Jack

I heard Alex talking to someone in the hallway but I was unsure of whom he was talking to. That's when I heard Steph's soft, almost angelic voice. She was asking to see our kids, Alex and mine's kids. I never quite forgave myself for that day. I know that it is a very touchy issue between the two of us. We both decided that it was better to just not talk about to any extent. We swore we'd never tell our kids.

I saw Alex get ready to slam the door and I gave him a look before he did it. I walked into the hallway, pulling Steph out there with me. I closed the door behind us, hoping I wouldn't raise my voice. I didn't like to shout but it depends how stubborn she was going to be.

"What do you want Steph," I asked.

"I want to see our kids," she replied.

"Steph, they are not OUR kids. They are mine and Alex's kids. YOU told us that you didn't want them to know about you and that you didn't want any contact with them. I'm only fulfilling your wishes. You swore three years ago that you wouldn't want them in your life. You can't go back on your word. Leave and don't come back, please."

"First you take Zack from me and now my kids."

I saw tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. I felt like the worst human being in the world. I put her through so much pain due to my own stupidity. I stole her boyfriend away from her on multiple occasions. I really was a terrible person.

"Steph, to this day I feel horrible about Zack. To this day I feel horrible about getting you pregnant. Please realize I'm not trying to hurt you by not letting you meet your kids. I swore to you that I would do this. Please realize this," I whispered, pulling her in for a hug.

"I miss them, I miss Zack, I miss you," she whispered.

"I was never yours to miss."

I turned around going back into the apartment and I heard very soft sobbing, as if she didn't want me to hear it in the first place. I closed the door behind me, I felt tears pricking at my eyes. She was never mine to miss, I didn't miss her. I just couldn't believe that I was once again going to hurt her. They were her kids too but how was I now to explain everything.

"Sorry kids, your daddy is a whore and slept with a woman and she didn't want you and I loved you from the get go and Dad was willing to take me back after all of my stupidity," was all I could think.

You can't say that to kids. You can't tell them that. They deserved the truth but there was no way that the absolute truth wasn't going to hurt them. Why did I do all of this? I dug myself into a hole that the only way we wouldn't hurt anyone is to dig deeper with even more lies.

"Babe, are you okay," Alex asked me.

"I'm just thinking about a lot," I replied.

"Does this deal with Steph?"

"It deals with everything. Everything from back before we were together again up until this very moment. Why am I so good at screwing up?"

"We all make mistakes babe, we all screw up. It's going to happen. You just have to get to the point where you can forgive yourself for your mistakes. I know you've made some bad ones, I know some are open wounds between us. You have to allow yourself to deal with them and forgive yourself. You know that I forgave you for the Steph thing."

"I never forgave myself."

He gave me a sad look and nodded his head softly. I watched as he walked and sat next to Becca who had a confused look on her face. I went back into the bedroom, laying on the bed. I felt the soft sheets against m bare skin. I felt my phone vibrate beside me. I assumed it was a text from Rian telling me he'd be here soon. I opened it and my stomach dropped.

Zack:

I still love you baby, come back to me

At that moment I heard the doorbell rang and I couldn't help trying to hide behind the sheets. I wanted to disappear. Why? Why me? I pat my pocket carefully feeling the box that laid there. That's who I loved. No one else. I had a plan and I was going to stick to it.

Notes

Sorry if this chapter seems rushed. I finally got a chance to sit down and write this. I will have a new updating schedule so there will not be an update from me on Thursday's or Monday's seeing as I literally have class all day (music major's have crazy amounts of classes in case anyone was wondering). College is pretty awesome though and I'm starting a band with one of my friends who also wants to do that professionally so wish us luck!!

Leave a comment and rate if you enjoy :)

- Jess