Alex's POV
It took a lot longer than I'd hoped it would to finally get Jack to leave, in fact it was almost 5 PM when he finally left, and that was only because he had to be at work. He was a pain the ass, but he was a great guy. Ever since the day we first met, in our American History class on the first day of high school, we just knew we'd be great friends. Sometimes you meet people and you just click, and that's how me and Jack were. That's how all four of us were, really. We just understood each other and supported each other, all four of us had different things to offer and as a group we just made sense.

Rian was the brains, the sensible one, always in serious relationships, always doing great in school. But he was also the first one to make a joke when we'd done something dumb, he loved finding the funny side of any thing and everything. Zack was the brawn, super athletic and always showing us up in gym, but he was also super sensitive, caring, loyal and logical. If he thought you were making a bad choice, he'd pull you up about it and do anything he could to help protect you. Jack had always been the joker, nothing was serious to him ever. He didn't care about school, he didn't care about girls, he cared solely about our music, playing his guitar, penning songs – that was his passion. He always was the most passionate out of all of us, but he was like that with a lot of things he loved, music and... well, boobs. That was about it.

Olivia and I were currently sat in the living room, watching some live comedy show she'd been excited about for weeks. We were both chilling on separate sofas, wearing our sweats. Although, her sweats were actually making me sweat; I couldn't help but notice the clamminess of my hands. I sneakily glanced at her and couldn't help but smile.

Olivia was in the grade below us, and so when we were in 9th grade, she was in 8th and that was when we first noticed her. She was always scribbling in a tatty old notebook, always wore ripped jeans and band tees and converse high-tops. Stereotypically, these 'rocker' type girls are always so mysterious and dark and introverted, but she was incredibly popular – way more popular than any of us. She hung out with a lot of older kids; jocks, cheerleaders, drama kids. Luckily, our school never really had the "mean girl" types or any bullying at all, so it wasn't like she hung around with a bunch of assholes, but they just weren't our type of people. Or, more so, we weren't theirs.

Olivia, however, had instantly caught my eye. She just seemed so down to earth, so genuine and nice. I'd bumped into her a few times; sometimes accidental, sometimes contrived – but that wasn't important, and every time she was so lovely and polite. I remember the first time we had an actual conversation; she was the one who came up to me. She had a green flyer in her hand – something Jack made in 20 minutes on Paint, that I had just pinned to a bulletin board, advertising that we'd be playing a small show at a local club. "Is this your band?!" she had asked, seemingly excited and amazed.

I confirmed that it was, the whole time bumbling and sweating like a nervous idiot, trying to appear busy by continuing to pin flyers up, but inside I was screaming. I couldn't believe she had chose to come over and speak to me in public. It wasn't like I was a loser or anything, but something about her made me feel suddenly inferior and embarrassed.

I remember her then telling me that she'd heard a few of our demo tracks on MySpace and how she had no idea we went to school here. For the next week before the show, she'd come up to me during lunch and remind me how excited she was to see us perform that weekend. And that was how our #1 fan was born. Ever since the show that weekend she started spending way more time with us; eating lunch with us, sitting around in Rian's house, going out and getting food with us – we all just jelled really well together.

Olivia quickly became the foundation of our friendship. She was always so supportive, so helpful; always full of great advice and seemed to have the answers to everything. She helped us get girls and write songs and book gigs; she was like a manager almost, but way more fun to be around. Maybe that was why our friendships seemed to deteriorate the summer she left for LA, because Olivia was like the glue holding us together.

I sighed, my brain just wouldn't shut up. All I could think about was the woman sat across from me, currently laughing hysterically at some guy performing a comedy song – I hadn't been paying attention at all, obviously. Thinking about high school and how close we all were got me thinking, who was I? In terms of our little group, what did I even bring to it? All of my best friends had such admirable qualities which made them so unique, but thinking back, I was just a kid with hair a little too long and pants a little too tight.

"Hey, you know back in high school?" I blurt out; my brain not even allowing me time to process my thoughts before they were out of my mouth. What was with me and asking pathetic questions, without thinking, recently?

Olivia glanced at me, only just realising I hadn't been watching TV. She must've noticed the vague look on my face because she paused the television and turned to face me, sitting cross-legged on the settee. "Uh... yeah?" she questioned, looking concerned.

