“So Alex you want to come over to work on the project?” He asked me.
Currently we were at lunch. He already introduced me to his friends, and they were very accepting, which helped allot with my self esteem and social anxiety issues. But still, something set me off about this school. Sadly, I’m a pessimistic person. I’m always pointing out the bad.
Even though I had a group of people in front of me, willing to be my friend, I’m focused on how everyone else hating me. My mother wanted to send me to therapy, but I had a breakdown. It scared her really bad, so she backed off of me for a little while.

“Uh...Yea. That sounds fun I guess. Where do you live exactly? Well. Even if you told me I’d have an issue finding it.” I rambled. When I get nervous, I’ll over evaluate things, and once again, point out the bad. He shrugged. “The apartments about two blocks away from here.”
I perked up, knowing where that it. “I live there to!”
“Well, apartment number 345.” He chuckled., putting a hand on my shoulder. I cowered at the touch, laughing nervously.
Rian, Cassadee, Zack, and Jack sat at the table talking about weird stuff. I didn’t join in, instead I pulled out my notebook writing down some lyric ideas.
I really wanted to become a musician one day. I’m okay at writing, and my voice is good. I also play a bit of guitar so that was a plus.

I hummed to myself for a bit, then the bell rung. I followed Rian to my next class. He had English with me. I told him about me being behind, and he reassured me that we were still on stupid shit like reading novels and vocabulary.
That definitely made me feel better.
In class my anxiety was starting to go away little by little, until a note flew on my desk.
I didn’t bother looking at the person who threw it. The words hurt me enough.
You’re already hanging out with the faggots. Too bad. I thought you were cute.
But that’s how high school works. I can’t be caught with anyone like you.

I decided I’d write back, and throw it back. The handwriting was girly, so whoever she was, she’d get it. I didn’t want to see her face.

Look, I’m just here to get an education okay? Too bad I’m not going to glance back and look at you to even see what I’m missing huh? Leave me alone. I’ve had enough of this bullshit in my last school.
I threw it back, and eventually I got the note back
You’re still a faggot though. Get rid of the fucking jeans. They’re too tight. And that Terrible shirt. Blink 182 is gay. Are you actually gay?

I didn’t even reply. I’ll continue to be me. It doesn’t matter what others think.
So far I’m labeled as the quiet guy who doesn’t talk. I’ve only spoke to 4 people here, so I guess that’s understandable. Some people even call me a mute freak. Whatever.
School went by painfully, and my first day sucked. I did make a couple of friends, but I made the rest of the student body an enemy.
And I did it without words. Chuckling to myself, I started my walk home, when I heard a voice behind me. “Hey Alex!” I turned around. Jack was running towards me, books in his hands.
“Mind if I walk with you?”
I nodded, waving my hands as a I don’t mind at all.


Jack was a really cool guy. I liked him, and I could see us being friends, but I’d never be out of my shell unless we were out of big places. So maybe tonight I could show him who I really am.
I live behind a person I’m not. If you really got to know me, I’m crazy.
Sadly I never really had friends, so my parents had to deal with it most of the time.
When out of view of everyone, I relaxed all the muscles in my body, and looked at Jack.
He was actually staring at me. “Are you always so tense around people?”
I giggled, which surprised him a bit. “Yea actually. It’s a anxiety thing. But now that all those people are gone, I can relax you know? We’ll just go straight to your house. I already told mom I’m with a friend for a project.” I held up my phone, signaling I just texted her.

“ Yea sure...” He smiled at me, a little unsure about my new confidence.
I intend on making him a pretty good friend. He reminds me of myself when no ones around.


*Jack*


I walked into my house, calling to my mom that I had a friend. She scurried out of the kitchen, reminding me of a little mouse.
“Oh, what’s his name!” She chirped looking at Alex. He was a little tense again, but relaxed when he shook her hand. “I’m Alex. Alex Gaskarth.”
My mother squealed, and Alex jumped behind me. “Oh I know your mother!! She came down here needing help earlier today. I knew my son would find you at school! He always welcomes the new kids. Even when they don’t welcome him.” She walked into the kitchen. “Stay for dinner honey! Were having Chicken Alfredo. I heard Alex giggle. “Yea. That sounds great Mrs. Barakat.” She popped her head out from the kitchen. “Call me Joyce please. Mrs. Barakat makes me feel old.” He nodded, laughing, and I pulled him upstairs.


So what do you want to do for the project?” I asked him, pulling out my notebook.
His eyes brightened up a bit. “How about something to do with, if the sun disappeared?”
That actually sounded kind of cool. “Yea, but how would we know?” I questioned.
“I watch space videos at night and came across one talking about it. If the sun disappeared,”
(A/N Dude...If you’re actually interested in it. Click this video. I’m not even going to type how it would even work. But seriously, it is so fucking cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rltpH6ck2Kc )

He rambled on about the subject, leaving me amazed. We would totally get an amazing grade with his idea.
So with an outline of the project, and notes already written down, I put on some music and we just talked. Before dinner we pretty much knew each other like we were friends for years. Of course there will always be more to learn.

My mom was always an amazing cook, and obviously Alex loved it. He moaned when it touched his taste buds, making me giggle. I saw my mother wink at me from across the table. Oh. She thinks we are totally hitting it off. Which we are, but in a relationship way.
Alex was an adorable guy, but I don’t see him liking guys. I don’t see him with anyone really. He’d be much to shy around a girl, and if he was gay, he’s be way shy around guys.

9 O’clock came around, and Alex was leaving with the title of my best friend. He may have been REALLY shy around allot of people, but he definitely was not shy around me. I found that so cool.

Before going to bed, I logged onto my facebook, seeing one friend request. I clicked it, the name. Alex Gaskarth, shinikng in my face. I hit accept, typing him a message.
See you in homeroom tomorrow. Maybe I can come over tomorrow for the project? Switch it up?
G’night dude.
I logged off, snuggling into my bed covers. I wonder what Alex was doing right now.


*Alex*


I came into the door, my mother crying her eyes out. “Mom?”
She looked at me. “A-alex. I think it’s best you try and text that friend of yours to getout of the house tonight. We have some really bad stuff going on.” I bit my lip, nodding hesitantly. “Let me just get Tom, I need to as-” She grabbed my arm. “Alex...”
The look in my mothers eyes was nothing I’d ever seen before.
“H-he went out Alex. He’ll b-be back soon.” I nodded again, really concerned over why my mom was acting this way. “Mom is dad drunk again? Did he hurt you?”
“No, no. Just go play in your room Alex.”


I had added Jack on facebook, logged off, and was almost ready for bed when my mom came into my room.
“Alex. You deserve to know more than anyone.” Her face was still red, when she let out a sob, hugging me tight. “He’s gone Alex. Tom. H-he killed h-himself.” She was barely audible. But her words stung me worse then anyone else’s.
I couldn’t even cry. I was so shocked that I literally could not move, or think.
I was blank. My brother is gone. It’s my fault. If I came home earlier I could have stopped him.
My mind was blank except for one single thought. You could have saved him yourself.

My mom left me alone, hearing my dad come home. But the second she left, was the minute that reality hit me. I fell to my knees. I felt my heart break inside my chest. A pain so strong to send me into uncontrollable fits of sobbing. I couldn’t breathe. I was having an anxiety attack, and no one can help me right now.
I would pass out and be found later.
But I woke up with a hospital light shining in my face, and my parents crying beside me.
“M-mom?”