Dawn’s POV
It had now been a whole month since the night that Jack caught me harming myself. I haven’t tried sneaking it away from him or even go to the store to buy a new one. I didn’t need to anyway because I actually preferred my pictures to be black and white.
My life seemed perfect, well, except for the fact that I was hunched over the toilet, throwing my stomach up. It was like this yesterday too. I was just happy that it ended when I had to do our signing. This was really annoying.
“Maybe you should go to the doctor,” Jack told me as I washed my mouth out with disgusting mouthwash.
“I’m not going to the doctor’s,” I said. “This is just a bug, and besides, I don’t want to disappoint the fans.”
“They aren’t going to be upset if you really need to go. They’ll understand.”
“I know. It’s just that I’ve never had to do anything like that while on tour. I actually like never have to go to the doctor’s anyway.”
“If I go, will you?”
“I guess. Wait. You’ll miss your signing too.”
“The fans will be cool. Most of them think we look really cute together anyway.”
“Well, you are the cutest man like ever, so of course we are the cutest couple.”
“You’re the most beautiful woman ever, so it makes since that way to.” I went over to him to give him a kiss, but he stopped me. “I don’t want to kiss you, Miss Vomit Breath.”
“I used mouthwash.”
“I know.” He smiled before giving me a sweet kiss. “Maybe you should throw up more, so you’ll have a reason to use that minty mouthwash.”
“Don’t remind me. That stuff is repulsive.”
“I think it’s cute that you hate mint and spearmint.”
“Are you two love birds done with whatever you’re doing in the bathroom,” Alex’s voice said from outside the room. “I’d like to use it.” Jack and I walked out the bathroom hand-in-hand. “You’re actually dressed for once.”
“You’re still not going to want to go in there though,” Jack told Alex. “She’s sick.”
“My best friend is sick?” Zack questioned as he ran over and gave me a tight hug. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’ll go get you something if you need me to.”
“It’s would be nice if you let me go. You’re squeezing the life out of me.”
“Oh, sorry.” He released me. “How long have you been sick?”
“I was sick yesterday and today. Jack’s going to schedule an appointment for me.”
Jack did schedule an appointment for the next day in the next town. It was so amazing that he was so caring. I was now on stage playing the new song that I wrote with Jack. I loved that fact that we had our own special song that we performed together. Maybe we can have our own band. We could if we wrote more songs as good as that one. I would never do that to our fans though. I still liked performing with him though.
“I think that’s the best time that we performed that song,” I told Jack when we finished. “What do you guys think?”
They cheered but one voice in the front stuck out. “You sicken me.”
“Excuse me? What did you say?”
The whole crowd went silent as the girl with short blonde and pink hair spoke. “I said that you sicken me. You always say that you shouldn’t care what others think, but yet you’re cutting yourself.”
“Where the hell did you hear that?”
“Brittany Little put it on her blog today. She even had photos of what your wrists look like under all those bracelets, so there is no way that you can say that you haven’t done that to yourself. I knew that it was a bad idea for Jack to be with you. You never seemed right in the head.”
“Watch who you’re talking to!” Jack shot at her. Tears slowly started to spill down my face. I knew that I wasn’t good enough for him. Why would he even want to be with a girl as messed up as I was? “Dawn, are you ok?” I bolted off the stage and started running towards our bus. “Dawn!”
I knew he was running after me. That just made me go faster. I didn’t want him to catch up with me and make me change my mind. I had the urge, and I was not going to hold back this time. It was too great.
As soon I reached the bus, I ran straight towards the bathroom and locked myself in. I didn’t have my pen, so I was going to need to use something else. I had never used a razor blade before, but I had no choice. I grabbed one out of the drawer and smashed it on the counter. My hands found one of the blades and put it up to my skin.
“Dawn, open the door!” I heard Jack shout from the other side of the door as his fists pounded it as well. “Please open the door!”
Part of me wanted to do what he said, but that part was being overridden by the darkness in my mind. I slid the blade across and let the blood flow. I don’t even remember when I blacked out or even how much I had cut. After the first one, I was no longer in control. At some point, I heard the door being busted open, and Jack screaming my name.
What was going to happen to me? Was I going to die? My body felt cold against his. When he touched my face, it felt like I was by a campfire. If I don’t die, I want that to be one of the things we do together.
I could just imagine us lying under the stars. You would point out the constellations as we lay under a wool blanket. You wouldn’t be paying attention because you never liked astrology. Instead, you would just be paying attention to my voice and the way my body felt in your arms. When I’d finally fall asleep, you’d carefully untangle yourself from me and then put the fire out. Then you would lay back down with me. There we would be, lying underneath the stairs.
I don’t know if this will happen though. I did this to myself. Do I even want to die? I guess I don’t. I want to be with Jack. I love him so much. I did this to myself though. Will I ever see his face again? I can just imagine what it looks like right now because this isn’t the first time he found me. I’ll never forget that day. It actually was a good thing that I harmed myself to that extent. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met him.
It was the beginning on my senior year, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had my calligraphy pen with me that day, so I decided to use it. I had asked to go to the bathroom, but I actually didn’t. I went outside by the football field. As soon as I sat down on the metal seat, I pulled out my pen and started carving into my wrist. The tears ran down my face. I was nobody. I didn’t deserve to live.
“Dawn, are you ok?” I heard a voice say.
I wasn’t expecting anyone to find me, so in my surprise, I accidentally stabbed my wrist. “Shit.” The blood started to flow. I put my hand on it, but it wouldn’t stop.
The guy in my class that I knew as Jack Barakat came running up the seats. “Are you ok?” He looked at my hands to see that they were stained with crimson. “Holy shit. We need to get you some help.”
I was starting to lose consciousness, but I could still see the fear and worry in his eyes. “Why do you care? You don’t. You just want to be seen as I hero.”
He looked at me with disbelieve. “I do care.”
“Why? I’m nobody.”
“You’re not nobody. You’re smart and talented and beautiful.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
“Prove it.” He kissed me. I could tell that it wasn’t fake. It may have been short, but I knew that he did care.
“I’m going to call 911 now.” He dialed the number. I didn’t know what he was telling them. I was on the edge of passing out now. “Please stay awake. You need to stay awake.” He wrapped his shirt around my wrist tightly and gave me another kiss.
That was the start of our relationship. I remember that he stayed with me at the hospital. It was then that he asked me out on a date. I agreed and found out it was in my favor. I was happy with him. He made me feel like someone. He made me feel alive, and I loved him for that. I love him for that.

Notes

Mibba- http://www.mibba.com/Stories/Read/482965/Time-Bomb/