Memories That Fade Like Photographs
Chapter 15
We arrived home from New York Saturday afternoon, and I honestly couldn't have been more relieved to be back in Maryland and away from the state, and girl, who had ruined such a major part of my life. After telling Alex everything that had happened those two years of my life that caused so much hurt to not only me but my family as well especially Chase and Jasey, we laid on top of the covers of my hotel bed in relative silence as we waited for Kara and Caitlyn to get back from the guys' room. We left the city shortly after going out to breakfast the next morning at a random diner with Rian and Jack's parents since we had to have adults present on the trip to get a hotel room and they were the ones that offered to come with us.
I felt awkward being around the guys, Kara, and Caitlyn after my outburst at the venue Friday night, so I avoided all of them, including Alex, all of Saturday afternoon and Sunday. Today is now Monday, so I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid them anymore as I dressed for the school day. I put on a pair of skinny jeans and a Blink-182 shirt before slipping on black converse and doing my makeup, not even bothering to put my contacts in but instead just wearing my glasses because I was too tired to do anything else. Right before leaving my bedroom, I slipped on of Alex's jacket that he let me borrow.
"Morning, sleepyhead," Jasey joked as I trudged down the staircase. I mumbled something incoherently in response as a giggle came from Jasey. Instead of eating breakfast like I normally would, I laid my head down on the counter while a groan escaped from my mouth as I thought of my soft and warm bed upstairs that was practically begging me to go back to.
"Why are you so tired?" Chase asked and I simply shrugged in response. I hadn't been able to sleep much the past two nights because I kept thinking of what happened in my past and in New York on Friday; I still couldn't believe I had stooped down to Addie's level and yelled at her and then acted so emotional afterwards, especially with Alex. I also couldn't believe I actually trusted Addie in the first place.
"Are you ready to go, Kaylie?" Jasey asked as she took hers and Chase's bowls to the sink and washed them off with a 'thank you' coming from Chase in the process.
"As ready as I'll ever be," I muttered to the two of them as I got up and picked my backpack and purse up from the floor.
"Do you want me to drive you?" Chase offered and I quickly agreed; I was way too tired to actually drive without worrying about falling asleep at the wheel.
We drove in a comfortable a silence for the entire trip to Dulaney High School, but when Jasey got out of the car and told us she'd see us later, Chase finally spoke what I'm sure he's been wanting to say since I got back from New York and skillfully avoided the people I've talked to every day since we came to Maryland a few months back. "What happened in New York, Kaylie?" he asked seriously while I just shrugged as if to say nothing had happened. "No more lying, Kaylie. All weekend you've been saying nothing happened but you've been sulking around the house and avoided all of the people you can't go a day without talking to."
I let out a frustrated sigh before finally looking at Chase. "I saw Addie, ok?" I practically yelled within the confined space of the car, and Chase rested his head in his hands as he pulled at his hair in a frustrated way while muttering off some profanities.
"Damn it, Kaylie! I knew you shouldn't have gone!" he, too, yelled as he looked back up at me, and I flinched slightly at how loud he just was before he lowered his voice, "What happened?" I was just about to answer when the bell rang, signaling class was just about to start; I got ready to pull the door open to escape this interrogating but Chase stopped me.
"What about class?" I practically whined, not really caring that I'd have to skip history but instead annoyed that I'd have to relay everything that happened to Chase.
"You can miss one class; it’s not like you haven't done out before," he said angrily as he started the car and pulled out of Dulaney's parking lot and onto the open road as I glared harshly at him. We both stayed quiet as he drove a few minutes away to a diner. He got out and slammed his door shut before going into the diner, not even bothering to wait for me as he sat down inside. I waited a few more seconds before getting out of the car and going inside to sit across from my frustrated brother. We sat in an uncomfortable silence as the waitress came and asked what we wanted to drink; both of us ordering a coffee.
After she came back with our drinks, Chase finally broke the silence. "Why didn't you just tell me earlier, Kay?" he asked and I shrugged again, a groan coming from Chase because of it.
"I don't know, Chase. I guess I just didn't find it important," I muttered.
"Of course it mattered, Kay; she hurt you and practically ruined your life before, and the last thing I want is her being back in your life."
"You think I'd just let her back in my life, Chase? I'm not stupid," I said as I scoffed.
"Then what happened?" he asked softly, a look of relief on his face since I didn't let Addie back in my life like he apparently assumed I did.
"She and her two 'friends' came up to me after the guys' show and she started talking about how she was going to get Alex to sleep with her even though she already knew we were dating, just like she did with Brody, so I yelled at her and threatened to punch her this time if she got near Alex," I admitted and he sighed while nodding.
