Ash’s POV
Fortunately for me, the busride did not take much longer after my ‘outburst’, meaning that I didn’t have to sit in the awkward silence that was trying it’s best to suffocate me. I had just confirmed everybody’s rumours just to get one kid to shut up. Was it really worth it? Now everybody knew for sure, which was both a pro and a con. There was no uncertainty anymore, letting everybody know I was screwed up, but now people also couldn’t make up stuff about me anymore. I wasn’t so sure what I preferred, though: people thinking they knew what was going on, but leaving me alone; or everybody knowing what I wanted to hide forever.

I just didn’t know.

Hopefully it wasn’t going to ruin this entire trip for me. I was already not looking forward to it, but now I also had to deal with all this.

We were all standing in the lobby of some motel-like building, waiting to be assigned our rooms. Suitcases were littering the floor, while kids were talking and others were misbehaving. I just wanted to find out who I was sharing a room with, put my stuff in it, get on with the day, and go right back to bed. So, yes, I was basically hiding. It wasn’t like I couldn’t feel all the stares I didn’t see. Seriously, everybody already knew, but it was like they had gotten a whole new reason to give me looks and whisper about me.

“Ok, guys!” The teacher came back to our large group having gotten the keys to the rooms, “There are two people to a room. Girls with girls, please, and boys with boys. You guys get to choose who you’re bunking with.”

Everybody quickly glanced at their best friends, grabbing each other in excitement. It wasn’t everyday that we got to choose who to work with, let alone who we got to share a room with for a week. Groups were being made very quickly, chaos being caused by people running to the other side of the room. However, I had a little problem. Right in front of me, Harper and Lianne reached out for each other as quickly as possible, claiming each other as the person they wanted to be stuck with for the next couple of nights. All around me, people were already paired up. I couldn’t find another soul to possibly share a room with; everybody already had a friend.

But then I saw Alex was having the same exact problem. Rian and Jack had paired up, leaving Alex to fend for himself. Normally everybody would jump to the chance to hang out with him, but he was standing in the back somewhere, where nobody could really see him. Just like I was, he looked around the room to see if he could find anybody. I sighed and picked up my bag before walking up to him. We made eye contact and his small frown immediately turned into a sneaky grin.

“So, who are you stuck with?” He asked me as soon as I was stood next to him, watching the crowd in front of us chat away happily.

“I’m just like you,” I shrugged and rested my head against his shoulder, “a lone wolf.”

“If only we could share a room,” he whispered into my ear, secretly kissing the top of my head, hoping nobody saw the innocent PDA.

I really wouldn’t have minded sharing a room with him, to be honest. It had only been a couple of days since his mother made all those rules for us, but that didn’t mean I didn’t already miss being able to cuddle up next to him every night. We had been sleeping in separate beds, in separate rooms, every single night since we had been caught. Sure, it did mean that neither of us had been having problems, which was a good thing, but still. Alex had already been trying to convince me to cheat the system and just have one of us occasionally fake that something was wrong, but I still was too much of a goody-two-shoes. I wasn’t going to break the rules.

“Mr. Gaskarth, Ms. Collins, I said no boys and girls together,” the teacher was suddenly stood in front of us with a list of names, looking at us disapprovingly. He was writing down who was staying with whom and which room they had, but seeing us together now meant things weren’t going to be as easy as he hoped.

I shook my head and took a small step away from Alex, “I wasn’t planning on it, but I wasn’t able to find anybody. I saw Alex was alone as well, so I decided to go up to him, so you could deal with both of us and figure out what you want to do.”

“Oh, ok, well, if you say there aren’t any other people… Maybe I can switch some people around…” he thought out loud and started looked at all of my classmates.

Jack immediately raised his hand enthusiastically and didn’t even wait for the teacher to call his name before he started talking, making Alex glare at him for what he said first, “I would be happy to switch with Alex. However, I don’t know how that would help… whatever you do will make a girl and guy have to share a room. I think you can trust Alex and Ash to do that, though. They already live together and nothing’s ever happened. You can trust that nothing will happen now either.”

