I stood in the bathroom of Gatwick airport puking up my entire collection of guts, and feeling sorry for myself while my best friend Taylor held my hair for me. This's been happening for over a week, but I won't go to the doctor. There's no need. I've obviously just eaten something that was gone off. It wouldn't surprise me, mind. I eat everything.

"Rach, love I think you should seriously go to the doctor." Taylor said quietly as she rubbed my back, but I shook my head.

"No, I'm not going to the doctor. I've probably just eaten something that's upset my stomach, that's all. At worst it could be a bug." I choked, wiping away the tears that were forming in my eyes and then proceeding to fan myself to cool down.

"If you've eaten something off, its doesn't last nine days. A bug doesn't tend to either. You could've contracted something when you were in London that time, because Lord knows who you bumped into there." That wasn't wrong. My boyfriend Josh and I went to London about two weeks ago as our overdue anniversary present, and it was lovely. Our anniversary is actually Valentine's Day (also my birthday), but we had to delay the trip by two months because I'd college projects to hand in.

"You're probably right. Look, if I'm not better by Friday, I'll go to the doctor. Happy?" This gave me two days to magic myself better.

"It's your call. We'd better head back, they're all leaving soon." Taylor gave me a light hug and headed out of the bathroom stall, while I pulled myself together and followed her out. I then proceeded to gargle a mouthful of Lilt and spit it out to get rid of the taste, and we made our way back over to where the lads were standing.

---

My boyfriend Josh and Taylor's boyfriend Dan (who also happens to be my brother (yeah, I know)) are part of a band named You Me At Six, which you may or may not know. The band also consists of our friends Matt, Chris and Max, and they're all headed off on some summer tour, and I'm left partially boyfriend-less for three whole months. I'm boyfriend-less until July.

"Feeling better?" Josh asked me once I'd reached him, and held his arms open for me to go and hug into him. I shook my head.

"Nope, I still feel sick as shit. You'll come back and I'll be just skin and bones at the rate I'm going." I sighed, and he wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulders.

"You've no idea what it is, no?" I shook my head again. "I think you should go to the doctor, to be honest. It could be something serious, y'know."

"I tried telling her, but it's like talking to a brick wall." Taylor added in agitation, but the look I gave her shut her up. "I'm going up to the shop in Terminal 3, anybody want anything?"

"Yeah, you wouldn't get me a jar of blackcurrant jam, a thing of sweet chili sauce and a spoon, would you? I'll pay you back later." When I said this, they all turned to look at me in shock. Even Josh pulled away from me in utter amazement at what I'd asked for.

"Er..Rach, I thought you weren't well?" Dan (my brother) said, and I nodded.

"I am, but I'd honestly mill the lot of that right now. It might even make me feel better, you never know. Don't be so negative, Daniel." I felt defensive for no reason. Dan put his hands up in surrender and followed after Taylor, presumably to gossip about me. He loves me lots.

"Rachel, are you really alright?" Josh pulled me back into him, and all I could do was sigh.

"I will be, I promise."

---

I sat on the seats nearby and are my jam/sweet chili sauce concoction, all while pretending to be oblivious to the fact that they were all just looking at me in amazement all over again. After I'd finished my first jar (yes the whole jar), I sent Josh off to get me more. I honestly haven't a clue what inspired me to want to actually eat that crap together, but I felt marginally better after I did so. Must've been the salt and sugar in it.

By the time I'd finished my third jar (Josh came back with two more when I'd sent him off, God bless him. He said, "at the bloody rate you're going, you'll keep eating them". He wasn't wrong), the boys flight had been called, and they were starting to get their stuff together to board the plane to Scotland or maybe France, I can't remember. I just know that I was sad.

"Y'know, I'd kiss you right about now, but after what you've been eating and the fact that you're sick, I don't think that's such a good idea." Josh said as he sat down next to me. Like a magnet, I was stuck to him within a second, and this's what our relationship is based off of- I'm such a needy little shit, and he likes it.

"I'd kiss you too now if you weren't being such a cheeky bastard." I shot back, and he chuckled slightly.

"Aww c'mon Rach, don't get snippy. Go home, have a bath or something, whatever it is you girls like to do in your free time, and just keep yourself calm. The fact that you've been up to your eyes lately with your college work hasn't helped the fact that you're ill. It was hard enough getting you to come to London with me a few weeks back."

"But I've work to do, Josh, its not so easy to say "I feel ill, let's take a couple days break". Tattooing involves a lot of practice, and English on top of that isn't a bloody picnic."

"Hey, hey, calm down. I'm only looking out for you. Just breathe, babe. You've been very off for a while, don't think I haven't noticed. You've been very clingy to everyone, and I swear I caught you crying at a Dominoes advert the other day when Ps. I Love You was on a break. What's going on?"

"Nothing, I think it's just my stress is getting on top of me and has my moods all out of whack. Plus, knowing that you're going away and that I'll have our apartment all to myself makes me feel really sad, y'know? I'll miss you bucket loads." He tightened his arms around me once again. I like his hugs, because they're warm and make me feel fluffy.

"Yeah, but I'll be back in like, late July. But, if it gives you something to look forward to, I'll find you something real nice while I'm gone. Sound good?"

"I'd really love you to put a ring on it, Joshua. We've been together five years, and've been friends for ten."

"Not yet, neither of us are even twenty yet. But soon babe, I promise." We'd already established that we'd be together forever.

"If you say so, but I'm holding you to your word on that one, I mean it."

"Suit yourself." He poked my nose and dragged me (plus my collection of jars) off to join everyone else.

---

The goodbyes were short but sweet. I got hugs from the boys, Dan nearly hugged me to death and then I got into bloody hysterics when they were going, and they ended up having to Sprint over to the boarding line because Josh stayed back to calm me down. I don't know what had me so emotional, because normally I'm fine with him going away like. I'm honestly so confused.

Taylor dropped me home, and offered to spend the night seeing as though I wasn't myself, but I told her that I was fine and that maybe some alone time might help me calm down a little. She seemed quite content with that, and told me she'd call me later, which she did.

I spent an hour in the bathtub soon after I'd gotten home and had a cup of tea, and would've spent longer had I not had to make a desperate jump to the toilet to throw up the minuscule amount of what I'd eaten today. Looking in the mirror afterwards, I realised I looked grey, and severely tired, which I was.

I don't care- I'm going to the doctor on Friday. I seem to have put on a small bit of weight in my stomach also, so I wonder if I've picked up something.

Notes

I got my cartilage pierced today and it hurts like a bitch rip @me.

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