"So why have you been avoiding your friends?" I shrugged once again.
"They all saw me fighting with Addie, and I'm sure they probably heard too. After I got back to the hotel, Alex asked what happened and why I was fighting with her, so I ended up telling him everything that happened when we lived there and all of the trouble I got into when we were there. None of the others know any of it, and, I don't know, it just felt really awkward afterwards since they saw me fighting with Addie like that, and even though Alex said he accepted my past the way it is, I still feel ashamed that I actually did all of that just because I got with the wrong crowd," I admitted to my brother and he nodded, taking everything I've said in; that's why I loved talking to Chase so much - unlike Jasey who got impatient if she had to hear all of your problems, Chase would actually sit through any rant, listen, and try to help regardless of who it was.
"You really do need to stop avoiding them and just talk to them, Kaylie. From what I've heard and seen from them, they all seem like amazing people, and I’m sure none of them would think less of you because of past mistakes," he said and I nodded gratefully. "Oh and Kaylie?"
"Yeah?" I asked, looking back up at him over my cup of coffee.
"You don't need to be ashamed of what you did; the past is the past and there's no need to dwell on it."
"But I can't help but feel like I've seriously fucked up badly so many times back then, and it’s just hard to think about how stupid my actions had been back in New York. It makes me wonder if it didn’t happen because of the people I hung out with but instead because I’m me," I admitted to him what I've never told anyone else before.
"You're a teenager Kaylie; you're expected to do stupid stuff," he replied with a chuckle.
"But I'm sure most teenagers don't do stuff that almost get themselves killed!" I exclaimed quietly as I lightly touched the long white scar on my side that once had a shard of glass protruding from it not too long ago; the scar I was going to have to live with because of a really stupid decision.
"But you're alive, Kay, and you need to just be thankful for it."
"I know and trust me, Chase, I'm so thankful for it. I just wish mom and dad cared more so none of this would've ever happened," I said quietly.
"They do care, Kaylie; they just have a weird way of showing it." I nodded even though I didn't completely believe him. I finish the last of my coffee as Chase looked down at his phone. "We should probably start heading back so we don't miss second period as well." I honestly had forgotten we were even skipping school until he said that, so I nodded and got up along with Chase. He went to go pay for our drinks while I went and waited for him by the door. Once he paid, we walked side by side out of the little diner.
"Thanks Chay," I said once he started to back out of the small parking lot.
"For what?" he asked, glancing at me for a second before facing the road again.
"Everything," I replied while moving my arms around like it was explaining what 'everything' was.
I felt awkward being around the guys, Kara, and Caitlyn after my outburst at the venue Friday night, so I avoided all of them, including Alex, all of Saturday afternoon and Sunday. Today is now Monday, so I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid them anymore as I dressed for the school day. I put on a pair of skinny jeans and a Blink-182 shirt before slipping on black converse and doing my makeup, not even bothering to put my contacts in but instead just wearing my glasses because I was too tired to do anything else. Right before leaving my bedroom, I slipped on of Alex's jacket that he let me borrow.
"Morning, sleepyhead," Jasey joked as I trudged down the staircase. I mumbled something incoherently in response as a giggle came from Jasey. Instead of eating breakfast like I normally would, I laid my head down on the counter while a groan escaped from my mouth as I thought of my soft and warm bed upstairs that was practically begging me to go back to.
"Why are you so tired?" Chase asked and I simply shrugged in response. I hadn't been able to sleep much the past two nights because I kept thinking of what happened in my past and in New York on Friday; I still couldn't believe I had stooped down to Addie's level and yelled at her and then acted so emotional afterwards, especially with Alex. I also couldn't believe I actually trusted Addie in the first place.
"Are you ready to go, Kaylie?" Jasey asked as she took hers and Chase's bowls to the sink and washed them off with a 'thank you' coming from Chase in the process.
"As ready as I'll ever be," I muttered to the two of them as I got up and picked my backpack and purse up from the floor.
"Do you want me to drive you?" Chase offered and I quickly agreed; I was way too tired to actually drive without worrying about falling asleep at the wheel.
We drove in a comfortable a silence for the entire trip to Dulaney High School, but when Jasey got out of the car and told us she'd see us later, Chase finally spoke what I'm sure he's been wanting to say since I got back from New York and skillfully avoided the people I've talked to every day since we came to Maryland a few months back. "What happened in New York, Kaylie?" he asked seriously while I just shrugged as if to say nothing had happened. "No more lying, Kaylie. All weekend you've been saying nothing happened but you've been sulking around the house and avoided all of the people you can't go a day without talking to."