I shook my head, raising my eyebrows in surprise at myself, "Just... which one was I?" I ask knowing, as soon as I say it, it makes no sense. I shake my head again, "Like, Jack was the funny one; Zack was the caring one; Rian was the smart one; you were the pretty, helpful one," I explain, "what was my role?" I had just dug my hole deeper, there was no getting out of this lame conversation now. I wasn't even sure why I cared so much, I think it was Olivia's presence just constantly had me in a state of nostalgia where all I could think about was the old times we spent together.

Olivia furrowed her brow at me and I shrugged in response, chuckling – both of us acknowledging that this was an odd conversation to be having. "Well..." she began, entertaining me. She stood up and came to sit beside me, a leg up to her chest and her arm across the back of the sofa casually. Once again we were sat in a dimly lit room, the TV was pretty much the only light source. "I think... you were the perfect mixture of all of us," she said, her voice soft, almost a whisper.

For a moment we were just looking into each other's eyes, her smile so genuine and sweet, but I could still sense that she was joking. I kind of wished I was joking too. It felt dumb to care about all of this now. Sensing the seriousness in my eyes, she continued, "Yano, you were always, and still are, funny; a different funny to Jack, but still funny. And, you were incredibly sweet – are incredibly sweet," she kept assuring, "and you're smart too, you're creative smart, amazingly creative," rolling her eyes back to emphasise her words, "...and we all know you were the face of the operation," her voice playful but she smiled sincerely. I just looked at her, not sure what to say. Thanks? I didn't even know if she meant any of that, and honestly, so what if she didn't? Why did I even care?

"What's going on?" she tilted her head, looking curious and also a little worried for me, "Is everything okay?" she questioned and I thought about it. Was everything okay?

"Yeah," I nod, not really paying attention. I snapped out of it and turned to her, "Yeah," I repeated assuringly, "I was just thinking about stuff..." I trailed off, still thinking.

"What stuff?" she probed, her voice childlike as she leaned further into me, intrigued. I looked up to meet her eyes and smiled.

"I don't know," I laughed, "being around you just makes me feel like I'm back in high school," I say, shaking my head at how odd I was acting. I heard Olivia gulp a little, before pulling back slightly and I realised what I had said. I snapped my head up to look at her, "No, not like that," I say between nervous laughter, "I don't feel how I felt in high school," I rambled, more nervous laughter, "No," I say more sternly now, looking her in the eye.

She coughed a little, clearing the awkward conversation, "...so you were thinking about high school?" I wanted the ground to just swallow me up, I felt so dumb.

"Yeah..." I trailed off, biting my lip and watching the paused TV. I wasn't sure how to recover this conversation, to be honest.

"I think about high school a lot, too," she admitted quietly, leaning back and facing the TV, too – both of us trying to appear distant from the conversation.

"You do?" I perk up a little, trying my best to remain cool, but the idea of Olivia thinking about us, about how we were, makes my heartbeat increase. I glance at her out of the corner of my eye; her eyes are glazed over in thought as she fiddles with her hair.

"Yeah..." she breathes thoughtfully, "I miss those days," her voice so gentle and soft that I hang onto each word, scared I might miss one. Her head tilts to quickly look at me now, a lazy smile on her face; immediately I return the look, waiting eagerly for whatever she might say, "Do you remember when we slept in that field?" she giggles, leaning into me as if we're sharing secrets; her face inches from mine, "all because you couldn't put up the tent," she laughs, her eyes close for a moment as she leans to hit my chest lightly; teasing me.

"Woahhh," I drag the word out, throwing my arms up defensively, "Only because someone," I say pointedly, "forgot to bring the poles!" I exclaim, pointing at her.

Slapping my finger away, laughing, she adds, "They were waaay too heavy!" she excuses, "you should have suspected that I wouldn't do a good job!"

"Oh, yeah," I say sarcastically, nodding at her mockingly, "Yeah, everything's always my fault, right?" She grins in response, her cheeks a shade of light pink, whilst she nods innocently in response. "Of course," I roll my eyes.

"Oh, shut up!" she laughs, nudging me, "you were all like the stars are too beautiful to not be appreciated," her tone mocking, a pretentious accent, as she quoted what I had said that night.

"That's true of a lot of things," I spoke softly, looking at her semi-serious; wanting to compliment her but also not wanting to seem too lame and cheesy.

"Wooooooow," she breathed, raising her eyebrows at me. Clearly I'd failed. I bit my tongue and chuckled, looking away, accepting defeat. "Makes sense that you turned out to be an art nerd, so poetic," she rolled her eyes sarcastically, before flashing me a smile to ensure I knew she was joking. She was always so bad at accepting compliments; comedy was her usual defence mechanism.

