Mama and I went to frozen yogurt after my appointment. It's not that we planned to do it afterwards; I was kinda craving it and really needed some. As a result, she took me to the FroYo Factory that was across the street from the clinic. I would take this time with mama to bond and talk to her like I never have gotten to before. I would be able to talk to her about the baby and how it makes me feel. I'd be able to talk to her about school and lacrosse. I would get to tell her things I never got to tell her before, and I would cherish this moment with all my heart.

At the factory, I got mint yogurt with gummy bears, sprinkles, gummy worms, chocolate covered peanuts, and a mountain of whipped cream. Mama even got me the largest size they had which I couldn't stop thanking her for. We sat down in the way, way back of the factory, and we began to dig into our delicious treats. However, I didn't put too much in my mouth, so I could begin speaking to her. "Mama," I began, "what should I do?"

"What do you mean, Alex?" Mama asked with a semi-full mouth of yogurt.

"About the baby. That, that ultrasound made me really want to hold that baby in my arms. I would have a daughter, and I really wanted a daughter. Mama, I don't think I could give up my baby." Mama put the spoon down into her bowl with widened eyes.

"You're keeping it?" she asked slowly and quietly. I frowned; I knew she wouldn't like this. I nodded hesitantly.

"Yes, mama. I want to keep the baby; I really want to keep my daughter." I could see mama's face droop in sadness. I looked at her with puppy eyes. "Mama, please --"

"Alex," she reached for my hand. God, I was petrified; I knew what was happening next. She was going to tell me to fuck myself and leave. "papa and I will be there every step of the way. We will buy everything you need for your bedroom, so the baby can stay in there with you until you move out." What? What did she just say? I covered my mouth in shock, and the hormones caused me to go hysterical -- right in the middle of the damn factory.

"Oh my God, thank you so much, Mama!" I yelled. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tightly. I rammed my head into her shoulder to weep into it. Mama rubbed my back soothingly.

"You're so welcome, Alex. If you want to keep your daughter, you can. I am not going to make you take your baby away. Papa and I don't have the guts to do that anymore." I pulled away from her and gestured to my stomach.

"Mama, do you want to feel?" I asked her. She smiled at me softly.

"You want me to feel?"

"Of course I do." Slowly, she put a hand on the curve of my stomach, and she rubbed it. At the contact, the baby fluttered a little. I giggled. "She knows grandma is there, mama." I noted. Mama nodded, kissing my cheek.

"I hope she knows I'll always be there."

---

My happiness was gone by the time dinner concluded. I was up in my room doing some research for school when my phone went off. It was a call from Zack. I wonder why he was calling. I picked it up and answered it. "Hello? What's up, Zack?"

"Alex, it's Jack." I could hear the panic in his voice.

"Zack, what's wrong with Jack?" I asked. I could hear Zack crying on the other end of the phone. I was beginning to shake now; what the hell was wrong with him!? "Zack, answer me! What's wrong with Jack!?" Now, I was standing up instead of sitting down. When I was panicking, sitting wasn't an option.

"Alex," Zack heaved out, "Jack, he's... he's gone, Alex." I thought I was in a nightmare; I thought I would just wake up, and Jack would be right beside me.

"Zack, this isn't a funny joke. This isn't fucking funny!" My voice was growing in volume, but I was trying so hard to not have mama and papa hear me. "Tell me the fucking truth! Jack isn't gone, stop!"

"Alex, he's fucking dying! He is dying, and there is no way he is going to survive losing all the damn blood he did. Okay? I am so sorry! Jack is gone, Alex." My knees buckled, and I dropped to my knees. The phone dropped to the ground with a thud, so I knew it probably cracked. I began to scream at the top of my lungs; so much from keeping things from mama and papa. I could hear them running up the stairs to me. They bashed through the door to kneel down and try to help me.

"Alex! Alex, what's wrong?!" they shouted at me. I was still screaming and crying like a fucking maniac; there was no stopping me. I kept punching my head in anger, and they were trying to pull me away from myself. I lost the man I loved, and I knew it was all because of what I did to him in the middle of the hallway.

---

Mama told me I didn't have to go to school after Jack's death. But, I had gone all week. It was Wednesday, and I was sitting in English class with my headphones in. I kept my head down on the desk with tears slowly falling down my face. I didn't have anyone in that class anymore: Brendon went to night school, and Jack was fucking dead. I knew my life could get worse -- I knew it.

As I rested my head down, I felt someone tap on my shoulder. I looked up to see Zack. "What, Zack?"

"Don't freak out, okay? Don't freak out."

"Freak out about --" I looked over at the entrance of the classroom, and my stomach plummeted. What I saw made me want to vomit. My blood boiled, and my eyes bugged from my head. What the fuck was he doing in here; he was fucking DEAD! Loudly, I stood up and pointed at Jack and screamed,

"YOU FUCKING LIAR!"

Notes

ohhhhhh shit.

this is my update hai. to answer a fellow commenter's question, this is why alex wasn't at the ER.

xoxo krys