Oh, how that poor boy was wrong. He didn’t know a thing, and thought he was only telling the truth. Little did he know, though, that it was completely the opposite. He was helping our case however… From one perspective, he was so overprotective of me, but from the other, he was also trying to convince the teacher to allow me to stay with another guy. It might have been different if it wasn’t Alex, but I was still confused. Just a couple of days before, he had been telling Alex to keep his hands off me. Jack was just a confusing guy, though.

“Ok, but if I anything does happen, I will be making you both stay with me or one of the other teachers,” our geography teacher handed us a key, wrote down our names, and went up to Rian and Jack next.

“Fuck yeah!” Alex exclaimed, but not loud enough for the teacher to hear. He grabbed my hand as soon as I had picked up my suitcase, and started dragging me in the direction of where our room was supposed to be. I quickly looked back at Jack who gave me a weary look, but I just gave him a big smile back and a small nod. Everything was ok.

Our room, just like all of the others, consisted of two queen sized beds, a small bathroom, a desk with desk chair, and a TV. Pretty impressive for a school trip, if you ask me. We both found a spot to keep our suitcases before Alex jumped onto one of the beds, lying down on his back. I Immediately decided to follow, and fell right on top of him. After groaning out in pain, he wrapped his arms around my body to keep me from sliding off.

“We finally get to share a bed again!” He chuckled in relief, pressing me even closer to him.

“Oh, so you’re trying to say that we are sharing a bed?” I teased, lifting myself off him a bit by propping myself up on my elbows, “There are two beds here.”

“Ah, no, sorry, that’s just a make-believe bed. It’s not actually there.”

I couldn’t help but grin at his comment as I went to kiss him in the safety of our room.

----

The first day in New York wasn’t that exciting for me. We all went to a museum because the trip had to be educational, but I was very tired. I was having trouble keeping my eyes open, I occasionally felt dizzy, and I was have exceptionally bad cramps. But I just had to keep smiling like nothing was wrong. It would only make Jack and Alex worried, and give something else for everybody to talk about. People often didn’t feel well, I didn’t have to make it seem like my case was an different.

However, when the entire class decided to have a small ‘party’ at the recreation room they had at this place, I still went. I had to start putting myself out there more, to make myself better. Or at least make it seem like I was doing much better. As hard as it was to forget about what had happened, I felt like I really had to. I had my whole life planned, I wasn’t going to let somebody like Luke get between that. My grades weren’t doing too good, and I really couldn’t afford that. Slowly but surely I was already starting to forget him, but now I really had to make the last couple of steps. Of course starting a new relationship was something I would have expected to come last, but that didn’t happen. I was just going to have to do it my own way.

The party wasn’t exactly one, it was more like a hang out. Of course there wasn’t any alcohol, so nobody was acting weird, and the teachers were close by at the very beginning. Things were very calm and moderated. Eventually, though, the teachers left and some kids who were way too tired started making their way back to their hotel rooms. There was still a handful of us left; around 20. We were all sitting in a circle, playing truth or dare (I know, such a childish game). Jack was to my left, and Alex had squeezed in to sit to my right. But, hey, I didn’t mind. Many of the dares we got were with the people next to us. We had all written a couple on pieces of paper before putting them in a cup. That way we wouldn’t have any people be blamed for making some really shitty ones.

Since I had already spilled my guts once today, I decided to go for a dare. Maybe it would also help me break out of my shell a little bit. It wasn’t like they were freakishly sexual, since we didn’t want the teachers walking in on us doing something. This literally was the childish version of the game, which required people to run around without a shirt on or something. You know, the version played when you’re still 12 and think it’s all so funny and risky.

But my dare was a little different than all those other ones:
Make out with the person on your left.

