A Love Like War
Realizing Your Reality
~ one week timelapse ~
I hadn't talked to Jack since he had stormed out of the hospital. It's not that I didn't want to; I was terrified to. Around school, Jack wouldn't even look at me. Plus, in every class we together, if we sat together, he moved himself away. Everything he was doing was just proving that my assumption was right: Jack left me. I wanted to be wrong, I craved it. I wanted to make everything better with the abortion, and I didn't want to lose my home/parents by keeping the baby. I didn't know I'd lose the love of my life in the process! Yeah, I didn't talk him to about it because it was honestly a spur of the moment decision, but I thought he would stick around and respect my wishes. I guess I was wrong.
The school day dragged on as slow as molasses. All I was excited for was for lacrosse practice after school. Once the final school bell blew, I fled from my last period class, Chemistry, and stormed over to my locker. As I shoved my books in to exchange them for my lacrosse equipment, I heard someone come beside me. Deep down, I was screaming, in hope, that it would be Jack. However, it was Zack and Rian. Zack was a fellow member of the lacrosse team while Rian was a soccer player. All in all, they were my closest friends. "Hey, Alex," Zack greeted, "what ya doing?"
"Getting my equipment. We have practice, right?" What kind of question was that?
"You sure you want to? You, um, looked sick today." I looked sick? I thought I looked pretty nice today.
"Sick? I feel fine, and I thought I looked okay today."
"Well, uh, practice is going to be pretty rough. Maybe you should skip! I'll let Coach know you weren't feeling well!"
"Zack!" I snapped, "I'm fine! I don't know where you think or see that I am sick. I am going to fucking practice!" Damn, that must have been my mood swings talking. "Is that okay with you?!" Zack and Rian went backwards an inch in shock.
"What, are you mood swings already settling in, Alex?" Rian asked. My brows pinched together. What the fuck?
"What are you talking about?" Now, Rian and Zack had faces of guilt. Zack tried to clear, what Rian had said, up.
"Uh, nothing! He was kidding!"
"Wait, why would you ask me that?" Then, it hit me. "Wait... did Jack tell you?" Sighing, Zack nodded his head. Now, I was blistering in fury. "God, I can't fucking believe he told you! I can't keep anything between him and I, can I?!"
"It slipped out, mate!" Rian tried to help, but it wasn't working, "I didn't mean to say something!"
"That makes it any better?"
"No, but... it doesn't matter, right? You're getting rid of it." Zack noted.
"He told you that to!?"
"He told me everything, Alex." Zack confessed. "And, I kinda went and told Rian myself." I rolled my eyes; I was completely done with this conversation.
"Just get out of my face. I don't want to be late for practice." I pushed them aside to head out to the field before Coach ripped me a new one for being late.
"Gaskarth, let's go! Keep moving those chicken legs!" Coach shouted towards me. Today was out laps day, and we had been assigned to 15 heavenly laps. I could always do the laps when it was the designated days; I blew through them like they were nothing. Today was a whole different story. By my third lap, I was aching from my head down, and I had to slow down to gasp for air. I kept trying to continue on, but my stomach was bubbling and cramping up. I had no choice but to move to the sidelines and sit down on my bum. Jack and Zack passed me on their fourth lap, looking at me with pathetic looks. Neither of them said a word or tried to help me. Instead, I saw Coach, from the corner of my air, strutting over to me with his hands on his shoulders. "Gaskarth," he began, "what's the problem?"
"Just can't run," I heaved out, "my stomach is cramping." I clutched my stomach as a cramp ripped through it like a bolt of lightning. I wanted to scream out, for the pain was unbearable, but I kept the scream to myself.
"Cramping up, eh? Do you need to leave practice early?" I didn't want to leave early at all; I wanted to stay and step up my skills before the game we had on Saturday. But, my stomach was still on fire, and I knew I wouldn't be able to continue on. All I responded with was a short nod. Coach also nodded before pointing to the locker room building.
"It's unlocked. Just shower up before you leave; hot water usually helps cramping stomachs. Let me know if you feel better, okay? See you next practice." That was it. That was all he said before going off to yell at a few more players who were slacking. I huffed out in total annoyance as I got up and limped over to the locker room.
Upon arriving, I removed all my clothing, threw it to the ground, and walked over to the showers. However, I stopped when I got to the long, narrow mirror that was nailed to the wall just before the shower entrance. I was looking at my side view, and it made me begin to think. I thought about what my body would look like if I let my pregnancy continue. My stomach would be large, and my butt would probably be as large as Kim Kardashian's because I heard stories of my mom's butt growing when she carried me. But, what made me begin to cry was that I could imagine Jack holding me from behind, caressing my swollen gut while smiling and loving me down. The more I thought about Jack and the baby, the harder I began to weep.
What was I doing? In fact, what was I thinking? This abortion would take away a future that I always dreamed of having. I lost Jack, and I would lose a baby that might become a famous writer or something. Yeah, my parents were happy they wouldn't have to go through explaining to everyone they knew that their son was gay and pregnant, but I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy with this at all. I wanted Jack back, and honestly, I would want to keep this baby in my stomach. As for keeping it when it was a born, that would be something I should discuss with Jack without deciding out of nowhere. I wanted the images I imagined in my head to become my reality.
I walked over to my gym bag, that was in my locker, and I pulled out my cellphone. Pulling up my mama's contact, I dialed her up and waited for her to answer. After about three sets of rings, she answered with, "Alex? What are doing calling me during practice?" I didn't greet her or anything.
"Mama, cancel my clinic appointment," I said softly, "I'm keeping the baby."
