"Hey!" Amy appeared at the door with a grin. I had been awake less than an hour. I looked over to the clock, it was only 9AM. She should have been at school.
"Hey! What are you doing here?" I asked, smiling back at her.
"Free lesson, how are you feeling?" Honestly I was exhausted. I didn’t sleep again the night before. It was lucky I was only staying a few days, I couldn’t bare it much longer.
"A lot better now you’re here" I answered cheerfully with a grin.
"Someone's in a good mood" She said, her face brightening up in reaction to my comment. I had no reason to be unhappy at that moment. I had a new, amazing best friend, and even better than that….Alex would be back to see me in a matter of hours. Amy crossed the room, lifting the bag of stuff Alex had given me off of the chair and lowering herself into it.
"What's this then?" She asked as she peered into the bag with a inquisitive frown.
"Oh, it's just some stuff Alex bought me yesterday" I said as casually as possible. I knew before the words left my mouth that she wouldn’t be happy about it.
"...Oh" I was right. She just nodded, avoiding eye contact as she pulled out one of the magazines and began to flick through it.
"How's school?" I asked her, trying to change the subject.
"Fine" She said casually, but her shoulders tensed up. She sunk her face closer to the magazine she was reading, still avoiding looking at me.
"Amy?" I said, trying to gain her attention. I put my hand over the page when she didn’t answer. She looked up at me, obviously unsure on the expression she should have been pulling.
"Amy what's wrong?" I asked. I could tell she thought about brushing it off at first.
"Promise me you won't get upset?" She said, looking at me with a sympathetic expression. I could tell I wasn’t going to like what she said next. I nodded, willing her to carry on. She sighed, closing the magazine and dropping it into her lap.
"There's some stuff going around school" She said, carefully studying my face.
"What kind of stuff?" I asked, my heart picking up a few paces. She was hesitant, I guessed she was trying to word it the best way she could, the least painful way.
"Stuff about you… hurting yourself" My stomach dropped as I watched the words fell off of her lips. I froze, only moving my eyes to the floor. They began to sting violently.
"Jack?" I felt Amy's hand on my shoulder. I looked up reluctantly. Her eyes were soft.
"Are you okay?" She asked quietly.
"I... I don’t understand how this has happened. I've never told anyone about it" I searched through my head desperately trying to work it out. It was one of my deepest secrets, I would never let it slip without thinking. Maybe someone spotted a scar? But I was so careful about it...
"Do you still do it?" She asked, rubbing circles on my back. I looked down, feeling my lower lip begin to tremble. I only did it occasionally, when things got too much to handle. I turned my face from her, hoping she'd take the hint. I didn’t want to talk about it.
"Think really hard Jack, are you sure you haven't mentioned it to anyone, anyone at all?"
"No, no one. I've only ever written about it in my…" I froze. Why didn’t I think of it before?
"Your what?" Amy urged.
"Can you pass me my school bag?" I asked her. She looked at me with complete bewilderment, but did as I asked. I took it from her, riffling through it manically.
"It's not in here" I brought my shaky hand to my forehead, my eyes widening.
"What?" She said, carefully sitting on the edge of the bed. I looked up at her.
"My diary. I wrote about it in my diary, it's not in here. Someone must have taken it" There was no way I would have lost it. It contained everything, every thought process, every fear and desire of mine. The thought of someone reading it made my stomach churn.
"Or found it" She said, suddenly sounding sure of herself. I gave her a questioning look.
"The day of the accident, the guys emptied your bag after gym. Alex collected it up for you…" She spoke carefully, knowing I would disagree. She was trying to say Alex had done this.
"No. He wouldn’t do that" I told her. She didn’t see him the way i did. He wouldn’t do that to me, to anyone.
"It's a bit of a coincidence. Are you sure you know him as well as you think you do?"
"He's not like that. He's been so nice to me since-" Amy finished my sentence for me.
"The accident? He would be. What kind of person would not be nice after what you did for him?" I dropped my eyes again, thinking about it. The glare he gave me in English class after we were paired together flooded back into my mind. Then I thought about the state Stanley had been in. My heart sunk. Amy was probably right. I just didn’t want to believe it.
"Jack, I'm not trying to be mean… I just don’t want you to get hurt" Her arm appeared over my shoulder, I leant into her with a sigh.
"I know"


Amy didn’t stay much longer, she had to get back to school for her next lesson. She promised me that she would try and find out where the rumours came from, though it looked like we already knew. And it broke my heart. How could he be so sweet to me… then do this? I heard the door open. I knew who it was, I didn’t look up.
"Jack?" Alex's voice was timid, unsure.
"Hi" I answered stiffly, keeping my eyes on my hands.
"I've just seen Amy, she told me that you didn’t want to see me… is that true?" The sadness in his voice was obvious, or was it guilt? I just shrugged my shoulders, refusing to look at him. He exhaled deeply before speaking quietly.
"I thought you would change your mind" I snapped my head up.
"That’s it? Your not even going to apologize, give me a reason?" I didn’t care if I sounded harsh, I wanted to know how much he had hurt me.
"I don’t understand...I thought we'd been over this?" His brows furrowed, his eyes searching mine for an answer.
"I'm not talking about the car accident"
"What are you talking about then?" His frown deepened.
"The rumours going round school about me" I said, my voice become a little quieter. He became awkward, looking at his feet.
"What have they got to do with me?" He asked, sounding conflicted between confusion and sympathy. I didn’t understand how he could be sympathetic about something he caused.
"I have never told anyone about that stuff. The only place it could have come from is my diary, which just happened to be in my schoolbag the day you got my stuff for me" His eyes flicked back up to mine, narrowing.
"You think i would spread that kind of stuff around?" Again I didn’t answer him, just holding his eye contact.
"Jack. I've never even seen your diary, but why would I do that?" He said, walking closer to me.
"Well it's not in my bag…so where is it?" I picked it up, throwing it at him. It hit him lightly in the stomach, dropping the floor with a thump. He didn’t even acknowledge it.
"I don't know, anyone could have it! Why me!" He raised his voice, throwing his arms out.
"It just seems a little too convenient, don’t you think? Just admit it! You’ve never liked me anyway" I shouted right back, my eyes beginning to tear up. it was so annoying, I was incapable of getting angry without crying.
"Jack I don't have your stupid diary!"
"Now it's stupid is it? Amy was right, you have done nothing for me. Why did I do this for you, why did I put myself in this fucking hospital bed for you!"
"I thought she'd be the first person you told, have a nice little chat about me did you? Well I'm sorry I've caused you so much regret" The last bit stung. He began to back out of the room, but I wasn’t done talking yet.
"I didn’t tell her for your information, she found out from school. And it wasn’t a nice chat, Amy couldn’t believe I threw myself in front of the car for you and I spent the whole time trying to defend you! How stupid of me" Alex stopped in his tracks. His eyes narrowing for only a moment before widening.
"What did you say?" He said with disbelief.
"You heard me" I said more calmly. I wasn’t repeating myself.
"No… Amy already knew? When you saw her yesterday?" I frowned at his response.
"...Yeah, from school" I hadn't caught on to what he was talking about. I looked at him questionably.
"Jack, I told you. I didn’t even go into school until today, and…" He dropped his eyes, huffing. He raised his hand and rubbed the back of his neck, shifting his weight between his feet.
"I didn’t tell everyone the truth, I told them that I was there… but nothing else" He looked ashamed of himself.
"What's your point?" I asked. He looked up at me, crossing the room to stand at the foot of my bed.
"If I haven't told anyone, and you didn’t tell her... how the hell does Amy know what happened?"

Notes

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