Love Notes and Long Distance
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now.
I sighed, putting my phone down on the bed. I looked over at my roommate who was playing video games again. Just because it was a little after three am doesn’t mean that we were asleep. In fact we were currently in a massive Call Of Duty one on one battle. We were pretty evenly matched but after that phone call my skill drastically dropped.
“Lex, you suddenly can’t aim. What’s going on,” Rian asked.
“Nothing, I’m just bad at all of this,” I muttered.
“What’s going on?”
“I think I’m losing Jack.”
“Wait what?”
Suddenly he was facing me, his attention completely on me and not divided between the screen and I. I threw the controller on the ground and tangled my fingers into my head. I just spoke my biggest fear; losing the one I loved the most. But it seemed to be a reality at this moment. Rian knew how much Jack meant to me and how saying those five words were more devastating than they should have been. What Jack didn’t know is that Rian, Zack and I had been talking about how I was going to propose to Jack over break. Coming up with the best/cutest ideas and suddenly there’s a possibility that I may lose him.
“Repeat what you just said,” Rian demanded.
“I’m afraid that I’m losing Jack. I’m afraid that Jack doesn’t love me anymore. I’m afraid that he’s going to do something to make me break up with him because he’s afraid to do it himself. I’m afraid that he doesn’t love me anymore. I’m afraid that I’m going to be the reason my heart shatters beyond repair because I’m going to have to break up with the only person I’ve ever loved. I never loved anyone I was with before Rian. I love Jack and I’m afraid that I’m going to shatter my own heart and I can’t live with that fact. I just can’t,” I whispered.
“What makes you say all of this?”
“He got drunk and was talking about how he wanted to kiss his roommate. Like all we talked about was him. He told me he loved me right before he hung up. We both know that one of the types of people who can’t lie is drunk people. He wants his roommate and he practically told me. Rian, I’m losing the one thing that’s keeping me on the ground. Rian, I can’t lose him.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until a tear splattered against my hand. I immediately covered my eyes with my hands, too prideful to let someone see me cry. My stomach was completely knotted up, turning over itself so that I felt almost sick. I didn’t know what to do right now. Jack changed things for me; we weren’t even supposed to be together. I could remember all of it as if it were yesterday instead of a few years.
I leaned over to Jack who had been my first friend since I moved here in Elementary school. We were told to find partners for a project in our history class. He was a lot smarter than he gave himself credit for, easily in senior classes while only a sophomore. He never gave himself the credit that he deserved. I wasn’t partnering up with him because he was smart though. I enjoyed working with him because he make the work fun and easily understandable to me.
“So, your house after school right,” he asked softly.
“Yeah, we’ll just drive you and you can probably stay the night,” I told him.
“Alright, thanks dude.”
At that moment I never knew what that night would entail. I never knew that that night would have a game of truth or dare with other friends that came over. When I invited him to stay the night I never knew that a few hours later I would be dared to kiss Jack Barakat. I never knew that I would enjoy that kiss as much as I did. I never knew that he and I would be dating for years. Never did I think that those years would be the best of my life.
“Rian, I can’t lose him. I really can’t,” I sobbed.
“Alex, you need sleep. You’re not going to lose him, I promise. The way you talk about him makes me think that he talks about you the same way. You’re not going to lose him, I promise,” Rian said.
I smiled at him and nodded showing him that I understood. I had a sinking feeling that I couldn’t explain though. I had a feeling that I was going to lose the most important thing in my life and I wasn’t sure how to tell Rian this in a way he would understand.
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now.
I sighed, putting my phone down on the bed. I looked over at my roommate who was playing video games again. Just because it was a little after three am doesn’t mean that we were asleep. In fact we were currently in a massive Call Of Duty one on one battle. We were pretty evenly matched but after that phone call my skill drastically dropped.
“Lex, you suddenly can’t aim. What’s going on,” Rian asked.
“Nothing, I’m just bad at all of this,” I muttered.
“What’s going on?”
“I think I’m losing Jack.”
“Wait what?”
Suddenly he was facing me, his attention completely on me and not divided between the screen and I. I threw the controller on the ground and tangled my fingers into my head. I just spoke my biggest fear; losing the one I loved the most. But it seemed to be a reality at this moment. Rian knew how much Jack meant to me and how saying those five words were more devastating than they should have been. What Jack didn’t know is that Rian, Zack and I had been talking about how I was going to propose to Jack over break. Coming up with the best/cutest ideas and suddenly there’s a possibility that I may lose him.
“Repeat what you just said,” Rian demanded.
“I’m afraid that I’m losing Jack. I’m afraid that Jack doesn’t love me anymore. I’m afraid that he’s going to do something to make me break up with him because he’s afraid to do it himself. I’m afraid that he doesn’t love me anymore. I’m afraid that I’m going to be the reason my heart shatters beyond repair because I’m going to have to break up with the only person I’ve ever loved. I never loved anyone I was with before Rian. I love Jack and I’m afraid that I’m going to shatter my own heart and I can’t live with that fact. I just can’t,” I whispered.
“What makes you say all of this?”
“He got drunk and was talking about how he wanted to kiss his roommate. Like all we talked about was him. He told me he loved me right before he hung up. We both know that one of the types of people who can’t lie is drunk people. He wants his roommate and he practically told me. Rian, I’m losing the one thing that’s keeping me on the ground. Rian, I can’t lose him.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until a tear splattered against my hand. I immediately covered my eyes with my hands, too prideful to let someone see me cry. My stomach was completely knotted up, turning over itself so that I felt almost sick. I didn’t know what to do right now. Jack changed things for me; we weren’t even supposed to be together. I could remember all of it as if it were yesterday instead of a few years.
I leaned over to Jack who had been my first friend since I moved here in Elementary school. We were told to find partners for a project in our history class. He was a lot smarter than he gave himself credit for, easily in senior classes while only a sophomore. He never gave himself the credit that he deserved. I wasn’t partnering up with him because he was smart though. I enjoyed working with him because he make the work fun and easily understandable to me.
“So, your house after school right,” he asked softly.
“Yeah, we’ll just drive you and you can probably stay the night,” I told him.
“Alright, thanks dude.”
At that moment I never knew what that night would entail. I never knew that that night would have a game of truth or dare with other friends that came over. When I invited him to stay the night I never knew that a few hours later I would be dared to kiss Jack Barakat. I never knew that I would enjoy that kiss as much as I did. I never knew that he and I would be dating for years. Never did I think that those years would be the best of my life.
“Rian, I can’t lose him. I really can’t,” I sobbed.
“Alex, you need sleep. You’re not going to lose him, I promise. The way you talk about him makes me think that he talks about you the same way. You’re not going to lose him, I promise,” Rian said.
I smiled at him and nodded showing him that I understood. I had a sinking feeling that I couldn’t explain though. I had a feeling that I was going to lose the most important thing in my life and I wasn’t sure how to tell Rian this in a way he would understand.
Notes
Who will be right, Alex or Rian? Stay tuned to find out in the exciting next chapter. The part in bold is a flashback. It's almost time to be on break and I'm so excited because all of this is so stressful!!
Drop a rate and comment if you enjoyed :)
Title and lyrics credit: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
@Carebear
Thanks :) we currently have two songs near done and I think we're going for seven. Jack feels bad though. Something may happen though.
1/17/16