Alex

I sat in shock as I just watched her run off. I can’t believe I did that. I’m such a fucking idiot! I told myself I wouldn’t act on my feelings for her, not until she showed somewhat of any feelings to me. Why am I such a fuck up? She could be running off into the dark, alone, scared, and she could get hurt. And it would be all my fault. What the fuck is wrong with me? “Hey Lex! What happened just now? I looked over and saw Krys, I looked away and now she’s gone, where did she go?” I heard the voice of my best friend ask. I lifted my head up and looked at him. “Shit, are you crying?” What? I wiped my eye with my sleeve and saw that I was indeed crying. I didn’t even realize I was.

“I’m going back to the bus. I need to sometime to myself.” I said as I pushed myself up from the bar and started to walk away, but Jack put his hands on my shoulders and stopped me.

“What the fuck happened dude?” He questioned. There was no way I was getting out of this when he was determined, so I might as well tell him.

“I fucked up, I kissed her. That’s what fucking happened.” I bluntly spoke, not feeling any emotion anymore.

“Kissed who?” Was he really this slow? Am I really just now noticing this?

“Krys damn it! I kissed Krys! She ran off and I don’t know where she went! Now can I fucking leave? I just want to be alone.” In all honesty, I wanted to find Krys, but I knew I was the last person she would want to see right now.

“You go back to the bus. I’ll go out and find her. I’ll bring her back to the bus.” He said. I nodded my head slowly and we both walked out of the bar together, leaving Rian and Zack without letting them know what was going on. Jack went one way out the door, and I went the way to the bus. I walked alone down the road, pulling my hood up and hiding my hands in my sleeves as I crossed my arms, keeping my head low, just letting the tears flow as they pleased.

It didn’t take more than ten minutes for me to get back to the bus. I was freezing my ass off when I arrived though, and I was still a crying mess. I shouldn’t be feeling the way I do right now. But, everything right now is just crashing down on my world. I unlocked the bus door and went straight in, walking back to the bunk area and getting inside my bunk. I pulled the covers over my body and just let myself break down. She told me to be happy, I was just doing as she said. Let myself be happy. The only way I could be happy is to be around her, she gave me comfort that I wanted. Comfort that I needed, needed to survive.

I cried and cried, as time went by. I don’t know how long I have been like this, but I know it’s been at least two hours. I just couldn’t get my mind off of everything that happened. I had things on my mind that people didn’t even know, things that I didn’t plan on telling anyone. No one, and no one will ever know that Lisa contacted me yesterday. She was crying because the guy she left me for, cheated on her with her friend. When she told me, it kinda made me a bit happier, knowing that she knew the pain I felt when she did the same to me. Yes, that might sound horrible of me to think, but it’s true.

In the midst of her break down on the phone, she told me that she wanted to get back together with me. I loved her with my whole heart, there was no doubt about it. She told me that she was wrong to ever hurt me that way, to ever leave me for a scumbag like him, that she wanted me. That’s where her and I are different. She wants love so she doesn’t feel like she has to cope heartbreak on her own. I need love to know I’m okay. I have always been that way, ever since I was a kid. Lisa was my first major heartbreak, and all I could feel was my heart shatter into a million pieces, without the love I knew that I could never be fixed, like I wouldn’t be able to go on.

Hell, even right now I feel like I can’t go on. I needed someone by my side at night so I could actually get sleep. I needed someone to tell me how much they cared and needed me as much as I need them. With Krys, I felt like my heart was slowly being put back together. Like I might have a chance to actually be happy again. But I fucked that up tonight, just like I fuck everything up. Gosh, I sound like such a whiney bitch right now. I don’t regret bringing Krys on tour with us, but it sure as hell is going to hurt seeing her. I was broken from my thoughts as I heard the bus door open and slam shut. I was still crying like the child I am.

“It doesn’t matter what the hell is wrong with me, Jack! You fucking told me he was crying when you left him! Where is he?! I need to know he’s okay!” The voice sounded like a broken girl, one that was crying just as long as I have, maybe even more. I knew the voice thought, I knew it belonged to Krys.

“Calm down Krys. He’s probably in his bunk.” Jack sighed, keeping his voice calm. I heard the sound of rushing feet, and the my bunk curtain being ripped open. It’s a good thing I was facing the wall, or I most likely would have winced at the sudden light that entered. I tried my best to keep quiet, act like I was asleep, but a soft whimper left my lips as more tears left my eyes.

“Lex? I’m so sorry.” She sounded just as broken as I felt. I didn’t want to turn around and see her, it would just make the pain in my heart even worse. How could I let my feelings get so strong in such a short time? I knew she couldn’t see my face, seeing as I still had my arms crossed, and my hood up. But I knew she knew I was crying, just like I knew she was as well. I felt my bunk shift, and the sound of my curtain being closed. I felt an arm go around my waist and a body cuddle their self into me, and hide their face in my back. “I’m so sorry.”

Notes

Awe, poor Lexy-boy :c

What do you guys think is going to happen next?

Title Credit - All Time Low

~Jagk.