Ash’s POV

I was holding on to Jack for dear life. Too afraid to have him disappear or leave me, my grip on his shirt was as tight as possible, bawling up the cloth in my fist. Alex continued to stay quiet, his attention fully on the road. He never looked back at us, his lips were in a tight line, yet his eyes looked like they were somewhere else completely. But in the state I was, I really didn’t feel like paying attention to anything going on around me. My mind was in a whole different place, and it was racing.

I really didn’t understand why Jack actually decided to stay with me and help me. I had actually expected him to not come at all… or even worse, come to me, have seen what had happened, and just left me there. There was no way anybody would ever want me ever again. I was disgusting, filthy, corrupted, but mostly used. Whoever would come close to me would know this in no time. That is if I ever let anybody come close to me again.

I was so conflicted. I never let things get to me. When my mom died, I managed to get over it. I never got upset about a bit of bullying, and I rarely cried. There was no use. But this time it was different. I wasn’t just sad or angry. No, I was far from that. I was absolutely terrified. Although he had left me, I was afraid Luke would come back again to have some more ‘fun’ with me. I obviously was an easy target. I was the one who fell for his tricks. It was all my fault!

My whole body started shaking against Jack’s warm one. I was just seconds away from bursting into tears again, but I couldn’t do it. Not with Alex around. I didn’t want him to know. He wouldn’t understand. I knew he never exactly liked Luke, but I ignored all the warnings I overheard him tell the others. All he would do was rub it in my face, judge me, make me feel worse. I always trusted him, but this time I didn’t.

Lucky for me, Alex pulled up onto Jack’s drive way before turning off the car. All that was left to shake the car gently was my trembling that kept getting worse and worse. The adrenaline I needed before was only now taking effect. My breathing was very unstable, and I just wanted to get out of this small cramped car already. Everything was closing in on me, and I shuffled closer to Jack as if is lanky figure would be able to stop the metal box slowly becoming smaller and smaller.

Unfortunately, he had some other ideas. Instead of letting me get closer to him, he got out from under me and exited the car. My whole body felt cold and lonely. I was literally depending fully on Jack… already. Never did I ever have the intention that I would have all my last bits of trust put into Jack. He could still turn against me, but I just hoped he wouldn’t do that. I didn’t want him to leave me. I needed him.

Before I knew it, Jack had taken both of our bags again and had somehow been able to pick me up and out of the car. My nerves were already calmed down slightly, knowing he came back. He closed the car door and briefly turned to Alex, who had rolled down his window in the hopes of getting some more information.

“Thank’s, Alex,” Jack gave him a small smile, not daring to spill what he knew. He was keeping to the promise he had made me. Alex couldn’t find out.

Alex mumbled something while Jack turned around slowly, making sure not the hit me against anything, “Ash-”

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” Jack added before Alex could even finish what he wanted to word. Whatever he wanted to say, though, probably wouldn’t have been anything good. I was pretty convinced he already knew, so I was going to do my best to not let him ask me any questions.

But it wasn’t going to be that easy to get away from people. Of course Jack’s house wasn’t empty. My face had managed to find it’s way back to bury itself into Jack’s comforting chest, while Jack went straight for the stairs. However, there was sound already coming from the kitchen, notifying us that there were people -- or more notifying Jack, he was actually looking around the place so he could make his way upstairs without anybody seeing us.

“Hey, Jack,” a sweet motherly voice sounded from the area sound was coming from. Jack’s mom was probably already making food, making me wonder what time it was. The last time I was able to check the clock was at… at… at 3 o’clock. Jack’s mom was making dinner now, so it must have been around… I couldn’t even think straight anymore. There was no way I could remember what time Jack’s family normally ate. For all I knew, it was possible that it was already morning. My sense of time was completely gone. I had passed out, certain events had gone by quickly, and others were agonizingly slow. I just didn’t understand anymore.

“Hey, mom,” Jack answered, making sure not to be too loud. He was afraid to make me jump or to set me off again. All I could was be grateful for that. I really didn’t know what triggered me and what didn’t.

“I’ll be there in a sec, just let me finish this!” Jack’s mom replied, wanting to ask her son about his day.

“It’s fine mom, I still got a couple of things to do. I’ll see you at dinner, ok?” He quickly made up, having taken a look at me and seen that I really didn’t want anybody else around me anymore. Fortunately, though, the only other person that could be in this house was his dad; there were no siblings that needed to be watched out for.

Not waiting for a reply, he made his way up the stairs. It was obvious he was struggling with all the weight he was carrying, but didn’t want to let it known. I would have offered to walk up myself, but it burned and stung way too much to move my legs or even simple stand up. But I was too afraid to voice my pain, too afraid that Jack would judge me. It wasn’t everyday a girl told you it felt like everything was being ripped apart.