I shook my head laughing, before grinning at her, "Fuck you," I exhaled and she burst out laughing, pushing into my chest, resting her head on my shoulder momentarily, before sitting upright again – much to my disappointment.

After a couple beats of silence, she quietly admits, "... you were the essential one," a shy smile on her face.

"Hmm?" I question, my brow wrinkling as I look up quizzically, unsure of what she's speaking about. Her smile seemingly able to erase any memory where it wasn't the focal point.

"You asked which one you were," she reminded, "You were the important one, the extra special one," her voice faint and almost nervous sounding. I bit the inside of my lip, holding back a smug grin. I could feel my eyes on her, warming and softening as I took her in; cuddled into herself in the dark, all shy and innocent, her face so close to mine it made my fingers tingle. I could feel some of her soft, long hair tickling my arm and I could smell her naturally, floral, fruity fragrance.

I felt my face heat up as she leaned even closer to whisper, "but you were also the annoying one," she joked, giggling as she pulled back again and I could feel my breath hitch in my throat. "Do you mind if I go take a shower?" she asked after a couple of seconds, getting to her feet.

"Uh... y-yeah, I mean, no, go ahead," I stuttered, shaking my head, trying to compose myself.

After a few seconds, her face softened as she looked at me and more seriously she whispered, "thank you, by the way." I tilted my head in a way of asking what she meant. "It doesn't matter," she smiled sweetly, looking at me for another silent moment before turning and leaving.

I made sure she was well out of earshot when I finally let out a loud sigh, sounding as though I had been holding my breath for like 5 minutes. I threw myself back into the sofa in exasperation, my arms up behind my head as I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breathing. This was bad.

Olivia's POV
It was nice to have some time alone to think, as the warm water cascaded over my body, warming me as well as cleaning me. I didn't know what to make of the conversation Alex and I had just had. Part of me was hoping it was all just a bit of fun; just silly jokes, but I kept imagining if he had been serious. What would it mean if he was being serious? I honestly felt a little giddy. Like when you have a crush on someone and you get butterflies whenever you think about them. But, I did not have a crush on Alex. I pinched the bridge of my nose, agitated with my own thoughts. On top of all this, I hadn't even began to decide what I was going to say to Derek. I'd have to get back to him soon, but I had just told him I'd have to think about it – not knowing if there was a time limit on that.

As I dried off I decided to take a couple minutes to speak to my mom. I got re-dressed in the same sweats I'd been wearing before and made my way into my room. I dialled her number, sweating nervously. Surely, she'd already be aware of the situation, but I had no idea what her thoughts would be. I imagined she'd absolutely hate the idea.

We spoke for a good hour, a lot of "do what your heart's telling you"s and a few "it's your life"s for good measure. I imagined Dad had gotten to her first and managed to sway her on the decision, because it didn't strike me as the type of thing she'd actually agree to. I told her I was staying with Alex-from-high-school and she questioned me relentlessly. How is he? Are you having fun? Is he still into those weird bands? How long is his hair? Is he still as cute as he used to be? She gushed about how close we had been and how much she'd loved him and then stopped; realising something.

"You're not with Derek?" she asked, confused. I could hear the concern in her voice.

"Uh... no," I answered, unwillingly. I didn't really feel like admitting to my mother that I'd been abandoned across the country.

"...Where is he?" she muttered after a few moments, her teeth gritted from what I could tell.

"New York, with his family," I responded quietly.

"...Olive..." she breathed after a moment, her tone disapproving – as if I had done something wrong. "Are you okay?" she asked after some silence, her voice much softer now. I could tell she was quite irritated, though.

"I'm totally fine," I chirped, my voice an octave higher than usual; indicating I wasn't being totally truthful, "I'm having a good time with Alex," I continued – that was true. "I have to get going," I finally said, hearing my mother sigh constantly down the phone had became rather un-enjoyable, "I'll call you in a couple days," I say, referring to the fact that it was Christmas Eve tomorrow.

"...Okay, goodnight baby, I love you," she said sweetly down the phone, though her annoyance still present. I knew, of course, it wasn't directed at me, but at what she'd just heard and the situation I had been put in. I said my goodbyes and hung up, coming out of the conversation almost less prepared to speak with Derek than I had been before.

I decided I had left Alex downstairs alone for long enough, so I put those thoughts out of my head and made my way back to the living room. I noticed there was no sound coming from the TV or anything, and when I walked into the room I saw that it hadn't been unpaused since I'd left. All I could hear was a faint heavy-breathing coming from the couch. I walked around to see where the noise was coming from and I was faced with a sleeping Gaskarth.

