AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please, if you are easily triggered with anything related to suicide like suicide attempts, suicide, or even the mentioning of suicide, please read this chapter with caution or skip to the paragraphs under the page cut. Thanks.



*one week later*

Days. It had been days since I had since Jack. I lost count after three, and I blame that on my mind not having enough energy to process anything. I blame that on the fact that I hadn't had a full meal since I overheard Jack talking to Hayley. Whenever Nurse Tay would bring me a meal and sit down to watch me, I would just stare at it with a blank stare. She would ask me why I wasn't eating, and I would give the excuse that I was really sick in the stomach, and I couldn't eat much. She would say to just take little nibbles, and I would obey, taking tiny nibbles of whatever was served before me. Nurse Tay, after watching me eat barely anything for over an hour, would take my tray and assure me that she would try and feed me a full meal again later. It was the same routine for these passed days, and I was getting sickly used to it.

I got up and walked over to the laptop that was on my desk. I opened it up, and Skype instantly opened. Sighing, I clicked the app open to see that my mother was online. She seemed to be online, as if she was waiting for me to call. I was glad, though. If I needed her, she would be right there waiting for me. I loved her so much.

I clicked on her name and pressed the video call button. It only took a few rings for mom to answer the call, and when she answered, her beautiful face popped on the screen. I would be lying if I said that, when I saw her face, I didn't tear up massively. “Alex, baby, hi!” she greeted happily. However, I guess how I looked really reflected how I felt because her cheerful expression morphed into one of concern and sadness. “Alex, baby, what's wrong?” I looked down at the keyboard, sniffling.

“It's been hard here, mom..” I whispered. All the memories came back to when I heard Jack speak about me towards Hayley and when I tore the band off my wrist. I trembled at the pain I was beginning to feel.

“Baby-boy,” Mom peeked in, “I know it must be hard. Your father and I feel terrible almost everyday for sending you there, but you need the help, honey. I know you won't be there long; it won't take you long to get better.”

“I met a boy here, mom.” I added in, still keeping my eyes away from her’s.

“A boy? What's his name?”

“Jack. And, I made an awful mistake of kissing him, mom. I didn't know what I was thinking, but he told me he liked it! So, when I went to go see him that day, after the kiss, I heard him telling a friend of his, Hayley, that he didn't like it, and that he didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me he didn't.” As I explained what was happening with me, I began to let my tears flow, and my shakes got a hell of a lot worse. I now looked at my mother; I could see in the corner of the screen what I looked like, and I looked horrible. “I-I haven't eaten for days, mom. I can't. Jack doesn't like me for who I am, and … I feel like I'm going fucking insane!” I was snapping; I was reaching my boiling point. “I can't do this anymore, mom. I…I've given up.”

“A-Alex, baby, what do you mean?” Mom asked with a shaky, raspy voice. I could tell she had been crying right along with me.

“I'm so sorry that I've given up, mom. I love you, and tell dad I love him, too. It'll be better this way.”

“Alexan –“ I cut her off with ending the call. I was in full panic mode, but my mind was set. This is what I needed to do; I wasn't good enough for anyone anymore. I threw the laptop to the floor and scattered to pick up the broken glass of the computer screen. I found a large piece of the shattered material before charging to the stairway. The balcony was where I was going to go, and I knew I would get there sooner with the stairs.

I got to the balcony in a matter of minutes, and when I arrived to the balcony, I was relieved to see none of Jack and/or his friends hanging out there. Therefore, I pushed through the doors and headed towards the edge of the building. Before I stepped onto the edge, I looked down below to see the height of where I was at. It was so high that I was above birds that were soaring through the air, and everything below me looked microscopic. Somehow, the sight didn't sike me out of stepping onto the ledge of the balcony.

I had my back facing the ground below, and my face was facing the glass entrance of the balcony. My mother must had called the hospital to warn them of what I was going to do because soon after I climbed up onto the ledge, Nurse Tay and two security guards flew out into the balcony, Nurse Tay shouting, “Alex! Alex, don't!” I pressed the broken glass to my neck, not hard enough to break any skin yet.

“If you come any fucking closer, I'll do it!” I shouted back with tears streaming down my pale cheeks. Nurse Tay and the security guards stood back far enough to not intimidate me.

