Long Live Us
Twenty
I stepped through the familiar front door and let the comforting scent of home wash over me. I knew that in a matter of time this place wouldn't be my safety net any longer. Mom wouldn't expect me home every night (not that she does at the moment) and I wouldn't get my favorite meal every Wednesday. Oli and Alex wouldn't have me to annoy when I'm trying to scribble down my homework in my bedroom and dad wouldn't be able to shadow me during a tour. Everything was about to change for me, even if it would take a few years for everyone else to realize it.
"Jack? Is that you?"
My dad and I glanced at one another. We were standing by front door, unsure of which Jack my mother was calling for, but we both smiled and raced to the kitchen. Mom was standing there with her arms wide open, giggling like a little girl as we squished her in between the two of us.
"My two first loves," mom sighs into dad's chest. "I've missed you."
"I haven't!" A girlish voice booms, making me crack a smile as I pull away from the hug. Olivia was standing in the doorway, much taller than she'd been when we started touring, with a big smile on her face. God, she was growing up so fast. "How's it going, punk?"
"Don't you 'punk' me," I smirked, yanking her body off the ground to spin her around. "Look at you, you're getting so big."
"People grow up, Jack," she giggled. "You'll have to start beating the boys off of me soon."
"Crap," I mumbled, ruffling her hair. "I hate it when girls realize they're pretty."
Oli rolled her eyes playfully and took off after my dad. Mom was probably the only one of us who got super emotional when we'd see each other for the first time in months. Olivia was playful, like dad and I, never wearing her heart on her sleeve. I knew that'd serve her well as she grew older, but I hated to see her blooming without me. She and dad left the room, which forced mom to smile brightly and drag me into the living room.
"Your little brother misses you almost as much as I do," she tugged my wrist so I went down on the couch with her. Alex was sound asleep, snoring softly. "He waited up for you."
"Should I wake him?"
"No, not right now," mom grinned. "We'll get to that later. In the mean time, tell me about recording. Are you having fun? Keeping up with your classes?"
"It's really hard, mom," I admitted. "I'm going to be eighteen tomorrow. Between the band and our jobs, I've barely had time to keep up with my work. I think Aubree is going to graduate before me. It's August, this should be a new school year."
"Well, honey, Aubree is taking advanced classes. Technically, you're a senior now. Buckle down. I know it's going to kill you, but stop spending so much time with Stella. When you aren't recording at the studio, take all those extra hours and do school work. I know from talking to your dad that you've all slowed down a bit on school. If you try your hardest, you and Aub can graduate together."
"It's not that easy, though, mom. I'm the oldest. I'm supposed to set the example. I don't guess it really matters that much, anyhow. When am I ever going to use my education?"
"Every single day of your life," mom brushed my cheek, a sad smile on her face. "Jack, what if something were to happen between you and Stell? Where would you go with your life? I love knowing that you're out there doing what you love, but I want you to take caution in your decisions. Anything could happen, son. Anything."
I hate to admit when other people were right, but the truth is, mom hit the nail on the head. What would happen if something did happen between me and Stella? If she grew older and realized she didn't want to be with me anymore, the band was likely to break up. Tom would have a sure spot managing another band, Nate had so many talents and options it was incredible, Aub had her book smarts to guide her thought life and Stella could easily become a solo artist. I'd be, bluntly put, screwed.
All of this stuff has been weighing on my mind since we got to the stuido. Maybe that's why I've become so wrapped up in Stella, more so, our sex life. She's an outlet, the best damn outlet there ever was. She makes me feel at ease- Like I could take on the whole entire world, and win. In reality, me turning eighteen tomorrow doesn't change anything. I'll still be the same old Jack, with the same job and the same school work.. But the world looked so much different to me now. Legally, I can buy porn, smoke and go to jail. Mentally, I wanted to remain seventeen for the rest of my life and coast off of my band and our talent. I was terrified by the fact that, even though my family and friends would be there to guide me, I would actually be on my own for the first time in my life.
Mom and dad had it rough. Olivia was starting her teenage danger days and Alex was pretty needy with mom since dad was rarely around. I honestly felt like a burden to them, which is where all this inward drama is coming from. I knew that, as soon as I graduate, I want to get my own place. Somewhere near my family, but a place where they knew they'd no longer have to care for me. I had a career, I was making money. I could, and I would, do this on my own. The shitty part? Waiting for Stell to turn eighteen so she could share this new life with me.