He looked incredibly peaceful, his eyes tight shut whilst his mouth hung ajar slightly. Every deep breath he took, the sound grumbled in the back of his throat – a light snore; his chest puffing up and deflating rhythmically. It was soothing to watch. I stood for a good couple minutes just watching him, the light from the television casting shadows on his face, accentuating his strong jawline; the length of his lashes; the crook of his nose. I couldn't help but smile, taking it all in, standing with my arms folded over my chest. Someone who's asleep can't complain about you staring at them and so I had to take advantage of this opportunity I had been presented with.

After staring at him for a couple more minutes than I would like to admit, I felt myself becoming quite sleepy also. I let out a yawn and watched as he stirred ever so slightly at the noise before turning over and cuddling into the cushions against the back of the couch. I smiled again; he was suddenly so innocent-looking in his slumber.

Reaching for a blanket, I decided not to wake him, but instead just let him stay here for the night. I covered him up, ensuring I was gentle enough not startle him. "Goodnight Alex..." I whispered, my face centimetres from his as I leaned over to peck his cheek as faintly as possible. I would most probably not have done that had he not been unconscious, but it felt right. It wasn't just a casual goodnight kiss, it was more than that; it was a thank you, an I've missed you, an I'm really happy I'm here with you kiss.

With that, I took off up to bed – remembering to turn the TV off and check that the door was locked; a uncontrollable smile plastered on my face. A tiny portion of my brain was screaming WHAT ARE YOU DOING? but the rest of it was whispering Shhhh.... I undressed myself before slipping into bed. My mind felt blank; I'd forgotten about the conversation with my mom, forgotten all about having to speak to Derek – all I could see was the adorable image of Alex grumbling incoherently as he stirred in his sleep, the corners of his mouth tilted in what was almost a smile.

I reached over and grabbed my phone from the nightstand and sent a text to Samuel in my half-asleep haze. I'm screwed I typed, a smile still on my face; not comprehending completely what I was admitting to, but I didn't really care. I just allowed my dozy state to consume me and soon I too was passed out with a smile on my face.

---
The next morning was finally Christmas Eve, although it really didn't feel like it, it felt just like any other day. Usually on Christmas Eve, Derek and I would have breakfast with his parents, they would question me about my career and how sustainable it was, blah blah blah. I'd Skype with my family and Samuel, wishing them all a Merry Christmas before the following busy day. Derek's family would then encourage that we play boardgames, which his father hated and complained about the whole time; Derek's mom would always pretend she didn't know how to play so that Derek could win and I would always pretend to care when eventually he did.

Christmas day with Derek's family was much more formal than it was with my family. His parents had a rather large house – perfect for parties, and so every Christmas was an event for them. They'd invite a ton of people; friends, family, acquaintances; the mail man – anyone, and then hire chefs to actually cook the meal for everyone. It was my least favourite annual event, it was so fake and awkward and just filled with old people I'd never seen before asking me what my wedding dress looked like and then gasping when they discovered we hadn't even began planning the wedding yet.

"Good morning," I heard Alex's raspy voice greet as I walked into the kitchen in just a shirt and some underwear, the air filled with the smell of bacon. He turned to glance at me with a smile, his eyes still a little red and puffy from sleep; I watched as he took a double take, eyeing me, before turning his attention quickly back to the stove.

"Morning, do you need any help?" I questioned, approaching him and looking around him and at the stove. He also had some eggs and pancakes on the go, his hands working overtime to ensure nothing got burnt. I reached over and picked a blueberry out of the box on the counter beside the stove and popped it into my mouth.

"Nah," he mumbled, his voice hoarse, laced with sleep, he raised a hand up to rub at one of his eyes before using it to quickly flip a pancake.

"Here," I said before gesturing that he move over a little, which he did, as I grabbed a spatula and removed the sizzling bacon from one of the pans – clearly crispy enough. I laughed a little as he sighed and apologised, "don't be silly," I assured him before laying out a couple more pieces.

"Good morning, mom and dad," I heard Jack's playful voice from the doorway, the unexpected sound making me jump. He laughed at my surprise, "Sorry, did Gaskarth not let you know about our little breakfast tradition?" he asked, walking over to ruffle Alex's already messy hair.

Following him through the kitchen door was a very sleepy looking Rian, and I was suddenly extremely aware of how scarcely clad I was. I pulled at the bottom of my shirt and shot Alex a little look. He smiled and nudged me, "I don't think anyone minds," he whispered, and I looked away to avoid him seeing my blushing cheeks.

