Jack

"When the fuck is Alex getting home," I muttered under my breath.

How he managed to do this by himself when I was on tour dicking around I had no idea. I was struggling and it had been maybe two months. It felt like an eternity without the only person I could ever love though. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair which hadn't been styled in weeks. I gathered the empty plates and glasses from the table before turning the TV in the other room to keep them occupied while I did all of the dishes from breakfast. I forgot that water covered my hands until I pushed the glasses back onto my face. I muttered curses under my breath as I wiped them off. I heard the door slam moments later.

I was dying my hands as I walked into the hallway seeing the beautiful blue haired man and his sister put their bags down quietly. I quickly ran up the them, hugging them both and planting a kiss on Alex's cheek. I saw Becca go into the other room and say something to our kids, causing a very happy reaction, judging by their squeals of delight. The three kids ran out of the house with Becca closely on their tails.

Once the door closed I wrapped my arms around Alex's waist. I looked down at him for a moment before inching my lips closer to his, desperate to feel him once again. Desperate to once again smell him and taste him. I was desperate to have him once again because he had always been the better part of me. He turned his head, denying my lips.

"Alex," I began.

"Don't. Just why," he whispered, tears in his eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't you dare fucking lie to me! Why? Why did you turn back to your old habits?"

"How did you find out?"

"Matt told me every fucking thing! When did you plan on telling me? Judging by that question you never planned on it!"

I felt tears crawl into the corner of my eyes, he was right. On all of it. I was the biggest piece of shit that had ever walked the earth. I felt the tears slip down my face, completely turning my face from Alex so he couldn't see me crying. I couldn't let him see me like this.

"So that's it. You weren't going to tell me? You aren't going to explain this," he whispered, voice breaking.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I don't think sorry is good enough right now."

"Do you want to know something Alex? Do you want to know what it's like? Quitting is easier said than done. Quitting sounds simple, just breaking addiction. The thing about addiction is it isn't about self control or desire. It's more about sanity. It's about killing a part of yourself that makes you feel good. It's about giving up the one thing that seems to give you purpose. I don't expect you to understand any of this. Why would you? You haven't dealt with any of this. I fucking broke Alex. That's why. I'm a fuck up who doesn't deserve your love because I can't even keep a damn promise to myself or anyone else. I understand that you don't want to marry me anymore. I wouldn't want to marry me either."

I turned away from him completely, the tears crashing onto the floor close to my feet. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't see his face, I didn't want to see his face. I couldn't bare the disappointment in his eyes when he looked at me. I couldn't bare to watch him fall out of love with me for my stupid decisions that I wish I could undo. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, softly pulling me to face the beautiful man that was still behind me.

"Jack, we both knew this wasn't going to be easy going into this. I still want to be with you I just think that we both need to grow up some before we get married. I think we should push it back, call it off for now," he whispered.

"Thank you Alex, I want to prove that I can be the best person you could ever be with and I will stop at nothing to prove how amazing you are to you," I whispered.

Notes

Sorry this has a lot of different emotions taken into it, that was the best way to write it though. I've had a lot going on so all my updates are kind of sparse. Once I get everything that's going on settled it will be a lot more organized, I promise.

Drop a rate and a comment if you enjoyed :)

- Jess