How did we end up here??

Once i took aaron home i was afraid to go back to my apartment to zack. he let me take him home alone so he could clean up a bit. but i knew something was up. the entire way home aaron told me i need to tell him about luke and my depression history. he said if i didnt it would come up from someone else and he would be really upset about it. i knew he was right but i was so scared that it would change the way zack saw me.

I walked in and zack had cleaned up. it actually looked dramatically different considering i hadnt been gone long. i walked into the bedroom and saw him sitting on the side of the bed with his head in hands. i knew it was going to come out right now. i knew it had to happen.

"what are you hiding from me?" he looked at me and his eyes were mixed with sadness and betrayal. i know he thought he knew everything about me but he really didnt. I sighed and scooted next to him and put my hand in his. he squeezed them encouraging me to talk to him.

"Luke...he was my first serious boyfriend." i said with a huge sigh. here we go. "we dated for a year. i was in high school at the time and i thought he was the one i would end up with. he was my first kiss and my first everything." Zack looked at me with a really serious look. i just continued. "everything went really smooth until about halfway into our relationship. he had family conflicts the entire time we dated and they did get in the way but it started getting worse. his mom starting dissapearing for weekends at a time to even weeks. she didn't leave them money or food. so i stepped up. i cared about him and his younger sister so much. i got a job and spent every penny i made on them. making sure they were okay. he eventually was taken by cps and then released into his older sisters custody a week or two later. then things got weird. every time we were together he would more forceful then he ever had before. if i didnt want to have sex he would force me into it. i started distancing myself because i knew we were becoming toxic. he stated getting really depressed and threatening to harm himself every time we fought if i didnt forgive him. i tried to get his sister and her boyfriend to get him the help he needed but they didnt. they thought i was the problem and he would be fine if i left his life. so i broke up with him. and when i did and was taking him home he grabbed the steering wheel of my car while i was going about 70 on the freeway and almost killed us. i immediately checked him into a hospital and was told by his sister that we were over and she would let him know as well. so while he was away this older guy started talking to me and taking advantage of my vulnerability of being heart broken. luke got out and found out and accused me of cheating on him but i didn't because as far as i knew we were broken up. i found out his sister never told him purposely trying to make me look bad. things got worse and he was threatening me in more ways than one. i eventually filed a restraining order but eventually lifted it after he begged me to. i still loved him and thought he loved me too. i looked like a complete idiot in front of my family and the court and was told i had no respect for the law. then he just dropped me. i found out a few days before school started that he had been telling people that i did a lot of things i didn't. people hated me and there was nothing i could do to fix it. i tried posting screenshots of him admitting he lied to everyone and people said i was just being petty and he was lying to me to make me feel better. so i dropped it. school started up and everyone hated me. i had three classes with him in one day and it got the point i was really depressed. i eventually switched schools without telling anyone i was doing so. he tried contacting me a lot at my new school and any time i showed any kind of kindness towards him he threw it in my face by claiming i was being a dick to him. i havent talked to him over a year. i didnt even know he knew about the band. i wasnt the one who told him. and i have him blocked on every social media pllatform and my phone." i took a huge breath thankful it was over. i looked up to see zack looking at me with his eyes super sad. he hugged me so tight and i was so thankful he understood.

"I'm not mad that you didn't tell me. i understand why just from hearing that. it's a lot to tell anyone. especially someone you're newly involved with. i just want you to know i would never do anything like that to you. i love you and i wouldn't screw that up at all." He mentally slapped himself when he realized what he had said.

"W-what??" He just looked at his lap and back at me. "really?" he nodded and i smiled huge. "I love you too, zack." and this time i knew i meant it.

Notes