"Smells good," Zack chirped, walking in after Rian, who was dragging his feet and could barely keep his eyes open. Zack shoved him slightly out of the way of the doorway with a light laugh. Every time another one of them appeared I was becoming increasingly startled, I was half expecting a 4th guy I'd never met before to walk through – I wouldn't be surprised, but thankfully not. Zack looked at me and Alex cooking together, me just in a t-shirt, and wrinkled the bridge of his nose quizzically, but he shook whatever question he had out of his mind and made his way over to take a seat at the table with the other two guys.

Alex leaned down a little to whisper a soft "sorry" to me and I just shrugged and continued to help him whilst the other boys chattered and discussed different techniques on how to wake Rian.

"You look great, Liv," Jack chirped from his seat. I turned and saw him leaning back in his chair, arms behind his head, enjoying the view of my ass. I rolled my eyes and laughed, throwing the nearest dishcloth at him – which he caught and swung around his head, "Okay, now the shirt..." he suggested jokingly, wiggling his eyebrows and causing us all to laugh. Typical Jack.

Once all of the food was served and we were seated, Rian finally awake due to the plate of food in front of him, the boys began speaking about the night ahead of them. I zoned out after a while, realising it was none of my business. They had their own plans, and I had no place to interject.

"You invited Liv, right?" Zack asked, looking at Alex, then me and then back to Alex. Alex fidgeted in his seat and I wondered if he didn't want to invite me, to whatever they had been speaking about.

"You don't have to," I laughed lightly, brushing it off and taking another mouthful of pancake.

"No, you have to come!" Jack exclaimed, clearly not picking up on the vibe Alex was giving off, "It's this annual thing we do at The Bear Claw" – I had learned this was the name of the bar Jack worked at – "every Christmas Eve where we have this big karaoke tournament and it's so much fun!" he gushed, his eyes lighting up just like they did anytime he spoke about his job. I was so glad he was enjoying his job, I always imagined he wouldn't be happy unless he was making music, but it seemed like he really loved what he did.

"Uh... I don't know," I mumble, glancing over at Alex who still looked a little sceptical.

"Oh, come on..." Rian pestered, "we all dress up nice and get super drunk- Oh!" he interrupted himself with a new thought, "and you can meet Cass and Amelia!" he exclaimed, nudging Zack, who also seemed excited by this.

"Sorry, who?" I ask, taking a bite of bacon, trying to seem interested but not too excited in case Alex really didn't want me there. These were, after all, his friends and his traditions.

"Mine and Zack's girlfriends!" Rian exclaims and I can't help but grin and perk up at that; instantly intrigued and eager to know more about them, "it'll be fun and I always put on a fucking great performance," he raised his eyebrows and the remaining boys laughed loudly at that.

"Do the rest of you perform?" I ask through my laughter.

"I have to judge," Jack pouted, "all the bar staff do, but," he exclaimed the last word, pointing a finger at Rian, "if I could,you'd be in big trouble, boy." Rian scoffed teasingly at that.

"Yeah, no..." Zack laughed as I turned my attention to him, "not my thing," he insisted and then shot Alex a sly look – clearly picking up on his weirdness.

"Do you?" I asked, turning to Alex and trying to break the tension.

"Oh, no way!" Jack interjected, grabbing my attention, "the karaoke tournament is strictly for horrifically bad and/or cringe-worthy contestants," he explained, glaring at Alex, "this guy..." he pointed at him in mock-anger, "one year, completely shit-faced, he gets up and belts out Whitney fucking Houston, no joke," all of us are laughing now, including Alex, I look at him with raised eyebrows and he shrugs smugly, "and everyone's like fuck yeah! 10 out of 10! which is mad unfair!" Jack exclaims, a look of disgust on his face, "so now, any actually good acts are immediately disqualified, I refuse to be played like that again," he glares at Alex, who takes a bow in his seat playfully.

"It sounds like a lot of fun..." I trail off, my eyes focused on my breakfast, but I catch Zack shooting Alex another look.

"You should come," Alex says after a couple minutes and I look at him, to make sure he doesn't look annoyed about it, but he just smiles at me and so I smile back.

"Okay," I whisper, my eyes still on his as the rest of the table rejoices at my agreement, although I'm still a little unsure.

"I'm gonna blow you away..." Rian whispers dramatically and we all laugh.

Notes

sorry, this chapter's a little long, but i didn't want it to be all filler, i wanted it set up the next chapter so sorry ahaha
thank u everyone who's gave me really nice feedback!! i'm so appreciative!!

- emily x