I was slowly lowered down onto the soft bed before Jack carefully removed his arms from around me. He had a strong advantage point now. While I was unable to move, he could easily manoeuvre around with more strength, and a position which could easily let him take advantage. A part of me was telling me to get away as quick as possible, to leave before he could try anything. But a bigger part was telling me to give up.; there was no way I could build up the strength to relocate. And in the back of my mind, I knew Jack would never ever do something like that.

But like I had said before, everything was jumbled up.

“I’m not going to tell you it will be ok, because I know it’s not right now, and I know I can’t promise it,” Jack kneeled down so we were at the same height. I could look right into his eyes, but I was looking anywhere but into those brown orbs. All I did was stay completely quiet while he was talking. “But d-do you want me to look and see what he’s done? Just to check if nothing fatal is going on.”

I frowned slightly at his word choice, my mind now going through all the things that could possibly be seriously wrong with me… other than that I had been raped. Just thinking of the word made me shiver. It was my reality now. I was never going to be able to forget about it. All of me had been used. It was just simply a fact.

Little did I know that I had started crying again. With all these thoughts running through my mind, trying their best to bring me down, I just couldn’t keep it in. The only thing that brought me out of my dark feelings, was Jack worrying when he watched my body shudder and tears roll down horizontally over my cheeks. He reached out to comfort me by rubbing my arm, but I flinched away unwillingly. The image of Luke reaching out to grab me flashed right through my mind, like I was there all over again.

Jack, however, thought I had started crying because of the question he had asked me just seconds before, “it doesn’t matter if you don’t want to. I just thought you might not have wanted to see it all yourself. It’s ok if you don’t want to show me. I understand.”

I shook my head, actually desperately wanting him to see it all. Yes, I was terrified at the same time, I thought he would judge me for everything. But this needed to be done. I needed to get over myself. This was for the best. I had to make myself fully trust him. “N-no. You sh-should check it o-out.”

“Are you sure?” He asked skeptically, unsure of what he could and couldn’t do.

I nodded, trying my best to stop the shaking trembles through my body. I was nowhere near cold, warm actually, yet it was so difficult to suppress it. It was fully consuming me.

“Ok, well, should I turn around so you can take off the clothes without me seeing?” He suggested next, calmly getting up as to not make any weird sudden movements that would scare me. Without waiting for an answer, he walked to the other side of the room and faced the wall.

I decided it would be best to stand up to take everything off, as hard as it was for me to not double over in stinging pain. The area I never ever wanted the experience pain in my life, was now making my whole life miserable. With its burning and stabbing, it was only a constant reminder of how bad it hurt when he entered me for the first time. However, I had to push through it. I took off the hoodie easily, but the boxers were a lot more difficult. Not only could I hardly make the necessary movements, but the fabric was stuck to all the deep cuts littered on the inside on my thighs. I tried my best to carefully part it from my body, but eventually gave up and ripped it down, hissing at the pain soaring through my body. Jack was doing his best to stay calm and not turn around while he knew I was in so much agony.

“Y-you can turn around now,” I stuttered, wrapping my arms around my body as if I were cold, but I only did it to still try to cover something up. I knew it wasn’t any use though, he was going to have to see everything, so I slowly dropped my arms, removing the last bit of security around me.

Jack gasped audibly, making me believe he was going to make a comment about my boobs, or maybe even objectify me further. But it was nothing like that. He looked at me like I was just simply me, or a friend who really needed him. This was probably the first time he saw a girl naked like this without it being sexual in anyway, and he was surprisingly handling it well. Jack was always the one who made the most sex and dick jokes, but it now occurred to me that he could actually be serious.

I stood completely still, letting him inspect me and doing my best not to jump when he came closer to take a better look. I just had to remind myself that it was for the better. Jack looked at every bruise and scrape, making sure that he didn’t miss a thing. The ways his eyes widened when they tooled at the dark black bruises covering my breasts and the deep thick cuts on my thighs, I knew that those two places were the worst.

But that wasn’t the last of it.

“Do you want me to check, umm, down there as well?” He mumbled, not making eye contact with me.

I was embarrassed and humiliated. Jack should never have had to ask me anything like that, yet here he was, doing it to help me. Nothing like this should ever have happened! But Luke had achieved showing me how worthless I actually was.

Everything inside of my told me to say no, so save myself from any further embarrassment. I didn’t want him knowing how painful it actually was. However, something just made me blurt out a quiet yes. And maybe that might have been one of the best things I had done.

I shuffled back to the bed, wincing at each small step I took. It was sure that Jack now knew how bad the pain actually was. He watched as I laid back down on the bed and put my knees up. I hesitated, not sure if I actually wanted to open my legs ever again. If Jack wanted, he could do whatever he desired and I wouldn’t be able to fight back if I did do it. Yet, I reluctantly increased the distance between my knees so he could take a look.

He didn’t come to close, even though there was enough space for him to do it. After taking a good look, not even brushing up against my leg with his body, he looked up at me and gave me a small sympathetic smile.

“I’m going to be honest,” he told me, not wanting to make this take any longer than it had to, “it doesn’t look to good. I’ve never seen you like this before, so I’m not sure what it’s supposed to look like, of course, but it doesn’t look like what I have seen.”