"I didn't mean to upset you, Jack," mom frowned, brushing a piece of my messy hair away from my face. "The hardest thing in the world a mother has to go through is letting her children go, did you know that? Allowing you to leave on tour.. Well, that nearly killed me. Putting all of this responsibilty on you made me feel like a bad mom. I should be making you dinner, washing your clothes and getting on your nerves by telling you to do your homework. You have to rely on yourself for all of that now and you're doing a wonderful job. I understand that tomorrow is a big day for you, finally eighteen, but don't you ever forget that you'll always be my little boy and I love you."
"I love you too, mom," I grinned, pulling her into a hug. "I may not be a baby anymore, but I'll always need you."
"Really, guys?" Dad laughed, walking into the room. "I'm gone for ten minutes and you're already giving the boy a 'becoming a man' speech. He'll be just fine out there alone, Jas."
"Yeah, I know," mom broke the hug, sticking her tongue out at dad. "You get to see him every day, I don't, so back off."
I listened as mom and dad joked back and forth for a while, making me laugh almost constantly. This was something I really hoped to have with Stella one day. I knew if we ever had kids, I'd be more like Alex than my own dad, but the happy atmosphere was something I craved. Fuck, why did she have to be so much younger than me?
"Happy birthday to you!"
My eyes trailed to the door nearest to the kitchen. Oli was walking into the room with a large cake in her hands with eighteen candles lit around it. Dad had brought me home to celebrate my birthday with the family, since tomorrow I'd have to record. Smiling to myself, I danced a little as they all sung to me, and Alex stirred from his side of the couch.
"Make a wish, punk!"
Oli sat the cake down on the living room table, and by this time, Alex was wide awake. I turned my attention to him, ignoring Oli's comment, and held my arms wide open. Alex always did look up to me, I missed his little butt more than I'd like to admit. The small boy flung himself into my arms and mumbled happy birthday in my ear. I was saddened by the idea that soon he'd be too old to want to hug me like this anymore.
"Help me blow the candles?"
Alex nodded happily and put his knees on the floor so he was sitting in between my legs. I squeezed my eyes shut tight to humor him with the idea that I was making a wish, even though I was, and together we blew the flames away. Mom and dad cheered over the idea that I was now officially a man, Oli made a comment that I'd always be a tall child and Alex clapped his hands. We were a little dysfunctional, but they were my family and I loved them more than life itself. I knew the time was coming where dad would make me load back up in the car and we'd start the long drive back to the studio, where Stella and the gang would be waiting to wish me a happy birthday at midnight and my job would be waiting for me when I woke up. Growing up sucks.
I wish life would slow down and wait for me to catch up.
"Jack? Is that you?"
My dad and I glanced at one another. We were standing by front door, unsure of which Jack my mother was calling for, but we both smiled and raced to the kitchen. Mom was standing there with her arms wide open, giggling like a little girl as we squished her in between the two of us.
"My two first loves," mom sighs into dad's chest. "I've missed you."
"I haven't!" A girlish voice booms, making me crack a smile as I pull away from the hug. Olivia was standing in the doorway, much taller than she'd been when we started touring, with a big smile on her face. God, she was growing up so fast. "How's it going, punk?"
"Don't you 'punk' me," I smirked, yanking her body off the ground to spin her around. "Look at you, you're getting so big."
"People grow up, Jack," she giggled. "You'll have to start beating the boys off of me soon."
"Crap," I mumbled, ruffling her hair. "I hate it when girls realize they're pretty."
Oli rolled her eyes playfully and took off after my dad. Mom was probably the only one of us who got super emotional when we'd see each other for the first time in months. Olivia was playful, like dad and I, never wearing her heart on her sleeve. I knew that'd serve her well as she grew older, but I hated to see her blooming without me. She and dad left the room, which forced mom to smile brightly and drag me into the living room.
"Your little brother misses you almost as much as I do," she tugged my wrist so I went down on the couch with her. Alex was sound asleep, snoring softly. "He waited up for you."
"Should I wake him?"
"No, not right now," mom grinned. "We'll get to that later. In the mean time, tell me about recording. Are you having fun? Keeping up with your classes?"
"It's really hard, mom," I admitted. "I'm going to be eighteen tomorrow. Between the band and our jobs, I've barely had time to keep up with my work. I think Aubree is going to graduate before me. It's August, this should be a new school year."
"Well, honey, Aubree is taking advanced classes. Technically, you're a senior now. Buckle down. I know it's going to kill you, but stop spending so much time with Stella. When you aren't recording at the studio, take all those extra hours and do school work. I know from talking to your dad that you've all slowed down a bit on school. If you try your hardest, you and Aub can graduate together."
