Alex’s POV
Things were weird as soon as Ash started to attend school again. My mum said it would be fine for her to stay back for even longer, but Ash herself now wanted to try going back to school. She had already been back for a day and a half, and things were going so much different than I had expected. No, the rumours weren’t overpowering her, they actually barely existed anymore. I sometimes heard whispers behind our back, but Ash didn’t seem to realise at all. Either that, or she was ignoring it completely. I didn’t know if she was strong enough for the latter, though.

Stewart’s group was still going at it, though. They were laughing at her coming back, telling people that it would have been so much better for everyone if she just stayed and hid away and never showed her face ever again. I could not have Ash hear any of that. So, I got Rian, Jack, Harper, and Lianne, to help me direct Ash away whenever we got close to them. We couldn’t even let her suspect a thing. I was so happy she decided to make the big steps of coming back to school, I didn’t want anything scaring her away again

So, yeah, basically I was at her side all the time. I just didn’t dare to leave her alone; not because I was afraid of what she would do, but because I was afraid of what others would do to her. Yes, it probably was like that because I wasn’t going to let myself be the reason why she got hurt again. I could not handle that happen to me another time.

Speaking of which, the nightmares had started coming a lot less frequently. I think I was just slowly coming to terms with the fact that Ash had forgiven me, and that I couldn’t change it anymore. Of course I still felt terrible, but with Ash’s encouragement I was able to push through it. It only showed how much Ash and I had actually been helping each other through all of this, even though it just made my feelings for her any stronger.

God, it didn’t matter what happened to her, I would still be in love with her. She could have been mauled by a bear, and I would still think she was the most beautiful thing alive; she could curse at me, call me names, and I’d still feel like she had the best personality ever. I was head of heels for her and there was no coming out of it. In all seriousness, I was just stuck and fixated on her, nothing and nobody else could get my attention away from her.

Today was going to be the first day I dared to bring Jack, Rian, and Zack over again. We had plans to just hang out and talk about the band. There were some exciting things coming up for us, and we just really wanted to discuss what was going to happen next. You are probably wondering why we wouldn’t just do it at the frequent band practises we had. Well, those meet ups weren’t that frequent anymore, quite the opposite actually. We decided to stop for a while because of Ash. Jack had suggested it when she was still staying with him. I was quite pissed at the beginning, but still agreed, and now I just really thanked him for the idea. The last week, I would not have wanted to go to band practise; I was too busy with Ash, trying to make her feel better and be there for her.

As soon as we arrived at my house, the guys and I retreated to my bedroom to go over the letter we had received. We also wanted Ash to come and join us, since we wanted to share everything with her as well, but she said she had other things to do. She claimed she had too much catching up to do, even though I knew the teachers were going easy on her for now.

When I went to close my bedroom door, I saw Ash slip into the bathroom with her school bag. I raised my eyebrows in confusion, but decided to make nothing of it. Girls could be confusing sometimes, it wasn’t my place to judge her for that. Shrugging, I fully closed the door and took a seat on the floor, resting my back against my bed.

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Ash’s POV

Just do it, just knock on the door and open it. My body was shaking uncontrollably as I looked back down at what I was holding in my hands. I couldn’t believe what was going on; I needed somebody to explain it to me. All I had to do was walk into Alex’s bedroom, and there would be four guys to tell me what was going on. It didn’t sound that difficult, right? Well, it definitely was. I couldn’t stop thinking about them judging me for it.

Inside, I knew exactly how it happened, but I didn’t want to give in. I didn’t want to believe it. To me, it seemed more like some sick joke, like something that didn’t just happen like that. I never thought anything like this would happen to me, but that’s what everybody though, and yet it happened quite often. Nothing could have prepared me for it, though.

If you are already guessing what it was, then great. You’ve probably got it right. I’m pretty sure most people already know. With all the signs and me being sinister about it now, you probably already figured it out before I did. I mean, of course it had to happen to me, because it wasn’t like my life was fucked up enough already. Nope, that wasn’t how it ever worked for me.

Now, all I had to do was knock on that stupid door, go to Alex and Jack for comfort… and let Rian and Zack know as well… Everything would be fine, right? Just go ahead and knock, Ash, it’s what you have to do! I just needed to build up the courage. Alex told me I could always walk in, so everything would be completely fine.

I stayed still in front of the door, listening to their muffled conversation. I couldn’t hear a thing, and how no idea what it was about, but I didn’t just want to interrupt. However, if I didn’t do it now, then I would never do it. So, I put up my empty hand against the door, hiding my other hand behind my back, and slowly knocked.

Somebody shouted a come in, and I suspected it to be Alex. It was now or never. I gathered my last bit of confidence, taking a deep breath. I could do this! But as I comfortably opened the door only to see the four guys looking at me expectantly, I freaked the fuck out. Forget all that confidence I had built up before, this shit was way too much for me to do.

I slammed the door shut, not being able to do it anyway. Tears were prickling my eyes as I rushed down the hallway before sliding down the wall right next to the bathroom. This was one of those contemplating suicide moments. I just wanted to be out of this misery, maybe I’d be with my mom, somewhere happy.

“Ash? What’s wrong?” Alex and Jack both came out of the room, seeing my figure at the opposite end of the hallways.

“N-nothing,” I breathed in and out heavily. My whole composure gave me away completely, and it didn’t help that I had actually started crying. It was completely and blatantly obvious that I was far from ok, even though it finally seemed like I was doing better today.

They both took a seat either side of me, Alex to my right while Jack was to my left. Jack took this chance to wrap an arm around me, letting me lean into his side and cry into his shoulder.
Alex carefully and slowly rubbed my leg, trying to comfort me. I knew it was supposed to make me feel better, but I just felt disgusting, like they shouldn’t be there for me.

“Tell us what’s wrong, Ash,” Alex whispered to me, trying to make eye contact while I was refusing it.

I handed him the plastic stick I was holding, the plus sign clearly visible.

Notes

I'm so sorry for this very short chapter than ends on a cliffhanger! I wish I could leave it off differently, especially since this is all you're going to get for three weeks... I'm going on holiday tomorrow for two and a half weeks, so I probably won't get anything up as soon as I get back, it will take a while.
I so want to let you guys know what's going to happen next, but you'll have to wait, as much as it pains me.
Just please don't hate me for this!