Ash’s POV
I was sat on Jack’s unmade bed. The bruises all over my body, which were once dark purple, were now coming closer to blue, some even starting to turn yellow. I felt disgusting. Wherever I looked, the mark on my body made me feel sick. Not only did they look unhealthy and gruesome, but I knew exactly how I got each of them, the images becoming more lively every single time I closed my eyes.

It had been exactly a week since the entire thing happened. I had stayed with Jack that entire time, sharing his bed every night and only occasionally leaving his room. Alex still came over nearly every day, demanding to see me, but I was either faking being asleep or Jack was actually able to hold him back before he could get to me. I didn’t understand why he wanted to see me so badly, because I desperately wanted to avoid him.

But that was going to have to change today. It might have already been 11am on a Wednesday, but today was the first day I was going to go back to school. I didn’t have to go the entire day, as obvious by the time it currently was, but I had to go back and get used to it. As much as I despised that idea, I knew it was the right thing to do. I couldn’t just keep hiding out here for the rest of my life.

Jack was going to be with me the entire day, however. It just so coincidentally happened that the last couple of classes we had on a Wednesday were classes we were both in. He got to stay with me the entire morning, not having to go to school or wake up early. We both slept in, huddled up underneath the covers, his arms wrapped around me.

I could swear that Jack’s parents were suspecting that something was going on between their son and me, but I could confirm nothing was. We both decided to forget about that super short kiss we shared, although he had told Alex about it. I didn’t know why it was so urgent to tell him, because if it were up to me, I wouldn’t have told anybody. But Jack insisted. And, yes, Jack and I were always cuddled up together, but that was only being he was here for me and I actually trusted him. I needed somebody, and Jack just happened to be the perfect person for that. But there were no romantic feelings involved. It wasn’t like I was ready for anything like that anyway… I probably was never going to be.

Jack was still trying to find some clothes in his closet for him to wear. I had been awake for quite a long time, but couldn’t help but stay quietly in Jack’s arms for the last two hours he still slept. This had also been hard on his and I wasn’t going to take his rest away from him; he was already giving me so much!

He placed a pair of black skinny jeans and a black Blink-182 hoodie next to me. While he pulled off his pajama shirt, I picked up the hoodie and looked at it before pulling it on myself. The clothes I was wearing made me feel so uncomfortable and exposed. It was only pair of gray tight sweatpants and a plain light blue t-shirt, but the sleeveless top made me cringe. All my bruises were out there for the world to see. I did mentally thank Isobel for giving me sweatpants instead of jeans, though. But she didn’t know how bad the situation was on my arms, so I couldn’t blame her. Jack’s sweater made me feel more secure, though. It was way too big, the sleeves going inches past the tips of my fingers, the length of the article going down to my midthigh. But it made me feel better.

“Oh,” Jack put away his shirt as was about to put on the sweater, only to find that I was already wearing it. He could only chuckle, “I guess we can do that as well.”

I gave him a small thankful smile and watched as he turned back around to his closet. The boy was really lanky, even worse than Alex was, but it fit him. I pulled the hood over my head, planning to spend the rest of the day like that. I didn’t want anybody to see me or see what happened to me. Everybody was going to judge. They would all be able to find out just looking at me.

As Jack put on something else, I just sat there quietly trying my best not to watch him, but it was nearly impossible with how his room was designed. I decided to look at the floor instead, not wanting to invade his privacy. The house was quiet. Every small creak and thump was heard loudly, giving everything an eerie and lonely tang. Jack’s parents were both out, allowing everything the echo from the walls. The only clear sound I could hear was mine and Jack’s quiet and calm breathing. Everything was so peaceful here. I didn’t want to leave. As soon as I would enter the school building everybody would start whispering, heckling, and shouting. I couldn’t deal with that.

My breath got shaky, my heart telling me to hide away for just a bit longer. It was dangerous out there, even though I was trying to tell myself otherwise. Before I knew it, a loud sob wracked from my lungs, disrupting the serenity.

Jack’s head snapped toward the sound, his eyes falling on my shaking body. He rushed over, quickly pulling his shirt down his torso. His warm arms wrapped around me as he rested his chin on top of my head.

“You don’t have to go if you’re not ready yet,” he whispered, running his fingers through my hair to calm me down. I tried my best to hold back all the tears and whimpers, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength.

And I nearly gave in… nearly.

----

The car ride to school was different. It wasn’t the normal drive by houses and people, no it was terrifying. Every dark corner and small alleyway screamed at me, trying to lure me in yet keeping me away. Evil could be lurking in those areas, trying to hurt me. I was afraid that Luke could be sitting in any of the cars around us, waiting to get his chance to take me. Secretly I knew it wasn’t possible, but I couldn’t help the fear that was consuming me.