"It's not that easy, though, mom. I'm the oldest. I'm supposed to set the example. I don't guess it really matters that much, anyhow. When am I ever going to use my education?"
"Every single day of your life," mom brushed my cheek, a sad smile on her face. "Jack, what if something were to happen between you and Stell? Where would you go with your life? I love knowing that you're out there doing what you love, but I want you to take caution in your decisions. Anything could happen, son. Anything."
I hate to admit when other people were right, but the truth is, mom hit the nail on the head. What would happen if something did happen between me and Stella? If she grew older and realized she didn't want to be with me anymore, the band was likely to break up. Tom would have a sure spot managing another band, Nate had so many talents and options it was incredible, Aub had her book smarts to guide her thought life and Stella could easily become a solo artist. I'd be, bluntly put, screwed.
All of this stuff has been weighing on my mind since we got to the stuido. Maybe that's why I've become so wrapped up in Stella, more so, our sex life. She's an outlet, the best damn outlet there ever was. She makes me feel at ease- Like I could take on the whole entire world, and win. In reality, me turning eighteen tomorrow doesn't change anything. I'll still be the same old Jack, with the same job and the same school work.. But the world looked so much different to me now. Legally, I can buy porn, smoke and go to jail. Mentally, I wanted to remain seventeen for the rest of my life and coast off of my band and our talent. I was terrified by the fact that, even though my family and friends would be there to guide me, I would actually be on my own for the first time in my life.
Mom and dad had it rough. Olivia was starting her teenage danger days and Alex was pretty needy with mom since dad was rarely around. I honestly felt like a burden to them, which is where all this inward drama is coming from. I knew that, as soon as I graduate, I want to get my own place. Somewhere near my family, but a place where they knew they'd no longer have to care for me. I had a career, I was making money. I could, and I would, do this on my own. The shitty part? Waiting for Stell to turn eighteen so she could share this new life with me.
"I didn't mean to upset you, Jack," mom frowned, brushing a piece of my messy hair away from my face. "The hardest thing in the world a mother has to go through is letting her children go, did you know that? Allowing you to leave on tour.. Well, that nearly killed me. Putting all of this responsibilty on you made me feel like a bad mom. I should be making you dinner, washing your clothes and getting on your nerves by telling you to do your homework. You have to rely on yourself for all of that now and you're doing a wonderful job. I understand that tomorrow is a big day for you, finally eighteen, but don't you ever forget that you'll always be my little boy and I love you."
"I love you too, mom," I grinned, pulling her into a hug. "I may not be a baby anymore, but I'll always need you."
"Really, guys?" Dad laughed, walking into the room. "I'm gone for ten minutes and you're already giving the boy a 'becoming a man' speech. He'll be just fine out there alone, Jas."
"Yeah, I know," mom broke the hug, sticking her tongue out at dad. "You get to see him every day, I don't, so back off."
I listened as mom and dad joked back and forth for a while, making me laugh almost constantly. This was something I really hoped to have with Stella one day. I knew if we ever had kids, I'd be more like Alex than my own dad, but the happy atmosphere was something I craved. Fuck, why did she have to be so much younger than me?
"Happy birthday to you!"
My eyes trailed to the door nearest to the kitchen. Oli was walking into the room with a large cake in her hands with eighteen candles lit around it. Dad had brought me home to celebrate my birthday with the family, since tomorrow I'd have to record. Smiling to myself, I danced a little as they all sung to me, and Alex stirred from his side of the couch.
"Make a wish, punk!"
Oli sat the cake down on the living room table, and by this time, Alex was wide awake. I turned my attention to him, ignoring Oli's comment, and held my arms wide open. Alex always did look up to me, I missed his little butt more than I'd like to admit. The small boy flung himself into my arms and mumbled happy birthday in my ear. I was saddened by the idea that soon he'd be too old to want to hug me like this anymore.
"Help me blow the candles?"
Alex nodded happily and put his knees on the floor so he was sitting in between my legs. I squeezed my eyes shut tight to humor him with the idea that I was making a wish, even though I was, and together we blew the flames away. Mom and dad cheered over the idea that I was now officially a man, Oli made a comment that I'd always be a tall child and Alex clapped his hands. We were a little dysfunctional, but they were my family and I loved them more than life itself. I knew the time was coming where dad would make me load back up in the car and we'd start the long drive back to the studio, where Stella and the gang would be waiting to wish me a happy birthday at midnight and my job would be waiting for me when I woke up. Growing up sucks.
I wish life would slow down and wait for me to catch up.
11/4/13