Some time after midnight, I got the green light to start pushing.

I'm surprised I didn't collapse from shock. I mean I k we the pain would be bad, from reading up on it, but this was actually horrific. It felt like everything from my bellybutton downwards was on fire. My back was killing me, and it kept arching from the pain. I was sweating lakes. I was squeezing Josh's hand so tightly that I think I may have sprained it, at the very least.

Dan (who was the only other person allowed in the delivery room at the time of the birth, as he was the godfather (josh's sister Elissa couldn't make it here)) kept telling me to push harder, because it wasn't good enough. I knew he was joking in order to keep me going, but I wasn't taking it. My adrenaline rose, and I kept pushing even when the doctors said to stop. Every one said to stop, but I kept going. Maybe my description was too overdramatic, but it was exactly what I was feeling.

---

After 2am (as I'd heard the midwife say), I was done. I'd heard a small, vague cry, but I genuinely thought it was Dan. He gets emotional at this kinda thing, but won't admit it. It was over. I was exhausted, and I thought I was hallucinating because I thought I saw Josh waving a pair of surgical scissors around and then use them to cut something on the delivery table, but I'd no energy to think about what it was. I didn't care.

Then, I saw her. At this stage, Josh's lovely white blink-182 t-shirt was soaked in blood, but he still held her wrapped in a bunch of really soft towels in his arms, and he looked so overwhelmed and in love with her. At 2:05am on November 15th 2010, Charlotte Rachel Franceschi was born.

Being honest, I think I started crying. Once I'd gotten myself together, I gave Josh a nod, and he handed Charlotte to me. That was when I could really take in Charlotte's appearance. She was tiny, much smaller than I'd previously expected. I couldn't see much as she was still covered in blood, but I could tell that she had really dark hair and in the light that we were currently in, she was the absolute image of Josh. I started getting all teary again and felt like such a sap for crying so much.

"Hey there, little baby." I cooed in a whisper, gently shushing Charlotte as she cried a little (that felt so weird to say). "I'm your mummy and right beside me is your daddy, and then that's uncle Dan over there." I pointed to Josh and then over to Dan. I knew she couldn't cop what I was saying, but that didn't stop me.

Then she started to cry, and I started to cry and panic. The nurses took her from me, and I got so defensive, like honestly.

"Don't take her from me." I sniffled, and the nurse looked at my sympathetically.

"We just have to get her cleaned up. She'll be back to you in no time." The nurse said briskly as she left, and I felt so empty.

"Well done, Rach. You're an absolute topper for that, Lord I couldn't go through that. How're you feeling?" Dan gave me a high-five, and I smiled a little.

"I'm knackered." I yawned. "And I'm dying for a shower. Can I go for one?"

"Hold on, love. You probably shouldn't get up just yet, because after all, bout a half hour ago you were still giving birth. Why are you in a rush to shower, exactly?" Josh asked, clearly confused.

"Well, if they've gone to clean Lottie up, I hardly want her in my arms when I'm smelling like one of Dan's old gym socks, now do I? And I kinda smell, so, y'know." I shrugged unenthusiastically.

"She has a point, I suppose lad, but honestly Rachel, are you able to walk?" Dan was also confused, and ignored my comment on his gym socks.

"I'm sure I'll be fine." I tried to get up and it stung a little, but not too much. Josh stopped me.

"Hold on." He said, and disappeared for a few minutes. He then came back (with the added bonus of a new gown and what looked like a nappy (I then realised that I'd have to wear those sanitary pads that are like nappies, in case I bleed more. I was horrified)) and said I could go, so Dan walked me down and listened to me whining about the pain.

---

I came back all clean and full of a tiny bit more life, and found Josh sitting on one of the chairs in my "room" in the hospital with Charlotte in his arms again. He'd a completely different outfit on, so I'm guessing Dan brought him up sweatpants and a t-shirt when he was grabbing our hospital stuff. I got back into bed and let out a sigh of relief.

"We did it, Rach." Josh said quietly, moving his chair in closer to me. "She's here. Our little baby girl's here."

"I know, I can't believe it. I mean this time yesterday, I was crying in agony without realizing I'd go into labor. It's crazy to think of, but hey. Good teamwork, Franceschi. This was a good collaboration." I let out a small laugh as we did the bro-fist thing, but that caused Charlotte to stir a little, and I believe Josh only got here settled back down.

I then held Charlotte for a few minutes and took in how adorable she was, which got me very emotional again. I also got to feed her for the first time, and she latched quick enough so that panic was over. We then decided it best if we set Charlotte in the cradle and let me get some sleep, as I was completely exhausted (so much so that I could have easily slept for about a week).

Things still didn't feel overly real for me at this moment in time, but I knew all too well that reality would slap me in the face when I woke up again later.

Notes

And there you go.

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