Don't You Go and Carry On With Your Life

Jack

"How many was that?" I drunkenly asked Austin after taking another shot.

"Five, plus those two beers you had and strawberry daiquiri. I think you should stop or else I'll have to carry you out of here." He joked and I laughed.

"It's my birthday and I'll get drunk if I want to!" I cheered.

We were at a club downtown with Brendon, Alan, Patrick and their dates. Tomorrow, Saturday, was my thirty-ninth birth but we were celebrating tonight so I could spend tomorrow with the kids. I wasn't planning on drinking this much, but everyone kept buying me drinks. Now I could barely think or walk straight.

"I don't know why you don't like to drink a lot, you're a fun drunk." Alan chuckled and handed me a mango daiquiri, which I gladly took.

"I hate the hangovers." I groaned. "I'm going to have the biggest fucking one tomorrow."

"Yeah you are, so no more drinking." Austin scolded me as he tried to take my daiquiri. I moved my hand away from him so he wouldn't be able to take it.

"I'll let morning Jack handle that. Right now I'm going to drink as much as I want." I laughed.

I finished my drink and had one more shot with Brendon and Patrick before I had to stop drinking for the night. I felt like I was going to throw up all the dinner Austin cooked for me earlier. I definitely over did it.

"I needa go home." I slurred against Austin shoulders.

"I know, babe. We're almost to my car." He said and I looked up. I saw that we were outside walking in the parking lot.

"When did we get out here?" I asked in amazement. I didn't even remember telling everyone bye.

"Jack, we left out of the club three minutes ago." He chuckled.

"I needa get home. I miss my babies." I whined.

"We'll be home in twenty minutes." He assured me.

I felt him sit me down in his car but I don't remember the ride to my house. I just felt him taking my keys to open the front door. The next thing I know I was laying in my bed and Austin was helping me out of my clothes and into my pajamas. He finished putting my pants on me and laid me back in my bed. Then he got in next to me.

“I’m never drinking again.” I complained.

“I told you to stop.” He teased and I groaned. I laid on my back so my stomach would stop churning. Austin turned towards me and pulled me into his side.

"So I've been thinking." Austin mumbled and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"About what?"

"How would you feel about me moving in when my lease is up in August?" He asked and I pulled away from him to see if he was serious. That was only two months away. I thought I just heard him wrong because I was drunk.

"D-don't you think itsa lil’ too soon for that?" I asked, trying my best not to slur.

"Jack we've been dating for nine months now."

"Yeah but I h-have kids." I said.

"It's not like they don't know me and I get along great with them. I think me moving in would take us to the next step in our relationship."

"It's just soon, and I-I don't think m'okay with that." We would be having our first disagreement while I was drunk.

"When will you be okay with it?" He asked.

"No time soon." I said, honestly.

"Are you even taking this relationship seriously Jack? Cause right now it feels like I'm the only one doing that."

"Of course I'm taking our relationship seriously. I just don't want to rush everything."

"This isn't rushing." He argued.

"We're moving too fast." I said.

"Well how about I slow it down for us." He said and grabbed his things.

"Austin wait, you're being dramatic. Come cuddle with me." I said but he continued to leave. I huffed and laid back in bed by myself.

I didn’t move from my bed for the next hour. I just laid there, sobering up, and staring at the ceiling with the TV on in the background. I honestly didn't know if that was Austin breaking up with me or not. Maybe he was just taking a break from us. I don't think he would every break up with me for good.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was one am. It was officially my birthday now. I laid in my bed for ten more minutes before getting up. I went to the door to lock it after Austin, but I heard noises coming from behind it. I opened the front door and Alex was sitting a vase of red tulips and a birthday card down. He stood up and looked up at me in shock. This was the first time we were seeing each other after I left his place two months ago.

"Uh Jack what are you doing here?" He asked, making me chuckle.

"I live here, Alex."

"Well yeah, but I thought you would be asleep by now. Or at least passed out drunk." He joked.

"I was drunk but now not so much." I was kind of relieved we were talking as if nothing happened that day.

"Oh well...um here's some flowers. I thought I should drop them off for your birthday this year so you could wake up to them, but this works too." He picked up the vase and card and handed it to me. "Happy birthday, Jack."

Every year for my birthday I would wake up to a giant vase of red tulips on my nightstand. Alex would leave them for me before he left for work.

"Aww thank you!" I told him and he smiled.

"You're welcome. I guess I should get going now before Austin comes out here." He said.

"Finally you said his name right, but he's not here. We um kind of had a fight so he went home." I told him.

"Oh... do you want to talk about it?" He asked reluctantly.

"Not with you." I chuckled.

"Come on, just because we're not in a relationship, doesn't mean we can't be friends."

"I have other friends I can call." I said and he playfully rolled his eyes.

"But I'm standing right here." He said and I didn't answer him. "Did you finally figure out that he's actually a douchebag in disguise?" He asked and I glared at him.

