"Alex! You need to get fucking help before we lose you!" screamed my father at the top of his lungs. We were all at the dinner table, eating my mom's pasta dinner, when I didn't want to eat. Me refusing to eat began the war of having Alex eat his dinner and not starve himself.

"I'm fucking fine," I shouted, "I am okay! I feel great, and you should too!"

"I can't watch my son starve himself! You look fine, Alex; you're far from fat! You're not anything you think you are, Alex! We need to take you to this hospital before we lose you and not have a son!"

"Please," Now, my mother, along with her sweet, cupcake voice, got involved, "listen to your father, Alexander. We want the best for you. We can't have you starving yourself... you need to eat -- you don't deserve to be hurting yourself."

"I'm not hurting myself! Starving myself makes me happy! I am just fine with how I live my life; you always said you would accept my life choices, so why are you not letting me make this choice now?!"

"Because this is fucking hurt you!" I could see in my father's eyes that we was on the verge of tears. Mom, on the other hand, was already crying. I crossed my arms, too stubborn and angry to give two shits about their help.

"You both hate me..." I mumbled. My father and mother heard me, and both looked up with widened eyes and dropped jaws.

"W-What?" my mother whimpered in astonishment.

"I SAID YOU BOTH FUCKING HATE ME! YOU THINK I AM FAT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, BUT YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE HAPPY! YOU HATE ME!" I screeched. That made my mom lose her composure, for she went hysterical and buried herself into my father's chest. My dad just looked down at the floor and murmured,

"Pack your bags, Alexander. We're taking you to the hospital on Monday."

---

I awoke to a knock on my door. I squinted my eyes due to the bright lights of the hallway shining into my room. I saw a dark figure at my door, and I made it out to be Nurse Tay. She was holding onto a tray which I assumed was my lunch meal. "Hello, Alex," she greeted joyously as she stepped inside the room. She set the tray down on the nightstand beside my bed. I slowly cranked myself up from the laying position to lay back on the bed in a sitting position. Nurse Tay remained at my bed side, hands behind her back. "I have your lunch here. I got you chocolate milk, if that's alright? You were sleeping, and I didn't want to wake you up to ask such a silly question. If you don't like it, I will surely go exchange it."

"No," I shook my head, removing the tray from the nightstand and placing it on my lap, "chocolate is fine."

"Remember what I told you: I won't be in here to watch you eat, but if I find out you discarded your food and didn't it, I will have no choice but to assign an Aid in here for when you eat meals." I nodded at her words with a frown. I didn't want to deal with an aid, to be honest, so I guess I had to try my hardest not to break down while eating this meal. "Welp, I might as well let you eat your meal, so I will be back in an hour to check up on you. Bon appetite, Alex!" With a short giggle, Nurse Tay skipped out of the room. She was a pretty sunny and chipper person -- I would be lying if it made me feel awkward a bit considering I was a pretty shy and depressed sap.

I looked down at the tray in front of me. I looked at the thick slice of pepperoni pizza before me along side a large, salty pile of fries. There were ketchup packets on the side along with my carton of chocolate milk. I stared at the tray with my lip quivering, and my face was beginning to be drenched in sweat. I hadn't had a full meal like this in ages, and the sight of one before me worried me sick. I hesitantly and shakily lifted the pizza slice from my tray and let the point of the slice touch my lips.

The grease gave my lips a sweet kiss, and the kiss sent me into a panic attack. I couldn't do it; I couldn't do it at all. I slammed the pizza slice back onto the tray before setting it back on my stand. I looked all over the room to see if I could find a place to discard this shit without a staff member finding out what I had done. I thought the cabinets, trash can, and even under the bed. But, then, I figured out what I could do. I looked over at the window and noticed that, below me, was only bushes and the woods that lined the hospital. I grinned; I knew they wouldn't find out I threw my food into the bushes.

I jogged over to my tray, and I opened the window wide. I looked down into the bushes to see if any animals were around -- I didn't want to hit any animals with my food. Slowly, I poured the food down into the bushes. Fries acted like confetti upon the bushes, and the pizza dropped deeply into the shrubs. The milk just bashed onto the dirt. I couldn't help but grin knowing that the food was out of presence. Closing the window, I walked over to the exit door where I would begin to explore around the hospital like Nurse Tay said I could.

---

I had no clue where I was walking, but the walk alone was just clearing my head. It was also distracting me from my cramping and aching stomach. Yeah, it was annoying, but I learned to cope with it over the passed few months. As I walked down the hall, I saw a kid walking down the hall was a bandanna on his head along with a Blink-182 shirt on. He was a tall and lanky kid; I bet if we stood side-to-side, he'd tower over me. I put my head down low to try and avoid social contact; however, I guess this kid wanted to interact because he stopped dead in his tracks, in front of me, and said, "Hey there! You must be new?" How did he know I was new? Did all these kids know each other that closely around here?

I forced myself to make eye-contact with him. I didn't look as happy as he did, but he didn't really care. He continued to glow ear-to-ear before me. "Um, hi?" I greeted awkwardly. "Yeah, I'm new. I just got here today, actually."

"Today? Wow, what timing then. I'm Jack; I'm in the cancer hall." Cancer hall? Jesus. I grasped his hand and shook it slowly.

"I'm Alexander, but please, call me Alex."

"Nice to meet ya, Alex. So, what hall do you belong to? Are you in the cancer hall too?"

"No, actually. I belong in the eating disorder hall; I have, uh, anorexia." Jack nodded at my information. He then turned to now stand in the direction I was, and soon, we were walking together down the hall. I decided that, since we were walking together and talking, I might as well interact and get to know him. "So, how long have you been here?"

"I've been here for about four years. I have visited home here and there, but mostly, I stick around here since being outside isn't really good for me at this point."

"Why's that?"

"I have lung cancer, stage four, and being outside in the fresh air actually isn't that good for me. According to my doctors, anyway. So, I just stay in here and do my thing. I hang out with my friends on the balcony. I was actually heading there now if you'd like to come along? They'd LOVE to meet you."

"This place has a balcony?" I asked in curiosity.

"Hell yeah! That's my friends and I's hang out. We are usually the only ones to go up there too; it's great. Come on, I'll take you up there!" Without even letting me answer, I was being yanked towards the elevator where I would be taken to the balcony. This Jack was pretty friendly... a bit too friendly?

Notes

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xoxo krys