across the table from her.
“My boyfriend isn’t attached to my hip, you know. I missed you guys. I never see you anymore.”
“Yeah, we believe that,” Bella scoffed. “I heard you and Jack weren’t talking, which clearly means you and Alex aren’t talking and you’re avoiding him. Spill.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Bella. A hello would be nice.” The two girls across from me simply raised their eyebrows at me and I scowled. “There’s nothing to spill. We’ve all been cooped up together for like five days. It’s easy to need a break.”
“Then why is Alex walking into the cafeteria alone?” I span around immediately, seeing Alex shuffling awkwardly into the room. I met his gaze for a second before he turned away and I turned back to my friends.
“Beats me.” Bella opened her mouth once again to continue berating me, but was instead cut off by another body flinging themselves into the seat next to me.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my darling Jasey,” the cocky boy next to me drawled, draping his arm lazily over my shoulder. “Where’s lover boy? He leave your side today?” My stomach rolled as I pushed his hands off me, only to find him gripping my leg and refusing to move.
“I feel like no one in this school understands that I am my own person. I don’t need to be attached to Alex Gaskarth at all times.” I clucked my tongue in annoyance. I was already utterly regretting my decision to come in here, wishing I’d just sat outside in the cold or, better yet, stayed in the library. “And would you stop fucking touching me please? You’re fucking gross, Mike.”
“Aw, come on Jase,” he cooed, much to the other girls’ amusement. I narrowed my eyes at my supposed friends. “You and I both know you love it when I touch you.”
“Only when I really feel like throwing up. Fuck. Off.” I tried to shuffle out of his reach, only to find his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. “I swear to god, I’ll rip that tiny little fucking hot dog off if you don’t leave. I’m not in the mood for your bullshit.”
“Urgh, I love a girl who likes it rough. You’ve changed, Jasey Rae, and I fucking love it.” Bella and Cammy began giggling quietly behind their hands, failing miserably to contain their amusement at Mike. Is this what it had come to? My only friends were the ones I shared with Alex? How in the fuck I dealt with these two before was beyond me. “One last time, for old time’s sake? I’d love to see the moves you’ve picked up between then and now.”
“I’ve picked up a few. One of them involves punching you in the crotch.”
“Not sure what you’re into now, but you’ll have to show me. I’m sure it would be just as good for you as it is for me.”
“You physically fucking repulse me. The thought of you touching me makes me want to scrub myself for weeks.” I stood up, turning to leave when I was pulled back into my seat, landing forcefully on the bench.
“You’re going to sit down like a nice little girl and enjoy your lunch with me,” he told me. “That boyfriend of yours isn’t going to do anything to stop me and neither are you.” I looked at him incredulously. What did he think was going to happen today? I’d suddenly repent everything I’d done, the person I’d been, for three years and fall hopelessly into his arms? Please.
“I think you’re forgetting, Michael, that I’m not the fifteen-year-old child I was when we first met. I’m a grown ass fucking woman and you’re not going to make me do anything I don’t want to. Fuck. Off.”
“What are you going to do to me Jasey? Slap me? You’re nothing.”
“I think you’ll find the girl told you to leave her alone, Anderson,” I smooth voice uttered from my right as I opened my mouth to continue fighting my own corner. I felt my heart rate speeding up as I turned to look at him. His voice made my body quiver, ignoring the sick feeling in my stomach that Mike’s presence was creating.
“Or what? You’ll slap me? You’re no better than her, Gaskarth; you don’t scare me.” His arm settled itself back around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I attempted to wriggle out of his grasp, yearning for Alex, but I made no headway. I had, of course, known all along that this was at least 90% to piss Alex off (the remainder because he, somehow, still felt entitled to me after all these years). I could see the anger rising in Alex’s eyes and I knew their bickering was coming to a head. After all these months, Alex was going to snap.
“Get your god damn hands off my girl.”
“Ah, ah. She was mine first.” Mike smirked next to me, somehow proud that he’d managed to seduce me when I was young and naïve, despite the fact I’d never loved him. I was his arm candy and, despite the fact it had taken me 6 months to realise it, I despised him.
“Get your fucking hands off my girlfriend,” Alex repeated, his fists beginning to clench. I’d warned Alex the very first day he found out about Mike that he was dangerous, that he was baiting him into this very situation, that Alex wouldn’t come out of this fight on top. And, yet, here we were. Mike could see he was on the verge of getting what he wanted and Alex was too wrapped up in his pride, in my pride to let it slide now. This was going to happen and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Mike stood, letting go of me, squaring up to Alex and making him look tiny in comparison.
“Make me.”