I let out a frustrated sigh before finally looking at Chase. "I saw Addie, ok?" I practically yelled within the confined space of the car, and Chase rested his head in his hands as he pulled at his hair in a frustrated way while muttering off some profanities.
"Damn it, Kaylie! I knew you shouldn't have gone!" he, too, yelled as he looked back up at me, and I flinched slightly at how loud he just was before he lowered his voice, "What happened?" I was just about to answer when the bell rang, signaling class was just about to start; I got ready to pull the door open to escape this interrogating but Chase stopped me.
"What about class?" I practically whined, not really caring that I'd have to skip history but instead annoyed that I'd have to relay everything that happened to Chase.
"You can miss one class; it’s not like you haven't done out before," he said angrily as he started the car and pulled out of Dulaney's parking lot and onto the open road as I glared harshly at him. We both stayed quiet as he drove a few minutes away to a diner. He got out and slammed his door shut before going into the diner, not even bothering to wait for me as he sat down inside. I waited a few more seconds before getting out of the car and going inside to sit across from my frustrated brother. We sat in an uncomfortable silence as the waitress came and asked what we wanted to drink; both of us ordering a coffee.
After she came back with our drinks, Chase finally broke the silence. "Why didn't you just tell me earlier, Kay?" he asked and I shrugged again, a groan coming from Chase because of it.
"I don't know, Chase. I guess I just didn't find it important," I muttered.
"Of course it mattered, Kay; she hurt you and practically ruined your life before, and the last thing I want is her being back in your life."
"You think I'd just let her back in my life, Chase? I'm not stupid," I said as I scoffed.
"Then what happened?" he asked softly, a look of relief on his face since I didn't let Addie back in my life like he apparently assumed I did.
"She and her two 'friends' came up to me after the guys' show and she started talking about how she was going to get Alex to sleep with her even though she already knew we were dating, just like she did with Brody, so I yelled at her and threatened to punch her this time if she got near Alex," I admitted and he sighed while nodding.
"So why have you been avoiding your friends?" I shrugged once again.
"They all saw me fighting with Addie, and I'm sure they probably heard too. After I got back to the hotel, Alex asked what happened and why I was fighting with her, so I ended up telling him everything that happened when we lived there and all of the trouble I got into when we were there. None of the others know any of it, and, I don't know, it just felt really awkward afterwards since they saw me fighting with Addie like that, and even though Alex said he accepted my past the way it is, I still feel ashamed that I actually did all of that just because I got with the wrong crowd," I admitted to my brother and he nodded, taking everything I've said in; that's why I loved talking to Chase so much - unlike Jasey who got impatient if she had to hear all of your problems, Chase would actually sit through any rant, listen, and try to help regardless of who it was.
"You really do need to stop avoiding them and just talk to them, Kaylie. From what I've heard and seen from them, they all seem like amazing people, and I’m sure none of them would think less of you because of past mistakes," he said and I nodded gratefully. "Oh and Kaylie?"
"Yeah?" I asked, looking back up at him over my cup of coffee.
"You don't need to be ashamed of what you did; the past is the past and there's no need to dwell on it."
"But I can't help but feel like I've seriously fucked up badly so many times back then, and it’s just hard to think about how stupid my actions had been back in New York. It makes me wonder if it didn’t happen because of the people I hung out with but instead because I’m me," I admitted to him what I've never told anyone else before.
"You're a teenager Kaylie; you're expected to do stupid stuff," he replied with a chuckle.
"But I'm sure most teenagers don't do stuff that almost get themselves killed!" I exclaimed quietly as I lightly touched the long white scar on my side that once had a shard of glass protruding from it not too long ago; the scar I was going to have to live with because of a really stupid decision.
"But you're alive, Kay, and you need to just be thankful for it."
"I know and trust me, Chase, I'm so thankful for it. I just wish mom and dad cared more so none of this would've ever happened," I said quietly.
"They do care, Kaylie; they just have a weird way of showing it." I nodded even though I didn't completely believe him. I finish the last of my coffee as Chase looked down at his phone. "We should probably start heading back so we don't miss second period as well." I honestly had forgotten we were even skipping school until he said that, so I nodded and got up along with Chase. He went to go pay for our drinks while I went and waited for him by the door. Once he paid, we walked side by side out of the little diner.
"Thanks Chay," I said once he started to back out of the small parking lot.
"For what?" he asked, glancing at me for a second before facing the road again.
"Everything," I replied while moving my arms around like it was explaining what 'everything' was.
11/19/13