My eyes went wide. The piece of paper wanted me to kiss Jack, my boyfriend’s best friend, right in front of his eyes! Oh my god. No, I couldn’t do this. But Alex probably knew nothing would ever happen between Jack and I, right? He wouldn’t get jealous about that. And Jack didn’t have feelings for me, so it didn’t matter, right? Nothing to worry about. I ‘kissed’ him before, so it wasn’t a problem. And I wasn’t exactly too scared to do it, because, come on, it was Jack.

“What does it say?” Harper urged with a giggle, always being the one who really loved these games.

“Umm, make out with the person on your left,” I mumbled with a frown. Her giggle immediately stopped, and Alex stiffed up at my words. He knew that I was being asked to kiss someone who wasn’t him, while Harper was too afraid to see what it would possibly do to me.

It took a while for Jack to figure out that this was about him, but he also froze up when he finally realised. The whole mood of the entire group had changed. Everybody was quiet, expecting me to react badly. They all thought I was too damaged to do it. But I was thinking differently.

I turned to Jack and smiled, running through my reasoning again, before starting to climb into his lap. “Come on, buddy, let’s do this.”

“What?” He questioned, looking around the circle before his eyes rested on me again, “Umm… ok…?”

I gave him one last preppy smile before cupping both his cheeks and making our lips meet. Jack wasn’t sure what to do at first and just sat there as I went straight to kissing him. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but soon gave into it, allowing me to lead. As I deepened it, his hands left their awkward position on the floor, and went to my hips instead. It was a whole lot different from kissing Alex. Sure, Jack was a good kisser, but their wasn’t any meaning behind the action. The way his hair tickled my forehead, and his touch did not make me feel butterflies, nor were there any tingles. My heart stayed calm and wasn’t beating like crazy. While I still like it, it didn’t make me feel anything.

Alex refused to look in my direction when I got off of Jack and sat back down on the floor instead. He stayed for one more dare, before standing up and leaving. I knew it was about me kissing Jack, but he was trying to make it seem like it wasn’t that by not running away as soon as it happened. Nobody really looked up as it happened, but I followed him immediately by using the excuse that he had the key and that I had no idea where our room was. Everybody bought it, and I ran to catch up with him.

“Alex, is everything ok?” I asked as I finally saw him already at the door, unlocking it with the key.

He nodded, opening the door a bit to hard, making it hit the wall and bounce back, but not with too much force. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Alex…” I sighed, walking in as well, making sure the door was closed behind me so nobody could walk in on us, “I know you’re not fine and I know it’s about me kissing Jack. I’m not even going to act like I don’t know it’s that.”

“Well, yeah, I don’t exactly like seeing you kiss somebody else. I mean, you probably wouldn’t like me kissing another girl.” He turned around to look at me, leaning against the desk.

“Of course I wouldn’t. I completely understand, but it’s Jack! Jack’s Jack. It should be self explanatory. He’s your best friend, he’s one of my best friends. It was a dare. Seriously, I don’t think I’ll ever see him than more than that. I thought you knew that, otherwise I would have never done it.”

“I just don’t want you kissing other guys, you’re my girlfriend.”

“Don’t say that,” I deadpanned, not moving an inch.

Alex stared at me, not understanding where I was coming from. “What?”

“Don’t you dare say that!”

“What? That you’re my girlfriend and that I don’t want you--”

“Don’t you fucking dare say that! Luke always said that! He would always go on about the things I couldn’t do because I was his girlfriend. Don’t you dare go down that line! Don’t. You. Dare.”

He started tearing up, trying to hide it by wiping his eyes before the tears would fall. “You see, this is why you should be together with Jack. I always screw up. Jack’s been perfect to you. He just does the right things without even trying. It’s much better if you’re with someone like him. I don’t know what you’re doing with me when you can easily be with him.”

“But I don’t want to be with him. Haven’t I already made it clear that I really don’t have any feelings for him. That kiss was just a kiss, nothing else. When you kissed me, I actually decided to kiss you back for a reason, you know. The one with Jack didn’t make me feel anything. I promise you. Seriously, I would be very upset if we broke up now, after being together for only two weeks. ”

“Really?”

