Fear filled my veins when I looked up at the big school in front of me. Something I wasn’t used to. I used to live in a small town in Tennessee called Crossville.
Moving to a huge city, Baltimore, isn’t easy for me. I’m different.We had to move for that reason. The way I dressed was something I couldn’t bring into that state, nor my religious beliefs. I don’t believe in a god. Simple as that. But, Tennessee is in the bible belt. So no one there felt the same, and I was under ridicule the whole time.


But staring up at the huge high school, I felt like a small fish in the ocean. This place was huge. Allot bigger then the high school in Crossville. I already saw a few people dressed like me, so that was cool. But it didn’t erase the fear in me, that I would go through the same thing again. Now or never. I thought to myself. I can’t stand here forever. Walking through the doors with the social anxiety I had, it felt like I was standing up, and everyone else was sitting down. Like I was the odd one out. My grip tightened on the books in my hand. Everyone’s looking at me... They’re all thinking that I’m weird. They hate me already.
Social anxiety is something I should probably get over. But truthfully, it’s hard. Those are the thought I get walking into new places, with new people. My first stop was the front office to grab a schedule. But when I got there, I felt worse then walking in the doors. The lady infront of me looked mean, and her eyes bored into mine. She thinks I’m a freak. “May I help you?” She smacked her gum.


“I-i need a schedule. Alex Gaskarth.” My voice seemed so weak compared to hers.
The woman quickly handed me papers with my classes, locker number, map of the school, and my combination.
With my head down, I scurried to my first class, having to pull out my map at least five times. I happened to get there just before the bell rung.


I had math first, but everything he was teaching confused me so much. Living in low budgeted town sucked. We were way behind in everything. I almost teared up because everything on the board confused me so much. I havn’t made a single friend yet. And I’m going to fail this class most likely. At that point I’ll loose my Ipod, my computer, my guitar. Those three things seriously mean alot to me. I heard giggles behind me, and girls whispering. They all hate me. They’re talking about how weird I am. I put my hands in my lap, looking down at them the whole time. During lunch I’ll visit the math teacher and explain to him if I could get into tutoring or something. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and a girl shoosh somebody. I turned around to see a really pretty girl with a smirk on her face. Here comes the names. That smirk doesn’t mean anything good.


“Blink 182 huh?” She referred to my shirt. “You must be one of those faggots then? Why didn’t you take a seat by the other faggot?” She sneered, pointing to a boy with a Nirvana shirt on. His hair was a dark brown with blonde streaks. Black skinny jeans, and a white studded belt. He was alot like me look wise.
As for the girl infront of me, I ignored her, and turned around. What was that boys name? I bit my lip, deep in thought, but shook my head. It doesn’t matter anyway. He’d think you’re weird to. The bell rang , and I pulled out my map again, starting to get frustrated at the size of the school.
Another tap on my shoulder made me turn around. But instead there was the boy smiling at me.
“My names Jack. I like your shirt.” I smiled at the boy, who was just a bit taller then me. “I love yours to. Oh, and my names Alex.” He nodded, pointing at my map. “I can show you to class if you want. What do you have next?”


“Science.”
His eyes brightened up. “Me to. Follow me.”
Together we walked to second period. “So I saw Lilly talking to you. Whatever she says, seriously just ignore her.” He laughed.
I nodded, not verbally responding. I was still concerned over what people were thinking of me. My mind was racing. All these people are staring you down. In their mind they’re secretly judging you. They think you’re small. A small sigh left my lips, and I looked at my shoes as if they were the most important thing right now.
“Hey Alex you alright man? Did she really get to you?” His concern was sweet but I really was feeling sick from all this anxiety. “I-i have social anxiety...And in crowded places I get anxiety attacks. Which I really feel one coming but I’m trying to ignore it. I’m not used to such a big city...Or such a big school.I lived in a small town before this.”


He patted my back, a gesture to calm me down. But I felt threatened by it really. I feel threatened by everything. Honestly I teared up, still looking at my shows, following Jack.
We finally made it to science before the bell rang. We didn’t walk in much of a hurry.
At least I knew where my first two classes were now. That made me feel a little better that I didn’t have to constantly pull out my map this time.

“I’m letting you guys choose partners today.”
The old women said from behind her desk. She looked really nice, but really old. I think her name was Mrs. Stewart, or something like that. I looked over at Jack, and he waved me over.
So I didn’t have to ask him. That’s good because I probably would have passed out or something. “Hey Alex. So, Wanna do it on space?” He perked up, and my eyes probably brightened a bit to much. “Yes! I love space.” I smiled at him.

He was taken aback at how my voice came out a little more confident. “You should talk like that more often. I won’t bite!” He laughed. “Space it is then.” And we drew out a plan.

~

*Jack*
I walked by the group of jocks, getting called down by fag. I tried to ignore it. Honestly, I’m not the kind of person to let shit like that get to me. They can call me whatever they want, because my theory is in ten years they’ll be somewhere allot lower then me.
Rian high fived me on my way to class, with Cassadee at his side. They were the cutest fucking couple on earth. But those two were like Cupid. Always trying to get me with someone.

I’m gay. And proud. I don’t tell anyone because I don’t want my high school experience to be beatings for four years straight. My family new at least. Along with my best friend Zack. He’s the only one I truly trust. He wouldn’t tell anyone, even if it costed him his life.
I heard there was a new kid in school. Well by the whispering.
You see that cute guy?
Looks like another fag.
I already felt sorry for the guy. He was walking down the hall, his head down. He seemed like the shy type. Poor thing... He looked up for a second, and I realized just how cute he is. I chuckled to myself, hurrying up to first period. I’m always the first one in class. Mostly because not alot of my friends have the same classes that are in the same area, so I don’t talk to them to waste me or their time to get to class.
My regular seat in the back always had other people writing on it, saying stuff like: ‘Jack Barafag, Jack is a stupid bitch. Jack deserves to be hit with a metal fucking chair.’
I’m being completely honest when I say, that every time there is a new addition to my desk writings, I laugh. They’ve stopped recently because everyone realizes it doesn’t bother me.
As long as I’m not getting physically bullied, I don’t care. I’m a nice guy, and I know that.
Really, I hope the new guy has the same way of thinking, because he’s gonna have a rough time here.
They’ve been looking for fresh meat.
He made it to class just on time, taking a seat across the room from me.
Girls behind him snickered. I’ll have him sit next to me tomorrow. Nothing I could do today, since the teacher was already writing our assignments on the board.

“He’s such a faggot...Blink 182? C’mon.” One of the jocks, Jason, whispered to his friend next to me.
“Jason how about you cut it out?” I looked at him seriously. “It’s not cool.”
With that, he shut up.
The new boy had a hard time with the math, I could tell with the look on his face and how he always looked down at his hands nervously. His old school must be a bit behind.
That’s okay though, I could confront him before next class. I’d try and make friends with him. As best as I could anyway, maybe even help him with school work.

I wrote down everything, planning on doing it at home. I’m awesome at math, and the teacher loves me. He wouldn’t mind.
I doodled in my notebook for the whole class, until the bell ring.
Getting up, I walked over to the new kid, determined to make a new friend.