"No."

"Did he stand you up on your birthday?"

"No."

"Did he break up with you?" He asked, sounding kind of concerned.

"I'm not sure." I sighed. I walked over and sat down on the swing set on our porch and Alex came to sit next to me. "He like stormed off because I said I wasn't ready for him to move in with me."

"Oh um you don’t want to?" Alex asked and I shook my head.

"It’s too soon and I told him that. That's why he stormed off." I explained. "He says I'm not taking our relationship seriously."

"Do you think you're taking your relationship seriously?" He asked as he began to slowly swing us.

"I'm not as into him as he is to me." I said and he nodded, understanding. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring this up. I know it's kind of weird to talk about this with me." I told him.

"No it's cool. I really just want to make sure you're happy. Even if that means you're with someone else." He said, making my eyes water. I wiped at my eyes trying to stop the tears from falling.

"Why are you crying?" He asked. He replaced my hands with his own and wiped my eyes for me.

"Because it shouldn't be like this." I cried.

"Like what?"

"I shouldn't be with someone else and you shouldn't have to worry about if someone else is making me happy."

"Jack it's okay. I made a mistake and I've come to terms with that now. When you left my place after our talk, I realized that nothing I do will make up for what I did. So now the least I can do is make sure someone else is treating you right and making you happy."

"I'll never be as happy as I was before, Alex, no one can ever replace you." I sniffled and he rubbed my back.

"...I don't know what you want me to say to that." He sighed.

"I don't either." I mumbled. It was embarrassing enough for me to be crying in front of him.

We sat in silence for a while, neither of us knowing what to say. My tears were finally slowing, but they didn't stop. Everything seemed more emotional at two in the morning.

"If I could go back in time, I would remind myself how important you and the kids are to me before I cheated." He finally said with his head down.

"It wouldn't hurt to also tell yourself to tell me how much you love me every night." I joked and he chuckled.

"Of course. I wouldn't let you fall asleep without knowing that now." He said making me blush.

Alex continued to swing us with his long legs. I wasn't sleepy so I wasn't in a hurry to go back inside. I looked down and played with the string on my pajama pants until Alex started to talk again.

"Who would have thought that we'd actually be divorced right now?" He sighed, staring up at the moon.

"Maybe Joe." I said and he chuckled.

"Yeah he definitely saw this coming."

"I definitely didn't think it would ever happen." I said and he nodded.

"I know. I'm sorry." He apologized and I looked down. No matter how many times he apologized I could never imagine myself accepting it.

"I know you are." I sighed.

We didn't say anything after that. We sat on swing for the next twenty minutes in silence. It wasn't as weird as it sounds. I don't think either one of us wanted to go back to our new normal lives. I looked down at my phone and saw that it was almost three am.

"What time is it?" Alex asked me when he saw me look at the time.

"Two forty-eight." I answered him.

"Oh, sorry I didn't realize how late it was. I should let you get to bed." He yawned.

"Sounds like you're the one that needs to go to bed." I joked and he playfully rolled his eyes.

"It was nice talking to you tonight, Jack."

"Yeah, you too." I said and we both stood up.

"Happy Birthday...again." He said awkwardly and I chuckled.

"Thanks."

He stepped towards me like as if to hug me but he stopped himself. I think he didn't know if it would be crossing a boundary. I opened my arms for him instead and he smiled and stepped into my embrace. I couldn't stop myself from inhaling deeply as I smelled his normal scent. We pulled apart but we didn't step away from each other. I was staring up into his eyes and he was staring down into mine. His eyes left mine for a second to look at my lips. I knew what that meant and I didn't stop him when he leaned down to kiss me. I felt butterflies in my stomach when his lips touched mine. I easily began to kiss him back with little thought. Alex took me a few steps back until my back was pressed against the door. He put his hands on both sides of my face and I let him deepen our kiss. My face heated up as I thought about how much I missed something as simple as Alex touching me. His hands grabbing my face and his body being pressed to mine excited me more than the actual kiss.

This went on for five minutes until I came to my senses. I remembered that I was with Austin, well kind of.

"A-alex wait." I said as I lightly pulled away from him. "We can't." I mumbled.

"Yeah sorry. . . I um I should go." He said and I nodded. He took a few steps back from me so I wasn't pressed against the door anymore.

"Goodnight, Jack." He told me.

"Night, Alex." I said and he turned to go to his car.

I stayed out until I saw home get inside his car and start it, and he stayed until he saw me safely go inside. I closed and locked the door behind me. Then I leaned against it so I could catch my breath. I felt confused and content, it was weird.

I went upstairs to make sure Kellin and Kylie were still asleep, which they were. Then I went back to my bed, but I couldn’t fall asleep. The butterflies, in my stomach, wouldn’t let me.

Notes

Jack's slowly starting to crack lol I really like this chapter!