I nodded. Of course I already knew that that was going to be the answer. With the soreness I felt, there was no way that whatever was going on down there was normal. I just hoped I didn’t get an STD. There would never be a time I would want to risk giving it to someone else.

After the whole ordeal, Jack got me clean clothes out of his closet, telling me he could also give stuff he sister had left behind, but that it might be more comfortable for me to wear something that was very loose fitting. I agreed, and let him help me put on one of his band t-shirts and a clean pair of boxers. I no time, I was fully clothed again, and Jack was as well. It had only been then that I had realised that Jack had taken off his boxers for me to wear and the motel, but I was still thankful. He turned around, put on his boxers and wore a pair of sweats. After, he came back to the bed and careful sat down next to me not saying anything.

The door handle rattled, but the door itself didn’t open. After another try, Jack’s mom’s voice came through the thin wood, “Jack, dinner’s ready. Please don’t tell me you have a girl in there.”

“Umm…” Jack looked at me, totally having forgotten that this moment was going to happen. We couldn’t hide me anymore.

“I’m already adding an extra plate,” she sighed, her footsteps slowly leaving back towards the stairs.

Jack gave me a concerned look and bit his lip. He thought for a bit before finally telling me what was on his mind, “I think I should tell my parents. I won’t if you really don’t want to, but I think it’s for the best. They should know why you are staying here. They will probably wonder what happened to you, and it’s better if I told them rather than they asked you questions. And maybe my dad can help a bit… he’s a gynecologist.”

I found myself nodding to his suggestion. Although I really didn’t want more people knowing about the disgusting thing I did, it was unfair for Jack to have to keep it all a secret. He also needed someone to talk to, I couldn’t make his life as bad as mine was. Especially since it was nearly impossible for him to keep secrets, I needed to do anything possible for him to keep his mouth shut to anybody else.

And so, Jack left the bedroom and disappeared downstairs. The shadows in the corners were warning me that Luke could be anywhere, ready to jump me once again. I was never going to get rid of him. Every little thing I saw, every little sound I heard, made me think he was right in front of me. His icy cold eyes kept appearing in my vision, taking over the ‘calming’ nature of Jack’s bedroom. I just wished I hadn’t said yes to him, so that I wouldn’t have been all alone in this silent place. Everything was out to get me.

However, before I could even think of screaming in terror, the door opened once again. I looked up at who was coming in and saw Jack walk in first with red puffy eyes. It must have been difficult for him to tell the story, or what he knew about it, but it was a lot easier than the things I would relive when I told my view.

“Oh, darling,” I heard Joyce cry in sympathy before coming over to the bed. And that’s when I cracked yet once again. I couldn’t even imagine of stopping the tears, there was no way this would ever stop.

After I had stopped crying, Jack’s dad had agreed to take a look. Joyce left the room, but I told Jack I prefered if he stayed with me. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Bassam, but Jack really was the only one I had put all my trust in, there was nothing to be shared with anybody else. I got told that I was lucky I didn’t need any stitches, but it the tear was any bigger, I probably would have had to go to the hospital, which he still recommended. But there was no way I was going to let them inspect me there. I did not want anymore people seeing me like this.

I decided to skip dinner, really not feeling up to eating. My stomach was still churning, warning me that anything that entered it would immediately come back up again. With the burning that was already in my throat, I really didn’t want to make it worse. Jack decided to eat in his room so I wasn’t left all alone. He told me to try to get some sleep, that he would make sure that nothing would get to me. However, that didn’t mean my nightmares were included. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw him and could feel his tight grip again. I just couldn’t dare blink for more than a second.

Jack noticed this, probably because of my occasion scream, and decided to eat his dinner quicker than he had originally intended, before putting the plate just outside his room, not wanting to let me be all alone. I mentally thanked him, but didn’t trust my voice enough to actually say it outloud. He also settled to go to bed earlier so that I wouldn’t feel so empty when in bed.

I turned around when he got changed, and face the wall his bed was placed against. It was only when I felt him pull the covers over him as well, that I dared to turn back. We were very close, our faces at the same height, and our breath mixing together, and our lips were pressed together. Both, at the same time, we pulled away as quickly as our mouths decided it would be a good idea to touch.

“That wasn’t supposed to happen,” Jack quickly defended, afraid that he might have set me off. But his lips didn’t remind me at all of the pressure Luke had put on me. This was no where near that. Hell, this wasn’t even a kiss, it was literally just a touch.

“An accident,” I agreed and cuddled up, already feeling safer with the one person trusted.

“Goodnight, Ash,” he mumbled as I tried to close my eyes, the images not as sharp as before, “I’ll make sure nothing will happen to you now.”

Notes

Another pretty long chapter (or what it considered long for this story). The next one will be back to normal length.

So... Jack's helping Ash, but they also shared an accidental kiss!

Can you predict how this will all fold out?