Alex threw the first punch, but Mike had prepared for him, steeling himself for the blow. Mike faltered for a second, before pulling his arm back and throwing his own punch straight to Alex’s face. The pair continued to trade blows, soon drawing a crowd and falling to the ground, Mike gaining traction and spending more time on top of Alex throwing his fists about. My eyes began to blur as I felt myself being pulled away, sobs tearing through my chest. I didn’t know when I’d stood up and tried to get between the pair of them, only realising when I was being pulled away. I noted a group of boys jumping into the fray to pull the pair away from each other before I was pulled into someone’s chest, the person rubbing my back soothingly as my tears soaked into their shirt. The scent seemed familiar, as did the shushing and reassurance I heard.
“Jack,” I whimpered. “It’s all my fault. I didn’t mean to. He wouldn’t leave me alone and Alex got angry and I- I-“
“Shh, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. He’s going to be fine. Everything’s going to be fine.” Another sob ripped from my throat and Jack recommenced his rubbing of my back as I huddled further into his chest. I don’t know how long I remained there before another set of arms pulled me from Jack and into them, Jack letting go readily.
“Holly, shh, calm down. I’m okay,” Alex cooed, following Jack’s lead in rubbing my back softly to calm me. “I’m fine, there’s nothing wrong with me.” I’d never broken down like this in public. I’d be embarrassed if I weren’t so concerned for Alex. Jack hadn’t seen me cry like this since my grandpa had died. I didn’t cry. I didn’t get emotional. I was Jasey-fucking-Rae and I didn’t give a shit. I tried to calm down, pulling back from Alex, before redoubling my tears when I noticed the blood drying around his nose and the bruises forming around his eyes already.
“Look at you!” I wailed. “It’s all my fault! This wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for me.” I clung tighter to him, my arms wrapped around his middle. I wasn’t ‘Jasey-fucking-Rae’, I was just a normal girl. I was worried about my boyfriend, about the person I loved, and there was nothing wrong with that.
“Holly, fucking look at me,” Alex demanded, pushing me away from him but retaining his grip on my shoulders and staring me in the eye. “This is not your fault. This was me and Mike. It was always going to happen. You had nothing to do with it. He just used you to make it happen sooner.”
“If we weren’t together this wouldn’t have happened, Alex.”
“Don’t you dare. Don’t you fucking dare.” He pulled my face up, forcing me to look at him rather than the spot on the floor I’d trained my eyes to in order to not see the damage I had caused. “Don’t make this your fault. It’s not you. This was so completely, utterly worth it if I get to keep calling you mine. I chose you. I will carry on choosing you until you get sick of me, okay?” I nodded, allowing him to wipe away the tears on my cheeks.
“Don’t be mad at me again,” I whimpered, finally voicing my concerns about our argument. “I can’t stand it. I- I- I-“ I stopped myself. Now wasn’t the time. All I wanted to do was tell him I loved him over and over until I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t care who was here, who heard, who thought what. I wanted him to know I loved him and for it all to work out the way it did in the movies, but I didn’t dare. I was too scared to let the words out.
“I know. I hate it too. But I’m not mad at you, Hols. Things got out of hand. We’re okay if you’re okay with me.” Most of the crowd had returned to what they were doing beforehand and I felt myself beginning to relax, thankful that things were going back to normal.
“I’m beyond okay with you,” I told him, allowing him to pull me into him once again. I felt him smiling against my neck before pulling back and pushing a small kiss to my forehead.
“And I’m sorry I started this, Jase,” Jack said, rubbing his neck awkwardly. “I was just in a bad mood.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
“I never was,” he chuckled weakly. “We were coming to see you when all this shit started. We all wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
“Love you, boo-boo,” I told him, letting go of Alex and pulling Jack into a hug.
“Love you too, Jase,” he laughed, lifting me up and making Alex chuckle lightly too. “I know what he told you in Vegas,” he whispered, his laughter having died off. He put me down slowly and let go. I looked at him, shocked as he acted perfectly normal. I felt sick once again. If he knew, then Alex remembered. What did that mean for us? Did that mean he was mad I hadn’t said I loved him too? Or did he feel embarrassed for his drunken self spilling a lie? I forced a smile back onto my face before turning back to Alex and taking in the damage fully.
“You need ice and a clean face.” He took my hand as I offered him it, allowing me to pull him from the school building and out to my car, giving up on school for the day and spending the rest of my afternoon icing Alex’s face and watching bad movies.

Notes

Is there anyone there? There's actual drama and no one is responding. :(
Also, there's only like 5 chapters of this left, maybe less, so I'm hammering the updates and then I'll get back to A Story To Tell Your Friends. Promise.