I hadn't talked to Jack since he had stormed out of the hospital. It's not that I didn't want to; I was terrified to. Around school, Jack wouldn't even look at me. Plus, in every class we together, if we sat together, he moved himself away. Everything he was doing was just proving that my assumption was right: Jack left me. I wanted to be wrong, I craved it. I wanted to make everything better with the abortion, and I didn't want to lose my home/parents by keeping the baby. I didn't know I'd lose the love of my life in the process! Yeah, I didn't talk him to about it because it was honestly a spur of the moment decision, but I thought he would stick around and respect my wishes. I guess I was wrong.
The school day dragged on as slow as molasses. All I was excited for was for lacrosse practice after school. Once the final school bell blew, I fled from my last period class, Chemistry, and stormed over to my locker. As I shoved my books in to exchange them for my lacrosse equipment, I heard someone come beside me. Deep down, I was screaming, in hope, that it would be Jack. However, it was Zack and Rian. Zack was a fellow member of the lacrosse team while Rian was a soccer player. All in all, they were my closest friends. "Hey, Alex," Zack greeted, "what ya doing?"
"Getting my equipment. We have practice, right?" What kind of question was that?
"You sure you want to? You, um, looked sick today." I looked sick? I thought I looked pretty nice today.
"Sick? I feel fine, and I thought I looked okay today."
"Well, uh, practice is going to be pretty rough. Maybe you should skip! I'll let Coach know you weren't feeling well!"
"Zack!" I snapped, "I'm fine! I don't know where you think or see that I am sick. I am going to fucking practice!" Damn, that must have been my mood swings talking. "Is that okay with you?!" Zack and Rian went backwards an inch in shock.
"What, are you mood swings already settling in, Alex?" Rian asked. My brows pinched together. What the fuck?
"What are you talking about?" Now, Rian and Zack had faces of guilt. Zack tried to clear, what Rian had said, up.
"Uh, nothing! He was kidding!"
"Wait, why would you ask me that?" Then, it hit me. "Wait... did Jack tell you?" Sighing, Zack nodded his head. Now, I was blistering in fury. "God, I can't fucking believe he told you! I can't keep anything between him and I, can I?!"
"It slipped out, mate!" Rian tried to help, but it wasn't working, "I didn't mean to say something!"
"That makes it any better?"
"No, but... it doesn't matter, right? You're getting rid of it." Zack noted.
"He told you that to!?"
"He told me everything, Alex." Zack confessed. "And, I kinda went and told Rian myself." I rolled my eyes; I was completely done with this conversation.
"Just get out of my face. I don't want to be late for practice." I pushed them aside to head out to the field before Coach ripped me a new one for being late.
"Gaskarth, let's go! Keep moving those chicken legs!" Coach shouted towards me. Today was out laps day, and we had been assigned to 15 heavenly laps. I could always do the laps when it was the designated days; I blew through them like they were nothing. Today was a whole different story. By my third lap, I was aching from my head down, and I had to slow down to gasp for air. I kept trying to continue on, but my stomach was bubbling and cramping up. I had no choice but to move to the sidelines and sit down on my bum. Jack and Zack passed me on their fourth lap, looking at me with pathetic looks. Neither of them said a word or tried to help me. Instead, I saw Coach, from the corner of my air, strutting over to me with his hands on his shoulders. "Gaskarth," he began, "what's the problem?"
"Just can't run," I heaved out, "my stomach is cramping." I clutched my stomach as a cramp ripped through it like a bolt of lightning. I wanted to scream out, for the pain was unbearable, but I kept the scream to myself.
"Cramping up, eh? Do you need to leave practice early?" I didn't want to leave early at all; I wanted to stay and step up my skills before the game we had on Saturday. But, my stomach was still on fire, and I knew I wouldn't be able to continue on. All I responded with was a short nod. Coach also nodded before pointing to the locker room building.
"It's unlocked. Just shower up before you leave; hot water usually helps cramping stomachs. Let me know if you feel better, okay? See you next practice." That was it. That was all he said before going off to yell at a few more players who were slacking. I huffed out in total annoyance as I got up and limped over to the locker room.
Upon arriving, I removed all my clothing, threw it to the ground, and walked over to the showers. However, I stopped when I got to the long, narrow mirror that was nailed to the wall just before the shower entrance. I was looking at my side view, and it made me begin to think. I thought about what my body would look like if I let my pregnancy continue. My stomach would be large, and my butt would probably be as large as Kim Kardashian's because I heard stories of my mom's butt growing when she carried me. But, what made me begin to cry was that I could imagine Jack holding me from behind, caressing my swollen gut while smiling and loving me down. The more I thought about Jack and the baby, the harder I began to weep.
What was I doing? In fact, what was I thinking? This abortion would take away a future that I always dreamed of having. I lost Jack, and I would lose a baby that might become a famous writer or something. Yeah, my parents were happy they wouldn't have to go through explaining to everyone they knew that their son was gay and pregnant, but I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy with this at all. I wanted Jack back, and honestly, I would want to keep this baby in my stomach. As for keeping it when it was a born, that would be something I should discuss with Jack without deciding out of nowhere. I wanted the images I imagined in my head to become my reality.
I walked over to my gym bag, that was in my locker, and I pulled out my cellphone. Pulling up my mama's contact, I dialed her up and waited for her to answer. After about three sets of rings, she answered with, "Alex? What are doing calling me during practice?" I didn't greet her or anything.
"Mama, cancel my clinic appointment," I said softly, "I'm keeping the baby."
Notes
AREN'T YOU GUYS HAPPY ???? :D
Anyway, here's my update. I have had a headache for days, so I think my chapters are pretty sucky for right now. But, I hope you enjoy this update, loves.
xoxo krys
Wow that story was amazing. It was so shocking.
5/19/16