Smooth Criminal

I’ve been told my entire life that I had entirely too much sass and charisma for someone who only stood at a meek five feet and five inches. I used to get in so much trouble in preschool for calling the other children out on whatever crap they tried to start with me, being sure that I was the one who was going to end it. I spent a good majority of elementary school in the principal’s office for talking back to teachers, believing wholeheartedly that my opinion was the one and only true answer to any and everything. By the time I had started middle school, I had learned how to keep my voice to myself unless one of Parker’s friends tried to mess with me. In high school, I had completely buried the sassy girl who took no shit from anyone, turning into Stella Lucille Underwood - Sargant Underwood’s angel of a daughter who could do no wrong. I had taken on the reputation of the poster child of perfection while my other two siblings wrecked havoc upon the city of Baltimore in any way they could without my father taking notice. But the second Alexander William Gaskarth came into my life, that girl who was filled to the brink with chaos and disorder began to reappear; slowly at first, and then, as if someone had snapped their fingers, all at once. So I was at a total loss for words as I sat in Zack and Rian’s room, searching for any trace of the girl who had made her great comeback appearance in my life, only to be met with a million dead ends.

“He hates me,” I whimpered, staring at the same spot on the aztec patterned carpeting that my eyes had been set on for the last hour.
“Stella, he doesn’t hate you,” Rian sighed, running his pudgy, calloused fingers through his long, wavy hair. I lifted my gaze to meet the drummer’s eyes.
“I told him that he made me want to kill myself,” I deadpanned. “Using his brother’s suicide to emphasize my point.” I let out a scoff and folded my arms tightly against my chest. “He hates me.”
“Just go fucking talk to him, Stells.” Zack got up from his spot beside me on his bed and was standing in front of my sulking figure. “Worst case scenario, you apologize and he declines it. We go home tomorrow and the two of you never talk to each other again.”
I blinked rapidly as a lifeless, unamused expression lingered on my face. “Yeah, okay…” I elongated the ‘O’ as much as possible as the word spilled out of my mouth. I allowed the top part of my body to fall limp, wrapping my arms tightly around my calves. “A zombie apocalypse sounds better than your worst case scenario, dude.” I could feel Zack roll his eyes at the back of my head.
“Holy shit, Stells. I love you, I really do. But you need to stop being a massive baby and just go talk to Alex,” Rian chided me as he walked to the mini fridge to get a bottle of water. I followed his Nike shoe clad feet with my eyes as a thousand unfinished thoughts raced through my hyperactive mind. I shut my eyes tightly and filled my lungs with as much air as they’d allow and held it in for a second.
“Fine,” I exhaled the air. “I’ll be back.”
My body immediately went into autopilot mode, detaching itself from my brain completely. If I thought any longer about what I was doing, I’d chicken out (again) and run back to my room, leaving everything unresolved. I forced myself to resurrect the strong, sassy girl I thought I had lost somewhere along the drama and I held on to her for dear life. If I went into this without any sort of sense of false confidence, I would be a goner for sure. So as I found myself in front of the hotel room that was currently sheltering Jack and Alex, I took in a final deep breath and knocked firmly as I exhaled. No noise came from the other side but I stayed put. As three whole minutes ticked by and there was still no sign of anyone coming to let me in, or even open the door to tell me to fuck off, I turned on my heel and began walking away.
“So much for an apology,” I muttered as I hung my head in defeat.
“Stella?”
I stopped dead in my tracks at the voice behind me. He sounded so dead inside… The voice I had come to know and love for being so full of life and joy and spunk was gone. He sounded absolutely hollow and dead. And it was my fault.
Taking in a shaky breath, I slowly turned around to face Alex with caution.
“Hi,” I whispered weakly, offering the tiniest of smiles as my face would allow. Alex’s eyes looked me up and down before he motioned me to come into the hotel room with the nod of his head, his shaggy bangs falling down in his eyes. As we both retreated into the room, an eerie silence fell over the room and I shifted awkwardly on my feet as he sat down on one of the unmade beds. The silence was so strong, I was afraid to break it.
“What happened last night?” He finally asked in a low, concerned voice.
