Don't Make This Easy, I Want You to Mean It

“Okay, babe, I’m gonna need you to blow me,” Alex told me, pouting. I snorted, noting his closed hand reaching out to me, the dice barely visible between his fingers. I blew softly on his hand and he groaned, throwing the die onto the table. We’d been here for hours already and Alex had been drinking like a fish, more so than even I was keeping up with. He had coming bounding into our bathroom at around seven, shouting something about the ‘big leagues’ and just generally being a pain in the ass and making it difficult for Marissa and I to finish getting ready. Even Jack was calmer than him, and that was an accomplishment by anyone’s standards. “Yes! I knew you were my good luck charm.” He grinned sloppily at me as they called his desired number and pushed chips in his direction.
“I think it’s time I get you back home,” I laughed, seeing him stumble a little as he leaned over to grab his chips. He was, luckily, winning at the minute, but I knew that wouldn’t last forever.
“Just one more,” he pleaded, shooting me puppy dog eyes as he began to put down another bet. I rolled my eyes.
“You’ve been saying that for an hour. We need to be on the road early tomorrow,” I checked my watch, “scratch that. Today.” Jack and Marissa had left us about 10, Marissa being the ever practical one in forcing Jack home before he got too drunk and wouldn’t wake up in the morning. Alex ignored me, finishing his bet.
“One more, I promise. Now blow.” He held his hand out once again and I couldn’t help but laugh. He was a drunken mess, it was cute, sue me.
“You’re such a loser.” He grinned at me, throwing the die.
“Babe, I’ve lost my wallet,” Alex whined 45 minutes later as we were finally in the hallway outside our hotel room. He was slurring his words and leaning heavily on me for support, despite the fact that I was on the wrong side of tipsy too.
“You have not, it’s in my back pocket,” I laughed. I felt him reach around, patting my back pocket when he found his wallet in it, grinning sloppily at me.
“Definitely my new safe place.”
“Okay, Drunky McDrunk Pants, come on.” I pulled him up a little higher as he started to slip down as if he was going to fall over, wrapping my arm around his waist to better support him. At least I could walk, so I suppose it was good of me to continue to help as best I could.
“What did I do to deserve someone as amazing as you?” He asked as I pulled the hotel key out of my purse and let us into the room. He immediately fell onto the bed, beginning to pull his shoes off as I turned all the lights on.
“I don’t know, what did I do to deserve someone as amazing as you?” I responded, following his lead in getting ready for bed, pulling my shorts on but leaving the same top as before. No one cared enough about getting changed for bed in the state I was in.
“I’m serious!” He whined, pouting as I got into bed next to him, grabbing me softly and pulling me close to him. I was glad he was making it easy to get him to sleep, knowing he would drop off within minutes of me turning the lights out, which I reached over to do now before I got comfortable. “I don’t know what I’d do if you left me.” I felt my stomach plummet, remembering the conversation we’d had earlier in the day about my moving for college.
“I’m not planning on leaving you, Alex; trust me.” I turned to face him, pushing a kiss to his forehead to show him I meant it. “I don’t know what I’d do without you either.”
“But you applied for ASU.”
“I applied for colleges in Maryland too.”
“I know I’m gonna be away half the year, but the thought of you not being there when I get home is tearing me apart. Please don’t go.”
“Alex, I-“
“It’s fine, Hols. Do whatever you want. I’ll support it all. You know why?” I shook my head, knowing he could see it through the dark because I could see how sleepy he was getting and how sad he looked too. “Because I’ve never loved someone the way I love you.”
My heart stopped, skipping more than just one beat before pounding like I’d never felt before. I’d wanted to tell him for days that I’d finally realised I loved him, and he just spills it out like it’s nothing, like it doesn’t change everything about who we are. Something in the back of my brain reminded me he was drunk and didn’t mean it as I took a breath to steady myself.
“You don’t love me. We don’t do that do we?”
“No, we didn’t do that. I do now. I know you don’t love me, but I love you, Holly. Promise me you won’t leave me.”
“Come on, Alex. Stop it. I’m not leaving and you’re just drunk.”
“Drunk has nothing to do with it. I’d have married you in that shitty chapel today if you’d have let me. But one day you’re gonna realise I’m an asshole and find someone worth your time.” A yawn started taking over his words as he neared the end of his sentence and I knew now wasn’t the time to talk about this.
“Well, I’m definitely not leaving before the morning. Go to sleep, I promise I’ll be here when you wake up and we can talk about this.”
“Okay,” he muttered, yawning again. “Good night, Holly. I love you.” His eyes shut and he breathing slowed within a few seconds. I chewed my lip, watching him sleep.
“I love you too, Alex,” I whispered. “I just hope you mean it.”

Notes

Dun dun dun... #drama
Sorry.
So, I'm currently in the process of procrastinating from my final assignment for my Masters, which is how you guys finally got this chapter. Do enjoy. Do spout theories as to how you think this is all going to play out. I'm sure I'll enjoy them.