“Alex, honey, what are you even thinking right now?” Nurse Tay heaved out. “Why are you doing this?”

“I can't take it anymore! I don't want to be here; I've fucked up enough! I fucked up with Jack and my eating habits, so I'm done! I don't want to live my life as a fucking screw up!” The longer I spoke, the harder I pressed the glass to my throat. A faint sting formed in my neck, and I knew I was beginning to break skin.

“Alex, we can talk about this! Please, don't give up your life over things you can easily fix! Please, get down from there!” Nurse Tay begged. Tears were now on her own cheeks, and the guards looked at me, desperately pleading with their eyes for me to get down. I didn't want to listen to any of them; I wanted to do this more than anything. I deserved what I was doing. I looked behind me to see what I was going to land on once more. The hard cement would be my death bed, and my blood would permanently stain its innocence. I gulped, the fear starting to settle in my gut. “Come on, Alex,” she spoke up once more, “just come down, and we will fix everything that has gone wrong. I promise.” I eased into listening to what she had to say. Maybe she was right; maybe I didn't have to take my life over things I could fix. Sighing, I dropped the piece of glass and stepped down off the ledge. I'd given into them.

Nurse Tay gestured to the guards to take hold of me and take me back inside. I knew I wouldn't be going back to my room; I'd probably be put into a special room until they thought it was safe for me to return to my real room. As they dragged me to the entrance doors, I noticed someone standing at the doors with three others behind them. Oh my God! It was Jack, Hayley, Zack, and Rian. They all looked horrified, and Jack looked torn. I just gave them – Jack, specifically – an empty stare. What I noticed in Jack’s clenched fist was a red band … my red band.

---

They put me into a room on the second floor that was completely empty. All that was in it was a bed and the windows. To keep me from pulling that stunt again, they tied my wrists and ankles to the bed. I felt like I was in an insane asylum, but no, I wasn't. I brought this kind of treatment on myself. I was the idiot that tried to jump off the building and slit my throat. I knew that once I was out of here, I would apologize to my parents for scaring them as bad as I did, and I would give an apology to Nurse Tay.

I was staring out the window, from my bed, when I heard a knock on the door. The door opened to reveal a nurse and … Jack? “You have a visitor, Mr. Gaskarth.” I nodded, and the nurse left me alone with Jack. I didn't even look or speak to Jack. Jack sat down on the bed and tried to ger me to give eye contact; I wouldn't budge.

“You alright, bud?” he asked. I stayed silent. Jack could tell I was ignoring him, and I knew it was eating him alive. “Look, Lex, I don't know what's going on. I found your band on the ground, and now it seems that –“

“You thought lying would make me feel better about I did?” I spat bluntly. Jack was taken aback by my harshness.

“What are you talking about, Alex?”

“I heard what you were saying to Hayley, Jack! You lied to not hurt my fucking feelings about the kiss! You think that helped?!” Jack wasn't expecting me to know, and when I told him, he looked down in disappointment.

“Alex, I'm sorry. I was in a dark place around that time, and I didn't know what to say or do, so I just went with it!”

“Dark place my fucking ass, Jack. You just wanted to lead me on.” I groaned.

“I'm telling the truth, dammit! Stop being stubborn, Lex! I feel differently now, though!”
“Different? The only reason you fucking feel different is because I almost jumped off the building, so you want to suck up to my pathetic ass with sympathy. Well, it ain't working, Jack. Just get the fuck out.”

“But, Alex –“

“Get the hell out!” I shouted harshly. Jack growled and leaped onto my neck. He clenched onto my cheeks harshly, and he yanked my face to have my eyes meet his. I was shocked and actually growing horrified at his actions.

“Listen to me, dammit. I am fucking telling you the goddamn truth. You need to get that through your thick damn skull!”

“I don't believe you for a second!” I snarled through my pinched cheeks. Without warning, Jack slammed his lips onto mine, and for some reason, I kissed back just a tiny bit. When he pulled away, he said words that made my heart stop.

“Dammit, Lex, I… I love you so damn much.”

Notes

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and if anyone who had to skip because of triggers, I deeply hope you enjoyed what you could read.

Until next update, here's your new-update-Jack-gif. :)


^^one of my favorite gifs of him btw

xoxo krys