Gravity Pulls Me In

“Take me to a party. I need to go.” My sister says. I look at her as she stands there, arms crossed over her chest. I then laugh.
“A party? You?” I ask. She rolls her eyes. “No. I’m not letting you get smashed at a party and I most definitely am not letting you sleep with a boy. If you get pregnant it’s my fault.”
“Alex. Please? When am I ever going to find someone in my life?” she asks.
“You are seventeen. Do you even hear yourself?” I ask her. She gives me a look.
“Oh, so you can go to parties and sleep with people because you can’t be in a relationship and I’m not allowed to?”
“The difference, Isabella, is that I have severe trust issues. I don’t get close to people. I don’t trust people. You are a different story. You think you won’t find anyone.” I tell her, standing up. She groans. “You’re not going.”
“What if I told mom and dad?”
“Blackmail? Really?” I ask her. She smirks at me and I groan. “One damn party. That’s it. If you get pregnant, it’s your fault.”
“Thanks Alex!” she shrieks, hugging me and running out of my room. The doorbell rings and I run downstairs, hoping to get there before my parents. I get there as my parents walk into the room and open the door.
“Hey, Jack.” I greet, smiling.
“Hi.” Jack says quietly.
“Who’s this?” my mom asks. I turn and sigh.
“This is Jack.” I say. “And we’re going upstairs.” I grab Jack’s hand and lead him up to my room. We get to my room and I shut the door.
“You got out of that quick.” Jack giggles. I nod, smiling.
“My parents will probably brainwash you into believing what they do within a minute of a conversation with them.” I say. “I don’t want them to brainwash your pretty little head.” I say, messing up his hair and then jumping onto my bed.
“Flirt much?” he asks, sitting next to me. I shake my head, smiling.
“It’s just how I am.”
“Like when you said I was hot the other day?” he asks me. I blush. “Everyone pretty much knows you’re not straight. It’s fine.”
“Even you?” I ask him. He looks down. “I just pictured you not caring about what happened with popular people. You knew the reputation I had and now you just told me everyone knows I’m not straight.” I say. He seems speechless. “I don’t really mind, but… you know.”
“Yeah… I mean I pay attention to things without realizing it and then suddenly I just know how someone is. I didn’t want to approach you when I saw you at Rian’s, but the encounter on the street make me see that you’re a very shy and awkward person, so thinking back to the day before calmed me down.”
“I am not awkward! Or shy!”
“Maybe not when you’re high or drunk off your ass.” He says. I pout and he smiles, laying back on my bed.
“What do you want to do jerk?” I ask him. He laughs at me and I smile. He sits up again and leans on my headboard, holding his sleeves with his hands. “Nervous?” I ask. He looks at his hands and blushes, looking back up at me. “You don’t have to be nervous.”
“It’s just how I am.” He says quietly.
“Ah.” I say. “Are you very closed off too?” I ask him. He nods slowly.
“How’d you guess?”
“You seem like it.” I say. He nods. So we hang out a bit and he leaves.
------
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I ask her. She nods, excitement in her eyes. I sigh, rolling my eyes. “It gets really insane okay? Two ground rules; you are not to do any kind of drugs and you are not allowed to smoke. Alcohol is fair game.”
“You’re treating me like a kid.”
“Do you want me to say no to sex too?” I ask her. She grumbles and stomps in front of me. We walk up to the door, hearing the bass of the music through the walls. I spot Eric, the guy I woke up next to on Saturday. He waves me over and I grab Bella’s hand. “We meet again.”
“Again?” Bella asks. Eric looks at me and laughs a little, saying nothing. She looks at me, her eyes widening. “Damn… he’s cute too.”
“Fuck off.” I say.
“Who’s this?” Eric asks, shaking Bella’s hand.
“This is my sister.”
“You brought your sister?” his friend says.
“She made me.” I say.
“YO! ALEX!” my already high friend Evan shouts. I look at him and he’s holding his weed cigarette. I smirk. “Want a hit?”
“Hell yeah.” I say, taking it. I turn back to Eric and put the cigarette between my lips. I huff out smoke and Bella looks at me. “Well, go get yourself some alcohol and a boy.” She rolls her eyes and walks away. “It’s probably a real bad idea for me to be smoking and drinking when I have to drive her home.”
“Not much of an enjoyable party then is it?” Eric asks. I nod. “This is Danny.”
“Hey.” I say. “Wanna go watch my sister for me?” I ask him. He smiles and nods. “Don’t get her pregnant, okay?”
“Whatever.” He laughs, walking away. I lean against the wall, next to Eric and he offers me a drink. I take it and take a sip.
“So no sex for you tonight, I’m guessing?”
“Nope.” I sigh.
“Maybe get it real quick.” He says. I cock my head. He points at a really hot guy across the room and I freeze. “That’s Sam.”
“Damn.” I say. “He is really cute.”
“Go up to him.”
“No! I’m not drunk enough. I don’t have that liquid confidence” I mutter.
“SAM!” Eric shouts. I hit him, my eyes widening. Sam, smiles walking over to us.
“What’s up?” he asks. His voice is even hot.
“This is Alex. Alex is looking for a good time.”
“Are you insane?” I shriek. “With him? I don’t have a chance.” I mutter. Sam smiles at me.
“You are pretty cute.” He says. My eyes widen and I’m speechless. He takes my hands, smiling.
“Have fun.” Eric giggles.
-----
After a few hours, I’ve found my sister again who looks like she’s planning on doing body shots. Fuck. I run over to and see she’s a staggering mess.
“ALEX!” she shrieks. I sigh and wrap an arm around her waist. “How was that hot guy?”
“It was just peachy. We’re leaving.” I say.
“No!” she whines. “I wanna stay.”
“Nope.” I say. “We’re going.”
----
I stare at my arms, dreading the moment my dad gets home. I don’t know why I don’t just go over to Rian’s; why I torture myself like this. I have a knife next to me. Why don’t I just slit my throat and get it over with? Why do I just wait for my dad to beat me until I can’t move? Why haven’t I ended it yet? Maybe for hopes things could get better? That little sliver of hope.
Things aren’t going to get better. They never will. I’ve waited two years. Nothing’s changed. I’m still suicidal and I’m still depressed. I’m still getting beaten. I’m still bullied. I still can’t sleep. Nothing. I’m not getting better. Things will never be okay.
“JACK!” my dad shouts. My heart starts pounding and fear takes over. I look at my phone and see Rian’s number, but before I can touch it, my dad comes in. “Fag.” He spats.
He walks over to me and grabs me by the shirt, forcing me off the bed. He spats hurtful words in my direction, his breath smelling heavily of alcohol. He then throws me on the ground, kicking me in the ribs repeatedly. I try to block each blow and when I do, I get a forceful kick to my wrist. I shriek, a wave of pain going from my wrist to my elbow and in my hand.
“Worthless piece of shit.” He spats. One more kick and a punch to the face and he leaves, slamming my door. I lay there, motionless and in pain, not wanting to move. I hear the front door slam and my dad leaves. My phone goes off and I groan, trying to sit up.
“Fuck.” I groan, tears welling up in my eyes. No one can know. Rian can’t know. Rian can’t see me like this. I grab my phone with my hand that’s not injured. “Hello?” I say, hitting answer.
“Hey, you good? I called you like three times.”
“I was taking a nap.” I lie.
“Oh, sorry. I was just wondering if you wanted to come to dinner with my family tomorrow. I know your family isn’t really… close like mine and I want you to experience that. Plus my parents love you and I need another teenager there since my grandparents are coming along.”
“Sure, Rian. I’d love to.” I say, trying not to sound like I’m in pain.
“Great! See you tomorrow then?” he asks. I nod, smiling. We say goodbye and hang up. I fall onto my back, staring at the ceiling, groaning in pain.
Eventually I pick myself off the ground and walk into my bathroom. I notice a black eye and a cut on my cheek. I don’t even wanna see my torso. I carefully take off my shirt and look in the mirror again. Bruises all over my ribs. I then look at my wrist. I curse to myself. It’s bruised really bad and swelled up and I can barely move it. It’s gotta be broken.
I find some gauze and wrap it tightly. I then tend to the cut on my face and walk back into my room. I throw on a sweatshirt and grab some money deciding to buy a brace from the drugstore. I leave my house, throwing the hood over my head.
I see Rian walking down the street with his girlfriend and I change the direction I’m going. I get to the store, buy a brace, blah, blah, blah. Then I get home and I don’t sleep.
The next day, I literally have to drag myself out of bed. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t even just my eyes. I was in too much pain to fall asleep.
I get ready for school, not even bothering to cover my black eye. Who cares anymore? I’m bullied so it’s not like I can’t say I was beat up. I look at my wrist seeing it got a little worse and my hand is starting to bruise. I groan and put my brace on, the bruising kind of showing. I shake my head, throwing on a hoodie. I get to school and see Rian talking to Alex.
“Jack!” Rian shouts. I don’t look up, I just walk over to him. “You okay?” he asks. I nod, not making eye contact with either of them, keeping my head down.
“I don’t believe you.” Alex says. I shrug, not taking my hand out of my hoodie pocket.