My mouth hung open in shock. After everything I had said, everything I had done, and he wasn’t yelling or screaming at me like I had secretly hoped he would have. I deserved it. Oh, god, did I deserve it.
“Alex,” I whimpered. I wanted to explain everything. I wanted to tell him how badly he had hurt me. But it all just seemed so silly and irrelevant compared to what I had done to him.
“Start from the beginning.” His voice sounded like he had thought long and hard about whether he wanted to hear my side of the story or not. Apparently he came to the conclusion that he should give me the benefit of the doubt and hear me out. I didn’t deserve this at all.
“You sang ‘Noel,’” I blurted out. I looked at him for any type of retaliation but was only met with him nodding his head, so I continued. “Alex, I would rather have stuck my hand on a burning stove top then listen to you sing a song about her… So I panicked. I ran. I went to get my shit so I could leave and clear my head. And then,” I let out a long sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose before going on, “this guy started following me and we ended up talking. He bought me some wine and we just walked around talking and drinking. The alcohol hit me a lot harder than it usually does and I guess I got super drunk…” Alex let out a scoff and I shot him a look with narrowed eyes. “That’s all I remember. I don’t remember anything else, Alex. I have no idea how or when I got back to the hotel. I don’t remember anything that happened when I got inside the room. It’s all just a massive void in time that I have no recollection of except for these bruises and the massive hole in my chest. And I understand if you hate me, but you have to know that I’m so incredibly sorry… I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to say anything to tear you down. I was just so hurt and lost and confused. I just love you so much, it kills me when you do anything in regards to her. It fucking sucks.” In the midst of my babbling, I never once stopped to process what had come from my mouth. So it took me by surprise when Alex stood up from the edge of the bed, walked over to me, and cradled my face in his hands.
“I love you, too,” he whispered before capturing my lips with his own. I immediately relaxed into his touch and closed my eyes; the anxiety I was feeling melted away at the words that he spoke.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered as a single tear rolled down my cheek. “Zack told me what I said and I’ve been physically sick all morning just thinking about how awful I am… Alex, you have got to know that I didn’t mean a single damn word I said last night. I was drunk and angry. And I don’t know why I said it. But I didn’t mean any of it.”
Alex stared intently into my eyes as I spoke with a soft smirk playing at his lips. “Are you done?” I peered back into his eyes with wide, apologetic eyes and bit my lip. “Good. Because I forgive you. It hurts too much to be mad at you.” A gigantic smile lit up my face and I pulled Alex’s lips to mine as I mumbled something about him being weird and to just kiss me already.
“So you love me, huh?” Alex finally pulled away with a grin.
“Something like that, yeah.” I smiled back at the boy and kissed his cheek. His eyes wandered down to my bare arms and a look of terror haunted his gaze. He began to say something, but I cut him off by placing another short, sweet kiss on his lips. “Don’t. I know you’re sorry. But you and I both know I deserve it.”
“You didn’t deserve this at all… I have never touched a woman in my life and I fucking attacked you. What the hell did I do?” Alex lifted my tank top to see if there were any further bruises and let out a sigh through his nose when he saw the dark purple blemish forming near my left ribs.
“Alex.” I cupped his chin with my hands and forced him to look at me. “I don’t care what happened. My knife cut deeper than your’s. You were being attacked and you fought back like any other person would have. I swear to you, I’m fine. We are fine.”
“Stella Lucille Underwood… What have I ever done to deserve such an amazing woman?” Alex showered my face with sweet kisses as I hugged him closer to my body. “Be my girlfriend.”
I stood still, my body hit with the shock of the words that were just thrown at me. “W-What?”
“Stella, I love you. You drive me crazy in the worst and best ways possible. My life would be a total disaster without you in it… Will you please make me the happiest guy in the universe and be my girlfriend?”
“Yes,” I said without any hesitation. I pushed my lips against his familiar, loving lips, kissing him with everything I had in me. “A million times yes.”
And just like that, my life was exactly where I needed it to be once again.

Notes