Nerves were rushing through me as we first arrived at school. Nobody was outside, meaning we had just avoided lunch. I was so afraid we would come while break was still going on. Then everybody would actually see me, but not the halls were empty and everybody was behind a door. Nobody could look through a wooden door. Right?

We first went to the administration’s office to get out late slips. Jack mom had already called in to tell the school that we were going to be late, but I didn’t know if anybody here, except for Jack, knew what had happened. There was never any conversation about telling teachers, and I really hoped they didn’t know. If teachers knew, kids would know in no time, and rumours would be spreading around. If any of that were true, I was going to run.

The lady behind the desk handed us the notes, giving us both a smile, even Jack who often came here without a valid reason for being late. It must have been a miracle to see him with an actual reason. And then it was time for us to find our next class: history. Alex was in that class as well. He would be the first person to see me.

In no time we were in front of the closed door. The sound of the teacher talking could be heard through the thin piece of wood, clear enough to know she was explaining, but muffled enough to not know what she was saying. If i would have been able to make out her words, I would have begged Jack to let me stay here to listen in. But that wasn’t an option.

I stood behind him while he knocked on the door, opening it soon after. The entire class went quiet and I knew everybody was looking in our direction. I couldn’t do this. While Jack walked right in, I quickly hid behind the wall so nobody would have ever known that I was there. There were some comments about Jack finally being here, and I knew I had made the right choice. They were also going to make comments about me.

“Nice of you to join us, Jack,” the teacher told him, obviously pretty annoyed that he was disrupting the entire class.

“You’re welcome, but--” he stopped halfway through his sentence that had made people already laugh. “Wait. I’ll be right back, I gotta get something.”

“Jack, you already disturbed once, go take a seat.”

“Trust me on this one.”

“Ja--”

And then I heard the door close. Footsteps came up to me and I saw Jack’s shoes right in front of me. His fingers went under my chin, pushing it up so I looked at him. His concerned face already caused my eyes to water up. He shouldn’t have to worry about me like this. I was only annoying and getting in the way of everything. The guilt made me look anywhere but in his eyes.

“How about we make a deal, ok?” he mumbled, not raising his voice in fear that anybody would hear, causing my secret to be known, “you try going to this class, but if it doesn’t work out, you tell me, and I’ll bring you back home and we’ll try another time. But I kinds got myself in some deep shit right now and already walked inside, I can’t really not show up anymore and I don’t want to leave you out here by yourself.”

I didn’t want to. I wanted to run down those abandoned hallways, run away from everybody here, and hide so nobody would ever be able to find me. This world wasn’t safe and it never would be. I didn’t want to go back home with Alex at the end of this day, and I didn’t even want to go back with Jack. All I wanted was to be gone. I wasn’t strong enough for any of this.

Yet I still found myself nodding. I was saying yes to Jack, I was telling him I was going to go with him to class. Big mistake. Even though I knew exactly what was going to happen, I still went through with it. All my suspicions were going to be right.

As soon as we entered the classroom, everybody turned quiet. I heard my name being whispered between pairs and everybody’s eyes were on me. They had all forgotten the class clown who had been in just a couple minutes before, standing right in front of me. As reflex, I pulled the hood further over my head, shielding my face from anybody who tried to get a look. I could just feel the rumours already starting, I didn’t need eyes or amplified hearing for that.

Jack lightly took hold of my hand and directed me to two empty seats in the back after handing the late slips to the teacher. She thanked him, also seemingly quite surprised that I was here. People probably thought I was never going to come back anymore, or that I had returned to Germany. But here I was, for everybody to see, looking worse than on my normal off days.

I carefully sat down on the cold seat, looking right at the desk. It would be a risk looking up. People would see the dark hole that was my face. I couldn’t allow that. But it was stupid of me to think things would be that easy. Of course things wouldn’t go the way I wanted. It just didn’t work that way! What made it even worse was that I noticed the Alex’s bag was right in front of me feet. He was sitting right in front of me. Everything was going terrible.

“Ash, please take off your hood, you’re not allowed to have it up in class,” the teacher told me, but not in a stern voice. Normally they got furious.

Everybody turned to look at me, but I didn’t move an inch. I didn’t even dare to look to the side to make eye contact with Jack. Maybe he could help me. However, he kept his mouth shut as well. I just continued to stare at the engraving of profanities on the wooden desk. They seemed so interesting while I normally ignored them or got annoyed by them because they caused dents in my writing.

The teacher repeated herself twice more and I couldn’t bare the stares I felt all around me anymore. So, I did it. I just did it. The hood came off and everybody gasped audibly.

I looked right into Alex’s painful eyes. Those beautiful welcoming brown eyes had never been so cold before.

Notes

I should have studied for my history exam instead of writing, but I really am not interested in history at all... so, this seemed like a better option.

First day back for Ash doesn't seem to be going well so far, has it?