“Jack?” Rian asks. I look up, a pissed off expression on my face.
“What, Rian?” I ask. Rian and Alex’s eyes widen when they see my eye.
“What the hell happened?” Rian asks, putting his hands on my cheeks and inspecting my eye and then the cut on my cheek.
“It doesn’t matter.” I say. “I’m going to class.” I turn to start walking, but he grabs my bag, yanking me back. I nearly scream at how bad it hurts, my eyes watering. I accidentally take my hand out of my pocket and they see my hand.
“Dude.” Alex says, concern and worry in his voice. Rian’s looking at me confused.
“Leave me alone. Please.” I plead, storming down the hallway. I end up in an empty hallway, against the lockers, curled up in a ball enough so that it doesn’t hurt.
“Jack.”
“Rian. I said fuck off!” I shout, looking up. It’s not Rian. It’s Alex.
“I’m not Rian, so do I have permission to stay?” He asks. I sigh and look down as he sits next to me. “What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Why did you scream?” he asks.
“I didn’t scream.”
“You were close to it.” He says. I sigh. “Please… tell me what happened. You can’t say nothing when you clearly have an untreated broken wrist and a black eye.”
“How do you know it’s broken?” I ask him. He takes my hand that’s in the brace and looks at it.
“The bruising.” He says. “And I don’t want to take your brace off, but I’m assuming if it’s swollen as well, you should get it looked at.”
“Too bad I have a shitty dad.” I mumble to myself.
“Did he do this?” he asks. I look at him, not saying anything. “My… friend had a dad like this… he had bruises everywhere.”
I take a deep breath.
No one finds out. No one.

Notes

I had to end it quick cause i'm going to my friends and i want to post today cause i'm going to a new years party.
Enjoy.
Title Credit: Suicide Note by Kyle Spratt
-Jenna