I took a deep breath. “Yeah.”

Before I knew what was going on, Alex rushed over and surprised me by going straight for a kiss. He had one hand behind my head to start it off. Like he was trying to show me that he was better than Jack, he quickly deepened the kiss, making it more hungry and desperate. I didn’t hesitate to keep up with the pace, loving the feeling he always made rush through me; the feeling that I didn’t get with Jack. Alex’s long hair was sending electricity through the skin it was grazing, his lips warm and welcoming, the touch of his hand comforting me while also giving me a strong sense of desire. It was perfect to me.

When Alex pulled away, he rested his forehead against mine to catch his breath. “I love you.”

My eyes went wide, my heart beat even faster. I slowly pulled away even further, searching his face for any explanation. But there was none. I didn’t know what to do.

Before the silence got any longer, there was a knock on the door and Jack calling out my name. I finally took a completely step away from Alex, still looking at him with a shocked expression. “I, umm, yeah…”

And that was when I left Alex alone in the room and went out to see Jack instead. I did not know what had just happened, but I really needed some time to think about it, I just didn’t know when I’d get that time.

Jack greeted me as I came out of the room, but immediately noticed something was off about me. After I shook it off, he decided to leave it be, but I couldn’t take my mind off what Alex had said. I didn’t know if he meant it or if it was just impulsive. We had only been together for two weeks, so I did not understand how he could possibly feel that way so soon. I just didn’t know.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” I asked Jack as I took him down the hallway a bit.

“Umm… just about what happened before. I just want to clear some stuff up,” he told me with an insightful look and a nod.

“Okay.”

“So, umm… do you have any… umm… feelings for me?”

Was this really happening right now? First Alex and now Jack? I didn’t need this much on my mind! I just really hoped this wasn’t going to go into the direction I really hoped it wouldn’t. There was no way I would be able to explain that to Alex after my whole ‘speech’ back in the room.

I shook my head and gave him a small sympathetic smile just in case. “No… I’m sorry if that hurts you or anything.”

“No, it doesn’t, don’t worry,” he grinned back, “It’s just, you didn’t even hesitate. I didn’t think much of it, but Rian started over analyzing things and talked me into it. I just wanted to make sure, because I honestly I also only think of you as a friend. I actually have an eye on someone else.”

“Oh my god, really? No way!” I exclaimed and laughed a little at Jack’s blushing face. “Who is she?”

He shrugged as he became shy. “I don’t even think she likes me back, so it doesn’t really matter. I don’t know.”

I pouted. “That’s too bad. I’m sure she likes you though. You’re Jack Barakat! You can get anyone you want if you set your heart to it. Tell me who it is so I can help you! Do I know her?”

“Yes, you might know her, but no, I won’t tell you.”

“Fine. I’ll just let you know Alex had the same problem at the beginning of the year, but you probably already knew that. Some girl who he liked, but she didn’t like him back. They started becoming friends, but I haven’t really heard much about it since… I never got to know who she was. She’s probably just a bitch if she can’t be bothered to realise.”

But now he has me, I mentally added.

“Oh, yeah, haha,” Jack shuffled around awkwardly, “she probably is… Anyway, I’ve got to go before Rian overanalyzes things again.”

And with that I was left with my thoughts again, both Alex and Jack confusing me.

Notes

So, yeah, I didn't manage to write before school started, like I actually wanted to. I just haven't been motivated lately. It sucks, but I just can't do it. The worst part is that it isn't just for this story, but all of them. I don't have a writer's block, and I do have time, but I can't get myself to do it. I don't know why.

Anyway, drama llama. Jack is back!

By the way, I've started putting my stories up on Wattpad. It's only a couple of chapter of Hospital Beds and Memories, and one chapter of this story. I'll work on putting them up, but the formatting takes me ages. So, you can check them out if you want. They're on my profile. There's not much point of reading on there if you read them here, but some people might like it better. I'm just warning you it might take a bit before all the chapters are up there, and I will continue to update here first.